Dude's Must See Products for August 2019
August 2019 was all about a little D and a little mystery. We launched our What Is It? series, posts of head-scratching products paired with a few hints about their use. Readers can take a minute to mull them over and guess what they're looking at, or exhibit the attention span of a 21st century human being and just click through to the answer.
August also brought us a lot of nifty and novelty kitchen tools and wares, plus some curious furniture installations. For the latter, there's one to use when you're beat, and another when you want to beat something.
Oh yeah, I almost forgot about the D. That's dicks, of course.
Scroll own to rehash the last true month of summer, and enjoy my gallery of Dude's must see products for August 2019.
Nerf Elite Titan CS-50 Blaster
Fully motorized with a 50-dart drum. Talk about things that make you go
hmmm BOOM! Nerf's Elite Titan CS-50 toy blaster is ready to unleash a hailstorm of foam in battle.
Presuming your mama remembered to get you a pack of D batteries at the drugstore to power it.
Egguins - Cook, Store & Serve Egg Holder
Squee! your hearts out for the Egguins, ladies and kiddos...and dudes who are being honest. Animi Causa's new egg holder uses the arms of penguins to cradle your delicate shells as their own bellies - so precious! - and then lower them gently into...hard boiling water that will surely cook the penguins along with the eggs. Huh. From precious to disturbing in 5 seconds or less.
Sonny Portable Bidet
Sonny says they designed their slick portable bidet (in collaboration with industrial design firm Box Clever, who also share their personal hygiene product vision with Nebia) to "reduce your environmental burden while increasing your personal cleanliness." The minimalistic sprayer consists of a sleek anodized aluminum tube housing a refillable water cartridge, rechargeable battery, and interchangeable spray pattern nozzles that jet-clean your ass at standard or high pressure settings. In public restrooms or the homes of friends with questionable sanitation practices, Sonny provides a hygienic way to cleanse your nether regions without having to touch too many things in and around the toilet, or waste a wad of toilet paper.
E1: What Is This Thing?
Welcome to What Is This Thing?, a photographic feature of a puzzling product I invite you to spend a minute or two pondering when your brain needs a break from pondering more critical life issues, like whether or not you should quit your job, how much longer you should wait before seeing a doctor about that Massachusetts-shaped freckle on your back, and who you should draft for your fantasy football team this year.
I picked the What Is This Thing? item above because I actually own one my mama gave me in my Christmas stocking 3 or 4 years ago. I had no idea what it was until she told me and, TBH, until I read the directions on Amazon today, I had no idea how to use it. Now though, mystery solved! Maybe I'll give it a try.
Or throw it back in the junk drawer.
Cute but Cantankerous: Animal Gifts with a Bite
If you need a gift for an animal lover, or better, an animal lover with a twisted sense of humor, here you go: animal gifts with a bite.
TAXA Mantis Camper
The last time I doled out the kind of TAXA people actually want to pay for, it was in mighty mite form. The TAXA TigerMoth Trailer is a small, lightweight camper intended for towing by 4-cylinder vehicles. TAXA's latest towable, the Mantis, is more family-friendly at 19' long, with a full kitchen, and enough interior space to sleep 4 adults. Two of them can even cuddle up together in the Mantis' primary bed, topped with a full-size mattress.
The other two will have to rochambeau for the bottom bunk.
Tirecockz Prank Tire Valve Stem Caps
Ain't no practical joke more practical than Tirecockz. The ridickulous penis tire valve stem caps will humiliate your friend Cornelius (more than driving a Dodge Neon beater already does) but still protect his valve stems while he's spinning porkswords to get home to figure out how to make you pay for this purple-nozzled yogurt slinger of injustices.
Snap Crack & Pop Amplifier Cereal Bowl
Snap, Crackle, Pop become SNAP! CRACKLE! POP! in Dominic Wilcox's Snap Crack & Pop Amplifier Cereal Bowl. Wilcox developed the high-decibel dish in response to a challenge from Kellogg's several years ago. The asked him to design a way to make breakfast more fun for kiddos going back to school in September. Since it's that time of year again, I figured the amped up cereal bowl deserved an internet encore.
The Snap Crack & Pop Amplifier Cereal Bowl took Wilcox about 10 weeks to settle on, design, and bring to life. Lively it is, too, as you can see and hear in the video. The effect comes, pretty simply, from a microphone, retro gramophone-style speaker, and a volume knob.
Personalized Freak Masks
Freak Masks are basically Zentai suits for just your face - stretchy, breathable balaclavas that conform to all your bulges and curves for an effect that is, in a word, freaky. Whether you're wearing your own face or someone else's, using a photo of one smiling purdy or contorting their face and squinting their eyes like they're pinching off a fat one, Freak Masks' frozen expressions and weirdly smooth texture will ruffle and disturb anyone who sees them.
World Champion D*ck Trophy
There are two things I really like about this trophy, which simply reads "World Champion" across the engraved plate on the front, and apparently comes with a patriotic ribbon tied around it. 1) The level of detail! Check out the photo gallery, and you'll see the seller is very proud of the effort they've taken to replicate with precision a penis' trademark contours and wrinkles, which are highlighted further by the dick's gold-dipped sheen. 2) At least at printing, the title of the World Champion Dick Trophy listing began with these words: "Happy New Year & Christmas Decorations."
Yep, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, ya big ol' dick! You know, I heard Disney is remaking Home Alone. You guys need an updated "Merry Christmas, ya filthy animal!" catchphrase?
Under Desk Hammock
The Under Desk Hammock from Uplift Desk certainly solves the problems of how and where to take a nap at work. As for the why - you'll have to justify that one yourself.
Then again, while installing a hammock under your desk to sleep in may raise eyebrows around the office, at least having the hammock there will make it clear what you're doing under your desk. I say that because at my first job out of college I worked with a lady who was a little cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs, and one day we came back from lunch, and there ol' Fiona was, curled up under her desk. My boss freaked out and started shrieking, thinking she'd had a seizure or died or something.
Nah. Just takin' a power nap.
Coffee Pot Mug
Hey, this mini coffee pot mug looks like what I want to do with the full-size coffee pot every morning! Called the Cupa Joe, Barbuzzo's shrunken version of the classic brewer's vessel is a spot-on replica, with the exception of the mug's rim and lid. Instead of a pour spout and plastic lid contoured out at its opening, the Cupa Joe has two openings on its sides so both righties and lefties can hold the mug and take a sip.
Do Hit Chair - DIY Sledgehammer Seating
I can't say I've ever seen a chair with a "Do Not Hit" sign or theme, but that doesn't make this Do Hit Chair any less interesting to me. It's like, you know, Just Do Hit.
In the spirit of anger- and stress-busting smash rooms, the Marijn van der Poll Do Hit Chair design for Droog arrives as a stainless steel box and sledgehammer. Your choice as co-designer where the DIY seating goes from there.
Berkel Primitive Kitchen Knife
Can't wait to see what kind of primitive injuries I sustain trying to prep dinner with Berkel's Primitive Kitchen Knife. That's not to say I don't like it. The design is very cool, a fused blade and handle reminiscent of a rock prehistoric humans would have whittled to a sharp edge. Berkel's knife also looks like it would feel good nestled in the palm of my hand.
Testicuzzi - Jacuzzi for the Nuts
Sadly - or maybe thankfully? - there are no photos of the Testicuzzi in action. At least not any this jacuzzi for the nuts' makers have published publicly. But one look at the empty hot tub - its contoured rim, its dual, sack-sized interior basins, its ultra-soft pre-cast silicone penis perch! - and I think you can fill in the rest of the visuals yourself.
E3: What Is This Thing?
Hints: 1) It is a standalone product, not a piece of something larger; 2) It is highly functional, but you may never use it; 3) It requires one, and only one, person to operate; 4) Yes, I did blur out the product's labeling, which says what it is.