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ButcherBox Premium Meat Delivery

$79 - $129 from ButcherBox »

When the doorbell rings, and you open it and find an insulated crate on the porch, and you lift off that crate's lid and you start pulling out slabs of bacon, pounds of ground beef, a package of sirloin tips, 4 steaks...

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Bears vs. Babies Monster-Building Card Game

$29.99 from Amazon »

The people who rattled our game nights with Exploding Kittens think we're up for a new challenge: an army of evil and grotesque babies. Bears vs. Babies is another ridiculous card game filled with implausible (but not...

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Onegee Bungee Adjustable Bungee Cord

$14.99 - $16.99 from Amazon »

Onegee Bungee to rule them all. Really. According to the makers of this adjustable bungee system, without the restrictions of a set length and stretch you'll find thousands of applications for the cords and their slide-and-lock...

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Gerber Center-Drive Multi-Tool

$89.97 from Amazon »

Gerber's new Center-Drive Multi-Tool is going to be the Zyllion shiatsu massage pillow of the 2016 holiday season. That is, the gift you unwrap and think, Hey, cool, thankee, Mama! and then you use it once and think...

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Ruf Retard 907 - Intimate Spray for Men

$44.88 from Amazon »

Oh man, between the Jesus drink markers and this bottle of Retard spray, it's a day of low-hanging fruit in my world. No, more accurately in this case, low-hanging johnsons. No, people who power trip on being offended...

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Water To Wine Jesus Drink Markers

$8.95 from Amazon »

It's hard to look at these drink glass markers and not keeping coming back to some variation on the idea of hangin' with Jesus at your next party. But that sort of comment is in very poor taste, and if I'm anything I'm...

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iLuun Air Wireless USB 3.0 Flash Drive

$59 - $149 from iLuun »

I don't know what I stuff fuller, my face or my phone. I need 4 stomachs like a cow. And 128GB of instant iPhone and Android wireless data storage like an iLuun Air....

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The Ridge Slim Front Pocket Wallets

$45 - $105 from The Ridge »

Don't let overstuffed, bulging bi-folds infiltrate your pockets! Fight the Costanza Effect! Get on the Ridge! The Ridge slim front pocket wallets highlight 2 EDC must-haves, simplicity and compactness, across a line of...

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Wahl Pro Lithium Cordless Hair Clipper

$260 from Amazon »

Treat yo'self to a professional buzz, or at least F up your hair using the exact same clippers the pros do with Wahl's Sterling Li Pro Cordless Clipper. Intended for professional use only, but available to anyone with...

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Silent Pocket Privacy Protection Cases

$11.95 - $199.95 from Amazon »

There's alone time from your girlfriend. Peace and quite from your house full of kids. Solitude from the chaos and cacophony of daily life. But with all the unseeable signals encircling, identifying, tracking, and scanning...

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Think Ink Fidget Pen

$40 from Think Ink Pen »

The Think Ink Pen bends, spins, flips, dismembers and puts itself back together again, and...you don't even want to know what happens when you pull its finger. An entertainer through and through, this pen isn't so much...

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ToppCock Silver Odor Neutralizer Gel

$9.99 from Amazon »

I didn't have enough room in the title to add "...for Man Parts." Do you think it would be too offensive to give a bottle of ToppCock Silver Odor Neutralizer Gel to this guy I know at work as an Anonymous Santa gift?...

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Safe Eyes Mesh No-Fog Safety Goggles

$28.99 from Amazon »

The dust is kicked up from here to next Tuesday! The fit's hitting the shan! Save yourself from unidentified flying objects! Safe Eyes Mesh Safety Goggles won't help when the figurative dust and fit, or alien-inhabited...

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Hubsan X4 H107C Quadcopter

$59.99 from Amazon »

I heard the reindeer are getting sloppy and unruly, so Santa is trading in magic for tech this year. His sleigh will be both filled with and powered by drones. I don't know if Tekstra is getting in on the flying action--their...

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Toferner Throwing Axe

Sold Out from Amazon »

I guess one good thing about chucking Toferner's Throwing Axe is so many of its sides are sharp and pointy that even if you're an inexperienced marksman with poor aim you'll still have a pretty good chance of making it...

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Microwaveable Slippers

$23.17 from Amazon »

Slippers. The most no-fail gift ever. Especially when you can stick them in the microwave to make them magnificently warm and cozy. And especially when they're extra plush and soft to the touch. And especially, especially...

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FireDisc Carbon Steel Grill

$313.18 - $374.66 from Amazon »

"We challenge each customer to put this grill to the test as the most rugged, best designed, quality tasting and cooking grill you can buy." Well. No one can say there's a lack of confidence in Katy, TX, home of the FireDisc...

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CRKT Synergist Fixed Blade Knife

$39.99 from CRKT »

Folding knives is like folding clothes: some, like T-shirts, are better compacted and tucked away for casual use, while others, like button-ups, need to hang free and ready to grab when your girlfriend springs a last-minute...

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ViperSwiper Side Window Wiper

$19.99 from ViperSwiper »

Your car comes ready to sssswipe the rain and fog off your front windshield, game to sssswipe it off the back, but what about the vissssibility and blind sssspots at your ssssides? ViperSwipers are poly-rubber strip side...

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Atlas Obscura

$24.72 from Amazon »

Atlas Obscura has a glowing endorsement from Neil Gaiman on its front cover, which can only mean this Explorer's Guide to the World's Hidden Wonders is my Door to London Below. Or maybe <a rel="nofollow" target="_blank"...

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Gripforce Retractable Cleat Ice Boots

$299 from Gripforce »

Where were Gripforce's retractable spike boots when I was taking the banana peel challenge?! The Swedish-designed "Intelligent Winter Boot" intends to stamp out 2 widespread problems with cold weather footwear: 1) slipperiness;...

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Detroit Grooming .50 Caliber Razor

With Movember now in full swing, Detroit Grooming Co. would like to make sure participants have a razor with enough fire power to keep all square footage of your face that isn't draped with a fine mustache area rug follicle-free....

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Birdie GoPro Camera Launcher

$59 from Amazon »

I hope you got good aim because Birdie is about to take your selfies from point-and-shoot to toss-and-see-WTF-happens. Snap your GoPro HERO 3+, 4, or 5 inside its arcing white cage and launch the Birdie into the air to...

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Marvel Rainbow Bridge Fleece Jumpsuit

I'd say it takes at least as much power to wear the Rainbow Bridge as it does to fight Loki at Heimdall's Observatory and break it. And by "power" I mean long, killer legs and an ass like the shiny, perfect Pink Lady...

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Luminoodle LED TV Backlight

$19.99 from Amazon »

If you've been using your noodle you've probably learned how valuable a bendy rope of lights can be. And now your flexible, adaptable, bright-burning noodle has a new form with yet another application: TV backlighting....

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Poo-Pourri Master Crapsman Gift Set

$17.95 from Amazon »

Poo-Pourri, the spritz-before-you-shitz toilet spray, has put together several stench-fighting 2-packs ripe for the giving spirit of the holiday season. Since most of us around here are both dudes and fans of Punderdome...

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The Survival Medicine Handbook

$37.79 from Amazon »

I can't predict what's going to happen on Election Day 2016, but my search for answers led me to this: The Survival Medicine Handbook, a self-described "essential guide for when medical help is NOT on the way." Kind of...

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How to Be a Magician

$29 - $79 from Ellusionist »

Ellusionist Disclaimer: the How to Be a Magician DVD set and box o' trick-amping props is "not guaranteed to get you phone numbers." I'll add a wink, wink to that. Come on. Who doesn't want to chill with the magician?...

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Fin Finger Vibrator (NSFW)

$60 from Dame Products »

While we've seen sexy fun time items such as PLAISIR des SENS warming lube running crowdfunding campaigns on IndieGoGo, the Fin marks the very first campaign of such a blatant naughty nature to seek pledges from you and...

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Antec Nano Diamond Thermal Compound

$11.39 from Amazon »

Need an ice cold beer for your CPU? I myself don't have much need to minimize the distance between heat-conducive compounds using Antec's Nano Diamond Thermal Compound Formula 7 because I'm not a tech or a maker or a...

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Color Muse for DIY Paint Match

$59 from Amazon »

The only thing less fun than painting your living room walls purple--sorry, eggplant--is having your girlfriend decide after all the paint is applied, and dried, and you're moving your couch back in front of the TV, that...

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Nobody Likes a Cockblock

$13.14 from Amazon »

Are you a parent? Then I'm sure you'll agree your precious children have taught you at least as much, and most likely far more, than you've ever taught them. Such as deep, unconditional love. Patience. Awe and wonder....

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Momentary Ink - Try on Your Custom Tattoo

$15 - $21 from Momentary Ink »

I wanted my girlfriend to dress up as the hot chick from Blindspot for Halloween so I could test out these Momentary Ink custom tattoos on her, but she was all, No! Absolutely not! I have a trial starting Thursday and...

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Nerf Mega Mastodon

$71.99 from Amazon »

You could wait for Black Friday. Orrrr, you could make today Red & Orange with Accents of White & Black Friday, and get the Nerf N-Strike Mega Mastodon a solid 6 weeks early so you'll have time to test it out yourself...make...

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The Whisk Wiper

Sold Out from Amazon »

What is this whiskcraft I see before me? You mean worming my tongue between the wire loops and getting chocolate cake batter all over my face isn't the best way to clean off the whisk when my girlfriend is baking? Nah....

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Sherlock Holmes Vaporizer Pipe

You may consider the Holmes Pipe, a vaporizer twist on Detective Sherlock Holmes' iconic tobacco pipe, a sacrilege. A perversion of purity akin to turning the Houston football stadium into a Death Star for Super Bowl...

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My Shiney Hiney Brush Set

$16.88 - $19.98 from Amazon »

Well. I wouldn't argue it isn't dirty. I'm just not sure I care enough to go to the lengths required to make my hiney shiney. I think this cleansing brush set for the bunghole is geared towards women anyway, judging by...

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LED Pen Light

$21.99 from Amazon »

My vision, like most of my anatomical parts, is perfect. 20/20 all day, every day. Show me your tiniest font, optometrists, and I'll kill it! But. I'm afraid I cannot see in the dark. Or in restaurants that want me to...

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Justick Electro Adhesion Boards

$34.99 - $399.99 from Amazon »

Justick! I say it all the time to weak magnets and unruly Post-Its Justick, dammit! And now, lo and behold, I can have a Justick Electro Adhesion Board. A white (or black) board sized from desktop to boardroom to tri-fold...

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Executive Drop Mic

$29.99 from Amazon »

Doooshhh! The sound of a mic drop. Or rather, the sound you make with your mouth when you mime a mic drop. Or maybe, the sound a mic makes when you do an actual mic drop, followed immediately by D'oh!, the sound you make...

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Burning Through Cash Table

Amarist Studio and Alejandro Monge hope their cash pyre coffee table will ignite as much discussion as it does 50 Euro bills. The piece is a symbolic reflection on "the volatility of money and its true value," consumerist...

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3D Wolf Crotch Underwear

$19.98 from Amazon »

One of the 3 wolves howling at the moon on my T-shirt decided to break from the pack, and lookee where he ended up. I think this positioning works out better for both of us. He gets some privacy, and I get an accurate...

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Swago Cologne Wipes

$19.99 from SWAGO »

Swago's for the sweaters out there. The sullied men who forgot what happens to their clothes, hair, and skin when they spend too long in a coffee shop, or eat at an Indian restaurant. The smelly, smelly dudes who don't...

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The Briner

$29.95 from Amazon »

Floaters can be good--boats, pizza rafts--and floaters can be bad--poo in the pool, turkey in the brine. The Briner is a 22-quart bucket that pretty much looks like any other 22-quart bucket, except that it secures food...

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Piqapoo Self-Collecting Poop Bag

$29 - $35 from Piqapoo »

On the one hand, clipping a Piqapoo self-collecting poop bag to your dog's butt exceeds injury cone and Chia Pet costume levels of shaming him. But on the other hand, you've spent the last X years following him around...

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Big Squeeze Tube Squeezing Tool

$28 - $32 from Big Squeeze »

The Big Squeeze isn't just some plastic tube pincher and goop nudger. Check out the GIF. The Big Squeeze says it delivers industrial-grade, Wile E. Coyote vs. a Train levels of tube flattening, and tube

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Roll-uh-Bowl Foldable Waterpipe

$31.49 from Roll-uh-Bowl »

Roll-uh-Bowl is your foldable, portable, indestructible bong on the go. A waterpipe for the adventurer, the backwoods trekker, the beach bum, the guy who drops, knocks, and sits on things a lot. Roll-uh-Bowl folds and...

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Questions for Terrible People

$10.19 from Amazon »

Questions for Terrible People, a group to which I'm 90% sure I belong, contains 250 What If?s, Would you Rather?s, and What Would You Do?s. The book will be a psychological feast for me on the long ass flight I have to...