11

Dark Ride - Theme Park Cologne

By: on July 05, 2017
$64
Check It Out

In explaining the motivation behind their Dark Ride, a cologne they describe as a scented mashup of Pirates of the Caribbean, Jurassic Park, Splash Mountain, and all of your favorite theme park water rides, fragrance house Xyrena says, "For years, perfume and theme park enthusiasts alike have searched for fragrances that accidentally smell similar to water rides." And I don't think they're joking.

Xryena launched in the summer of 2015 as a revolt against traditional colognes and perfumes. They create scents reflective of pop culture, cult classics, and millennial sensibilities - stuff that sounds like it came from either Bizarro World, April Fool's Day or, given their fragrances' higher-range price points, the Land of Hipster Pretension. Case in point: check out the "cinematic preview" video for Dark Ride above.

With top notes of chlorinated water mingling with theatrical fog and pyrotechnics, Dark Ride cologne might be equal parts odd and enticing, but unlike Play-Doh cologne spray, it seemingly aims to be a fragrance you'd purchase as more than just a gag gift. Admittedly, I haven't smelled it and so can't give an official Ugh, or Huh, Not Bad rating. But given that "atmospheric mildew and damp ozone" round out the cologne's subtle notes, I'm not sure Dark Ride is worth the investment to find out. Amusement park junkies and the water-ride-obsessed may feel differently.

Check it out

AdrenaSuit - Bulletproof & Superpowered

The fit is hitting the shan. The adrenaline dam has busted, and your fight-or-flight response is sprinting at a world-record-setting pace. What does it look like? Are you stepping up? Freezing up? Freaking out? Peacing...

Buy Now

Kobayashi Mug

Sold Out from Amazon »

The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist. And like that...he's gone....

Buy Now

Bob Ross Funko Pop Figure

$10.99 from Amazon »

Funko has decided to turn Bob Ross into one of their Pop! figures. Finally, Ross! You had to wait 22 years after your death to receive this honor, but, as it does when painting happy little clouds and trees, patience...

Check it out

Flexing Arnold Rear Window Wiper Decal

$29.99 from House of Grafix »

It may take the sun to bring your guns out, but Schwarzenegger's here to flex his bad boys come dumping rain, sideways sleet, or blizzard of snow. Courtesy of House of Grafix, you can plaster Arnold in His Prime across...

Check it out

The Emojibator (NSFW)

$32 from Emojibator »

"If you can't find a date, emojibate." Some of you will chuckle and others will cringe, but Emojibator creator Jaime Jandler feels all she did was bring an obvious joke to life. And good for her. A little elbow grease...

Check it out

Bird of Prey Bicycle

$4,200 from Bird of Prey »

I didn't think the foam helmets and seizure-inducing neon spandex could look any more ridiculous rolling down the road, yelling at cars to get out of their lane, and then cutting into traffic at will when it suits them...

Check it out

Seabreacher Shark X Water Jet

$90k from Seabreacher »

Seabreacher water jets snugly seat two people with exceptional control over their stomachs and bowels for a nautical roller coaster ride of dives, breaches, spins, and respective surface and subsurface speeds of up to...

Buy Now

Sure F**k Cologne

$24.75 from Amazon »

Sure Fuck Cologne is a self-described "cool fresh manly scent that thrusts women into a crazy hot SEXUAL FRENZY!" Whoa. That's specific. They even put "sexual frenzy" in all caps like it is when I think it over and over...

Buy Now

Spray the Bi*ch Away Aromatherapy Perfume

$23.50 from Amazon »

Dude. When I saw the name "Spray the Bitch Away" for this bottle of aromatherapy perfume I thought it was for men with mean wives and girlfriends, or crazy exes. I thought it would be the perfect Anti-Valentine's Day...

Check it out

The World's Longest Tunnel Slide

$15 - $22 from ArcelorMittal Orbit »

Virtual reality may be a rising star, but the ArcelorMittal Orbit is going all-out, balls-to-the-wall IRL this summer with its curving, spiraling, plummeting tunnel slide. Dubbed simply "The Slide," this 584-foot-long...

Buy Now

Mistaken Lyrics Coasters

$25 - $30 from Amazon »

We've all done it. We've all badgered someone else for doing it. And really, song lyrics misheard, mistaken, and butchered are almost always more fun than what the artists are actually singing anyway....

Check it out

RPG-7 Bottle Launcher

Discontinued

Why is it that the toys you or I make with our buddies from scrap lengths of pipe and sheet metal the year we take high school physics always end up as legitimate, purchasable commodities developed and manufactured by...