Body

Arnold Total Recall Face Mask

$12.99 from Etsy »

The Arnold Total Recall Face Mask: social distancing meets instant Halloween costume. Maybe wrap some painted paper towel tubes around the back of your head, and add aluminum foil caps to the ends that stick out past...

Penis Print Face Mask

$7.50 from Amazon »

On the one hand the Penis Print Face Mask brings its wearers dangerously close to eating a dick. But in a wonderful twist of irony, the Penis Print Face Mask will also protect them from having to do it!...

Prinker Temporary Tattoo Printer

$279 - $445 from Amazon »

It only took 10 years, but the Prinker temporary tattoo printer is finally here to give a nod to MoodINQ, one of ThinkGeek's most clever and classic April Fool's jokes...

Blocc Reusable Face Shield

$24 from Blocc »

The Blocc face shield is here to face off with your wandering hands and Shut. Them Down. No matter how charming, how persuasive, how pushy they get, Blocc will turn into your personal bouncer, a polycarbonate wall of...

3M Vetbond Tissue Adhesive

$19.90 from Amazon »

If it's good enough for horses and golden retrievers, it's good enough for me! Just kidding. Despite its name, 3M Vetbond Tissue Adhesive is a first aid option intended for humans who have cut themselves to "minor wound"...

Shark Face Mask

$13.99 from Etsy »

As stoked as I was for Shark Week to come early this year, now that April is over I have a Jaws-bite-sized hole in my heart that there won't be a Shark Week in July. But as I'm sure Etsy shop Printed Faces would say...

Face Mask with Transparent Mouth Panel

$7 - $13 from Etsy »

While I smell what the transparent mouth panel face mask is cookin' - but thankfully cannot smell what's behind it; barf! do face masks reek of bad breath - I do wonder if wearing one will only make a hot and stifling...

Gamer Goo Antiperspirant - Dry Grip for Sweaty Hands

$14.95 from Amazon »

Gamer Goo Antiperspirant sounds like the dry grip for sweaty hands some athletes use to help them avoid butter fingering a ball. Except gamers don't really sweat due to a high level of exertion so much as because their...

DEVO Energy Dome Face Shield

I was wondering how long it would take someone to whip Devo into the safety dance* that is living through a pandemic. And turns out that "someone" responsible for the Devo Energy Dome PPE Kit you see here is Devo themselves...

BioVYZR 1.0

While definitely funk and futuristic in its appearance, the BioVYZR 1.0 - which, by the way, isn't even from the land of funk that is Japan, it's from Canada! - is nowhere near the craziest face mask or headwear EDC I've...

GuruNanda Contactless Infrared Forehead Thermometer

Discontinued

You've come a long way from mercury up the butt, thermometers. Using infrared technology, the GuruNanda Thermometer enables everyone from your mama to your nurse to your Amazon Big Brother to take your temperature without...

PumPiX Wearable Hand Sanitizer Dispenser

Be the Spider-Man of sanitizing with a PumPiX wristband. The germ-busting wearable holds up to 0.4 ounces of your preferred hand sanitizer or surface disinfectant so you can spray webs of anti-bacterial, anti-viral mists...

HiccAway - Immediately Stop the Hiccups

$14 from HiccAway »

HiccAway makes one hicc of a claim: it will stop your hiccups immediately. Designed by Dr. Ali Seifi, Director of the Neuroscience Intensive Care Unit at the University of Texas, the HiccAway device is basically a redesigned...

Star Wars Face Masks

$14.92 from Etsy »

May the 4th be with you, and may the Rona be in a galaxy far, far away. This series of Star Wars face masks is from Ethical Addiction, made in honor of favorite franchise characters - from Chewbacca to Vader, Yoda (adult-size)...

Gloves in a Bottle Shielding Lotion for Dry Skin

$17.95 from Amazon »

A lot of us, and especially our health care workers, could use any number of shields right now. Gloves in a Bottle, a self-described Shielding Lotion, is volunteering to be that protective barrier for our dry, cracked...

Your Face Custom Face Masks

$19.95 from Obscure A Tees »

Your own face on a face mask. The option has been available, and shown a few different faces of itself, for years now - remember the creepy Realface clone? - but this one from Obscure A Tees is made in the face of Covid-19...

K-fit Kegel Toner for Men

$159.95 from Amazon »

One thing I don't like the looks of is this K-fit Kegel Toner for Men. Part 1 of my instinct to slowly back away is, of course, the "probe," which may not go up my pee hole, but is definitely going somewhere uncomfortable...

Disposable Skin Stapler & Staple Remover

$23.99 from Amazon »

That's a nasty gash, but...you sure you want to go to the ER? Even with them all stretched to capacity, and me all standing here with a Disposable Skin Stapler set? And, I mean, you spent the last month mastering the...

ClearUP - Drug-Free Sinus Pain Relief for Allergies

$149 from Amazon »

Zap your allergy-related sinus pain like your mosquitos! The ClearUP is a drug-free device that uses an electrical current to stimulate sinus nerve fibers under your cheeks, nose bone, and brown bone, helping to ease...

Foots Love Broken Toe Wraps

$12.80 from Amazon »

Foots Love Broken Toe. I can't help but read that curious name for a broken toe wrap and crooked / hammer toe splint like, "Foots be lovin' them some broken toes. So come on, son, drop that dumbbell on piggies 2 and 3...

LastTissue Reusable Tissue Pack

$39 - $89 from LastObject »

LastObject says LastTissue, a reusable tissue pack, and the company's latest sustainable crowdfunding project, is "like if a handkerchief and a tissue pack had a baby." Which is to say, LastTissue is a set of handkerchiefs...

Face ID Compatible Respirator Masks

Face ID compatible respirator masks are surgical masks printed with the bottom half of your actual face to facilitate biometric recognition when you're contagious, or in the midst of a viral outbreak. That part is clear...

myONE Perfect Fit Condoms

$8 - $10 from myONE »

If the shoe fits...why shouldn't the condom? myONE Perfect Fit Condoms aren't custom-sized condoms, per se, but with 10 lengths, 9 widths, and 60 total sizes available, taking 15 seconds to line up your ruler like so...

After Sex Towel

$9 from Amazon »

This after sex towel considers itself "unique and clever" for taking a plain white terry cloth towel and embroidering the word "Sperm" across it. (Or, if you prefer a little more slang and vulgarity in your terminology...