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Fun with Anatomical Optical Illusions (NSFW)

Posted: July 14, 2019
Fun with Anatomical Optical Illusions

I've found some choice anatomical optical illusions for your viewing pleasure this evening (or morning with your computer rearview mirror on your monitor at work). Most are just momentary illusions whose true nature is easy to spot in a second or two, but that's what makes them fun. Because even the idiots will see the weewees, teetees, vajayjays, and sphincters in plenty of time to be offended by them.

The exception to the easily unwrapped illusion might be the image above. Remember the (pre-internet) viral Magic Eye puzzles and books of the 90s? Focus in, dudes, and relax your mind. Let your eyes go blurry for a sec, and then...then...let the 3D image appear! Crystal clear!

The Magic Eye phenomenon even made it onto a 6th season Seinfeld episode, "The Gymnast". Elaine's boss, Mr. Pitt, wasn't one of the "gifted seers" who could find the image amidst its mash of colors and patterns. How about you? Can you spot the anatomical optical illusion here, and the ones in the rest of the list?

Golden Boy Pool Float

Golden Boy Pool Float

Who wants a ride on the Golden Boy? Don't worry, when you put your lips to this pool float's inflation nozzle you'll see it swells to a formidable 79 inches long (holy crap, Ron Jeremy!) with an extra thick construction and the stamina to carry you, plus a coupla friends if they're up for it, on top all summer long.

$59 ➠ Amazon

Double Chin Mask

Double Chin Mask

Oh hey, it's the son of Thanos. Too bad he doesn't seem to have inherited Dad's Titan strength, ripped abs, or Titan strength. Just the ol' nutsack chin. He, or anyone wearing the "Double Chin" Mask, should probably pair it with this men's Thanos one-piece swimsuit to clarify they're related.

$15.99 ➠ Amazon

MacAweenie & Cheese

MacAweenie & Cheese
MacAweenie & Cheese

Some notes about MacAweenie & Cheese penis pasta: 1) It may be the only collection of penises whose default setting is "hard", but which women prefer limp. Or at least much softer with maybe a slight al dente finish; 2) The twist on Mac & Cheese is terrific for bachelorette parties, gag gifts, and teaching children about the birds and the bees. In the latter case, I recommend using a mini taco in the presentation as well.

$8.30 ➠ Amazon

Important Parts: A Coloring Book for the Crotch Enthusiast

Important Parts: A Coloring Book for the Crotch Enthusiast

Author / illustrator Heather Edwards says, "This book is for anyone with a crotch." So, about 50% of the population, and about 0% of Dude's demographic. Well. You don't have to buy the Important Parts coloring book to enjoy taking a look at a few of its line drawings of wieners, testes, boobies, and vajayjays here.

$11.99 ➠ Amazon

Flowering Penis Coffee Mug

Flowering Penis Coffee Mug

For all the ladies (and fellas!) who count floral patterns and penises amongst their favorite things, have I got a mug of a gift for you. Clothing and accessory brand HUMAN goes for a very anatomical part of being one here with their flowering penis coffee mug. Look closely, it's a cock-tical illusion!

$12.99 ➠ Amazon

Big Bust T-Shirt

Big Bust T-Shirt
Big Bust T-Shirt

Voluptuous breasts know no genetic gifts or gender with this Big Bust T-shirt. The optical illusion-printed top is a Japanese design that equips anyone wanting a D-cup with the boobies they'll need to face the world head-on.

But not sideways. Remember not to turn sideways.

$20.99 to $22.99 ➠ Amazon

Penis Figurine

Penis Figurine

Have you heard the one about the cock and the slug? Artist Evgeny Hontor handmakes these phallic sculptures from casting resin, acrylic, smooth cast 300, velvet clay, and polymer clay, achieving a most excellent and colorful effect. She says the lil' guy "will be a beautiful original gift for your boyfriend and good decor for [an] adult's bedroom."

$55 ➠ Etsy

Originality Shell Mask

Originality Shells Mask
Originality Shells Mask

Well, uh, yeah. I guess the "illusion" is up as soon as someone sees you head - er, labia? - on. "Originality Shell" is a pretty clever name for this mask depicting the anatomy of a scallop on the outside and the anatomy of a lady on the inside too, since all vaginas are unique and true originals.

$21.99 ➠ Amazon

Penis Nose Mask

Penis Nose Mask

I've heard of a dickhead, but a dicknose...ha! Haha! Even funnier! And much easier to imagine when I get down to name calling now that I've seen this Penis Nose Mask. I wonder how many seconds it would take an onlooker to process that this big schnoz is actually a big cock schnoz when they first saw it. That could be an interesting Sunday Funday activity at the local Starbucks.

Survey: while having a giant nose is generally considered undesirable, having a giant cock is generally considered very desirable. So where do you think having a giant cock nose falls on the spectrum?

$14.49 ➠ Amazon

Edible Anus Chocolates

Edible Anus Chocolates
Edible Anus Chocolates

Did your chocolate melt in the sun? Naw, man, it's supposed to look like this. It's a chocolate butthole. Want one?

Edible Anus artisan, preservative-free Belgian chocolates are handmade in the UK. The company claims its brown star mold comes from a sphincter model whose trunk is as fine as the chocolates themselves. They believe their anus range of confections can "dissolve cultural boundaries of race, gender, class, and sexual orientation."

Well. They can certainly dissolve cultural boundaries of not licking an asshole in public.

$8.80 ➠ Amazon
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