Grooming

EDGUP Neckline Shaving Template

$15 from Amazon »

It would be nice not to have to go to the barber, or the toilet in my mama's bathroom, every time I need my neckline trimmed up. Or, as my mama says, "weed whacked and de-brambled." Like I didn't inherit my lush, albeit...

MiracleFold Laundry Folder

$24.99 from Amazon »

No matter how easy this contraption makes folding a shirt, unless the task has just been completed by a paraplegic, I think it's a bit of an overstatement to assign it "miracle" status. That word should really be reserved...

Blizzident - 6-Second Toothbrush

$299 from Blizzdent »

It looks like someone put the inside of a sea urchin on the inside of a mouthpiece, but if Blizzident really works, I wouldn't care if it looked like one of the McPoyle brothers' armpits. I'll be able to brush my teeth--and...

Archtek Toothpaste Tablets

$6.84 from Amazon »

Do you know how often I go to bed without brushing my teeth because I have fallen asleep on the couch, or stumbled home drunk, or am just flat out too lazy to go brush my teeth? Probably at least as often as I do gather...

Whisker Dam Mustache Protector

$20 from Whisker Dam »

They say it's like an umbrella for your face. And also that it's the best dam invention for keeping your whiskers dry. The Whisker Dam sits over a pint of beer (or milk, or triple mocha with extra whipped cream) and prevents...

Pheromone-Enhanced Tactical Soap

Tyler Durden doesn't need any help from pheromones to get laid, but, uh, I could maybe use some if they work. And Tactical Soap maker Grondyke Soap Company assures me the evidence suggests that they do. Tactical Soap...

Brazilian Back Male Hair Removal System

$15.99 from Amazon »

Men, removing unwanted back hair is now as easy as putting on a coat! And if you don't believe me, just ask Wilmer Valderrama, who appears to be as big of a Brazilian Back male hair eradicating system fan as he does to...

Big Big Body Wipes

$8.89 from Firebox.com »

Big Big Body Wipes are for those who have just taken a giant s...print. Through the mud. Or an enormous d...unk. In slimy water. The supersized wet naps cater to anyone who has messed himself in big, big way. Forget about...

The 357 Magnum Gun Hair Dryer

Sold Out from Etsy »

A real "blast" from the past. In a clever display of grooming irony, users shoot this vintage 357 Magnum Hair Dryer at their heads to avoid committing style suicide. We can see it now, the biggest public service campaign...

Skull Shaver

$133 from Amazon »

To raze or not to raze, that is the balding man's question. And thankfully it's one my lush bonsai tree of locks and I will never have to answer. But for the Thinners and Receders out there, plus anyone who just digs...

Down There Repair

$15.95 from Sam's Natural »

Application of Sam's Natural Down There Repair fixes two major male discomforts and social embarrassments: chafed crotch and smelly crotch. It can also be used preventatively, thwarting these afflictions from striking...

Teeth Whitening Accelerator

$125 from Amazon »

I don't know if it was the Gemini or some other LED teeth whitening accelerator, but I definitely saw one of these raver's mouth contraptions at CES this week. The company had about 10 recliners set up for eager guinea...

SH*T-IN-M'TEETH Toothpicks

$5 from Kickstarter »

Popcorn. Milk Duds. The kale chips I once ate on a date so the chick would think I'm healthy and open minded that subsequently led her ditch me once little bits of them got stuck in the crevices of my gums and then flew...

Dovo Classic Straight Razor

$115.99 - $123 from Amazon »

Dovo Steelware was founded in Solingen, Germany around 1906, and began producing implements of male face grooming in the 1930s. Nearly 100 years later the company is still supporting and still forging its classic straight-edge...

Jet Black Toothpaste

Now this looks disgusting and promising. Binotomo Nasu Dentifrice, or Jet Black Toothpaste, expands upon the ideas that 1) adding charcoal powder to beauty products will extract skin impurities and whiten teeth, and 2)...

Shoe Shine Kits

$80 - $180 from Shinekits.com »

Based on Vancouver Island, Canada, Shinekits.com caters to men who appreciate the classics. Straight razors. Suspenders. The pair of leather boots that lasts a lifetime. Their line of shoe shine kits emulates this type...

The Single Handed Barber

It's cuttin' it close, but order now and your Single Handed Barber, a DIY electric hair trimmer for short cuts, may arrive just in time for Father's Day. Cuttin' it close. Ha! Hahaha! Pun. Intended. Puns and I share the...

Morninghead: Man's 5-Second Hairstylist

Sold Out from Amazon »

Sometimes, the last thing you want to wake up to is morning head. It's unruly and it's hard to handle, yet it must be calmed before leaving the house. It especially must be calmed before facing your ball buster of a boss...

RazorPit Blade Sharpener

$21.35 from Amazon »

A Mach 3...or 9...or whatever the hell number they're on now, a pack of blades, and a RazorPit. Gifts for Dad = done. The RazorPit, which I prefer to think of as a Big Boy Bed for my razor, recruits a patented friction...

Big Ass Bricks of Soap

$9.79 - $16.01 from Amazon »

Duke Cannon would like you to know two things about his Big Ass Bricks of Soap. One, they are 3 times bigger than "feminine soaps." In other words, if you're not using a Big Ass Brick of "Smells Like Accomplishment" or...

Power Bacon Deodorant

$19.95 from Amazon »

Everyone knows that pigs don't sweat. But if they did, they would smell like Power Bacon. And now too so can you. Just be sure to apply the deodorant with caution. Because while obviously nothing attracts the favor of...

Mangroomer - DIY Electric Back Shaver

$24.99 from Amazon »

It's obvious what the Mangroomer is, so let's just cut to to the chase: what can this DIY back shaver do for you?...

Soft Goat Scruff & Goatee Softener

$14.99 from Amazon »

According to Soft Goat, "Scruffy is sexy!" And given that scruffy means unshaven and unshaven means me not having to partake in the laborious task of shaving every morning, it appears I have finally succeeded in my quest...

Body Mint Internal Deodorant Pills

$22.31 from Amazon »

I can't guarantee you'll get laid if you don't smell like a cesspool of bacteria and last night's broccoli & Cheez Whiz casserole, but I can guarantee you won't get laid if you do. My point: you're better off not smelling...

ManHands Soap

$6.95 from Etsy »

When I was in college I worked in food service for 5 years, during which time I smoked a lot of weed and touched a lot of nasty shit. Like I regularly had to stick my hand down garbage disposals clogged with half-eaten...

Knuckle Duster Beard Comb

$31.75 - $100 from Shapeways »

Could the knuckle duster beard comb become the new pinky ring? Intimidating, yet decorative, with the added bonus of serving a pragmatic purchase? Oh boy! I hope this power play comes to pass. I'd consider the finger...

Tongue-Mounted Toothbrush

Here are some problems with not brushing your teeth: brown teeth; hot buttered ass breath. Here are some problems with brushing your teeth regularly: gum recession due to hard bristles and/or overzealous brushing techniques;...

Sir Hare Head Shaving Oil

$14.99 from Sir Hare »

I say if you're balding, go bald or go home. Because if you stay out everyone's just going to shit on your receding hairline, bad rug, or sprouting plugs behind your back....

Neon Shaving Gel

$16 from Firebox.com »

What is, a man who ate his daughter's 1st birthday cake without a fork, Alex? No? What is...a makeshift Fraggle mask? No? OK, then how about you just tell me why this man has neon pink goo smeared on his face, Mr. Trebek?...

Fight Club Soap

Although not quite running true to the movie in substance, in look and feel, this Fight Club bar of soap replica has it nailed. Claiming to be made from electrolytes, caffeine and "punching" it looks like it will smell...

Mirror 180

$279 from GNR 8 »

The Mirror 180's joined splices allow it to tilt and reposition such that it reflects many a splendid thing. Namely, a more comprehensive view of me. One half of the mirror angles into 3 different positions, suiting a...

Powered Nail Trimmer

Battery-operated nail trimmer, um, no thank you, sir. Actually, my heart is pounding so fast and the knot snowballing in my stomach growing so large right now, I can't even muster the pleasantries. I'm just going to go...

Dry Goods Athletic Spray Powder

$14 from Amazon »

My first question when Tim Joyce wrote to me about his Dry Goods athletic powder was, "Uh, what's that?" To which he responded, "It's essentially sprayable Gold Bond without the mess." Cool. But of course my second question...

Credit Card Razor & Mirror

$9.48 from Amazon »

Good thing they didn't let me name this portable, credit-card-sized razor and mirror combo. I would have picked something stupid like Carzor. You know, credit card + razor = Carzor. Like how Brad + Angelina = ...oh wait...

Travel Smart Mini Iron

$18.68 from Amazon »

I don't really see the point in ironing clothes unless someone who's not me is doing the ironing, but I guess if you're an advocate of the activity you might like this itty bitty iron for use in wrinkle extermination...

Anti-Sweat Armpit Stickers

Would discovering a girl is wearing anti-sweat armpit stickers in the middle of making out with her be better or worse than discovering she's wearing a heavily padded bra? I can't decide. Both would be incredibly disappointing....

Haircut Umbrella

$13.75 from Amazon »

Why did the Haircut Umbrella choose for its product model a kid who looks like he has been knocked cross-eyed by the schoolmates who rammed his head through a rain blocker, with its ability to catch flyaway hair clippings...

The HeadBlade

$7.49 from Amazon »

Olympians, UFC behemoths, crazy old baller John Salley, and four out of five men who regularly slash their scalps with traditional blades agree: the HeadBlade is the razor of smooth-domed champions. Just nestle the HeadBlade...

Pipe Tobacco Shaving Soap

Sold Out from Etsy »

Smelling like pipe smoke? Disgusting. Smelling like pipe tobacco? Distinguished. Like your grandfather. Or Don Draper. Pipe Tobacco Shaving Soap infuses faces with a mellow, woodsy scent that most ladies, and probably...

Macbook Air Compact Mirror

Discontinued

Steve Jobs, the visionary that was Apple Computer, it is said had one dying wish. One last insight into the culture he helped create. And that insight brought us the Macbook Air Compact Mirror for ladies to see what they...

Six Shooter Shave Brushes

You've had clean shaves, close shaves, and probably much-needed shaves, but have you ever had a .44 caliber shave? Six Shooter Shave Brushes, from badger bristles to authentic shell casing handles, will deliver a face...

Unicorn Hooded Towel

Sold Out from Etsy »

What a surprise my nieces and nephews will get tonight when they sneak down to catch a glimpse of Santa, and instead see me prancing around the living room in my magical unicorn towel. Don't worry, kids, I bear gifts...

Fetus & Foot Soap

$15 from Etsy »

Fetuses & Feet. They go together like Salt & Pepper, Heisenberg & Pinkman, Mildly Disturbing & Steve Buscemi. In the surrealist world of Etsy vendor L.S., sickly fascinating soap #1 begins with a handmade mold mimicking...

Beer Shampoo

$18.99 from Amazon »

Apparently beer shampoo, unlike Bacon Lube, is more than just a novelty created from one of mankind's greatest gifts to mankind. Its reviews are overwhelmingly positive, particularly with regard to scent and post-cleansing...