Body

SomniFix Mouth Tape

$17.99 from Amazon »

I can't decide which direction to go with these SomniFix Mouth Strips: solution for creepy heavy mouth breathers; or solution for anyone who's ever wanted to tape someone else's mouth shut? Stop giving off the serial...

Skull Hand Tattoo

$5.23 from Etsy »

You don't have your Halloween costume yet? Facepalm! Now you do. These Skull Hand Tattoos from Anna-Lena and her Etsy shop, Tattoo Crew, are temporary applications that will deliver an instant costume and a crowd-pleasing...

Vibrant Capsule Vibrating Laxative Pill

I mean, how did Vibrant figure out that swallowing a vibrating pill could create an internal laxative effect? Be honest guys. Someone swallowed one of those bullet vibrators and came in for emergency surgery and a pants...

Aftercourse Post-Sex Wipes

$15.95 from Amazon »

Oh boy, a pocket-sized crotch shower! Aftercourse Wipes are post-sex wet wipes designed specifically to clean up sensitive areas of your body that have just bumped and grinded with sensitive areas of someone else's. Or...

Sweet Sweat Thermogenic Workout Enhancer

$27.95 from Amazon »

You might get sweaty with your sweetie on the regular, but how often to you get sweet with your sweat? Or maybe the better question, albeit way less linguistically clever is: why the salty beads would you ever want to...

Raizen Mole & Skin Tag Removal Pen

$100 from Amazon »

Your dermatologist would probably say 100% no. You should not use a Raizen Mole & Skin Tag Removal Pen to remove warts and moles and freckles and other spots at home. Such self-administered skin procedures are ill-advised...

Kin Slips Cannabis-Infused Dissolving Tongue Strips

Kin Slips describe themselves as "cannabis infused sublingual strips." Which to me translates as: weed you can dissolve under your tongue! Just like Listerine strips, except rather than fixing my bad breath, Kin Slips...

Nutshellz Level I Bullet Resistant Groin Cup

$99.99 from Amazon »

Whoa. If I need a Nutshellz Level I bullet resistant groin cup it means I think I might be getting shot in the nuts. And if I'm getting shot in the nuts, it means the person doing the shooting is really evil, really hates...

Cuchini Camel Toe Pad

$19.95 from Amazon »

I know no dude wants a camel toe pad. At least...not for himself. But maybe he's looking for a thoughtful gift for his girlfriend, who's especially well endowed in the vulvar and, uh, front mound areas of her crotchal...

The Original Pussycat Patch Crotch Wigs (NSFW)

$39.95 - $95.95 from Merkin Store »

Did you know crotch wigs have an official name besides "crotch wigs?" According to crotch wig maker The Original Pussycat Patch, they're called "merkins." Merkins! It sounds like a new breed of little creatures created...

Loop High Fidelity Donut Earplugs

$29.95 from Amazon »

Loop High Fidelity Earplugs make hearing protection functional and fashionable. Presuming you dig the look of a coupla donuts in your ears (no lobe stretching required!) The new twist on earplugs takes the standard Pac-Man-ghost-shaped...

Cactus Back Scratcher

$8.99 - $14.99 from Amazon »

With the Cactus Back Scratcher, no more will you have to rub your body up against the corner of a wall or doorway like a farm animal to take care of that incessant itch. Now you can rub a hard plastic, 2-sided spiky frond...

Anxiety Ear Seed Kit

$19.99 from Amazon »

Plant these magic Ear Seeds and you too can grow a beanstalk out of the side of your head! Nah, that won't happen. Probably. Unless you've got bad karma from disobeying your mama too many times as a kid when she told...

Virgin Bust Breast Lift Pads (NSFW)

When you see these Virgin Bust Breast Lift Pads do you think the same thing I do? Tune in, Tokyo. Tune in, Tokyo. No? Maybe just because you don't have all the information on the boobie-bettering cones yet. They fulfill...

Saddleback Leather Coffin

When you go, go out in style. Saddleback Leather founder Dave Munson made this Leather Coffin for himself. For his future, departed self. And when he finished it, he liked his full-grain final resting place so much that...

FrictionLabs Secret Stuff Chalk Cream

$19 from Amazon »

That slippery grip? Chalk it up to sweaty hands. To rain and humidity. To oily sunscreen. Then chalk it up from finger to wrist to fix it. FrictionLabs says their Secret Stuff Chalk Cream is the best liquid chalk on the...

Men's Testosterone Test Kit

Discontinued

The men's testosterone test kit from Verisana invites you to put your saliva where your gravelly voice, your heavy lifting sessions, your extreme self confidence, your Raawwwrr! is. This at-home spit sampler requires...

Native Pumpkin Spice Latte Deodorant

$12 from Native »

Pumpkin Spice Latte season is upon us, and Native natural deodorant has one question: do your armpits need some PSL TLC?...

Chucky Bath Bomb

I know this Chucky Bath Bomb looks spherical, but take caution while using it. I can almost guarantee you there are some pointy edges hiding in there somewhere...

Speech Ring Articulation Refinement Tool

Sold Out from Amazon »

The Speech Ring will not help wearers choose their words more wisely (sad!) but the articulation refinement tool will train them to speak those that do come out more clearly. It's a new attempt to cure mush mouth...

Menaji CAMO Concealer for Men

$26 - $29 from Amazon »

Dudes, Menaji's CAMO Concealer for men will cover zits, dark under-eye circles, razor bumps, scars, and age spots to make you look like a pretty pony. With a side of fragrance-free so you won't smell like a pretty pony...

Amabrush 10-Second Automatic Toothbrush

$90 - $113 from Amabrush »

Amabrush says it's the World's First Automatic Toothbrush, but watching the demo video makes me think it's just the first time someone thought to cross a Blizzident with a vibrator...

Scented Herb Temporary Tattoos

$18 from Tattly »

Yes, ma'am I do have a tattoo of rosemary on my arm. Wanna smell it? ... No, wait! It's not scratch 'n' sniff, it's... Yes ma'am, I now have a tattoo of chopped rosemary on my arm...

Mysseuse Self-Massager & Towel Holder

$29.99 from Amazon »

I've makeshift Mysseuse-d myself on the corner of a wall or door more times than I can count. And self-massages with devices like the Shiatsu Pillow and doohickies like the Beastie Bar have become pretty popular for kneading...