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Friday, November 02, 2012
Beef Jerky Gun
$42.99 from Amazon »

Which came first, the Weston Jerky Gun or the Sushi Bazooka? Squirted meat or squirted fish and rice? Conundrum, conundrum, we may never know. But, praise be to Zeus, like chickens and eggs, my stomach approves with fervor...

Saturday, October 13, 2012
Demon Hooves Heel Less Boots
$900 from Etsy »

I guess I can kind of see now why some people are turned on by goats. Oonacat's Demon Hooves, a pair of spiked, knee-high boots with cloven foot pads in place of typical toes and heels are pretty sick. I mean in the good way...

Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Batman Begins Motorcycle Suit
$1,196 from UD Replicas »

From the brilliant mind of Lucius Fox and "the copycats" at UD Replicas comes this faithful rendition of the bat suit as worn by Bruce Wayne in Batman Begins. Painstaking work with the original screen suits has gone into capturing the unique design. And although the price tag is a bit steep at a little over $1,000, the expression on motorist's faces as you fly by them in your new vanity purchase...

Tuesday, March 05, 2013
Neon Genesis Evangelion Humidifier

I bet you didn't know Eva Unit 01 was also highly adept at manipulating the three states of matter. Well, two of the three anyway. Here to keep your home or office moist and safe from itchy skin and dry eyeballs is the Neon...

Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Mosler RaptorGTR
$700,000 from RaptorGTR »

The Mosler RaptorGTR compares itself to the Bugatti Veyron SuperSport and Lamborghini Aventador. But only to point out that, in terms of power-to-weight ratio, it is better than both of them. (Though in terms of marketing...

Tuesday, March 26, 2013
Bubonic Bunny Hoppers
$20 from Etsy »

Looks like we're gonna have a grotesque perversion of the fuzzy, frolicky, happy animals emblematic of every major holiday now. First Phillip Blackman took on Valentine's Day with his Undead Teds, and here Undead Ed tackles Easter with Bubonic Bunny Hoppers, wind-up rabbits treated with bloodshot eyeballs, smashed pig noses, and gnarled buck teeth....

Friday, January 11, 2013
Star Wars Death Star Heart Necklace
$10 from Etsy »

Christmas: Over. Valentine's Day: Dammit! Still to come. But get your wife/girlfriend/favorite cheese girl at the Whole Foods a Star Wars Death Star Heart Necklace, and you'll both check another gift off your list and make...

Wednesday, May 02, 2012
Russian Roulette for Amateurs
$14.22 from Amazon »

Since most of us would rather be wet than dead, this water balloon variation on Russian Roulette is likely to generate a bit more participation and enthusiasm as a try-your-luck party game than its bullet-based counterpart....

Sunday, September 16, 2012
The Talking Periodic Table of Swearing
$81,065 from Firebox.com »

Interdisciplinary exercises combine two or more distinct areas of study, and present them as one cohesive whole. In a world-class display of interdisciplinary art, The Talking Periodic Table of Swearing endeavors to entwine...

Tuesday, February 26, 2013
Darth Vader and Son
$8.49 from Amazon »

What if Darth Vader had been a good dad? Or even had just announced his paternity to Luke sometime before he got into that imminent death predicament? Darth Vader and Son not only speculates on this topic, but does so with...

If bat shit looked like 1000mW of ice-blue lightning, the S3 Spyder III Arctic Laser would be the physical manifestation of bat shit crazy. As it stands, the world's most powerful laser is just fuckin' nuts. Wicked Lasers' (absolutely, 100% legal) handheld bolt of pure spectral power counts amongst its marketable skills the ability to: Sear through ornery plastic, pop bitch-ass balloons, burn continuously, 24/7, without sustaining damage to its laser diode, function in 9 different operating modes, including Strobe, Constant Wave, SOS, Beacon, and Tactical Hibernation, emit 0.25 Lux of light at a distance of 6,856 meters, turn anyone it hits in the eye at a distance of 149 meters or less into Ray Charles, minus the musical talent and soul.

And if that weren't enough to get it laid every day for the duration of its 5,000+-hour serviceable life, Guinness is currently testing the S3 Arctic for the official title of World's Most Powerful Laser.

The S3 Arctic Series Laser resides in an aircraft grade aluminum chassis that's smaller than a standard flashlight.

Saturday, April 06, 2013
Insta-Luck - Authentic Four-Leaf Clover
$9.99 from Etsy »

Hell yes I could use some good luck. And the Insta-kind that requires no patience or input on my part would certainly be preferable. But my question is: do these four-leaf clovers that purportedly reverse misfortune, upsets...

Wednesday, February 06, 2013
Deer Antler Handlebars

Taylor Simpson accidentally plowed into a deer with his Knight XV while barreling through Poughkeepsie several months ago and felt so bad about it he swore off driving altogether and converted the slain buck's antlers into...

Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Glow-in-the-Dark Galaxy Underwear
$18 from Etsy »

If you liked Black Milk Clothing's Galaxy Purple Leggings, take a gander at Portland, Oregon-based Make It Good's Glow-in-the-Dark Galaxy Underwear. Available in both women's bikini cuts and men's boxer briefs the black-and-solar-system-speckled...

Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Alien Abduction Lamp
Sold Out from Amazon »

When I see alien abduction images like this lamp's they make me think of one thing: Cartman gets an anal probe. Ugh, poor cow. Well, maybe not. I mean, really, whatever fate lies ahead for him on that spaceship can't be any...

Tuesday, March 12, 2013
Hail Protector for Automobiles
$312 - $412 from indiegogo »

"Are you tired of being a victim of hail and living in fear of hail damage?" That's, no joke, Hail Protector's opening line. I think they stole their copy from a domestic violence Website. Let's see what else: "...pounding...

Friday, March 15, 2013
Speaker Pillow
$57.99 from Amazon »

I have nothing snide to say about the speaker pillow. It's an outstanding idea. I can't even count how many times I have fallen asleep with earbuds in and woken up with one side implanted so deep in my aural canal I crowned...

Friday, March 30, 2012
Bathtub Planetarium
$137.65 from Amazon »

Bathe with the stars! Well, the battery-operated, not the hydrogen and helium gas, kind. Or the Jennifer Lawrence/Ryan Gosling kind for that matter. Still, the Homestar Spa, a planetarium for the bathtub, hot tub, or indoor...

Tuesday, April 09, 2013
Dog Overalls
$39.95 - $79.99 from Amazon »

The list of items people inexplicably buy for their pets just keeps getting longer. I can't imagine any dog--even a neutered dog--forcibly suited up in a pair of Hurtta's canine overalls not spending every second thereafter...

Sunday, May 20, 2012
Alien Motorcycle

Alien prequel Prometheus doesn't hit theaters until June 1, 2012. So in the interim, let's take a trip down memory lane to the series' Alien vs. Predator installment. Are you there? OK, now throw in a motorcycle, a grip of...

Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Swallowable Parfum

Swallowable Parfum is a capsule that, when ingested, releases perfumed scents through its host's pores. So instead of spritzing dewy showers of juniper and orange blossom onto your body, you'll be able to sweat aromatic beads...

Monday, January 09, 2012
Moldable Plastic
$16.95 from InstaMorph »

The next time you throw your hands to the sky and lament, "Argh! If only I had a doohickey with a flat lip on that end and a kind of hook-claw on the other that's small enough to fit in this slot here, and strong enough to...

Sunday, September 02, 2012
Lord of the Rings Sauron Armor Set

Antagonist. Necromancer. Lord of the Rings. SRG Armoury brings the darkness and malevolence of Tokien's Sauron to life in this custom-made Full Plate Armor Set. Constructed from 16 - 18 gauge mild steel, all suits are forged...

Sunday, December 16, 2012
Coffee & a Smoke Cup
$59.99 from Shapeways »

The effects of the weekend call for a thick shot of Death Wish Coffee and a long drag of a Marlboro Light. It's almost like Solo e Sola knows that my Saturday night culminated in the crushing of a raw egg in my right hand*...

Wednesday, December 05, 2012
Bump, Grind & Glow Speakers
$99.95 from Amazon »

I've been looking for a speaker than can bump & grind as well as I do. The BlackDiamond3, a wireless/Bluetooth model compatible with all iProducts and most smartphones, raves in up to 16,000,000 LED colors, syncing vividly...

Wednesday, March 06, 2013
Multi-Tool Axe
$27.15 - $31.57 from Amazon »

They're terming Brook & Hunter's axe of a thousand ways to destroy and maim a "garden tool". Yeah, for all the "weeding" I have to do when gangs of Girl Scouts jump me in the grocery store parking lot because I dissed Do-si-dos....

Sunday, October 21, 2012
LEGO Bat Cave
By: Flickr

Wayne Hussey and Carlyle Livingston, ye builders of the LEGO Bat Cave, I think you might win Batman Creations Fabricated by People Obsessed with the Dark Knight for 2012. Motorcycle suits be damned, I'd much rather have this...

Monday, January 28, 2013
Pee-wee Herman Cycling Suit
$149.99 from Podium Cycling »

When I first heard about the Pee-wee Herman cycling suit I thought I had been proven wrong in my contention that nothing on earth could make cyclists look any more ridiculous than they already do. Seriously, does any sport...

Sunday, December 09, 2012
iPood Baby Onesie
$17.50 from Amazon »

iPood. The onesie that states the obvious, perpetual reality for chilluns between the ages of 6 and 18 months old. And instead of a button for blasting its volume, the iPood comes with a button that aids kiddos in blasting...

Thursday, October 25, 2012
Underwater Dogs - Subsurface Fetching Photos
$15.09 from Amazon »

How the heckfire did Seth Casteel even come up with this idea of photographing dogs fetching balls and sticks and other lures of underwater canine submersion? Its hilarity--with one wrench of pure horror in the form of a snarling...

Wednesday, January 23, 2013
The Big Face Woody Bamboo Watch
$65 - $75 from Kickstarter »

The Big Face Woody. Is the name alone not reason enough to pledge our support of Oahu designer NFNT's bamboo watch? I wonder how many people inadvertently stumble across this eco-friendly wooden timepiece during Google searches...

Thursday, July 12, 2012
Silent Alarm Clock & Sleep Sensor
$99.97 from Amazon »

Anecdotally, I would describe the LARK Silent Alarm Clock & Sleep Sensor as analogous to the paradigm of getting the boss man to implement your Big Idea by convincing him he thought of it himself. Combining subtle vibration...

Thursday, September 20, 2012
Reindeer Threesome Sweater
$79.99 from Amazon »

It's a highly inappropriate Rudolph sandwich, wherein Rudolph proves that he can both dish it out and take it. The Reindeer Threesome Sweater is to make your holidays, and particularly your impending Ugly Christmas Sweater...

Sunday, February 10, 2013
Nutella & Go! Snack Packs
$25.25 from Amazon »

You know what contentious pop culture debate on which I have no opinion? Nutella vs. Peanut Butter. Seriously Internet forums? You're warring over this? Each is a transcendentally delicious standout in the world of spreads....

Wednesday, January 30, 2013
Friendly Toilet Seat Reminder

When speaking of our health, of preventing the ingestion of fecal matter thrust into the air during the toilet flushing process, is there really a need to mince words? Beat around the bush? Employ euphemisms? Woodpecker Laboratories...

Sunday, April 14, 2013
The Giant Omnibus of Superpowers T-Shirt

Pop Chart Lab asserts that The Giant Omnibus of Superpowers T-shirt constitutes the most extensive charting of superpowers in the universe. Easy enough to say within the safe confines of Earth, but I have to wonder if they'd...

Monday, November 07, 2011
Branding Iron For BIC Lighter
$22 from Shapeways »

Hey moms! Check it out... No more searching for that perfect stocking-stuffer for your teenage son. Customize these to say whatever it is you'd like... that's 5 characters or less. This is actually a pretty creative idea...

Monday, May 06, 2013
Cheat Feet Socks

Woodpecker Laboratories is kind of like a cool, former-hippie uncle that gives great advice and provides invaluable tools for maneuvering oneself through life. First they came out with this friendly reminder decal that affixes...

Monday, June 04, 2012
Unicorn Head Mask
$22.59 from Amazon »

Product literature describes the Magical Unicorn Mask, a whole-head extravaganza of latex, as "vaguely disturbing." Uh, vaguely? For me, a mythical creature whose facial expression sort of makes it look like it's being sodomized...