Grooming

Light & Massage Therapy Hairbrush

$39 from Amazon »

I'm a pretty pony! I'm a pretty pony! And it's all because I use the Light & Massage Therapy Hairbrush by Body Essentials! No, not really. I'm a pretty pony because I have some damn fine genes. The brush just keeps my...

Caffeinated Toothpaste

$14.99 from Power Toothpaste »

Drinking coffee while brushing your teeth? Now that's some counterintuitive, foul-tasting multi-tasking. Unless. Unless! You can get the caffeine in your coffee directly from your toothpaste. The taste of minty freshness...

Titanium Toothpick

$19.99 from Amazon »

What can you do with a titanium toothpick? Why, dig out that bit of popcorn embedded in your molar as you leave a midnight showing of The Shining, and then...stab the eyes out! of the mugger who waits for dazed victims...

Rocky Mountain Barber Company

$8.97 - $34.99 from Amazon »

The Rocky Mountain Barber Company invites (challenges?) all men to seek out their "inner lumberjack," latch onto it, and let 'er rip. Even if in real life you couldn't skin a log any better than you could caber toss it...

iRestore Laser Hair Growth System

$695 from Amazon »

I'm not saying the iRestore laser hair growth system works. (I'm also not saying I need a need an iRestore laser hair growth system. For the record.) But the helmet with the red glow and hefty price tag does claim to...

Dual Action Beard Comb & Protective Sleeve

$20.95 from Amazon »

Dual. Action. Teeth. Bad for manscaping (and other below-the-belt activities), good for beard grooming. And as wedding season hits full swing and hipster facial hair a 21st century high, Huntsman Beard's Dual Action Beard...

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Dry Shower Powder

You can give your dog a bath without getting him wet. Why can't you do the same for yourself? (Without dousing yourself in patchouli, hippies.) While not a substitution for bathing altogether, Dry Shower Powder does provide...

Know Thy Nuts Soap on a Rope

$14.99 from Movember Store »

I guess the Movember Store's Know Thy Nuts Soap on a Rope looks like a set of testicles. But it also looks like a lopsided butt and a white Grimace from the McDonald's commercials. So it wouldn't just make a great gift...

HUSH Anesthetic Tattoo Numbing Gel

$21.99 from Amazon »

Hey, it's not like I'm a puss, it's just that there are certain things in life I don't care for. Pain being one of them. Hush anesthetic gel has some mixed reviews about its effectiveness in creating a joyous barrier...

Zeke's Beard Wipes

$25 from Amazon »

Ye with fountains o' facial hair, Zeke's has created these packs of Beard Wipes just for you. To get rid of the flakes, the stench, the grease, the sweat, and the double chocolate chip fudge cookies crumbs that aren't...

Elephant Ear Earwax Remover

$29.50 from Amazon »

The Elephant Ear Earwax Remover is kind of funny, kind of gross, and really, really life-changing. For me anyway. I mean, I thought I was going deaf. I was Googling cochlear implants. I learned the term "cochlear implants."...

Darwins Beard Catcher Grooming Cape

Sold Out from Amazon »

I can just hear the exchange the must have led to the creation of Darwins Beard Catcher:...

Betty Beauty Dye for Hair Down There

$14.99 from Amazon »

Whether you're going gray, going to a rave, or going a little kinky in the bedroom, Betty has you covered. Well, your pubic hair anyway....

Atomic Raygun Nose & Ear Hair Trimmer

$20 from Amazon »

Who'd have thought snipping off those wiry stragglers poking out of my left nostril could be the funnest thing I do all day? Cool beans, Atomic Trimmer!...

Braun Series 7 Electric Foil Shaver

$208 from Amazon »

In one sense, yeah, this is just a Braun electric razor. It's not brand new and it won't shave your beard into a Maine Coon cat topiary. But for being on the pricier side of men's grooming devices, the Series 7 Electric...

baKBlade DIY Back Hair Shaver

$34.95 from Amazon »

baKBlade calls this extra-large razor the Big Mouth because its accompanying app is programmed to ridicule your bushy shoulders and thatches of back hair as soon as you let that wiry jungle get out of control....

The Beard Bro Beard-Shaping Tool

$17.79 from Amazon »

Men, are you tired of spending precious minutes in the morning grooming and edging your perfect specimen of manliness (well, the one on your face anyway) only to end up looking like your 6-year-old shaved you after you...

Beard Grow XL Facial Hair Supplement

$79.99 from Amazon »

Snake oil? No Way! Beard Grow XL isn't oil at all. It's pills! Ninety little capsules whose daily dose claims to carry the coveted effect of a full and glorious facial bush that's sure to rival the one on Santa himself....

Survival Cards: EDC Multi-Tools in a Thin Credit Card Size

Success by Trump Deodorant

$8.22 from Amazon »

Donald Trump thinks you stink. Particularly if you're: Barack Obama; Hillary Clinton; George W. Bush; Carly Fiorina; Megyn Kelly; any other journalist; any other woman; disabled; Jeff Bezos; an immigrant; a Democrat;...

Money Duck Soap - Up to $50 in Each Bar

$12.99 from Amazon »

Know someone who could be a little more diligent about washing their hands? Or their body? Just remember, you catch more flies with honey than vinegar. Or, in this case, you catch more hygienic kids and friends with cash...

Zafirro - World's Sharpest Razor

$179 - $199 from Kickstarter »

I'm only telling you about a $199 razor because it used to cost $100,000. So they say. And also because they, the creators of Zafirro, also say their razor's sapphire blade make it the World's Sharpest, and longest lasting....

Nano-b Silver, Gold & Charcoal Toothbrushes

$11.50 - $13.25 from Amazon »

After an unfortunate experiment with foil wrapping paper I was told I cannot pull off gold teeth. However, having used a Nano-b for about a week now, I am pretty certain I can pull off a gold toothbrush. Or rather, the...

RipFix Hand Tear Repair

$11.99 from Amazon »

Well here's one downside to physical activity: nasty, torn-up palms. Check this out. If you can do it without gagging. Large chunks of skin ripped violently from a dude's hands in the name of "working out?" I hope he...

SPRUCE Men's Styling Cream

$22 from SPRUCE »

There was that deodorant commercial, "Strong enough for a man...but made for a woman." Well this is SPRUCE, and it is not deodorant. Nor is it made for a woman. It's a hair styling product. And it is strong enough for...

Rose-Scented Fart Pills

Discontinued

One time me and my friend Cornelius were having a philosophical discussion about farts. It went something like this: would you rather continue to anonymously fart farts that smell like something crawled up your butt and...

EDGUP Neckline Shaving Template

$15 from Amazon »

It would be nice not to have to go to the barber, or the toilet in my mama's bathroom, every time I need my neckline trimmed up. Or, as my mama says, "weed whacked and de-brambled." Like I didn't inherit my lush, albeit...

MiracleFold Laundry Folder

$24.99 from Amazon »

No matter how easy this contraption makes folding a shirt, unless the task has just been completed by a paraplegic, I think it's a bit of an overstatement to assign it "miracle" status. That word should really be reserved...

Big Big Body Wipes

$8.89 from Firebox.com »

Big Big Body Wipes are for those who have just taken a giant s...print. Through the mud. Or an enormous d...unk. In slimy water. The supersized wet naps cater to anyone who has messed himself in big, big way. Forget about...

Pheromone-Enhanced Tactical Soap

Tyler Durden doesn't need any help from pheromones to get laid, but, uh, I could maybe use some if they work. And Tactical Soap maker Grondyke Soap Company assures me the evidence suggests that they do. Tactical Soap...

Archtek Toothpaste Tablets

$8.52 from Amazon »

Do you know how often I go to bed without brushing my teeth because I have fallen asleep on the couch, or stumbled home drunk, or am just flat out too lazy to go brush my teeth? Probably at least as often as I do gather...

Skull Shaver

Sold Out from Amazon »

To raze or not to raze, that is the balding man's question. And thankfully it's one my lush bonsai tree of locks and I will never have to answer. But for the Thinners and Receders out there, plus anyone who just digs...

Dovo Classic Straight Razor

$115.99 - $123 from Amazon »

Dovo Steelware was founded in Solingen, Germany around 1906, and began producing implements of male face grooming in the 1930s. Nearly 100 years later the company is still supporting and still forging its classic straight-edge...

Shoe Shine Kits

$80 - $180 from Shinekits.com »

Based on Vancouver Island, Canada, Shinekits.com caters to men who appreciate the classics. Straight razors. Suspenders. The pair of leather boots that lasts a lifetime. Their line of shoe shine kits emulates this type...

Teeth Whitening Accelerator

$125 from Amazon »

I don't know if it was the Gemini or some other LED teeth whitening accelerator, but I definitely saw one of these raver's mouth contraptions at CES this week. The company had about 10 recliners set up for eager guinea...

Whisker Dam Mustache Protector

$20 from Whisker Dam »

They say it's like an umbrella for your face. And also that it's the best dam invention for keeping your whiskers dry. The Whisker Dam sits over a pint of beer (or milk, or triple mocha with extra whipped cream) and prevents...

SH*T-IN-M'TEETH Toothpicks

$5 from Kickstarter »

Popcorn. Milk Duds. The kale chips I once ate on a date so the chick would think I'm healthy and open minded that subsequently led her ditch me once little bits of them got stuck in the crevices of my gums and then flew...

Sir Hare Head Shaving Oil

$14.99 from Sir Hare »

I say if you're balding, go bald or go home. Because if you stay out everyone's just going to shit on your receding hairline, bad rug, or sprouting plugs behind your back....

Big Ass Bricks of Soap

$9.79 - $16.01 from Amazon »

Duke Cannon would like you to know two things about his Big Ass Bricks of Soap. One, they are 3 times bigger than "feminine soaps." In other words, if you're not using a Big Ass Brick of "Smells Like Accomplishment" or...

Jet Black Toothpaste

Now this looks disgusting and promising. Binotomo Nasu Dentifrice, or Jet Black Toothpaste, expands upon the ideas that 1) adding charcoal powder to beauty products will extract skin impurities and whiten teeth, and 2)...

Body Mint Internal Deodorant Pills

$17.89 from Amazon »

I can't guarantee you'll get laid if you don't smell like a cesspool of bacteria and last night's broccoli & Cheez Whiz casserole, but I can guarantee you won't get laid if you do. My point: you're better off not smelling...

Travel Smart Mini Iron

$14.43 from Amazon »

I don't really see the point in ironing clothes unless someone who's not me is doing the ironing, but I guess if you're an advocate of the activity you might like this itty bitty iron for use in wrinkle extermination...

Anti-Sweat Armpit Stickers

Would discovering a girl is wearing anti-sweat armpit stickers in the middle of making out with her be better or worse than discovering she's wearing a heavily padded bra? I can't decide. Both would be incredibly disappointing....

RazorPit Blade Sharpener

$15.53 from Amazon »

A Mach 3...or 9...or whatever the hell number they're on now, a pack of blades, and a RazorPit. Gifts for Dad = done. The RazorPit, which I prefer to think of as a Big Boy Bed for my razor, recruits a patented friction...

Knuckle Duster Beard Comb

$31.75 - $100 from Shapeways »

Could the knuckle duster beard comb become the new pinky ring? Intimidating, yet decorative, with the added bonus of serving a pragmatic purchase? Oh boy! I hope this power play comes to pass. I'd consider the finger...

Power Bacon Deodorant

$19.95 from Amazon »

Everyone knows that pigs don't sweat. But if they did, they would smell like Power Bacon. And now too so can you. Just be sure to apply the deodorant with caution. Because while obviously nothing attracts the favor of...

Neon Shaving Gel

$16 from Firebox.com »

What is, a man who ate his daughter's 1st birthday cake without a fork, Alex? No? What is...a makeshift Fraggle mask? No? OK, then how about you just tell me why this man has neon pink goo smeared on his face, Mr. Trebek?...

Soft Goat Scruff & Goatee Softener

$14.01 from Amazon »

According to Soft Goat, "Scruffy is sexy!" And given that scruffy means unshaven and unshaven means me not having to partake in the laborious task of shaving every morning, it appears I have finally succeeded in my quest...

Brazilian Back Male Hair Removal System

$12.95 from Amazon »

Men, removing unwanted back hair is now as easy as putting on a coat! And if you don't believe me, just ask Wilmer Valderrama, who appears to be as big of a Brazilian Back male hair eradicating system fan as he does to...