Accessories

Belt Scooter

In describing his Belt Scooter, Hungarian student Adam Torok talks about humans' physical need to move around, the invention of the combustion engine, the independence of owning a car, and some mumbo jumbo pertaining...

Urban Tool Shoulder Holsters

$39.90 - $159 from Urban Tool »

They lie somewhere between backpacks, messenger bags, and places to store your gun. They're Urban Tool Shoulder Holsters. And they may be eye-rollingly hipster, but hey, at least they also provide a compact means of stashing...

The Fusion Wallet

$82 - $99 from The Fusion Wallet »

Twenty-five-year-old Thomas Johnson fabricates his cool, modern industrial Fusion Wallet from 12 separate CNC-machined aluminum and hardwood components. Gee. I'm almost a decade older than Johnson and I can hardly fabricate...

Belt Buckle Knife

$65 - $95 from Bowen Knife Company »

Well I just hope the sheaths in Bowen's blade-wielding belts are secure and hefty enough to preclude any potential slippage or puncturing in the vicinity of the most important part of my body. The last thing I need from...

Batman Backpack

Sold Out from Amazon »

I guess since the Dark Knight Rises motorcycle suit pretty much congeals itself to the body of whomever puts it on with nary a pocket to spare, UD Replicas figured they better come out with some sort of supplemental storage...

Titty Twirlers Pasties

$20 from Etsy »

Here comes the airplane! Titty Twirlers are propellor pasties that put a twist on the traditional showstopping effect we typically expect the wind to have on a lady's (or dude's, per the video) wardrobe. I mean, Marilyn...

Rain Shield

A 2012 red dot award winner for design concept, Lin Min-Wei and Liu Li-Hsiang's Rain Shield could make carrying an umbrella 1) somewhat stylish and 2) more than an exercise in futility. Its shield-like construction uses...

Recycled Fire Hose Wallets & Cases

$12 - $79 from Recycled Firefighter »

As a firefighter who regularly depends on the material's ruggedness and durability, Jake Starr has always known that canvas fire hose can stand up to extreme temperatures, water pressures, and beatings. So he figured...

Gerber Money Clip with Blade

$19.79 from Amazon »

As a self defense money clip, Gerber's GDC Money Clip makes a little more sense than this one. Rather than requiring the carrier to remove his money to use it, the GDC sidekick has a 1.75" fine edge stainless steel blade...

Freakshop Belt Buckles

$45 - $190 from Etsy »

Some days I wake up and long to give people the impression that I'm a dark and bluesy heavy metal rocker with an impossibly angular jawline. So I wear my Danzig horned or Misfits shadowy skull belt buckle. Other days...

LED Eyelashes

These are aptly named. An ingenious piece of technology wrought from Asian women's desire to have larger eyes, these seem more fit for the drug-and-urine-splattered concrete floor of the next rave in Omaha, Nebraska....

Dash Quickdraw Wallet

$13 - $19 from Dash Wallets »

Credit card receptacles have gotten awfully fancy--from electronic signatures to electronic signatures with your fingertip to electronic signatures with your fingertip on an iPhone with a craaazy! credit card swiper bug...

P'INCH Instant Ruler Pin

$7 from WKRMN »

P'INCH doesn't serve a thousand different functions. Or even a multi-tool standard 8 to 12. And really, it doesn't even do what it does do at great length. Literally, since P'INCH is a pin that's exactly 1 inch long....

Indestructible Biometric Wallet

Discontinued

Like the women who fall prey to your Don Juan wiles, the Biometric Wallet opens up to your touch, and your touch alone. It is an equally high-tech and high-fashion financial bodyguard that is virtually indestructible...

Wocket Smart Wallet

$149.99 from NXT-ID Inc. »

Is that a Wocket in your pocket, or are you just expecting me to pay for dinner? Like the Coin card consolidator, Wocket is an electronic wallet replacement that stores personal information from all of your credit and...

Screwpop Lighter Holder

$11.95 from Amazon »

Screwpop makes a whole series of "clipable" keychain (and zipper and belt loop) tools, but if the Lighter Holder fills its role in life as intended, I would deem it one of the simplest, yet most impressive feats of engineering...

Fou Lard Bacon Scarf

$175.50 from Natalie Luder »

100% silk Crepe de Chine for the fingers, 100% thin-sliced Mangalitsa pork belly for the eyes. Natalie Luder's Fou Lard is a bacon scarf through and through. "Foulard" is the French word for "silk scarf" and "fou" alone...

Flip n'Grip Wallet

Discontinued

Dudes, I think the Flip n'Grip Wallet is cool to the power of Paul Revere riding a Tron Light Cycle, and I'm willing to bet that you too are cool to the power of Paul Revere riding a Tron Light Cycle, so don't just rely...

Solid Gray Hardshell Backpack

$186 - $213 from solid gray »

Solid Gray has given the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles a makeover for the 2010s and invites you to play an active role in the re-imaging with their hardshell backpacks. The 4 color schemes available highlight general rebranding...

Laser Pointer Tactical Necktie

$29.99 from ThinkGeek »

Does a necktie equipped with a laser pointer and MOLLE system take the current tactical fad a step too far? Yeah, but...I kind of want one, so...on second thought, definitely not. ThinkGeek's tactical tie is fitted with...

KFC Chicken Corsage

$20 from KFC »

A corsage with a big fat KFC fried chicken leg nestled in the center. That might be the one thing I'd consent to reliving high school for. Can you imagine how good promfuls of girls flailing chicken wrists on the dance...

Finger Hands

$4.95 from Archie McPhee »

Finger Hands. Horrifying. Pure. Horror. And I thought Man Hands were hilarious. How can there be such a disparity between undersized and oversized? Archie McPhee tries to make it all seem fun 'n' clever by pointing out...

Emergency Underpants Dispenser

$7.81 from Amazon »

I don't need to tell you that an Emergency Underpants Dispenser is more than just a novelty gift. You know how many times you've laughed so hard you peed your pants. How often you've unexpectedly encountered a large barking...

Glowing Sunglasses

$69 - $129 from Etsy »

In addition to offering a bunch of sick shades, sunglasses maker Kevin of Neon Nightlife also offers some suggestions on how best to use his eye-catching glowing designs. These include:...

Star Wars Glasses

$499.99 from Gizmine »

But here's the question: would you be able to tell they're Star Wars glasses if I didn't tell you they're Star Wars glasses? Well either way, fancy Japanese marketing and branding are about to bring you subtle colors...

Trakline Fits-Like-a-Glove Belt

$69.95 from Amazon »

When it comes to pants positioning, waistline aesthetics, and--most importantly--gut comfort, 1/4" can make a huge difference. Traklines banish the meager five, 1"-spaced holes of traditional belts from their full-grain...

Water Misting Fan with Carabiner Clip

$3.75 from Amazon »

I filed this water misting fan under Style --> Accessories because even though the O2 Cool companion was primarily made to provide some quick and instant relief on a hot day, making it more of an Outdoors --> Tools...

Polarized Floating Sunglasses

$17.92 from Amazon »

Rafting? Fishing? Boating? Bending over a toilet? Don't lose your sunglasses to the laws of density again! BlueWater's floating sunglasses have both a lightweight frame and neoprene foam lining to guarantee they won't...

Gaming Glasses for Eye Fatigue

$21.95 - $154.52 from Amazon »

It's the graphics for a travel brochure. It's Q4 performance spreadsheets and their accompanying presentation slides. It's a thesis on the association between country music and suicide. Fine. It's really just Call of...

Titan Multi-Tool Collar Stays

$50.01 from Amazon »

Turn discomfort into practicality. You might be stifled in a pressed button-up all day long, but at least with Titan's Multi-Tool Collar Stays you'll be able to pop open a beer at the end of it with the stealth and swagger...

HALO LED Sport Belt

$49 from Amazon »

Even though I would prefer not to get hit by a car, I still have trouble getting stoked about wearing and using reflective devices. Bike lights break or get stolen, patches only work when other lights are around to bounce...

Batman Hooded & Winged Backpack

$40.27 from Amazon »

Here's a silver lining, or at least some black polyester, for the poor bastards who have to go to summer school: DC Comics' Batman Backpack...with Bat ear hood...and...du-nuhnuh-nuhnuh-nuhnuhnuh...BAT! WINGS! As with...

Wooden Tie

$42.99 from Amazon »

Yes ma'am, my necktie is made of solid wood. And it just so happens it's pointing to something else that is made of solid wood, if you know what I mean. So why don't we--wait! Don't flip your hair and walk off in a huff!...

HALO ZERO LED Messenger Bag

$128.95 - $229 from HALO »

Several months ago, Vincent Ng ran an extremely successful Kickstarter Campaign for his HALO LED Sport Belt, which he is now manufacturing and selling for the luminous enjoyment and nighttime safety of all. Round 2 of...

The Boob Scarf

$30 from Etsy »

Breast enhancement surgery is a major decision every 16 year old girl has to make for herself. Why not give the new look a trial run first while at the very same time keeping your neck warm? Don't think that's possible?...

Titanium Bottle Opener Sunglasses

$249.95 from Amazon »

Sunglasses. They can become as iconic as the people whose eyes they cover. Like the ones that Aykroyd and Belushi wore in The Blues Brothers. That Tom Cruise wore in Top Gun. That Ray Charles wore in...life. And now...

The Batarang Money Clip

$39 from ThinkGeek »

Imagine this: You're on a date. As usual, things aren't going very well. She's finished her 3rd drink and still sees a slack jawed lummox when she looks across the table. The tab arrives. You, being the sucker that you...

Star Trek Spock Socks

$8.99 from Amazon »

When I was little Mr. Spock and Dr. Spock were names thrown around on TV and in my household with equal regularity, so for years I thought they were the same person. It seemed only mildly strange that a pointy-eared human-vulcan...

The Kraken Umbrella

What I like about this Kraken umbrella is the inside, which features a giant Kraken. What I like significantly less about this Kraken umbrella is the outside, which features a mess of curlicued, doily-looking sea life...

Socrates Everlasting Socks

Discontinued

Much like the AdrenaSuit Socrates Everlasting Socks, or SocSocks, employ a military grade Kevlar|Carbon Matrix that will render you impenetrable. OK fine, it will just render the socks impenetrable. But still, a pair...

Head Dome Umbrella

$49.99 from Nubrella »

In the realms of both personal health and interpersonal communication, the Nubrella serves as an excellent form of preventative medicine. It will shield its wearer from everything from hostile weather conditions to airborne...

Peanut Butter & Jelly Wallet

$15.45 from Amazon »

This nifty Peanut Butter & Jelly Wallet with photo-real fabric looks so authentic petty thieves and street urchins will never suspect it's housing your cash and credit cards. On the flip side, beware of fat kids. Each...

Team USA Motorcycle Mask

$375 from Etsy »

The Patriot Mask is one of my favorite masks that I have created. Oh. I guess I should put quotes around or italicize that statement since it was said by the person who isn't me who actually created it. Leather artist...

The Pillow Tie

$19.95 from Pillow Tie »

Neck-to-pillow contact : Kelly Brook :: Neck-to-tie contact : Rosie O'Donnell. Therefore, neck-to-Pillow-Tie contact = hmmm, Zooey Deschanel? Or maybe topless Anna Paquin. Listen, Pillow Ties are not a substitute for...

Fusion Ergonomic Backpacks

$220 - $260 from Fluoa »

I wonder if the Fusion ergonomic backpack will still follow the natural curves of my posterior after I stuff it to the brim with a laptop, 2 full-size and 3 fun-size Snickers bars, 1 box of Barbara's Peanut Butter Puffins...

F*ck the Rain Umbrella

A picture is worth a thousand words. Or maybe just two of our most favorite ones, directed towards the supreme asshole of regular climatological events. It seems like all of our best laid plans revolve around the temperamental...

The FlaskTie

$24.95 from Amazon »

While I don't condone sleeping on a tie at work, I must say I have generally found my productivity (and genius!) levels to be highest after a few swigs of Grey Goose. So drinking out of a tie at work = acceptable. In...

R2D2 Apron

Discontinued

What woman wouldn't want a gift that reminds her both of her domestic duties and the George Lucas empire you eat, breathe, and talk about nonstop? R2D2 apron = Valentine's Day, solved. The newest addition to the Haute...

Volt Heated Clothing & Gear

$119.95 - $219.95 from Volt Resistance »

GIVEAWAY ALERT! The very cool electro-cats at Volt Resistance battery heated clothing are giving away the winner's choice of any product from their online store to one lucky Dude loyalist. Read on to learn why you really...

Banana Umbrella

$16.22 from Amazon »

Last week I showed you how you can protect your banana. So now it's time to explore how your banana can protect you....

Hardmill Rugged Man Aprons

$220 - $235 from Hardmill »

Hardmill's rugged aprons are made of dudely things like army duck waxed canvas, selvage denim, hand-dyed leather, and copper rivets, plus snakes and snails and puppy dog tails. This is so that when wearing them no one...

Zombie Doll Tights

$35 from Etsy »

These are called Zombie Doll tights, but they are actually meant to be worn by women, not dolls. Unless you happen to be both, like this chick, who pretty much defines the terms "personality disorder", "bat shit crazy"...

Chainmail Ties

$70 - $180 from Etsy »

Previously if someone had asked me how to make bow ties more dapper I would have called trick question BS. You! Can't! I would have exclaimed. Their plaid and polka-dotted prints have propelled them to their dapper pinnacle...

Senz Stormproof Smart Umbrella

$54.50 from Amazon »

Oh I'll buy a Senz stormproof smart umbrella alright. I'll also take one of those red-lipped brunettes in a cocktail dress to valiantly shield from torrential downpours and winds of up to 50 mph with it....

Machine Gun Stockings

Sold Out from Amazon »

Ladies, when it's Saturday night, and you can't decide whether you're on the prowl for the suave James Bonds a garter holster and peek-a-boo pistol would attract, or the BSC Tony Montana-type lured more by a fully automatic...

Recycled Skateboard Sunglasses

$189.99 from Etsy »

Recycled skateboards and bamboo join forces to battle the sun! Hipsters and panda bears are going to love this shit! Bamboo Skate Shades are handmade in Canada, with no two rolling out precisely the same. Available in...

Settlers of Catan Socks

$14 from Beta Brand »

Betabrand's first production of Socks of Catan sold out in less than a week. So now would-be settlers of the feet sheaths must roll 7s until those who bought the socks by the dozen are forced to give back enough to replenish...

Vans Cork Wallet

$20 from Journeys »

This is a Vans bi-fold wallet made out of cork. It has a zipper on the back for coins and condoms and such, and many slots on the inside for cards and condoms and such, as well as a large pocket on one of its flaps for...

Functional Lighter Cufflinks

$89.99 from Etsy »

How boss will I be when people see me light a stogie with my cufflinks? Never mind that the awe and admiration will be fleeting once my shirt sleeve and, shortly thereafter, entire person also erupts into flame*. A few...

Batman Flask Belt Buckle

$16.99 from Hip Flask Plus »

It may not aid him in faceoffs with the Joker, but this inconspicuous 3-ounce flask is the one secret weapon on Batman's utility belt that helps him fight the urge to bitch slap Robin. And Alfred when he starts getting...

1,000 Year Old Reclaimed Redwood Sunglasses

$350 from Capital »

Capital Eyewear has trolled Northern California and recovered enough 1,000-year-old Redwood to craft 25 pairs of history-rich sunglasses. The wood originally served as a railroad bridge built in the 1800s. The bridge...

Sword Handle Umbrellas

$52 from Amazon »

During complete deluges, formal affairs cursed with rain, and attempts to impress a hot chick during a summer storm--times when carrying an umbrella is unavoidable--you may as well whip out a rain deflector decked out...

Walk of Shame Patch

$4 from Etsy »

The walk of shame is something to be celebrated. It wasn't easy convincing that frat boy to let you sleep on the ground next to his mattress. Your shame should be worn on your chest as a badge of honor. This patch gives...

Galaxy Tights

$32 from shadowplaynyc »

Galaxy Tights. No, sorry, Magellanic Cloud Nebula Space Tights. That's what happens to simple naming endeavors when new agey companies and celebrities seize control of the task. Similar to--but a little more sparkly...

Star Wars Cuff Links

$125 - $4k from Neiman Marcus »

Here are some officially licensed Star Wars cuff links, courtesy of fancy silk underpants department store Neiman Marcus, to present as a gift to your favorite geek this holiday season. Presuming your favorite geek is...

Wooden Bow Ties

$45 - $65 from Two Guys' Bowties »

A Wooden Bow Tie delivers all of the fancy-fingerwork-not-required perks of a clip-on, without making its wearer just another schmo who showed up to the Garden State Inaugural Gala in a clip-on. Two Guys Bow Ties--comprising...