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Bloom Coco Stylewood Baby Lounger

By: on October 02, 2013
$195 - $310.91
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Bloom's Coco Stylewood baby loungers cater to people who are down with having a kid, but loath to accruing the cradle, bouncy chair, and plastic rainbow playmat crap that comes with having a kid and Fs up their interior decor. The lougers' curved, single-piece frames overlayed with padded seats and 5-point safety harnesses come in about a dozen color combinations, none of which will make your living room look like the circus it's about to become. On the contrary, if I bought a Bloom baby rocker it would probably be the classiest piece of furniture I owned. And honestly, this thing looks pretty darn comfortable. Like a MoMA-approved nest. Does it come in size Grown Ass Man?

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Baby Head Masks

$450 - $500 from Hyperflesh »

People who think babies are angelic and precious, I see your Gerber models, and raise you these three baby head masks. No, make that these three enormous, bulbous, horrifying, spawn-of-Chucky baby head masks. Landon Meier...

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The Baby Muzzle

$149.99 from Japan Trend Shop »

First we saw the Japanese Shouting Vase, an ABS resin stress-reliever that mutes the wails of angry or frustrated souls who need to unleash their fury without disturbing the peace. Now the brilliant minds of Japan--perhaps...

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In Vitro Baby Branding

Ink, sperm and eggs go in, a financially secure future comes out. In vitro fertilization is expensive, and let's face it, so are babies. What better way to offset the costs, and maybe make a little extra (elbow-elbow)...

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Watch Your Junk - Advice for Expectant Fathers

$9.99 from Amazon »

The best part about Watch Your Junk and Other Advice for Expectant Fathers isn't that the irreverent guide to dadhood is as fun of a read as it is informative. It's not that it covers topics other baby books ignore, or...

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Mission Critical Baby Carrier for Dads

Through September 13th, 2105, click here to enter Dude's Mission Critical Baby Carrier & Daypack giveaway. It's your chance to MOLLE up those diapers, bottles & 6-month-olds with a Baby Carrier and Carrier Daypack combo...

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The Baby Shusher

$31.48 from Amazon »

Either the Baby Shusher shhhhhhh-ing machine is a Nobel Prize-caliber invention, or the baby in that video learned in the womb how to be an Oscar-caliber actor. Arrrgh, that sound, that wailing. I can't think of a noise...

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Infant Circumcision Trainer

$192 from Amazon »

Expecting parents who want to trim the fat from ever-rising hospital bills now have the option to save over $2,000 if they are willing to trim the skin from their newborn sons. Created by Ezra Messer, a mohel with more...

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Baby Thug Onesie

$19.98 from Amazon »

"I just did 9 months on the inside...and now that I'm out, my mom is making me wear an orange onesie that, for some reason, encourages many who see me to double-bump a fist against their chest and flash me two fingers."...

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Skoda Man-Pram

By: Skoda »

At the end of the day, you'll still be a dude pushing around a baby...or a pomeranian...in a stroller, but at least with Skoda's Man-Pram you can mow the fuck over anyone who gives you shit about it....

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Outdoor Rocking Hammock Lounger

$79.99 - $89.99 from Amazon »

I like that this outdoor hammock lounger's design suggests I probably won't flip sideways or spill out onto my belly trying to get in and out of it. But I do have some concerns about ending up ass over teakettle. The...

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Lalabu Dad Shirt

$75 from Amazon »

The Lalabu Dad Shirt is a different kind of Dadbag. One that some men will consider just as big of a joke, but that others, such dudes with infants who find themselves piling on as much gear as they once did for a weeklong...

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Windi the Gaspasser Gas & Colic Reliever

$14.99 from Amazon »

Windi the Gaspasser is one of those WTF products I as a childless dude saw and immediately thought was, in this order: a funny joke; a disgusting not-joke; a sad reality. You basically stick this little (un)plug in your...