Dude's Top Products for February 2019
Despite my abhorrence of Valentine's Day, two of Dude's top products of February 2019 are all about love. But in this case, it's the love of yourself. Or, better put, the pleasure of yourself.
The others vary from new tech to retro tech to retro snuggly toys shrunken down to the size of your finger. Enjoy!
Note: Product prices are listed as they were at printing. Prices are subject to change.
World's Smallest Glo Worm
Relive your days of collecting caterpillars in bug houses and - admit it - fading into dreamland snuggling a full-size Glo Worm in the 80s - with this ultra-mini version of Hasbro's light-up plush toy. 3" x 0.5" x 0.5" of fully-functional little worm.
Atwood Rope MFG Micro Cord Dispenser
Atwood Rope MFG's Micro Cord Dispenser doesn't contain the kind of rope that's going to help you scale walls and rappel down buildings - its tensile strength is only around 100 pounds - but if you're wondering what the truck tow and tug o' war you can use a Micro Cord for then, Atwood has a few suggestions: Backpacking; Camping; DIY; Crafting; Cat's Cradle; Bush-craft; Gardening; Repairs; Fishing; Gear tethers; Wind chimes; New shoe laces; Sexy time; Kites.
OK, some of those suggestions were mine.
Mechanical Spider Portable Bluetooth Speaker
Spiders aren't normally known for their sound, but this particular spider can wail like Aretha, croon like Frank, and scream like Axl. Inspired by Tom Clancy's Ghost Recon the Mechanical Spider Portable Bluetooth Speaker is all metal and screws, amplifiers and coils. He may not be able to spin a web, but he can spin your favorite tunes, and give your desktop that post-apocalyptic / steampunk accent your Sonos or Bose could never quite capture.
OPKIXONE Wearable Video Cameras
Unlike an AirPods case the OPKIXONE Egg does more than just charge its little chicks. It's also a pocket-sized microcomputer that can hold up to 72 minutes of video storage. Use the dual cameras to record up to 15 minutes of continuous footage, and then slip them into their Egg holsters to transfer your cinematographic gold. The Egg will sync and transfer your videos to the OPKIX Studio App.
And what's with the pair of cameras? Different views and angles within the same recording, perhaps, but OPKIX also points out they give the person behind the camera the opportunity to be part of the scene or experience s/he's recording. You record what you see with one OPKIXONE video camera, while a friend, or a static setup somewhere, records you.
Black Cotton Swabs
What's the syllable count for a haiku again? Because I think that's what Daiso Japan was going for in their Black Cotton Swab description:
It is a black cotton swab were formulated antibacterial agent.
It is easy to take in the one-touch case.
It looks good so black that.
It is easy to clean.
The Equalizer Multi-Blade Pizza Cutter
The...EQUALIZER! On the one hand, the name sounds kinda extreme for a pizza cutter, but on the other, this is pizza we're talking about here. Disagreements have been had, conflicts have broken out, wars have been fought for far less.
Lloyd Pans' Equalizer is a multi-blade rocking knife designed to divvy up pizzas into perfectly proportionate slices. So there's no argument about who got 3 dollars' worth of a $2 slice and whose piece was sized at no more than a buck.
Retro-Inspired Portable Briefcase Arcades
Jason of JF Cade hunts down and upcycles classic briefcases into cases for his retro-inspired portable arcades. Use an 80s era Samsonite to look like a trendsetting professional on the outside, and then pop open the front latches to reveal an arcade screen, buttons, and joystick, loaded up to play 80s-era Punch-Out!! on the inside.
The Shark Emojibator
Turn Shark Week into Shark Every Night of the Year with Emojibator's The Shark. A gift for your girlfriend right up there (er, no pun intended) with the original Eggplant Emojibator, but with a little something for the givers who themselves dig shark themed gifts.
If you're one of them, don't think too hard about what it says about you that you want to give your s.o. a blood-lusting great white shark to masturbate with. Emojibator at least made the decision to design the business end of the sex toy as the tail end of the shark, so it's a little less creepy.
The Peanut Butter Pump
The Peanut Butter Pump uses a sliding airlock mechanism to round up and dispense "a perfect pump" of spread every time. The airlock creates suction so that with each pump of exiting PB, you'll also move the Peanut Butter Pump downward in the jar, scraping along its sides to maintain a consistent flow and gather every last drop, plus clean the jar along the way.
Lucky Charms Beer
If it wasn't already enough that you can eat an 8-pound bag of cereal marshmallows, now thanks to Smartmouth Brewing's Saturday Morning beer, a Lucky Charms-inspired IPA, you can drink 8 pints of them too.
Set to release in "very LIMITED" quantities on Saturday, March 2, 2019, Saturday Morning is a 6.6% IPA brewed with marshmallows Smartmouth toasts in-house, as well as bulk dehydrated marshmallow bits. Probably from one of those 8-pound bags I mentioned earlier. The brewery describes Saturday Morning as having orange and pear aromas, with a pillowy body and "slight cereal taste." I'm guessing trademark issues prevent them from specifying what type of cereal.
Opal Nugget Ice Maker
So many types of nuggets to love out there, and now Opal's ice maker adds perfect nuggets of ice to classic favorites chicken and weed. It's not that the Opal Nugget Ice Maker is inventing a new type of nugget ice, but that the company has developed a fast-freezing countertop machine that can serve up "the good ice" for well under the $2,000 to $3,000 price tag on commercial models.
Virtual Mate Virtual Intimacy System (NSFW)
Get your 55-gallon barrels of lube out, dudes, because Virtual Mate is about to unleash some very slick new technology. Forget gifts for your girlfriend, this hyper-realistic VR sex game for your PC, laptop, mobile device, or VR Headset will give you a gift of your girlfriend. Her name is Sheila.
Thor's Hammer Toilet Paper Holder
Thor's hammer has done a lot of dirty work in its day, but living in your bathroom as a toilet paper holder might be Mjolnir's dirtiest yet. The Marvel-themed stand can sit on the back of your toiling storing extra rolls, or you can use the included hardware to mount the hammer to your wall.