41

Awesome Takes Practice Devotionals

By: on May 04, 2012
Sold Out from
Check It Out

Anybody Can Be Cool But Awesome Takes Practice is a literary jaunt along the path of Truth. See, cool people just act like they are better than everyone else. You know these people. They wear fedoras. They smoke electric cigarettes. They compare notes on their favorite 1997 Cabernets and bacon-themed desserts. But awesome people. Awesome people transcend these material trivialities of Satan and blossom their self-image from within. Awesome people, through their study of biblical teachings, their devotion to JC, and especially their zealous relaying of His message to confused Buddhists and hell-bound atheists, are ultimately able to envelop themselves in the glorious Truth. Awesome people are actually able to believe they are better than everyone else.

In a mere 13 weeks, Lorraine Peterson's devotional journey escalates fronts of cool to innate narcissistic sureties of awesome. Anybody Can Be Cool But Awesome Takes Practice helps teens to:

  • Discover what God says about each one of them. ("You're awesome.")
  • Focus on biblical truths that free people to express their true personalities. (Comprehensive awesomeness.)
  • Be strong to stand up to the constant lies from Satan regarding inferiority, lack of self-acceptance, and peer pressure. (Unleash the awesome.)
  • Become the unique and beautifully designed person God has created to reflect Jesus Christ to the world. (Behave like Mel Gibson.)

For those who have already achieved self-actualized Awesome, but still can't seem to remember their rotary dial combinations, check out Peterson's equally illuminating tome, If God Loves Me, Why Can't I Get My Locker Open? And for the morally corrupt--those who deceive, covet, use real swear words instead of replacing some of their letters with symbols, and listen to Lady GaGa--Peterson has a bestseller for you too: If the Devil Made You Do It, You Blew It! (But It Doesn't Need to Happen Again).

Buy Now

Faking It: How to Seem Like a Better Person

$8.02 from Amazon »

...Without Actually Improving Yourself. As a self-help book, Faking It adds a delightful twist: you don't have to journal or meditate or talk about your feelings or change at all to help yourself. You just have to perfect...

Buy Now

How to Talk to Your Cat About Gun Safety

$8.49 from Amazon »

A must-read for every cat parent! How to Talk to Your Cat About Gun Safety: And Abstinence, Drugs, Satanism, and Other Dangers That Threaten Their Nine Lives consolidates 8 crucial public service pamphlets into a clear...

Check it out

Whiskey River Sarcastic Soaps

$8.95 from Whiskey River »

Whiskey River Soaps are like modern-day Shakespearean comedies. Insightful in reading people. Precise in their social commentary. Charming and funny. And, to complement our 21st century needs, not tl;dr, and serving more...

Buy Now

The Complaint Department Grenade Sign

$9.99 from Amazon »

When I saw this "Complaint Department" sign with a "Please take a number" directive pointing right at the pin of a grenade, I first assumed it was meant for the office. I know my boss would sure like to have one....

Buy Now

Boob Cube

$9.50 from Amazon »

The Boob Cube is for idiots. And for geniuses. And for idiots who want to convince people they're really geniuses. And for geniuses you want to make feel like idiots. So, yeah, pretty much an ideal gift for any person...

Check it out

Anonymously Send Sh*t

Discontinued

If you know a lot of assholes, you know what it's like to deal with their shit. Now, it's time to return the favor. ShitSenders.com enables the shat upon to send steaming piles of Don't get mad, get even to inconsiderate...

Buy Now

Do Your Park Magnets

$12 from Amazon »

We've seen the mostly innocuous You Suck at Parking business cards. And also the more permanent, and thereby more controversial, I Park Like an Idiot bumper stickers. Here we have a midpoint between the two: a-hole parking...

Check it out

What Do You Meme? Game

Elliot Tebele, overlord of the famed Instagram account Fuckjerry, has made a pretty natural transition with What Do You Meme? His images and commentary translate seamlessly from work day slacking reading material on the...

Buy Now

A is for Anus: The Alphabet (For Adults)

$9.99 from Amazon »

This alphabet isn't adult just because A is for Anus, but also because of the accompanying anatomical representation author Max Willy has selected to make sure everyone knows what an anus is. Stick out your pointer finger...

Buy Now

Stoner Coffee Table Book

$9.66 from Amazon »

Steve Mockus presents: the Stoner Coffee Table Book. For that special kind of stoner who enjoys smoking out solo, and needs an activity more interactive than staring off into space, but less mentally taxing than playing...

Buy Now

Adult Achievement Stickers

$8.95 from Amazon »

Children receive stickers for achievements such as pooping in the pot, getting straight A's, and coming in last (but participating!) Why shouldn't adults get some comparable adhesive words of affirmation when they done...

Check it out

You Suck At Parking Business Cards

$18.95 from Zazzle »

Personally, I think people should be thrown in jail for bad parking. Bad parkers fall into 2 groups... The first, just aren't mentally capable of parking well. And the second just don't give a shit. If jail isn't an option...