Body

Pickle Bandages

$6.99 Amazon »

Got a boo-boo? Why slap on a boring beige bandage when you can turn that frown upside down with a pickle? Yes, you heard that right - BioSwiss Novelty Bandages are here to add a little brine and shine to your scrapes...

Finger & Toe Ice Packs

$9.50 - $14.50 Amazon »

These Finger & Toe Ice Packs from Penguin Fingers (kudos to whomever came up with that fine name!) could be a bonanza of a find to the jammed, sprained, and swollen digits and piggies of you dudes and ladies, but this...

Hostage Tape - Mouth Tape for Better Sleep

We've always known mouth breathers are weirdos, but according to Hostage Tape, they are also the worst snorers. Sleep apnea and low blood oxygen levels plague them too. So maybe it's the never getting a good night's sleep...

QuietFrames - Visual-Noise-Cancelling Glasses

$299 QuietFrames »

QuietFrames are for when there are too many sights to behold, too many stimuli catching your eye, too much visual noise. QuietFrames are Swedish-designed eyeglasses that claim to be an "innovation for visual noise reduction."...

Classic Whip SPF 30 Sunscreen Mousse

$22 Vacation »

Use a tennis-ball-sized swirl of Classic Whip SPF 30 sunscreen mousse to protect all the exposed surfaces of your body from UV rays. Then, depending on what you got, use some tennis- / volley- / beach-ball-sized swirls...

Overtones Fashion-Forward Hearing Aids

I'm not sure I'd go so far as to call the Overtones hearing aids fashionable, but if you dig the look of earbuds and Bluetooth headsets hangin' from your ears, you might. However, I would definitely call Overtones fashion-forward...

Fred Chill Out Googly Eyes Eye Mask

$9 Amazon »

Fred's Chill Out Googly Eyes Eye Mask soothes your swollen and weary sockets, and provides an escape from the world...without letting the world think for one second that you've taken your eyes off of it. Because you haven't...

Flamin' Hot Cheetos Eyeshadow Palette

$17.49 Amazon »

Hope the "Flamin' Hot" here indicates how you'll look, not how your eyeballs will feel, after applying shades from the Flamin' Hot Cheetos Eyeshadow Palette. I'd call this 12-strong makeup monstrosity of oranges and yellows...

Lume Whole Body Deodorant Cream

$20.44 Amazon »

At first glance, Lume Whole Body Deodorant Cream doesn't seem like the best gift for the holidays. Even for a white elephant party, since it's a serious product with a serious label that claims to do serious work on b.o...

OptiWand Pincher Contact Lens Insertion & Removal Tool

$18.99 Amazon »

I OptiWander how anyone could stick this contact lens plunger near their eyeball. Then again, since the alternative is a finger, I also OptiWander how anyone could wear contact lenses at all. One thing this dude do not...

Tear Stick to Make Yourself Cry

$21.99 Amazon »

When applied to the rims of the eyelids, the Kryolan Tear Stick generates big fat ones for the likes of actors, drama queens, and people who believe crying will get them out of speeding tickets, or into sold out shows...

Saucy Gloss - Applebee's Chicken Wing Sauce Lip Gloss

$18 Winky Lux »

This ain't no Sweet Baby Ray's, Applebee's sauce is the gloss. Applebee's wing sauce and Winky Lux Lip Gloss, to be precise, in this kooky, yet somehow charming, brand mashup in honor of National Chicken Wing Day and...

Clone-A-Willy Penis & Balls Molding Kit

$68.45 Amazon »

And you thought you had run out of good ideas for date night. The Clone-A-Willy Penis & Balls Molding Kit will put your relationship skills to the testes, requiring both partners to perform dick moves to assist one in...

Lucas' Papaw Ointment

$23.04 Amazon »

Don't worry, no grandpas were harmed in the making of Lucas' Papaw Ointment. In fact, the do-it-all skin treatment contains no grandpa parts at all, just natural, antibacterial, antimicrobial, Queensland-grown papaya...

Ginger Foot Pads for Detox & Better Sleep

$18.77 Amazon »

Ginger Foot Pads give new meaning to the expression, "Sleep it off." Or attempt to, anyway - reviews are mixed on how well these overnight detoxifiers really work...

TempTooth Temporary Tooth Replacement Kit

$32.75 Amazon »

Just one question about the TempTooth Temporary Tooth Replacement Kit: does it come in gold?...

Bath N Bailey Works Organic Sunburn Relieving Salve

$16 Etsy »

Hot time, summer in the city / If you get burnt, ain't gonna look pretty. But maybe it will hurt a smidge less after you rub on some of Bath N Bailey Works' Organic Sunburn Relieving Salve...

Woo More Play Sensual Massage Oil Candle

Sold Out Amazon »

I'm not really sure why Woo More Play's sensual massage oil candle is named "Eat Me Out for Once." As far as I can tell, the muscle-rubbin' lube the melting wax of the candle produces is scented with sandalwood, papyrus...

Face Mask Extender & Ear Saver Straps

$15.99 Amazon »

I bought a set of these Face Mask Extender & Ear Saver Straps at the end of August, and my wife, She-Ra: Princess of Power, and I have probably worn them for over 24 cumulative hours each since then. I don't use them...

Dripstick After-Sex Cleanup Sponge

$2 - $95 Awkward Essentials »

Welp, I'll give Dripstick credit for one thing: it puts on no heirs when it calls itself a "cum sponge." Yeesh. That description makes the Sperm Towel seem downright prude...

The Tinkle Belle - Device for Ladies to Stand & Pee

$27.50 Amazon »

It appears the Tinkle Belle, a urination device ladies can use to stand (and stay fully clothed!) and pee, was developed for hiking and camping, maybe porta-potty use at festivals and sporting events. But I say, if you...

Candy Nipple Tassels (NSFW)

$10.80 Amazon »

If I buy my wife some of these Candy Nipple Tassels, I wonder if she'll let me call her "Sugar tits." Hold on, let me ask. ... ... OK, so that's a confirmed no...

Finger Love Glove

$38.99 - $39.99 Amazon »

I'll take two fingers of whiskey and one finger up my ass, please. The Finger Love Glove - which I, for once, tamed down in name from Finger F*ck Glove - looks like toys fidget and sex have come together to help you and...

Pit Liquor - All-Natural Whiskey & Vodka Deodorant

$9.95 - $19.95 Pit Liquor »

I always knew whiskey and vodka made me feel good, but who knew they could make me smell good too? Pit Liquor is a line of deodorants - deodorant cocktails, if you will - that use overproof whiskey and vodka as their...