Turtle Shell Wireless Boombox

$90.92 from Amazon »

Though not yet skilled enough to earn itself Ninja status, the Turtle Shell Bluetooth speaker does amount to more than your average armored reptile. Shockproof, dust-proof, and water-resistant even through a heavy rain...

Man Hands

$23.48 from Amazon »

As Jerry taught us nearly 20 years ago, ain't nothing like a lady with feminine wiles from the neck up and Goliath-sized monstrosities from the wrist down to kill all desire we have to get her into bed. One look at ol'...

SpareOne Emergency Phone

$57.95 from Amazon »

Not so much emergency as in your smartphone's battery died in the middle of placing a midnight Dominoes order and you can't find your charger. More like emergency as in you've been snow camping on a mountain for 3 days...

Darth Vader Toaster

$44.99 from Big Bad Toy Store »

Big Bad Toy Store says nothing--nothing!--about its forthcoming breakfast game changer, the Darth Vader Toaster, except this:...

Eye of Sauron Desk Lamp

$299.99 from ThinkGeek »

I'm getting this lamp and putting it on my desk with a Krispy Kreme donut or a piece of gooey butter cake in the spotlight's dead center. It will be the first time ever some a-hole doesn't steal my food at work. Because...

9-1/2-Foot Remote Controlled Bald Eagle

$499.95 from Hammacher Schlemmer »

The bald eagle. The symbol of American freedom soaring majestically through the air. It's magical. Stirring. Glorious. It's...uh, it's flying kind of low. It's--holy crap! It's about to T-bone that tree! Cornelius, you...

Zipstrip Herb Stripper

$7.63 from Amazon »

I question this Zipstrip's ability to zippily strip cilantro stalks, which is pretty much the only (culinary) herb I'm aware of that doesn't make me want to sneeze and vomit simultaneously, but if you like rosemary, thyme...

Reloadable Confetti High Fives

$9.95 from Fiesta Five »

Did you know that National High Five Day is just 2 weeks away? Wait, let me back up. Did you know there exists such a thing as National High Five Day? It's the third Thursday of every April, or for our purposes, April...

NERF Nuke

$99.99 from ThinkGeek »

Though we've long since entered the nuclear age, NERF has always inexplicably resisted foamifying the most powerful bomb in the world into a play toy for children. That is, until now. Dribble your drool upon the NERF...

Wookiee Cookies: A Star Wars Cookbook

$9.75 from Amazon »

All I have to say is Wookiee Cookies better just be a treat Wookiees love and not a treat Wookiees are...you know...baked into. I don't need Chewie ginger snaps describing anything but the texture of my favorite after-work...

Amazon Fire TV Streaming Media Player

$99 from Amazon »

At first I wasn't sure if it was a good idea for Amazon to spend 42 seconds of its 60-second Fire TV video promo filming Gary Busey talking to his lamp, his pants, and his living room dinner bell, but in the end I had...

20-Pound Chocolate Lionel Richie Head

$833.19 from Firebox.com »

I didn't think there could be anything better than having a hot chick sculpt an enormous model of my head out of clay, but...Hello! Chocolate beats mud any day. Lionel Richie. You lucky bastard....

Inceptor - The Game of Your Dreams

$49 - $99 from Pilot Study »

Grab your totem, but be forewarned: Inceptor the board game has as many layers as the Inception film it stemmed from. If you play it in subdued lighting with Hans Zimmer's soundtrack blaring through some surround-sound...

Flip On/Off Alarm Clock

$42 - $49 from Amazon »

I see how the ease of just tossing a blaring alarm clock on its head to turn it off could be very dangerous for some people. If you don't have to work for the deactivation--dig for a minuscule button, chase a rolling...

Carbon Fiber Toilet Seat

$299.95 from Carbon Fiber Gear »

A gold toilet seat: ostentatious. Indulgent. Ridiculous. A carbon fiber toilet seat: inconspicuous. Practical. Awesome. It's not an extravagance, it's...it's...well, I mean you need a toilet seat, right? And you need...

The Fuzzbuster II

 

I know most of you have heard of a radar detector*. Possibly you've used one before. Maybe you've even tried the original Fuzzbuster. But whether or not you're aware of how life (and wallet and license points) saving...

Hippopotamus Lawn Ornaments

$55.85 - $79.81 from Etsy »

This is possibly the only lawn ornament that could increase both your property value and your popularity with the neighbors. Brit Martin Pool creates his hippopotamus garden sculptures in Daddy and Jr. sizes, and has...

Infant Circumcision Trainer

$192 from Amazon »

Expecting parents who want to trim the fat from ever-rising hospital bills now have the option to save over $2,000 if they are willing to trim the skin from their newborn sons. Created by Ezra Messer, a mohel with more...

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Ticket to Ride Board Game

$36.99 from Amazon »

One of the most popular specialty games of all time, the #2 bestselling board game on Amazon, an average 5 out of 5 stars in over 1,300 reviews, and I've never even heard of Ticket to Ride. Where have I been living, in...

Dragon Sink Faucet

$49 from Amazon »

I can hardly stand the anticipation. Game of Thrones. Season 4. Less than a week away. I might pee my pants. Hey! Someone turn off that dragon sink faucet! It's not helping my continence! Hey, wait...a dragon sink faucet?...

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Lukas Car Dash Camera with GPS

Giveaway: Lukas Car Dash Camera with GPS

By: SpyTec »

No more he said, she said during fender benders. No more hit and runs. And no more friends calling BS when you tell them about the Jetta full of college cheerleaders who turned around and flashed you at a stoplight. ...

Foodini 3D Food Printer

$999 - $1,200 from Natural Machines »

I am 0% surprised that someone made a 3D food printer. If we can print jewelry and home decor and machine parts and sugar, why shouldn't we be able to print dinner? Barcelona-based company Natural Machines has created...

Star Wars: Jedi Academy

$8.82 from Amazon »

Well, Star Wars: Jedi Academy doesn't come in a sweet mechanical vault or reveal ancient secrets of the Jedi discipline like The Jedi Path, but I bet it will be an easier purchase to share with your kids. I mean that...

SmartMio Wearable Muscle Stimulator

$89 - $199 from SmartMio »

Getting ripped while sitting on my ass. It's the stuff dreams are made of. And, fingers crossed into a length of 550 paracord, the stuff SmartMio will be made of. SmartMio is a wearable muscle stimulator and app-based...

Sugru - Self-Setting Rubber

$22 from Amazon »

One time when I was a young boy I, like all young boys, wanted to hang a Tawny Kitaen poster on my wall. But I didn't have any poster putty on hand, so as an alternative I licked its 4 corners and stuck Tawny to my closet...

Bowling Pin Salt & Pepper Grinders

$65 - $120 from Pepperpins »

There's a dude named Tom in Oregon. When he's not teaching band to 4th and 5th graders, the dude is turning bowling pins into salt and pepper grinders. Look at that. They're an inventive, yet almost natural and called-for...

Cool Down Doggie Misting Leash

$32.17 from Amazon »

Why are we assisting dogs with a task they are supposed to be genetically predisposed to handling themselves? Aren't their fur coats designed by Mother Nature to insulate them both with and against heat? Isn't panting...

5-Port Multi-Device Charger

$25.99 from Amazon »

One thing I like to do is buy stuff. A lot of this stuff requires a charger. And none of it--none of it!--ever seems to require the same charger. Anker's compact and tidy 5-port USB charger claims to have enough ports...

Hamster-Powered Strandbeest

By: CrabFu »

Welcome to the world of I-Wei Huang. Artist. Animator. Tinkerer. Maker of hamster-powered Strandbeest. Strandbeest, if you aren't familiar with the term, are the walking brainchildren of Dutch artist Theo Jansen. In full...

Sarlacc Toilet Decals

Like most great ideas, Robbie Rane came up with his Toilet Sarlacc decals while hanging out with friends, having a few beers, and talking shit. One guy mentioned dropping the kids off at the pool. Another spoke of ending...

Banana Umbrella

$16.22 from Amazon »

Last week I showed you how you can protect your banana. So now it's time to explore how your banana can protect you....

Power Mitt Oven Glove

$39 from Power Mitt »

Amidst all this talk of 2014 being the year of wearable technology, Pete Hottelet's Power Mitt reminds me that the real year of wearable technology was 1989. Even though it's kind of the bastard child of Nintendo on account...

Bell Bullitt Retro Helmet

$399.95 from Amazon »

Bell hasn't been making helmets for quite as long as people have been smashing their heads open as a result of not wearing one, but 60 years is still a landmark achievement. The company released its first Bell Star helmet...

Snack Attack Cookie Cutters

$11.99 from Perpetual Kid »

Why do I need a cookie cutter with a bite taken out of it? I can do this myself. In fact, when I have cookies taking bites out of them is pretty much all I do. I like the shark though. Kids might dig this whole Snack...

Comics Coasters

$35 - $60 from Etsy »

Jason and Katie Lister of Apocalypse Fab must know that two of my favorite things in life are superheroes and beverages that sweat rings onto my mama's coffee table. They've made it so now I can have both. Simultaneously....

Spinning Turbo - Turbocharger Keychain

$5.69 from Amazon »

I turboed my motorcycle. I turboed my boat. I turboed my go-kart, my moped, my lawnmower. And last week I pulled off the turbo of all turbos: I sneaked into my preachy, pinched-nose, Aren't-you-going-to-recycle-that?...

MacGyver Toolkit

Discontinued

What's not included in the MacGyver Toolkit? According to iFixit, nothing but the mullet. For those of you too young to remember Angus MacGyver, here is what this pocket-sized secret agent's Altoids tin will get you one...

Eggling Crack & Grow Plants

$9.50 - $17.64 from Amazon »

Egglings are kind of a weird mash of concepts. Like, an egg is supposed to be a womb for growth, but if you crack it before the growth cycle is complete you don't get life, you get breakfast. With this egg though, if...

Aquapod Bottle Launcher

$36.95 from Amazon »

Who wants to try the Aquapod bottle launcher in their backyard? It shoots water-filled 2L sodie bottles up to 100 feet in the air with the assistance of nothing but its dock, a bike pump, and your foot. Got a beef with...

Aromafork Food Flavor Doubler

$39 from Amazon »

Promoting an enhanced eating experience, Molecule-R's Aromafork engages a set of 21 different aromas to involve your nose more directly in the tasting process. Foodies will be able to add an olfactive flavor such as basil...

Game of Gnomes: Throne of a Thousand Shovels

$55 from Etsy »

After their zombie gnomes ate most of the rest of the lawn ornaments, artists Chris Stever and Jane DeRosa had to go back to the casting board to create an installation that would return order to the front yard. Meet...

Electronic Playground

$16.28 from Amazon »

Electronic Playground. I'm seeing printed circuit board mazes, transistor & diode climbing walls, and ribbon cable slides. Monkey bars that individually alight in a spasm of LEDs. At least that's what I'm seeing in my...

Netatmo Weather Station

$136.41 from Amazon »

Compatible with Android and iOS, the Netatmo Urban Weather Station will track and provide comprehensive feedback on your immediate environment. It's an entirely personal weather device with one tracking module for interior...

Panny Key Block

$14 - $19 from Panny »

I've seen a Veruca Salt-sized Santa Claus sack of wallet and keychain "innovations" over the past few years, and while Panny may not turn the world on its head like the Coin card consolidator, it's definitely making a...

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The Star Wars Vaults

Giveaway: The Star Wars Vaults

All of the secrets and lost histories of a galaxy far, far away could soon be yours. Enter to win the profusion of lore and artifacts contained in this triumvirate of Star Wars Vault Edition volumes: The Jedi Path: A...

How to Pee with Morning Wood

$13.95 - $60.90 from Zazzle »

A self-help guide to dealing with the enormous issue I face first thing in the morning every single day of my life and it's packaged as whimsical wall art that will add immeasurable character to my bathroom? How to Pee...

Curling Pan - Shapeshifting Cutting Board

Right now Juan Lee's Curling Pan is just a concept. A wicked concept that Juan better make happen because a cutting board that curls up into a frying pan when it hits the heat of a stovetop burner? Holy balls that's some...

The Official DC Comics Super Hero Cookbook

$12.81 from Amazon »

Well I know I would like a Batman mini pizza and some Martian Manhunter cupcakes for lunch today. And The Official DC Super Hero Cookbook says it is suitable for use by people ages 6 and up, so even if my mama refuses...

Combat Daddy Equipment Diaper Bag

$119.95 from Amazon »

The Combat Daddy Equipment diaper bag: no Skoda Man Pram is complete without one. Combat Daddy Equipment's Model 1 carry-all for fathers who drew the short straw and have to take their kids to the park...or stay at home...

Portable Skee Ball

Here's a fun accident waiting to happen. Sorry about Grandma's porcelain ash urn, Mama! It's so hard to find Skee Ball machines outside of Chuck E Cheese's anymore. I guess they don't have the same bar-game allure as...

Intelliskin PostureCue Clothing

$80 - $130 from Amazon »

If your spine is headed toward Quasimodo-dom, but you don't want to shell out international shipping--or up to twice the base price in cash--for an Up Shirt, Intelliskin's line of shirts, tanks, tees, and sports bras...

Super Ear Amplifier Kit

$12.57 from Amazon »

When fully assembled, the Super Ear Amplifier amplifies ambient sound through headphones by a factor of 50. A wordsmith who goes by the name of "Amazon Customer" says, "It's like a hearing aid on steroids." Teach the...

Grass Printer

Designers Prof. Doh Han Young, Jeong Koo Hee, and Kim Min Hong recently won a Red Dot Award for their Grass Printer. As you might have guessed, the Grass Printer is a device that prints stuff in grass*. It literally mows...

SCOUT Carbon Paramotor

$8,450 from Amazon »

The SCOUT, a combination of carbon fiber and mandrel bent aluminum, heralds itself the world's most advanced paramotor. I have no reason not to believe it. Not that I'd never seen or heard of any kind of paramotor prior...

Bushnell Digital Night Vision Monocular

$239.99 from Amazon »

Well I know I like that square beam HD flashlight Bushnell makes so I have similarly high hopes for their Equinox Z, a digital night vision monocular with 6x magnification. The after-dark locating and sightseeing device...

LifePrint WiFi Photo Printer

$99 - $125 from LifePrint »

For its price, particularly its Kickstarter price, the LifePrint seems pretty convenient and versatile. Its basic function as a WiFi photo printer for Apple and Android smartphones allows anyone with either a WiFi or...

Blobfish Plush

$14.99 from ThinkGeek »

Snuggle up with God's ugliest creature. It's true. The blobfish wins all the Most Horrific Beast on the Planet contests, and as I've previously mentioned here, I think it might be my curse to be reincarnated as one. Legend...

Banana Holder

$55 from Etsy »

Finally, a literal interpretation we can love as much as the figurative one: it's a banana hammock! Designer Biken even fabricated and hand-finished this one in genuine leather because your banana deserves nothing but...

Sky Lanterns

$11 - $87.32 from Amazon »

Welcome to The Beach. Our waters and sky lanterns are glorious, but mind our sharks and drug lords. These delicate paper fliers, most notably featured in the Leonardo DiCaprio film, are Asian in origin but travel all...

1,500 Live Ladybugs

$19 from Amazon »

You are 1,500 live ladybugs away from an aphid-free garden. Aphids are also known as plant lice. Sick, huh? I mean, I have no clue about plants, but I do know a thing or two about lice (thank you very much Alex from third...

BLOCKS - Customizable Smartwatch

By: blocks »

Like Phonebloks (i.e., Google's Project Ara), the forthcoming BLOCKS smartwatch will encompass an array of detachable modules. Wearers will be able to snap together hardware, sensor, app, and "dummy" (for sizing) BLOCKS...

Darth Vader Bathrobe

$49.99 from Amazon »

I decided to spotlight the Darth Vader bathrobe because this morning I got an email from someone named Anastasia Kryzinski entitled, "What Does Your Love Python Need?" I thought it was the best email I ever received...

Razer Blade 14" Gaming Laptop

$2,199.99 - $2,699.99 from Razer »

Just like the Mach series, this Razer Blade keeps one-upping itself. The company's new 14" gaming laptop improves upon the last generation most notably in the arenas of color, clarity, and control. Razer touts its latest...

How to Live with a Huge Penis

$10.35 from Amazon »

Puberty was a really uncomfortable and difficult time for me. To the point that my mama went out and hired a shrink. At the end of the second session though he put his pen down and said, "Son, you really don't need me....

DIY Internal Combustion Engine

$55.60 from Amazon »

I couldn't feature the time lapse video of a guy constructing this Haynes DIY internal combustion engine because the 225 bpm Looney Tunes music playing throughout his process started giving me heart palpitations after...

Lil Sweetie Cast Iron Stove

$207.94 from Amazon »

The reduction of "Little" to "Lil" normally makes me cringe. It might be second only to shortening words with "y" or "ie", or adding the letters to the end of them. "Sammy" instead of "sandwich" is the worst offense....