Traeger Junior Wood Pellet Grill

Sold Out from Amazon »

Wood pellets look like the food I used to feed my guinea pig. I loved that guinea pig. And if irregularly-sized tubular shards of organic material was good enough for him, it's good enough for me. There are a few grills...

Obol - No More Soggy Cereal Bowl

$11.99 from Amazon »

So, uh...you think that Obol girl in the video is 18? I mean, I'm just asking. Out of...academic curiosity. And as a way to make anti-soggy cereal bowl conversation....

GoPlug Powered Bags

$129 - $399 from Kickstarter »

I kind of like the idea of sitting on a park bench with a backpack sporting an electrical outlet. Typing away on a laptop plugged into something that once carried books, but now carries a 115v, 60Hz device capable of...

iMusic Bluetooth Pillow

Sold Out from Amazon »

Yeah, MP3 speaker pillows are all fun and games until someone drowns their connected smartphone in a pool of drool and shorts it beyond repair. It's about time we got a Bluetooth upgrade to this otherwise swell advancement...

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OuttaGEAR 4.0 Bug Out Bag

Giveaway: OuttaGEAR 4.0 Bug Out Bag

My plan for an emergency, catastrophic event, or Lord of the Flies throwdown? Total, balls-to-the-wall bug out. I recommend the same for you. First step: click here and enter to win the functional, fully-loaded, self-proclaimed...

Belt Buckle Knife

$65 - $95 from Bowen Knife Company »

Well I just hope the sheaths in Bowen's blade-wielding belts are secure and hefty enough to preclude any potential slippage or puncturing in the vicinity of the most important part of my body. The last thing I need from...

1800-Watt Portable Induction Cooktop

$69.99 from Amazon »

I like inducing things alright. Normally it's the ire of others and a wicked hangover with fine Hornitos tequila. But now I can also induce the proverbial flames of fire with Duxtop's induction cooktop. And, even better...

X9 Follow Golf Caddy

$2,500 from Stewart Golf »

Sweet, a caddy you don't have to tip or worry about getting caught violating child labor laws while carrying your clubs for 9 hours straight in 95-degree weather. British company Stewart Golf has released the X9 Follow...

F-Cup Cookies

F-Cup Cookies sound like they would be a joke, and they probably are, but for all women with concave chesticular regions and, more importantly, for all the men who have to fondle them, I sure as 2 seconds of motorboating...

Game of Thrones Wax Seal Coasters

$19.99 from ThinkGeek »

Why yes, House Lannister, you can hold my Bud Light Lime, collecting its condensation and dribblings in the shallow basin of your golden lion wax seal. House Targaryen though, I'd prefer you hold my head, collecting its...

TowlHub USB Paper Towel Holder

$59.99 from Amazon »

As if it weren't amazing enough that there are paper towels so strong that a single quilted sheet can mop up an entire glass of spilt milk someone's crying over. Now these paper towels' holders can charge up to 4 of my...

Iron, Man Ironing Board Cover

$19.95 from Amazon »

One thing I've never owned is an iron. Not that I'm complaining or consider myself deprived. Owning an iron would probably just make me feel guilty about owning an iron and never using it. I mean, my clothes look great...

Pykmax Ergonomic Guitar Pick

$12 - $14 from Amazon »

They call it a high performance guitar pick, which in my mind means that the Pykmax should do the guitar strumming for me. Like a player piano, but completely inconspicuously so that the ladies I'm trying to impress think...

R2D2 Measuring Cups

$19.99 from ThinkGeek »

What? R2-D2 measuring cups?! Dude. If R2-D2 can make me some peanut butter chocolate chip cookies in honor of the fact that I want some peanut butter chocolate chip cookies, my whiny ex-girlfriend will officially be correct...

Good Grips Mango Splitter

$13.99 from Amazon »

OXO says, "There's nothing as luscious as a ripe mango." OXO obviously has never seen Kate Upton's rack. Or Kelly Brook's. Or Christina Hendricks'. However, I do agree that mangoes are in the luscious family. The luscious...

Military-Style Crash Cot

$66.12 from Amazon »

A folding metal cot covered in heavy-duty polyester fabric. You wanna crash at my place, that's what you're getting. It's pretty comfortable though. Body-contouring. And at 77" x 25", with legs reinforced with steel pipe...

Thames & Kosmos Wind Power 2.0

$35.99 from Amazon »

First you build the wind-powered generators. Then the wind spins the turbines. Then the turbines turn an electric generator. Then the electric generator charges some rechargeable AA batteries. And then--then!--you use...

Rustic Porch Swing Bed

$1,199 - $1,699 from Etsy »

Even if I weren't the Laziest Man Alive I could get down with a king-size mattress hoisted atop a solid wood porch swing bed. Swaying supine in the June breeze, dozing and drooling, sipping 7 & 7 Big Gulps...ahhh, it's...

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Cork Globe

$200 from SUCK UK »

I think someone should make a globe out of bubble wrap so that every time I visit a different country I can gratifyingly pop it off the world. Get to work on that, someone, will you? And in the interim, I guess this cork...

Ultralight Canister Camp Stove

$5.78 - $17.80 from Amazon »

Palm-sized and 3.9 ounces. That is a tiny stove. It's like the Danny DeVito of stoves. No wait, he's kind of rotund. Maybe it's the Danny DeVito's wife of stoves. The Carla from Cheers stove. JOGR's ultralight canister...

NOOKA Zub Zirc Justice League Watches

NOOKA's Justice League Zub Zirc watches look almost like implements the superheroes they represent would wear themselves. Well, Superman would anyway. That narcissistic, self-promoting bastard. He's like...like...the...

Turbine Engine Boot Blade

$49.99 from Vvego »

TSA isn't going to like this EDC blade attached to your boot, but that incredibly hot chick in purple yoga pants who just noticed a wad of gum congealed to her shoe as she removed it for the X-ray belt probably will....

Single-Serving Blender

$24.98 from Amazon »

I've had one of these Hamilton Beach single-serving blenders for years, and although it's not the highest quality blending product ever made, I use it faithfully for 3 reasons:...

Sorry For Driving So Close In Front Car Decal

$2.25 from Amazon »

I don't really like smug car decals like this because I think anyone who needs to be sorry for driving sooo close in front of me should be plucked from the road and tossed into a tar pit by the hand of God. However, I...

DIY Paper Submachine Gun

$41.89 from Firebox.com »

The cool thing about this DIY submachine gun is that while there is a 98% chance it will paper cut up your hands during assembly, there is a 0% chance it will blow your head off or inadvertently light up your mama's brand...

Nose Outlet

Usually the best part about any Japanese product is the video they make to go with it. This Hanaga Tap, or nose outlet's, may not be as bizarre and exaggerated as some, but given that they make the development of a human...

Pit Barrel Cooker

$299 from Amazon »

The Pit Barrel Cooker is like a smoker mashed with a Crock Pot mashed with a 55-gallon barrel of lube. Minus the lube. The self-described "vertical cooking experience" says it will heat and flavor perfect hunks of meat...

BCX Slingshot

$185 from BaseCampX »

I can't figure out why this slingshot is so expensive. It must be the one David used to slay Goliath. Alright then, give me a rock and a pair of eyeballs...and $200, Mama...and I'll see what I can do....

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Tactical Beer Mug

Giveaway: Tactical Beer Mug

I don't always drink beer, but when I do I prefer it in a mug with an AR-15 carry handle and laser sight mounted to its mil-spec 1913 scope rails. Also, it better not be F'ing IPA. I hate that skunk piss. Those who are...

KFC Chicken Corsage

$20 from KFC »

A corsage with a big fat KFC fried chicken leg nestled in the center. That might be the one thing I'd consent to reliving high school for. Can you imagine how good promfuls of girls flailing chicken wrists on the dance...

3-String Electric Violin Guitar

$1,900 from Etsy »

Like the Nintendo controller coffee tables Charles Lushear handmakes CNC-machine-free from local California woods, Celantano Woodworks out of North Carolina works similar magic on their handmade, wood-based, "You dream...

Short Sleeve Weighted Training Shirt

$249.99 from Amazon »

Here's a way to make yourself way less comfortable, but way more badass while working out. The TITIN Force is a complete weighted compression system all tucked into a short sleeve shirt. It utilizes a 3-part hyper gravity...

Slothzilla Shower Curtain

$39.99 from Amazon »

So...I guess Slothzilla sounded better than King Sloth or Sloth Kong? Or maybe it's creators were just taking a page out of sloth the animal's own book and being lazy about fact checking their re-imaginations of iconic...

Cesium 133 - True Atomic Wristwatch

What's so special about an "atomic" wristwatch paradoxically struggling to work itself down from prototype sizes as big as the wearer's wrist? Well. In tracking time, it loses just 1 second every 1,000 years. Because...

Han Solo in Carbonite Rug

$49.99 - $69.99 from ThinkGeek »

Sure it's a cool novelty item to have in your family room or front entryway, plus embodies that which brings you the greatest joy in life (Star Wars), but do you really want to be the type of person who keeps Han Solo...

Mobile Device Seat-back Mount

$27.49 from Amazon »

The only redeeming qualities of being on an airplane are that I can guiltlessly spend 3 to 9 hours doing nothing but eating, getting drunk, and watching full seasons of Battlestar Galactica. However, this is also problematic...

Captain America Winter Soldier Jacket

$179 - $229 from Film Jackets »

While the Captain America Winter Soldier leather jacket doesn't exactly have the same presence as the Captain America motorcycle suit, in a way it's a much more practical investment because A) it's way cheaper, and B)...

Johammer J1 Electric Motorcycle

$32k - $35k from Johammer »

Why does being eco-friendly and emission-free always seem to translate to pastels and girly colors? I don't think the Austrian Johammer J1 electric motorcycle looks that bad in design structure or general aesthetics--no...

Gamebuino Arduino Game Console

$50 from Gamebuino »

Gamebuino. It's like Gameboy & Arduino's bambino. And it really is Aurelien Rodot's bambino. He came up with the idea for Gamebuino shortly after putting together a "quick and dirty" handheld console one weekend last...

Smokestack Outdoor Fire Pit

$1,750 from A+R Store »

Funny, the guy shown using the Smokestack outdoor fire pit is exactly the type of guy I'd imagine to be entirely incapable of using a Smokestack outdoor fire pit. Half-kneeling in a suit with a baby axe? I guess that...

Mary Jane Polystone Statue

$600 from Amazon »

I still can't believe they once let snaggletooth Kirsten Dunst play Mary Jane Watson. Sideshow Collectibles' statue would have made a better ultimate girl next door than she did just kneeling there silent and unmoving....

VinniBag Bottle Protector

$28 from Amazon »

VinniBag is the answer to the call of Fra-gee-lay. Case in point: one time, back when I had a sugar mama, I went to Chilean wine country and while going through customs upon returning to my homeland I watched a dude pick...

Japanese Electric Piston Masturbator (NSFW)

$220 from Amazon »

Note: The Japanese electric piston masturbator's NSFW designation serves not so much as a reminder that this device is not suitable to view at work as it does a reminder that it is not suitable to use at work. I found...

Slice Ceramic Safety Cutter

$4.45 from Amazon »

Slice makes kinder, gentler tools in soothing hues to perform some of life's rigorous and thankless tasks. Such as opening boxes and impossibly-sealed packages. Hacking through shrink-wrap. Clipping coupons. At least...

SeV Sterling Store-Everything Jacket

$149.99 from ThinkGeek »

The Scottevest SeV Sterling jacket has 24 interior pockets. 24! That means it can hold my wallet (condoms), water bottle (lube), iPad (In Diana Jones and the Temple Poon DVD), sunglasses (vibrator), Bluetooth headset...

KettleClamp Adjustable Kettlebell

Sold Out from Amazon »

Turn your dumbbell into an even worse implement of corporal torture: a kettlebell! The adjustable KettleClamp secures to any size/weight of dumbbell, expanding its functionality to include the Russians' favorite way to...

Chocolate Zombie Bunny

$9.99 from ThinkGeek »

The Chocolate Zombie Bunny is what happens when you make an April Fool's Joke that sends all the little zombies into a frenzy of Easter basket demands, and then off on a killing spree when they discover the punchline....

How to Poo on a Date

$9.72 from Amazon »

Now that I've learned How to Poo at Work, plus How to Pee with Morning Wood, it's time I overcome my next, and perhaps my greatest, hurdle in life: How to Poo on a Date. How do I poo on a date? I've often wondered. Obviously...

HAL Robot Suit - Next Generation Prototype

Japanese robotics company Cyberdyne began their Hybrid Assistive Limb, or HAL trials in 2012. A powered exoskeleton endeavoring to turn humans into cyborg-type robots, HAL has been tested largely in medical facilities...

Water Hammock

$23.82 from Amazon »

This is what I'm dreaming of. Swimming pool season. Lazing in a water hammock. Hot blondes in little black bikinis. (The brunette in the little white one isn't bad either.) Over the hump of winter now, I can see it. All...

Wine Bottle Thermometer

$7.63 from Amazon »

I drink all my wine on the rocks, so I don't really need a wine bottle thermometer, but if you're into the whole tradition and preservation and quality thing, maybe you'd like to slip this thermal readout cuff onto your...

Mouse Taxidermy Kit

$49.69 from Firebox.com »

I hate to throw out a perfectly good dead mouse. It just seems like an anti-climactic payoff for the money I spend on traps and cheese. I'm glad to hear the people of London agree. According to Firebox, mouse taxidermy...

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Nintendo Controller Coffee Table

Giveaway: Nintendo Controller Coffee Table

This Nintendo controller won't help you navigate Link through the dungeons of Hyrule, but it will help you navigate beer and Cheetos from knee level to your mouth. Enter to win a premium hardwood old school Nintendo controller...

Toroflux Kinetic Flow Toy

$19.95 from Amazon »

Don't be fooled into thinking the Toroflux kinetic sculpture is just some stupid bracelet-slinky-figuratively-one-dimensional-girl-and-baby toy like I was. Watch the video. Like, beyond the first 10 seconds when the dude...

Erik Buell Racing 1190RX Sportbike

$18,995 from Erik Buell Racing »

And I thought cheese curds and Heather Graham were the best things ever to come out of Wisconsin. From the humble city limits of East Troy, Erik Buell is releasing his first big production motorcycle under the Erik Buell...

A Game of Thrones: The Board Game

$48 from Amazon »

The 3-1/2-minute video tutorial of A Game of Thrones: The Board Game jasonobi uploaded to YouTube is one of the better user videos I've seen of this nature. He explains the extensive rules succinctly, plays the TV series'...

Turtle Shell Wireless Boombox

$90.46 from Amazon »

Though not yet skilled enough to earn itself Ninja status, the Turtle Shell Bluetooth speaker does amount to more than your average armored reptile. Shockproof, dust-proof, and water-resistant even through a heavy rain...

Man Hands

$29.99 from Perpetual Kid »

As Jerry taught us nearly 20 years ago, ain't nothing like a lady with feminine wiles from the neck up and Goliath-sized monstrosities from the wrist down to kill all desire we have to get her into bed. One look at ol'...

SpareOne Emergency Phone

$57.95 from Amazon »

Not so much emergency as in your smartphone's battery died in the middle of placing a midnight Dominoes order and you can't find your charger. More like emergency as in you've been snow camping on a mountain for 3 days...

Darth Vader Toaster

$44.99 from Big Bad Toy Store »

Big Bad Toy Store says nothing--nothing!--about its forthcoming breakfast game changer, the Darth Vader Toaster, except this:...

Eye of Sauron Desk Lamp

$299.99 from ThinkGeek »

I'm getting this lamp and putting it on my desk with a Krispy Kreme donut or a piece of gooey butter cake in the spotlight's dead center. It will be the first time ever some a-hole doesn't steal my food at work. Because...

9-1/2-Foot Remote Controlled Bald Eagle

$499.95 from Hammacher Schlemmer »

The bald eagle. The symbol of American freedom soaring majestically through the air. It's magical. Stirring. Glorious. It's...uh, it's flying kind of low. It's--holy crap! It's about to T-bone that tree! Cornelius, you...

Zipstrip Herb Stripper

$7.63 from Amazon »

I question this Zipstrip's ability to zippily strip cilantro stalks, which is pretty much the only (culinary) herb I'm aware of that doesn't make me want to sneeze and vomit simultaneously, but if you like rosemary, thyme...

Reloadable Confetti High Fives

$9.95 from Fiesta Five »

Did you know that National High Five Day is just 2 weeks away? Wait, let me back up. Did you know there exists such a thing as National High Five Day? It's the third Thursday of every April, or for our purposes, April...

NERF Nuke

$99.99 from ThinkGeek »

Though we've long since entered the nuclear age, NERF has always inexplicably resisted foamifying the most powerful bomb in the world into a play toy for children. That is, until now. Dribble your drool upon the NERF...

Wookiee Cookies: A Star Wars Cookbook

$9.75 from Amazon »

All I have to say is Wookiee Cookies better just be a treat Wookiees love and not a treat Wookiees are...you know...baked into. I don't need Chewie ginger snaps describing anything but the texture of my favorite after-work...