Grooming

The Godfather Safety Razor

$36.97 from Amazon »

Treat the Godfather right and he'll lend you a hefty, solid brass and bronze hand, and give you smooth, manly shave with his raw, platinum-coated super blades. Treat the Godfather wrong and...he'll cut you...

Groomarang Beard Styling & Shaping Template

$12.99 from Amazon »

The Groomarang always returns...to the basics of good shaving and haircare practices. Tangle-free beards and mustaches. Crisp shaves. Clean neck lines. The curved comb serves as a shaving / clipping template for precise...

Philips Norelco Vaccuum Beard Trimmer

$54.95 from Amazon »

If you don't enjoy cleaning your clippings out of the bathroom sink...and counter, and floor, and crevices behind the toilet, the Philips Norelco Beard Trimmer 7200 gives you an alternative: vacuum them directly off your...

Dope on a Rope Soap

$5.99 - $12.99 from Amazon »

Dope on a Rope says, "Don't smoke it, SOAK it!" But probably if you buy one of their hemp oil soaps carved into the shape of a cannabis leaf, it means you're as much a fan of the former as the company hopes you'll become...

Henry Cavendish Himalaya Shaving Soap

$13.47 from Amazon »

This Henry Cavendish Himalaya Shaving Soap prides itself on being made in America, with only real ingredients you can pronounce! It's also big and rich on the lather, and lube-a-licious on the razor for a cushioned and...

Wahl Pro Lithium Cordless Hair Clipper

$179 from Amazon »

Treat yo'self to a professional buzz, or at least F up your hair using the exact same clippers the pros do with Wahl's Sterling Li Pro Cordless Clipper. Intended for professional use only, but available to anyone with...

ToppCock Silver Odor Neutralizer Gel

$9.99 from Amazon »

I didn't have enough room in the title to add "...for Man Parts." Do you think it would be too offensive to give a bottle of ToppCock Silver Odor Neutralizer Gel to this guy I know at work as an Anonymous Santa gift?...

My Shiney Hiney Brush Set

$16.88 - $19.98 from Amazon »

Well. I wouldn't argue it isn't dirty. I'm just not sure I care enough to go to the lengths required to make my hiney shiney. I think this cleansing brush set for the bunghole is geared towards women anyway, judging by...

Soap Rocks

$8.49 - $46.49 from Amazon »

Gettin' so fresh and so clean with my Lapus Lazuli. Scrubbin' down with a fine hunk of green garnet. Washin' away my sins with this bar of Black Onyx. Who needs the time to mine semi-precious stones, or the money to buy...

Light & Massage Therapy Hairbrush

$59 from Amazon »

I'm a pretty pony! I'm a pretty pony! And it's all because I use the Light & Massage Therapy Hairbrush by Body Essentials! No, not really. I'm a pretty pony because I have some damn fine genes. The brush just keeps my...

Caffeinated Toothpaste

Drinking coffee while brushing your teeth? Now that's some counterintuitive, foul-tasting multi-tasking. Unless. Unless! You can get the caffeine in your coffee directly from your toothpaste. The taste of minty freshness...

Titanium Toothpick

$15.90 - $17.95 from Amazon »

What can you do with a titanium toothpick? Why, dig out that bit of popcorn embedded in your molar as you leave a midnight showing of The Shining, and then...stab the eyes out! of the mugger who waits for dazed victims...

Rocky Mountain Barber Company

$8.97 - $34.99 from Amazon »

The Rocky Mountain Barber Company invites (challenges?) all men to seek out their "inner lumberjack," latch onto it, and let 'er rip. Even if in real life you couldn't skin a log any better than you could caber toss it...

iRestore Laser Hair Growth System

$695 from Amazon »

I'm not saying the iRestore laser hair growth system works. (I'm also not saying I need a need an iRestore laser hair growth system. For the record.) But the helmet with the red glow and hefty price tag does claim to...

Dual Action Beard Comb & Protective Sleeve

$20.95 from Amazon »

Dual. Action. Teeth. Bad for manscaping (and other below-the-belt activities), good for beard grooming. And as wedding season hits full swing and hipster facial hair a 21st century high, Huntsman Beard's Dual Action Beard...

Dry Shower Powder

Discontinued

You can give your dog a bath without getting him wet. Why can't you do the same for yourself? (Without dousing yourself in patchouli, hippies.) While not a substitution for bathing altogether, Dry Shower Powder does provide...

Know Thy Nuts Soap on a Rope

$14.99 from Movember Store »

I guess the Movember Store's Know Thy Nuts Soap on a Rope looks like a set of testicles. But it also looks like a lopsided butt and a white Grimace from the McDonald's commercials. So it wouldn't just make a great gift...

HUSH Anesthetic Tattoo Numbing Gel

$21.99 from Amazon »

Hey, it's not like I'm a puss, it's just that there are certain things in life I don't care for. Pain being one of them. Hush anesthetic gel has some mixed reviews about its effectiveness in creating a joyous barrier...

Zeke's Beard Wipes

$7.99 - $14.99 from Amazon »

Ye with fountains o' facial hair, Zeke's has created these packs of Beard Wipes just for you. To get rid of the flakes, the stench, the grease, the sweat, and the double chocolate chip fudge cookies crumbs that aren't...

Elephant Ear Earwax Remover

$29.50 from Amazon »

The Elephant Ear Earwax Remover is kind of funny, kind of gross, and really, really life-changing. For me anyway. I mean, I thought I was going deaf. I was Googling cochlear implants. I learned the term "cochlear implants."...

Betty Beauty Dye for Hair Down There

$14.99 from Amazon »

Whether you're going gray, going to a rave, or going a little kinky in the bedroom, Betty has you covered. Well, your pubic hair anyway...

Atomic Raygun Nose & Ear Hair Trimmer

$11.86 from Amazon »

Who'd have thought snipping off those wiry stragglers poking out of my left nostril could be the funnest thing I do all day? Cool beans, Atomic Trimmer!...

Braun Series 7 Electric Foil Shaver

$176.69 from Amazon »

In one sense, yeah, this is just a Braun electric razor. It's not brand new and it won't shave your beard into a Maine Coon cat topiary. But for being on the pricier side of men's grooming devices, the Series 7 Electric...

baKBlade DIY Back Hair Shaver

$25.95 from Amazon »

baKBlade calls this extra-large razor the Big Mouth because its accompanying app is programmed to ridicule your bushy shoulders and thatches of back hair as soon as you let that wiry jungle get out of control...