11 Real Products That Should Be April Fool's Jokes
There's a Boaty McBoatface load more than 11 real products that should be April Fool's jokes out there, but these are some of the best kooky creations and mind-boggling monstrosities I've seen over the years. And since we're not technically "doing" April Fool's Day this year out of respect for the coronavirus pandemic and the health of all of those quarantined, I thought this could be a Happy April Fool's Day Lite. The Michelob Ultra of 4/1 pranks and jokes that's so watered down it isn't going to get you trashed, but might at least leave you with a pleasant buzz of amusement.
And if these 11 real products that should be April Fool's jokes aren't strong enough for you, check out some real April Fool's Day products from years past.
Pet Grooming Tool Attachment for Vacuum Cleaners
A pet grooming attachment for the vacuum. Ha! Hahaha! Amidst all the political vitriol, the coronavirus cases and quarantines, and the canceled 2020 April Fool's jokes, I needed a laugh today. And it's not just the concept - using a vacuum cleaner not to clean pet hair off the floor and furniture, but off the actual body of your pet - that's got me rollin', but the grooming tool's photos too. The ones of a person using their vacuum cleaner on a...on a...cat!
Natural Harvest: A Collection of Semen-Based Recipes
As far as I can tell, which isn't much since I'm still too grossed out to think straight, author Paul "Fotie" Photenhauer isn't trying to pull our legs with Natural Harvest: A Collection of Semen-Based Recipes. He says, "Semen is not only nutritious, but it also has a wonderful texture and amazing cooking properties." Then he compares it to fine wine and cheeses.
Great. No more wine or cheese for me.
Skin-On Interfaces - Realistic Skin for Your Devices
With his Skin-On Interfaces project, researcher and designer Marc Teyssier is trying to improve humans' experience interacting with our devices. He points out that we use skin as an "interface" when we interact with other people - I guess meaning we use our sense of touch, and things like hand shakes, hugs, kisses, and the bump 'n' grind. (Or at least we used to, before the era of social distancing hit.)
However, when we engage similarly with "objects of mediated communication," such as smartphones and computers, we must deal with their "cold interface that doesn't allow natural interaction and input."
So, nope. Skin-On Interfaces is not a joke like the Harambed, or even a novelty like the Pop It Pal, it's a legit attempt at solving a legit problem Teyssier sees as a side effect of the advent of technology and the time we spend with our devices.
At this point, Skin-On Interfaces might also be the closest we get to some skin-to-skin contact for the foreseeable future.
Rob Gronkowski Erotica Book Series
While there are (currently) only 2 books in the Rob Gronkowski erotica book series, A Gronking to Remember and A Gronking to Remember 2: Chad Goes Deep in the Neutral Zone, I still think Lacey Noonan has firmly cemented her place on the Mount Rushmore of great American serial authors with this 1-2 punch. Or rather, thrust.
The A Gronking to Remember books go deep and score on so many levels. Whether you're a Patriots fan, a lover of Noonan's past works, or just someone who really gets behind of penetrating words, you're sure to come away from this read needing a long soak in a cold tub.
Link flip-shoes, a hybrid their makers call "free like a flip-flop, safe as a shoe," are here to prove you wrong about at least one thing: no matter what you thought about Crocs or Keen Uneek monstrosities, Redneck Boot Sandals or any other shoe on earth, up to this point, you had not yet seen the ugliest.
What...the...foot...are these things?!
Nosefrida The Snotsucker Nasal Aspirator
Father's Day is June 21st. I don't know about you, but I sure can't think of a better gift for a new dad than an apparatus that will allow him to suck the snot out of his kid's nose with his own mouth.
And who says you have to limit usage of Nosefrida the Snotsucker to children? I wouldn't mind having someone else clear my nasal passageways as I stand idly by. Hey Cornelius! Can you come here for a minute?
Nosefrida the Snotsucker nasal aspirator - if only I could make this mucus up! I'd be the next Zach Galifianakis! - was developed by Swedish doctors for assuaging the stuffy noses of children who are too young (or too spastic) to use a Kleenex. One end of the tube rests against the offending nostril, while the other snuggles inside Mommy's or Daddy's mouth in preparation for the ultimate suckfest.
VibeRider Motorcycle Seat Vibrator
Ladies, start your m-O!-tors! VibeRider says its controller box and stimulator and were designed to fit on any motorcycle and inside any motorcycle seat. Once in place, riders have the option of letting their driving do the pulsing - the more you rev, the more intense the vibration - or using a built-in push button that bypasses the synchronization. The magic button sends the VibeRider straight to max power mode, and keeps it there as long you hold it down.
Sh*t Gold Pills
It may still stink, but ingest a couple of these 24K capsules, and your shit will look as handsome as a pile of gold. Tobias Wong and J.A.R.K. (Ju$t Another Rich Kid) created the Gold Pills as part of their INDULGENCE line, and as a bit of swallowable commentary on society's obsession with wealth and consumption.
Just down one of the gold leaf-filled tubes (preferably with a shot of espresso and a couple prunes) and transform your insides into a rich and luminous palace of major systems and organs, all churning in perfect synchronicity towards a singular goal: making your shit sparkle.
If you're wondering what to do with your golden poo post-defecation, unfortunately the answer is still, "Flush it."
TailGator Gas Powered Blender
Ahhh, springtime. Smells like freshly cut...margaritas. Thanks to the TailGator, a blender with cajones the size of a 25cc Poulan 2-stroke, 2 1/2 horsepower gas engine. It's not a new product - or the only one of its kind for those who have seen the Daiquiri Whacker - but with Father's Day coming, imagining Daddy-O yanking the starter pull and going blended-drink Lawnmower Man in the back yard is somehow brightening my otherwise dull April Fool's Day in coronavirus quarantine.
Banana Surprise - Filled Banana Maker
Ooh, uhhh, the Banana Surprise here is that those bananas look like they need someone to call 911. Brown and bright red are not the colors of discharge I want to see oozing out of objects with that shape. And those kids look a little too proud of themselves for making their bananas bleed.
The Banana Surprise kit comes with a set of pokers and injection tools that will allow you to fill your bananas with the likes of chocolate, jam, fruit purees, and cream.
And also mustard, hot sauce, and cream of mushroom soup with the mushrooms picked out so it looks suspiciously like a bodily fluid, for April Fool's fun with your friend Cornelius and your wife, She-Ra: Princess of Power.
Edible Anus Chocolates
I guess I should clarify that when I say these are real products that should be April Fool's jokes, I'm being subjective. Perhaps I should revise my statement to real products that, in my opinion should be April Fool's jokes.
Because, rest assured, if seeing these Edible Anus Chocolates makes your mouth water, and the fact that they're real gets your other juices flowing, there's no judgment here. You go ahead and order you up a box of brown stars, and savor every last bite.
Just be aware that while the Edible Anuses are made with pure milk chocolate and are suitable for vegetarians, they may contain traces of nuts.