A Geek's Gift Guide of Gadgets, Gear and Novelties    * Updated daily

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Friday, October 19, 2012

A one-person all-terrain vehicle that doubles as a personal watercraft. I don't like these studious, clinical terms for the Quadski, which is better described as a fat amphibious wad of adrenaline with a BMW engine. Gibbs'...

Sunday, February 19, 2012
Discontinued

Like the women who fall prey to your Don Juan wiles, the Biometric Wallet opens up to your touch, and your touch alone. It is an equally high-tech and high-fashion financial bodyguard that is virtually indestructible, and...

Sunday, September 29, 2013
$5 - $95 from Fiverr »

For as little as $5, Uruguayan artist Eliana Fernandez will send you a glimpse of yourself inside some of TV's most popular animated series. Kick off the return of The Simpsons and Family Guy, or bid farewell to Futurama with a portrait of cartoonified you....

Monday, May 20, 2013
$185 from Glass Sculpture »

Yikes, $185 for the TARDIS fridge skin kit. But it's customized to fit your specific cooler's make and model, so at least you know it will look as sick in your own kitchen as it does in the one in the photo. And if any purchase...

Saturday, January 25, 2014
$10.56 from Amazon »

Did you just get turned down for yet another job at the town spy agency? Did the seamstress chortle when you brought in your new suit to be hemmed? Has it been a long...long...time since you've had sex? If you're entering...

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

A great way to settle arguments between siblings, the MMA throwdown bed gives parents the option to let their children battle to the death before night night time. No biting or hair pulling please....

Thursday, March 29, 2012
$11.95 from Amazon »

According to The Big Coloring Book of Sex Positions, "Sex curls our toes, sparks our imagination, delightfully stimulates a multitude of sensations, makes us have funny faces, makes us docile and makes us crazy." Apparently...

Thursday, March 6, 2014

"The essence of Oscar Mayer bacon will strum at your nostril strings like no other." While the Oscar Mayer brand has never been my first choice at the pork candy store, it will definitely be my first choice at the scent-emitting...

Friday, May 17, 2013
$5.75 from Amazon »

I don't think that's how you spell "wiener" or "cleaner", but I'm willing to overlook the mistake on account of the fact that my penis has been bugging me for its own soap ever since it got the wrong end of a bar I used to...

Friday, March 22, 2013
$258 - $403 from Amazon »

Extreme sport leg extensions. I'll say. Maybe you could strap on a pair of Poweriser stilts and bound around like a bunny rabbit, leaping up to 6-1/2' in the air, taking 16' giant steps, and running 100m sprints without breaking...

Thursday, September 20, 2012
Discontinued

Blacksmith Jeremy Duke has four things to say about his Railroad Spike Knives. They are 1) forged for our pleasure and 2) predominantly novelty items, but 3) can be used to F someone up as a weapon, although he makes them...

Friday, June 13, 2014
$28.25 from RoofScope »

I don't really need a RoofScope gear mirror since I don't do outdoor activities, but here's why I strongly recommend one for those who do. My dentist's office is in this ghetto, horseshoe-shaped building whose back end is...

Friday, January 18, 2013
$116 - $158 from Crocosaurus Cove »

I like to flirt with death every now and again. Provided death does its return eye bats and tooth flashes from the other side of an impenetrable fiberglass cage, anyway. Crocosaurus Cove Darwin in Australia's Northern Territory...

Friday, July 29, 2011
$53.99 from Amazon »

Sea monkeys anyone? More like tiny shrimps. A bit redundant, but that's what's in there. No diaper changing. No picking up shit with a plastic bag. No feeding. No nothing. These are the best friends money can buy. Buy them...

Sunday, June 8, 2014
$29.97 from Amazon »

Why cook up homemade biscuits & gravy in your underwear in the kitchen this weekend when you can use Coleman's Camp Oven to make them buck naked in the great outdoors? Set atop a 2- or 3-burner camping stove, the aluminized...

Thursday, December 12, 2013
$2,549 from Snolo Sleds »

Carbon fiber. That stuff is pretty light, right? Hey! Cornelius! Good news! Next time we sneak onto the golf course to go sledding it's going to be WAY easier to schlep our implements back up the hill from the bottom! We'll...

Tuesday, September 20, 2011
$18.95 from Zazzle »

Personally, I think people should be thrown in jail for bad parking. Bad parkers fall into 2 groups... The first, just aren't mentally capable of parking well. And the second just don't give a shit. If jail isn't an option...

Thursday, June 26, 2014
$35 - $70 from Snipe Darts »

Liran Erez decided to fire back at what he deems the lame-ifying of shooter games with the advent of touchscreen apps. His SNIPE Dart Blaster and free SNIPE apps...no, the darts aren't going to F up your screen...introduce...

Saturday, November 17, 2012
$9.82 - $23.95 from Amazon »

Ladies, if Griz Coats are too big, too masculine, or too covering of the neck down for you (read: for me), how about one of these minxy little animal hoodies? Most of them even extend along the shoulders into a cozy pair of...

Tuesday, June 10, 2014
$50 from Amazon »

Turn discomfort into practicality. You might be stifled in a pressed button-up all day long, but at least with Titan's Multi-Tool Collar Stays you'll be able to pop open a beer at the end of it with the stealth and swagger...

Thursday, May 8, 2014
$225.99 from Amazon »

You and your Armies of the Confederacy aren't so scary at 1/6th your size, are you General? Whoa. What?! Did you just swing one lightsaber in each hand and a third in your left foot at me, Grievous? Crap. You have fully-articulated...

Thursday, September 8, 2011
By: Nike

Rumors abound that Nike will be releasing the Nike Air Mag shoes Marty McFly wore in Back To The Future II. This could be the biggest sneaker news since... sneakers started making the news. I can't wait to get a pair and never...

Friday, June 14, 2013
Sold Out from Amazon »

Wait. Aren't praying mantises hot, yet evil, women who devour men like Xander Harris in that one episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer? And does that mean you're telling me I can purchase and hatch between 50 and 200 women out...

Sunday, December 30, 2012
$1,400 from Amazon »

F light, low-profile, and practical. I live in the USA. I want the biggest and the best. Even if the biggest and the best means so cumbersome and heavy it makes me look like I have a gimp leg when I carry it in my pants pocket....

Sunday, May 5, 2013

The Viking Hammock is one of many pieces of furniture Norse gods and warriors use to bed their wenches. They manage pretty well with it because the Scandinavians are a seafaring people and therefore not prone to motion sickness....

Thursday, November 1, 2012
Sold Out from Amazon »

The most endearing part about the Kuwaete Sukkiri Tongue Exerciser marketing campaign is that it claims the silicone (and grapefruit scented!) apparatus is intended to "help improve your face line and those flabby, sagging...

Monday, August 22, 2011
Sold Out from Etsy »

I've never been into the whole mermaid thing... until now. The shells were hand carved, then molded, and each shell is hand cast in a plastic resin. The shells come painted in whatever colors you would like and will fit an...

Saturday, March 1, 2014
$75 - $95 from GORUCK »

GORUCK makes this pair of military-grade gym bags from 1000 D ballistic or double-layered CORDURA. As far as I can tell, that means they're burly and water resistant, but will probably grow to smell like a combination of the...

Tuesday, July 24, 2012
$99 from Yellow Jacket »

In an act of retaliation against its relegation to the uncomfortably jarring vibrate setting, the iPhone has summoned the Yellow Jacket, and plans to return the favor. In the form of a body-rocking 650,000 volts. The Yellow...

Monday, January 27, 2014
Giveaway: Year's Supply of Beef Jerky 53
Giveaway Entry Is Closed

Enter to win an entire year's supply of California cut-and-cured beef jerky from Get Some Jerky! That's 52 bags, 5 savory flavors, and a $364 value! Holy mouthwatering, protein-packed cow!...

Sunday, January 27, 2013
$59.99 from Zane Lamprey »

Unlike braces and Yoda, the Drinkmaster Hoodie checks in as both useful and good-looking. A sleek black fleece zip-up with a bevy of booze-specific pockets and effects, the Drinkmaster is the hardcore partier's ultimate bag...

Sunday, January 26, 2014
$125 from Amazon »

Projects Watches describes its timepieces as wearable architecture. I don't think they mean literally wearable architecture like the Sleep Suit, but maybe more like how if you take a building and extract its defining components...

Monday, January 20, 2014
Giveaway: SteakStones Sizzling Steak Plate Set 72
Giveaway Entry Is Closed

Meat lovers, sharpen your canines and whet your incisors. Here's your chance to enter to win a pair of SteakStones Sizzling Steak Plate Sets for tableside seasoning, searing, and devouring of your favorite marbled slabs (a...

Sunday, April 1, 2012

Smooth, full-flavored, and chock full of vitamins, carrot cigarettes fill the void in the health-conscious segment of the tobacco industry. Smokers looking to refine their habit, or live past the age of 60, and non-smokers...

Friday, September 6, 2013

Can you believe that June 7th, 2014 will mark the 30th anniversary of the original Ghostbusters movie? Heady stuff. I feel sorry for myself that I was alive on that release date. But not as sorry as I feel for those of you...

Sunday, May 25, 2014
$39.99 from Amazon »

I know. I'm thinking it too. Boy is that a huge beach towel. And boy to the power of a hundred does that lady look lonely lying on it all by herself. What happens when she gets up to cool off and splash around adorably in...

Tuesday, January 22, 2013
Sold Out from threadless »

I Park Like an Idiot stickers have two outstanding selling points. 1) Applying one to the bumper or window of a deserving vehicle will give its user an instant boost, likely eliminating the crankiness and ill-will evoked by...

Wednesday, November 13, 2013
$300 from Kickstarter »

Sometimes it's humbling when you enter into the domain of professionals and hobbyists who do things that both blow your mind and make you feel like a complete jackass for your inability to understand how they accomplish any...

Sunday, May 4, 2014
$34.99 from ThinkGeek »

This LEGO-esque utensil set makes me want to glue interlocking bricks to everything I own for easy wall storage on a baseplate. Belts, hats, game controllers, wallets, phone cases, underwear. I could wallpaper my entire room...

Friday, June 6, 2014
$39.95 from Amazon »

The NHL Goal Light with horn is pretty much exactly what it sounds like. (Thank you, thank you very much.) Except it has the additional perk of arriving pre-programmed with all 30 NHL teams' authentic goal noises, selectable...

Saturday, September 28, 2013
$35.98 from Amazon »

It's all smoke and mirrors. Or, in the case of Mirage's 3D hologram maker, just mirrors. Great fun for kids, and not very bright fat people who can't figure out why they CAN'T. GRAB. THE M&Ms. Here, Chubs, have a strawberry...

Saturday, August 9, 2014
$125 from Moma Store »

If you really want to lay the romance on thick, tell your girlfriend this Kinematics smooth black necklace you're presenting her was 3D printed layer by layer using selective laser sintering. She'll be instant sex slave putty...

Friday, January 18, 2013
$27.78 from Amazon »

To illustrate what awaits future owners of a Nut Butter Maker (i.e., my mom), I have included photos of some of the pulverized-peanut-themed treats I would like to have made for me. From left to right, they include:...

Sunday, April 28, 2013
Discontinued

At first I was like, "Huh. Star Wars auction paddles and rhythmic gymnastics ribbons. Ummm...neat?" But then I looked up what BDSM is* and suddenly the gallery of items before me got a lot more interesting. GeekKink's Star...

Tuesday, December 31, 2013
$14.99 from ThinkGeek »

Sure a ninja mug is cool, but if you get one you're never going to be able to find it. Even if it's just sitting there, in the middle of your desk, right in front of your face. Ninja mugs are seen only when they want to be...

Wednesday, February 12, 2014

What they lack in intelligence they make up for in contributions to the entertainment industry. Jason Thompson's Map of Zombies (complete, hi-res version here) traces and visually depicts by physical characteristics, personality...

Monday, June 25, 2012
$80 from Etsy »

And suddenly, the intense inaction and sporadic finger movements of chess captivate the masses and enamor even those who have no idea what the hell is going on. Erotic chess pieces abound in Etsy vendor Nicola Ford's online...

Thursday, April 10, 2014
$1,750 from A+R Store »

Funny, the guy shown using the Smokestack outdoor fire pit is exactly the type of guy I'd imagine to be entirely incapable of using a Smokestack outdoor fire pit. Half-kneeling in a suit with a baby axe? I guess that means...

Friday, October 25, 2013
$10.59 from Amazon »

Who wants to dissipate a crowd? Shorten the line to get into Comic-Con? Gain some alone time with the Mona Lisa at the Louvre? Convince the cop you really were going 120 in response to massive GI issues? Nasal Nausea, a military-grade...

Saturday, May 11, 2013
$79 from Cole-Bar »

Although I enjoy calling people tools, I don't really understand how the term came to be an insult. Aren't tools generally helpful and beneficial to the cause of man, as opposed to the burdens of dead-weight idiocy implied...

Tuesday, July 22, 2014
$46.99 from Amazon »

Given that I chew the ever-loving gobstoppers out of my fingernails, I'm obviously not too concerned about germs. But I am concerned about touching things with Cheetos-crusted hands and getting yelled at by my mama for leaving...

Sunday, September 1, 2013
$79 from SparqEE »

Getting up off the couch to go make a cell phone sounds even rougher than getting up off the couch to go make a sandwich. But if you're up for either, good on you. I recommend pastrami and swiss on rye for the sandwich, and...

Thursday, July 18, 2013
$58.25 from Amazon »

I've observed my fair share of pet fish poop over the years--both floating at the surface of my aquarium and during the fabrication process as it emerged from its host--and I feel very uneasy at the thought of it serving as...

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

It's cuttin' it close, but order now and your Single Handed Barber, a DIY electric hair trimmer for short cuts, may arrive just in time for Father's Day. Cuttin' it close. Ha! Hahaha! Pun. Intended. Puns and I share the ambivalent...

Tuesday, June 3, 2014
Sold Out from Amazon »

My solution to bike theft is not riding a bike. That's also my solution to not falling off a bike and breaking my face. But to those up for tempting fate, check out Kuat's Bottle Lock, a 5' cable of 8mm thick braided steel...

Saturday, February 2, 2013
$7.16 from Amazon »

Matthew Bowers' Girlfriend Written Performance Evaluation caters to all boyfriends. Meaning both the nice ones and the honest ones. The nice ones can blanket graded areas ranging from Cooking to Money & Finances to Gaming...

Tuesday, January 10, 2012
$886 - $1,271 from Jolan van der Wiel »

Dutch designer Jolan van der Wiel not only created these Fraggle-Rock-meets-Super-Mario-Brothers-meets-Gotham-City hybrids, he also created the simple wood-framed machine used to forge them. Summoning the forces of gravity...

Thursday, July 19, 2012
$24.99 from Amazon »

Ahhh, summertime. 'Tis the season. To be sneaky. The Freedom Flask, in the same spirit of duplicity and cunning as the Nano Hummingbird Spy Camera and the iStash, aids users in their quests to do things they aren't supposed...

Friday, July 4, 2014
$44.99 from Etsy »

Did you know that poultry cannot be potty trained? Of course you did. It's why your pet duck Precious keeps peeing on your couch and quacking out poos on every rug in the house. Not to mention that, despite every movie, cartoon...

Sunday, November 24, 2013
$29.99 from ThinkGeek »

I hope the electromagnetic fields projected by these Iron Man 3 glowing Arc Reactor coasters will keep my drinks safe this holiday season from particulates of snot and saliva ejected by fellow partygoers whose mothers never...

Monday, November 4, 2013
$9.99 from Amazon »

So what you're saying is that this simple stamp could be the solution to ridding myself of the 8' piles of credit card offers and guaranteed ways to pay off my student loads in 6 months and weird notices about taxes or something...

Friday, June 29, 2012
$79 from Store Envy »

Michael Alen calls his Kickstarter project Hero HoodieZ. The first in what Alen hopes will be a series of superhero-inspired hooded zip-ups spotlights crime-fighting vigilante Nightwing. The hoodie, available in both traditional...

Wednesday, March 5, 2014
$42 - $102 from Coco Jack »

I don't always crack open coconuts, but when I do...I usually require stitches, lose the use of my left thumb for several days, and get my mouthed washed out with soap by my mama. Coco Jack, a stainless steel push-and-pry...

Tuesday, February 18, 2014
$595 - $3,890 from Etsy »

A USS Enterprise engagement ring is what happens when true love collides with the reluctant decision to propose to some chick. As a male with a basic appreciation for the Star Trek TV series and movies, plus a deep respect...

Wednesday, May 14, 2014
$62 from Studio Ve »

When people like my Aunt Jan speak contemptuously of other people like me, who they believe "do nothing but sit around watching time go by," the judgmental old hags should probably look into whether or not their unambitious...

Monday, December 10, 2012
$125 - $179 from Amazon »

A less expensive alternative to the Crypteks USB Drive, the Apricorn Aegis Secure Key Flash Drive boasts military grade full-disk AES 256-bit CBC hardware encryption, further protected by a 7- to 15-digit PIN-activated alphanumeric...

Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Sold Out from Amazon »

Nom, nom, nom. It's Hasenpfeffer meets the next-generation three wolf moon shirt. Your days of gnawing on leathery old rabbit parts that taste like a combination of barnyard and the positive ends of AA batteries are over....

Friday, March 29, 2013
$422.80 from Amazon »

A tent that sets up in 15 seconds by way of human lung power and compacts to a size small enough to stuff into a water bottle when not in use. What egghead thought of this? Whomever you are, how's about heading over to my...