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Bloody Cleaver Purse

By: on August 12, 2013
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Ladies, I dare anyone to try to rip you off or cut up your credit cards or even look at you in a way you do not find pleasing when you're carrying one of these babies. From the butcher's block to the sewing machine, nothing complements a hot, wild-eyed chick with crushing grip strength better than a bloody cleaver purse. How fashionable and mentally unstable you'll look clasping the clutch handle and swinging its stained red blade to and fro. Whoa, watch my crotchal region there, ma'am. I know you say that thing's made of vinyl, but...I'm just not sure I believe you.

In inches, bloody cleaver purses measure 14.6" x 7.1" x 1.2". In fear, they are immeasurable.

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Flayed Flesh Garters

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Take peek-a-boo garters to the next level: peek-a-boo blood vessels and layers of muscle tissue, courtesy of open-wound prostheses and stocking accoutrements from Etsy's Meaghan O'Keefe. A pair of unpainted latex prostheses...

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Melting Bloody Hand Candle

$35 from Etsy »

Now here's a bloody handy gift for Halloween. Bryan Lawrence makes these terrifically creepy candles, you guessed it, by hand, using flesh-colored wax for the outer layers of their fingers and palms, and blood-red on...

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Stranger Things Eleven Bleeding Nose Candle

$39.69 from Firebox.com »

This is an Eleven Bleeding Nose Candle. If you've seen stranger things - say, Taxidermy Animal Drones or Edible Anus Chocolates - it probably won't bother you. And if you've seen Stranger Things, you'll probably love it....

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Cereal Killer Bowl

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Decimate the Froot Loops, eradicate the Frosted Flakes, eliminate all traces of Trix with the Cereal Killer Bowl. Those Charms may be Lucky before the box is opened, but once once they hit your Dexter-approved bowl, it's...

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Handbag Dyetonator Bag & Purse Thief Marker

Malaysian company Ash Be Nimble launched the Handbag Dyetonator, an accessory that permanently marks thieves with dye and releases a smoke flare upon activation, because bag and purse theft is apparently a huge problem...

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Tactical Bleeding Zombie Target

$89.95 from Zombie Industries »

Target practice with human targets seems so cruel (although practical since most of the time it's other people that are getting shot). Why not practice drilling holes in things that are already dead and will probably...

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SKINZIT Electric Fish Skinner

$185.05 from Amazon »

Skin my fish? But, but--to quote my grandma when I said I didn't want to eat anything from bread crusts to chicken gizzards when I was a kid--that's the best part! The SKINZIT Electric Fish Skinner says it makes quick...

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Unzipped Flesh Kit

$5.49 from Amazon »

One way to make others jump out of their skin is to jump out of yours. This Unzipped Flesh look requires some legwork and talent to pull off, but look at the striking levels of gruesomeness and morbidity one can achieve...

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Dai Sensei Japanese Kitchen Knife

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Dai Sensei means "Grand Master" in Japanese, and that's presumably what this fusion of a Japanese blade and a French chef's knife will make the kitchen warrior who wields it. (Note: Knowing proper knife skills, such as...

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Boo-Boos Gory Bandages

I'll see your kiss it and make it better and raise you a gasp, gag, and vomit up my corn dog and curly fries. Designer, inventor, and gore master Sherwood Forlee makes Boo-Boos, adhesive bandages that will help make your...

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Dripping Blood Cutting Board

$26.11 from mzube »

Now kitchen countertops can look like a bloody mess whether you've cut yourself or used them to butcher a half side of beef or not. Great for Halloween, great for an otherwise ho-hum Monday night, great for getting a...

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Blood Bath Wallpaper

$53 from Pixers »

Huh. Now this is interesting. And by "interesting" I mean, "I really hope I never show up to someone's house and see an entire room wallpapered in blood splatters." That's, like, some psycho housewife shit. Some Kathy...