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Saddleback Leather Classic Briefcase

Giveaway: Saddleback Leather Classic Briefcase

The Saddleback Leather Classic Briefcase. $610 of full grain chrome tanned leather with a 100-year warranty, made by dudes I'd ditch work to have a beer with any hour of the day. Not to be an a-hole, but...I can't believe...

Bushnell BackTrack Personal GPS Tracker

$48.03 from Amazon »

Not that I ever get lost, but...oh, put a sock in it, Mama, I wouldn't get lost even if I ever went somewhere either!...were I a directionally and locationally challenged person, I might like to have Bushnell's little...

Ego Boost Beauty Chocolate with Collagen

$13.39 from Firebox.com »

I have bad news and I have good news. The bad news: stuffing your face with chocolate will plump up your ass with unsightly cottage cheese-looking lumps of fat. The good news: stuffing your face with Ego Boost chocolate...

R2D2 Measuring Cups

$19.99 from ThinkGeek »

What? R2-D2 measuring cups?! Dude. If R2-D2 can make me some peanut butter chocolate chip cookies in honor of the fact that I want some peanut butter chocolate chip cookies, my whiny ex-girlfriend will officially be correct...

Spandex Black Cat Burglar Costume

Discontinued

What's better than an inked Felicia Hardy prancing around, getting limber on your pages of The Amazing Spider-Man as the Black Cat? A real live girl (or boy--we aim to please all orientations) prancing around, getting...

Lightning Reaction Reloaded - A Shocking Game

$27.21 from Amazon »

Well I hope the Reloaded version of Lightning Reaction doesn't follow in the footsteps of The Matrix and suck. Or maybe it's being cheeky and willingly emulating the trilogy's second installment--in the sense that while...

Swage Sport Bluetooth Headphones

$49.99 from Amazon »

If I yank my headphones out of my ears one more time while doing burpees...or gesturing wildly at a car that doesn't heed the pedestrian right of way at a crosswalk...I'm going to Rumpelstiltskin them to smithereens!...

Tuuli Armor Tornado Shield

$320 - $350 from indiegogo »

Having recently returned from a trip to Tornado Alley, during which I was ripped from my slumber one night and told to get the hell out of bed and down to the basement, I can sympathize with Steven Anderson's life in...

f**ktionary

$25.12 from Amazon »

Not to brag, but...I'm pretty sure I coined the phrase "ass hornet" while sitting on the john one night after my friend Cornelius dared me to lace my chili with a tablespoon of powdered bhut jolokia. And now, after mere...

Game of Thrones Temporary Tattoos

$5 - $20 from Etsy »

No girl who applies one of Seventh Skin's Game of Thrones temporary tattoos better get mad at me for staring at her chest. The intricacy, the detail, and the artistry of these short-term odes to Houses Targaryen, Stark...

X-Mode Energy Shots on Tap

$29.99 from Amazon »

Uh oh. As if kegs of beer and boxes of wine aren't dangerous enough in my hands. I don't want children, but I have a feeling if I spent an hour in a room with X-Mode and its 100 ounces of energy shots on tap I'd walk...

Tactical Bleeding Zombie Target

$89.95 from Zombie Industries »

Target practice with human targets seems so cruel (although practical since most of the time it's other people that are getting shot). Why not practice drilling holes in things that are already dead and will probably...

SOL Survival Kit

$35.06 from Amazon »

Carry the SOL Origin Survival Kit, and the next time you're up shit creek it will supply all the tools you need to build a paddle. Small enough to fit in the palm of your hand, the survival kit is housed in an indestructible...

NOOKA Zub Zirc Justice League Watches

NOOKA's Justice League Zub Zirc watches look almost like implements the superheroes they represent would wear themselves. Well, Superman would anyway. That narcissistic, self-promoting bastard. He's like...like...the...

iPin Mobile-Powered Laser Pointer

$39.99 - $54.63 from Amazon »

It's a smartphone with a frickin' laser pointer. Not quite as visually stunning as the shark version, but probably way more practical. And slightly more professional looking for presentations. iPin mobile-powered laser...

Keon V1 Runner's Key Ring

$15 from Shapeways »

It won't give you superpowers, but it will hold your house key. So says David Tsai of his clever 3D-printed brainchild, the Keon V1. It may look like a warped Omega character, but if you're a runner this armed ring could...

Stikwood - Peel & Stick Wood Decor

$100 - $500 from Stikwood »

Stikwood happens when real wood from the likes of oak and maple trees meets, say, duct tape with an infallible 10-year adhesive lifespan. As 1/8" thick panels with peel & stick strip backings, Stikwood installations fit...

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Pair of Griz Coats

Giveaway: Pair of Griz Coats

Couple's costumes, you and your best friend Cornelius costumes, large group costumes wherein 6 people are hikers and 2 people are angry black bears, Griz Coats have all angles covered. And if you click here you can enter...

Le Beanock - Bean Bag Hammock

$316.68 - $641.48 from Le Beanock »

I wholeheartedly support Le Beanock, and any installation whose defining attributes are comfort, relaxation, the eschewal of productivity, and swinging to and fro in a way reminiscent of my infancy, when I snoozed in...

Inflatable Hot Tub

$632.68 from Amazon »

Not only is M-SPA's inflatable Silver Cloud Bubble Spa (uh, I think they'd sell more just calling it a bow-up hot tub) significantly less expensive than a permanent installation, but according to Amazon reviewers, you...

Titanium Spork

$11.99 from Amazon »

The Tater Twister came and went. So did the Salad Shooter. The electric knife. The electric can opener (my mama had one of those!) But the spork, the spork will never fall into oblivion. One of our country's finest examples...

The Ham Dogger

$9.51 from Amazon »

My friend Dominic is an electrical engineer who used to work for this company developing a chip to implant in the brains of epileptics that would help predict when they were going to have seizures, and if I had one of...

Sarlacc Toilet Decals

Like most great ideas, Robbie Rane came up with his Toilet Sarlacc decals while hanging out with friends, having a few beers, and talking shit. One guy mentioned dropping the kids off at the pool. Another spoke of ending...

German Light Bulb Voltage Tester Bar

Here's a bar cart inspired by a 1920s light bulb voltage tester salvaged from a German factory. Because, why not? Steampunk is in. Light bulbs are a strangely hot topic these days. Giant, 265-pound iron orbs are always...

Kangoo Jumps Anti-Gravity Fitness Boots

$179 - $299 from Amazon »

Originally developed by a doctor for rehab patients with knee, hip, and back injuries, Kangoo Jump anti-gravity boots provide former runners with an option for continuing their cardiovascular torture of choice nearly...

Blade Pico Double-Flip Quadcopter

$49.99 from DudeIWantThat.com »

What we have here is a mighty 8 grams. The Blade Pico QX is a tiny quadcopter capable of big maneuvers. Single and double flips are no sweat, and the miniature RC flyer also comes equipped with SAFE (Sensor Assisted Flight...

Sucker Identifier

$0.01 from Amazon »

It looks like the powers that be, in a clandestine effort to identify all of the easily manipulated minds in the country, have incorporated a shell company to produce a bracelet which claims that just by wearing it, your...

Hey Joe Coffee Brewing Travel Mug

In an attempt to address the issues of saving money, supporting green, running late, and being bored, Hey Joe has developed a travel mug that brews its own coffee. It's a self-contained purveyor of caffeine that hopes...

Fusiontables - Dining/Pool Tables

Game and grub. Grub and game. Thanks to Fusiontables, your mechanism for doing so is now one in the same. Designers and engineers at Belgian company Saluc have created these hybrid pool-dining tables to conserve space...

Covert Non-Dulling Razor Blade

$19.99 from Amazon »

The Covert Razor Blade. It's non-metallic. Wear-resistant. And razor sharp. Indefinitely, they say. The non-dulling blade is made from zirconia ceramic, a compound significantly harder and tougher than metal. In addition...

Dinner with Lecter

$51.95 from Firebox.com »

To this day I shudder every time I hear "American Girl" because it reminds me of being creeped the F out by Silence of the Lambs in my most formative years. Hannibal Lecter wasn't even so bad. It was that Buffalo Bill...

SH*T-IN-M'TEETH Toothpicks

$5 from Kickstarter »

Popcorn. Milk Duds. The kale chips I once ate on a date so the chick would think I'm healthy and open minded that subsequently led her ditch me once little bits of them got stuck in the crevices of my gums and then flew...

Glass Machine Gun Pipes

If you're looking for a hitman, sorry, this collection of machine guns is made of glass. But if you're looking for a hit, man welcome to the bong-themed weapons trade. Or would it be the weapons-themed bong trade? Either...

Vecto Bluetooth Speaker & Charging Station

$119.99 from DudeIWantThat.com »

Veho's Vecto is a speaker multi-tool. It pairs via Bluetooth and has an integrated microphone like most portable speakers these days, and is sheathed in a water-resistant housing like some, but continues bringing the...

Polaris RZR XP 1000

$19,999 from Polaris »

Even though the Polaris RZR XP 1000 is obviously a gnarly off-road beast, the first words that come to mind when I look at it are "dune buggy." What a sissy name for any legitimate form of motorized entertainment. A dune...

Hand-Built Roskilde Viking Ships

$45k - $545k from CultureNordic »

Have you always dreamt of owning your own authentic Viking ship, built by craftsmen in the ancient Nordic capital of Roskilde? Well I hadn't really given it much thought before, purveyor of fine Scandinavian gifts CultureNordic...

Real Human Skull Art

$2,995 - $3,200 from Zane Wylie »

When Zane Wylie was 5 his mom gave him a canister of Play-Doh and Zane Wylie ate it. When Zane Wylie was 8 his mom gave him a pack of colored pencils and a spiral sketch book and Zane Wylie traded the pencils for a couple...

Atlas of Prejudice 2: Chasing Horizons

$15.83 from Amazon »

Atlas of Prejudice 2: Chasing Horizons is the latest in Bulgarian visual artist Yanko Tsvetkov's Mapping Stereotypes project. The ever-expanding collection includes maps of sardonic--and often thought-provoking, introspective...

Bluetooth Cassette Adapter

$39.58 from Amazon »

After our lengthy road trip to a land of many beers an no radio signals my friend Cornelius told me I either have to find tapes of something other than Appetite for Destruction and Hall & Oates: Greatest Hits or get one...

Tactical Bacon

$27 from Amazon »

I don't really like to shoot to kill--less due to the ethics of felling a majestic beast than the fact that blood and rigor mortis make me squeamish--but I think if given the choice between taking down a deer or taking...

Tabletop Fireplace

$159.99 from Amazon »

This portable fireplace will slide right in anywhere you need heat, ambience, romance, or S'mores. At 11" high x 14" wide x 5" deep, 8-1/2 pounds, and capable of heating areas of up to 375 square feet it's an easy and...

Bath Air Pillow Smartphone Holder

The most relaxing part of any soak in the bubble bath is obviously surfing the web to check out stock performances, responding to accusatory emails from your boss, and going over the Excel spreadsheet of chores your mama...

LUCID 3D LED Mirror

$880 - $4,400 from Adam Frank »

Look into Adam Frank's LUCID Mirror and you'll see illuminated 3D clouds and sun rays, and maybe some other creepy CS Lewis or Mirror, Mirror Wicked Queen paranormal activity. Using a patent-pending method derived from...

Strong Man Mirror

$12,460 from L'ArcoBaleno »

Before you even say it, I agree. $12 grand for the M8, Ron Gilad's "little burly imp" in his IX Mirrors Series?! That's ridiculous! You could make almost the same mirror for a fraction of the cost! Like I said, I agree....

Wheeled Snow Shovel

$159.99 from Amazon »

This shovel has been fitted with a gigantic wheel to make it exponentially easier to use, and it's called the Snow Wolf. So that's two things it has going for it. Also it claims that when old people whose children and...

You Suck At Parking Business Cards

$18.95 from Zazzle »

Personally, I think people should be thrown in jail for bad parking. Bad parkers fall into 2 groups... The first, just aren't mentally capable of parking well. And the second just don't give a shit. If jail isn't an option...

iStash

$9.95 from MTMi »

iStash. Quite the restrictive--albeit clever and sort of fun to say--name for an iPhone imposter that's really just a slick combination of a pseudo-phone and a wallet. I mean, sure, it will covertly house cigs, lighters...

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Rattlerstrap Venom - Paracord Belt

Giveaway: Rattlerstrap Venom - Paracord Belt

It's a Dude first. Rattlerstrap has designed the Venom, a limited edition paracord belt, just for our reader giveaway. Which means the winner will be the first--and one of the only--marines, bush pilots, hunting guides...

MiP Smartphone-Controlled Robot

$89.99 from DudeIWantThat.com »

You can call MiP a smartphone-controlled robot if you want. But I prefer to call him my electronic sodie butler. I Samsung Galaxy him into the kitchen, my mama places a can of Mountain Dew on his little plastic tray...

Shine 24K Gold Rolling Papers

$54.99 from Amazon »

Shine and its 24K Gold rolling papers add a new action to the ever-growing list of Things You Can Do with Gold. Currently populated by: 1) Eat it; 2) Shit it; and 3) Buy expensive things with it, stoners and recreational...

Pan DE Pop! Up! Panda Bread Cutter

$12.74 from Amazon »

One discerning observation the Japanese have made is that Americans don't eat enough pandas. And while bureaucratic export regulations and some malarkey about endangered species have prevented them from selling panda...

Batman S&M Mask

$650 from Bob Basset »

Well I guess it's technically the "Batman Mask As It Could Be in 1920" according to designer Bob Basset, but look at that laced-up backside. And its ingredients: leather; brass; and mesh. I think this Dark Knight has...

GoPlug Powered Bags

$129 - $399 from Kickstarter »

I kind of like the idea of sitting on a park bench with a backpack sporting an electrical outlet. Typing away on a laptop plugged into something that once carried books, but now carries a 115v, 60Hz device capable of...

Halloween Contact Lenses

$29.50 - $239.99 from Lens.com »

Minions will cower and tremble in fear when they meet the all-powerful GnarledJaggedPlaqueLaden Teeth Eyes! Hey, I get the appeal of colored and themed contact lenses, particularly for Halloween, cosplay, and other costumed...

Self Sustaining Ecosphere

$59.99 from Amazon »

Sea monkeys anyone? More like tiny shrimps. A bit redundant, but that's what's in there. No diaper changing. No picking up shit with a plastic bag. No feeding. No nothing. These are the best friends money can buy. Buy...

Rubber Band Gatling Gun

$831.97 from Amazon »

The Junior Devastator is an 80-shot rubber band gatling gun that "sprays rubber bands like a hose sprays water." Two points on that. 1) I wonder what Daddy Devastator looks like. 2) The JD is the third, and probably the...

R2-D2 Carry-On Luggage

$79.99 from ThinkGeek »

Obviously they made the R2-D2 luggage a carry-on because as a checked bag it would immediately be stolen by some bag handler or TSA fanboy. I mean that's what I would do anyway. Since I'm generally a swell guy I wouldn't...

ChargeTech Portable Power Outlet

$205 from ChargeTech »

ChargeTech takes the trophy for highest crowd-funded battery pack of all time on IndieGoGo. (Yes, there's a trophy for that now. But it's nothing compared to mine for Hardest Trier and First Place for Showing Up and Going...

World's Largest Box of Nerds Candy

$35.49 from Amazon »

This looks healthy. A little grand finale to the Christmas ham and candied yams? (And apple pie, fudge, half a dozen of those Corn Flake cookies dyed green and shaped like wreaths....) The World's Largest Box of Nerds...

Giant Cardboard Robot Arms Kit

$45 from Etsy »

When I transform into a paper-product-based Optimus Prime, I like to take on a more active role in the process than lifting my giant cardboard robot arms out of a giant cardboard box. So thanks be to Chuck Norris that...

Indestructible Biometric Wallet

Discontinued

Like the women who fall prey to your Don Juan wiles, the Biometric Wallet opens up to your touch, and your touch alone. It is an equally high-tech and high-fashion financial bodyguard that is virtually indestructible...

Giant Robot Slippers with Sound

$29.99 from ThinkGeek »

Perfect. I've been looking for some giant robot feet to go with my giant robot arms. And these are slippers? With Vrrrrrr-clank! Vrrrrrr-clank! sound effects? Did I say perfect? I meant better than perfect. I meant, like...

Quadski - Amphibious ATV

A one-person all-terrain vehicle that doubles as a personal watercraft. I don't like these studious, clinical terms for the Quadski, which is better described as a fat amphibious wad of adrenaline with a BMW engine. Gibbs'...

Shot Straws

$19.99 from Shot Straws »

First off, let me say that I do not advocate taking shots through a Shot Straw. I advocate taking shots like a real man. However, if the memory of particularly rough night with Minnesotan twins, a ZZ Top fan club, and...

Living Furniture - Aquaponic End Table

$950 - $1,350 from Green Towers »

Tabletop aquaponic systems--aquariums with plants watered and nourished by the fish and their digs growing soillessly above--have been making the rounds, but Green Towers' Living Furniture might be the first to expand...

Squatty Potty - Posturally Correct Pooping

$28 from Amazon »

"Squatting to eliminate is healthier." Golly I love the Squatty Potty's euphemistic appeal to my sense of self-preservation. Sitting on my porcelain sidekick with my feet resting on a 9" stool, torso pitched forward approximately...