A Geek's Gift Guide of Gadgets, Gear and Novelties    * Updated daily

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Wednesday, October 26, 2011

when preparing for the inevitable zombie apocalypse the present has no rival in terms of when to prepare. Look people, they're coming. And if you wanna survive, you're gonna need some ammo capable of killing zombies. Thankfully...

Tuesday, May 20, 2014

Get it while it rolls at 15% off retail value. The ZBoard Classic is a Dude Exclusives deal only through May 27, 2014. Also keep in mind that in honor of the Dude Exclusives launch, all Dude Exclusives products come with an...

Friday, May 17, 2013
$5.06 from Amazon »

I don't think that's how you spell "wiener" or "cleaner", but I'm willing to overlook the mistake on account of the fact that my penis has been bugging me for its own soap ever since it got the wrong end of a bar I used to wash up my arms and neck after a bottle of Sriracha exploded on me. So Weener Kleener it is....

Tuesday, March 25, 2014
$34.99 from Amazon »

Who wants to try the Aquapod bottle launcher in their backyard? It shoots water-filled 2L sodie bottles up to 100 feet in the air with the assistance of nothing but its dock, a bike pump, and your foot. Got a beef with the...

Tuesday, February 25, 2014
$9.25 from Klecker Knives »

Klecker Knives gets the kids wielding folding lock-backs young. Their Trigger knife kit, edition glow-in-the dark, aspires to teach children ages 7 and up how to build their own pocket blade model. Now at first I wondered...

Friday, February 7, 2014
$6.35 from Amazon »

My friend Esteban lives on a boat and at the end of the summer every year he hires a diver to scrounge around the water at the bottom of his slip to try to recover the myriad items he and his friends drop over the side when they're drunk. This past September was a banner year. He got 4 smartphones, a handful of glass pipes, an axe, a set of 14K gold grillz, a PlayStation 3 (thanks to his ex), and...

Friday, June 14, 2013
Sold Out from Amazon »

Wait. Aren't praying mantises hot, yet evil, women who devour men like Xander Harris in that one episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer? And does that mean you're telling me I can purchase and hatch between 50 and 200 women out...

Monday, April 16, 2012
$11,882 from Firebox.com »

Ahhh, the Tentanic is cruising towards shore just in time for both camping season, and the 3D re-release of Leonardo DiCaprio's most humiliating 3 hours on the big screen. A 1:2 scale replica of the luxurious Titanic, this...

Friday, February 14, 2014
$15 from SUCK UK »

BottleLights are USB-rechargeable LED bulbs that make glass bottles glow all moody and sensual. Basically they achieve the same It's time for sexy time effect as candles without the associated fire risks. Designed by Steve...

Sunday, May 5, 2013

The Viking Hammock is one of many pieces of furniture Norse gods and warriors use to bed their wenches. They manage pretty well with it because the Scandinavians are a seafaring people and therefore not prone to motion sickness....

If bat shit looked like 1000mW of ice-blue lightning, the S3 Spyder III Arctic Laser would be the physical manifestation of bat shit crazy. As it stands, the world's most powerful laser is just fuckin' nuts. Wicked Lasers' (absolutely, 100% legal) handheld bolt of pure spectral power counts amongst its marketable skills the ability to: Sear through ornery plastic, pop bitch-ass balloons, burn continuously, 24/7, without sustaining damage to its laser diode, function in 9 different operating modes, including Strobe, Constant Wave, SOS, Beacon, and Tactical Hibernation, emit 0.25 Lux of light at a distance of 6,856 meters, turn anyone it hits in the eye at a distance of 149 meters or less into Ray Charles, minus the musical talent and soul.

And if that weren't enough to get it laid every day for the duration of its 5,000+-hour serviceable life, Guinness is currently testing the S3 Arctic for the official title of World's Most Powerful Laser.

The S3 Arctic Series Laser resides in an aircraft grade aluminum chassis that's smaller than a standard flashlight.

Tuesday, February 11, 2014
By: Neurowear

According to Forbes magazine, 2014 is bringing back tight-rolled jeans headgear. Thankfully, most of it won't connect to braces or interfere with beer consumption like Joan Cusack's in Sixteen Candles, but much will look just...

Sunday, December 30, 2012
$1,400 from Amazon »

F light, low-profile, and practical. I live in the USA. I want the biggest and the best. Even if the biggest and the best means so cumbersome and heavy it makes me look like I have a gimp leg when I carry it in my pants pocket....

Saturday, April 5, 2014
$129.95 from Amazon »

Though not yet skilled enough to earn itself Ninja status, the Turtle Shell Bluetooth speaker does amount to more than your average armored reptile. Shockproof, dust-proof, and water-resistant even through a heavy rain, the...

Friday, October 19, 2012

A one-person all-terrain vehicle that doubles as a personal watercraft. I don't like these studious, clinical terms for the Quadski, which is better described as a fat amphibious wad of adrenaline with a BMW engine. Gibbs'...

Wednesday, June 18, 2014
$19.99 from Amazon »

Over 3,200 Amazon reviewers are eager to share their experiences with Belkin's SurgePlus, a wall-mounted surge protector with 6 outlets and 2 USB ports. Over 3,200! And they give it an average rating of 4 stars! That's quite...

Friday, March 22, 2013
$258 - $403 from Amazon »

Extreme sport leg extensions. I'll say. Maybe you could strap on a pair of Poweriser stilts and bound around like a bunny rabbit, leaping up to 6-1/2' in the air, taking 16' giant steps, and running 100m sprints without breaking...

Sunday, November 24, 2013
$29.99 from ThinkGeek »

I hope the electromagnetic fields projected by these Iron Man 3 glowing Arc Reactor coasters will keep my drinks safe this holiday season from particulates of snot and saliva ejected by fellow partygoers whose mothers never...

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

A great way to settle arguments between siblings, the MMA throwdown bed gives parents the option to let their children battle to the death before night night time. No biting or hair pulling please....

Thursday, November 1, 2012
Sold Out from Amazon »

The most endearing part about the Kuwaete Sukkiri Tongue Exerciser marketing campaign is that it claims the silicone (and grapefruit scented!) apparatus is intended to "help improve your face line and those flabby, sagging...

Tuesday, May 6, 2014
$6.95 from Amazon »

It's hydrophobic sand. Water-abhorring sand. H2-Ohhh-Nooo! sand. That's not to say it never learned to swim because its mama spent its swim lessons money on black market Ritalin, just that it physically repels water. It never...

Sunday, January 27, 2013
$59.99 from Zane Lamprey »

Unlike braces and Yoda, the Drinkmaster Hoodie checks in as both useful and good-looking. A sleek black fleece zip-up with a bevy of booze-specific pockets and effects, the Drinkmaster is the hardcore partier's ultimate bag...

Friday, October 25, 2013
$10.59 from Amazon »

Who wants to dissipate a crowd? Shorten the line to get into Comic-Con? Gain some alone time with the Mona Lisa at the Louvre? Convince the cop you really were going 120 in response to massive GI issues? Nasal Nausea, a military-grade...

Friday, June 27, 2014
$79 from OKUM »

I like the Oon power strip concept. Classy wood building blocks hiding the ugly two-prongs. They even get nostalgic, looking kinda like the building blocks I played with when I was a kid. The building blocks I played with...

Saturday, February 15, 2014
$21.79 from Firebox.com »

Dead or alive, you're coming with me. Robocop might drag you kicking and screaming out of bed in the morning like a big douchebag, but Robocup plays the good cop. He combats your fatigue and eases you into the harsh day ahead...

Saturday, November 17, 2012
$9.82 - $23.95 from Amazon »

Ladies, if Griz Coats are too big, too masculine, or too covering of the neck down for you (read: for me), how about one of these minxy little animal hoodies? Most of them even extend along the shoulders into a cozy pair of...

Tuesday, October 8, 2013
Giveaway: Griz Coats 54
Giveaway Entry Is Closed
By: Griz Coat

Our contribution to your Halloween bedecking comes courtesy of yard upon yard of faux fur, wads of foam finessed into the heads of beasts, and the very generous ursine and lupine outerwear enthusiasts at Griz Coat. Enter to...

Monday, November 4, 2013
$9.99 from Amazon »

So what you're saying is that this simple stamp could be the solution to ridding myself of the 8' piles of credit card offers and guaranteed ways to pay off my student loads in 6 months and weird notices about taxes or something...

Friday, May 9, 2014

2014 marks the 30th anniversary of the original Ghostbusters' big screen release. Yeah, I know. I can't believe you're that old either. So obviously enterprising capitalists are making to capitalize on the Who ya gonna call?...

Monday, July 7, 2014
$39.99 from DudeIWantThat.com »

One reason the iMaze Fitness heart rate strap and Bluetooth-connected smartphone app are better than all the other fitness trackers in the land is that the iMaze system will monitor and record the minutiae of your athletic...

Friday, February 21, 2014
$12 from SMBC »

My Darwin fish eats your Jesus fish damns the pot-smoking jam band Phish fish. Orrr...my TRUTH ichthys consumes your Darwin decal. Presumably with love. And with Star Trek and Cthulhu fish as spectators. The Flying Spaghetti...

Thursday, September 20, 2012
Discontinued

Blacksmith Jeremy Duke has four things to say about his Railroad Spike Knives. They are 1) forged for our pleasure and 2) predominantly novelty items, but 3) can be used to F someone up as a weapon, although he makes them...

Saturday, February 22, 2014
$34.99 from Etsy »

I don't know if I'd be more turned on by or afraid of a girl wearing lock pick earrings. I mean, if she knows how to use them, that's hot. But if she knows how to use them...uh...I mean I have like $1,200 in unpaid parking...

Sunday, February 19, 2012
Discontinued

Like the women who fall prey to your Don Juan wiles, the Biometric Wallet opens up to your touch, and your touch alone. It is an equally high-tech and high-fashion financial bodyguard that is virtually indestructible, and...

Friday, January 18, 2013
$116 - $158 from Crocosaurus Cove »

I like to flirt with death every now and again. Provided death does its return eye bats and tooth flashes from the other side of an impenetrable fiberglass cage, anyway. Crocosaurus Cove Darwin in Australia's Northern Territory...

Sunday, September 1, 2013
$79 from SparqEE »

Getting up off the couch to go make a cell phone sounds even rougher than getting up off the couch to go make a sandwich. But if you're up for either, good on you. I recommend pastrami and swiss on rye for the sandwich, and...

Friday, July 29, 2011
$54.79 from Amazon »

Sea monkeys anyone? More like tiny shrimps. A bit redundant, but that's what's in there. No diaper changing. No picking up shit with a plastic bag. No feeding. No nothing. These are the best friends money can buy. Buy them...

Thursday, July 18, 2013
$57.34 from Amazon »

I've observed my fair share of pet fish poop over the years--both floating at the surface of my aquarium and during the fabrication process as it emerged from its host--and I feel very uneasy at the thought of it serving as...

Thursday, March 29, 2012
Sold Out from Amazon »

According to The Big Coloring Book of Sex Positions, "Sex curls our toes, sparks our imagination, delightfully stimulates a multitude of sensations, makes us have funny faces, makes us docile and makes us crazy." Apparently...

Tuesday, July 24, 2012
$99 from Yellow Jacket »

In an act of retaliation against its relegation to the uncomfortably jarring vibrate setting, the iPhone has summoned the Yellow Jacket, and plans to return the favor. In the form of a body-rocking 650,000 volts. The Yellow...

Friday, January 18, 2013
$27.78 from Amazon »

To illustrate what awaits future owners of a Nut Butter Maker (i.e., my mom), I have included photos of some of the pulverized-peanut-themed treats I would like to have made for me. From left to right, they include:...

Tuesday, September 20, 2011
$18.95 from Zazzle »

Personally, I think people should be thrown in jail for bad parking. Bad parkers fall into 2 groups... The first, just aren't mentally capable of parking well. And the second just don't give a shit. If jail isn't an option...

Sunday, April 28, 2013
Discontinued

At first I was like, "Huh. Star Wars auction paddles and rhythmic gymnastics ribbons. Ummm...neat?" But then I looked up what BDSM is* and suddenly the gallery of items before me got a lot more interesting. GeekKink's Star...

Thursday, November 21, 2013
$18.73 from Amazon »

Now that Twinkies have returned to market, a homemade Twinkie maker might not classify as the same magnitude of necessity that it did for about 8 months there. But, still, it's kind of a necessity. You never know when Hostess...

Tuesday, March 4, 2014
$499.95 - $599.95 from Hammacher Schlemmer »

This nightstand with a built-in dog house looks swell until you see it with the dog closed inside. Then it looks like a solitary confinement chamber used for enemy spies. And even if your dog chews and pees on things in such...

Thursday, June 5, 2014
$49.95 from DudeIWantThat.com »

Do you like RC toys? Do you like dinking around on your iPhone? Do you like pelting things, such as red Solo cup targets and sleeping housemates' heads, with plastic missiles? Do it all, and simulate the flight of a Cobra...

Monday, October 21, 2013
$39.99 from Amazon »

Stink Yourself Slim is not a joke. It's not a gag gift or an Instructables project some dude made at home to give to the lardass who hogs all of the chocolate long johns when someone brings donuts to work. Yeah, I know. It...

Saturday, May 11, 2013
$79 from Cole-Bar »

Although I enjoy calling people tools, I don't really understand how the term came to be an insult. Aren't tools generally helpful and beneficial to the cause of man, as opposed to the burdens of dead-weight idiocy implied...

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

It's cuttin' it close, but order now and your Single Handed Barber, a DIY electric hair trimmer for short cuts, may arrive just in time for Father's Day. Cuttin' it close. Ha! Hahaha! Pun. Intended. Puns and I share the ambivalent...

Thursday, July 3, 2014
$16.99 from Amazon »

What better way to show little Johnny how much longer he has to play the handheld gaming device that's defining his childhood than with the handheld gaming device that defined yours? Alright, squirt, I'm setting the timer...

Saturday, February 1, 2014
$99.95 from Amazon »

I saw some compact devices similar to PowerAll's portable car jump starter & power bank that claim to juice up a car battery from the comfort of my driver's seat. Just plug one in to the cigarette lighter, chill for 20 minutes...

Monday, August 22, 2011
Sold Out from Etsy »

I've never been into the whole mermaid thing... until now. The shells were hand carved, then molded, and each shell is hand cast in a plastic resin. The shells come painted in whatever colors you would like and will fit an...

Sunday, December 8, 2013
By: UV Vodka

Hello there, ma'am. Fine evening we're having, wouldn't you say? What's that in my hand you ask? Here, have a closer look....

Sunday, April 1, 2012

Smooth, full-flavored, and chock full of vitamins, carrot cigarettes fill the void in the health-conscious segment of the tobacco industry. Smokers looking to refine their habit, or live past the age of 60, and non-smokers...

Tuesday, January 22, 2013
$10 - $30 from threadless »

I Park Like an Idiot stickers have two outstanding selling points. 1) Applying one to the bumper or window of a deserving vehicle will give its user an instant boost, likely eliminating the crankiness and ill-will evoked by...

Wednesday, March 26, 2014
$35 - $60 from Etsy »

Jason and Katie Lister of Apocalypse Fab must know that two of my favorite things in life are superheroes and beverages that sweat rings onto my mama's coffee table. They've made it so now I can have both. Simultaneously....

Wednesday, July 3, 2013

They call it a reverse Molotov cocktail, nomenclature I find very slick, and thereby reason enough to invest in a throwable fire extinguisher. Plus, although I'm normally more one to fan the flames, I also recognize that ladies...

Sunday, March 2, 2014
$149 - $199.99 from Skulpt »
What is the Skulpt Aim?

The Skulpt Aim analyzes body composition. Unlike a typical stand-up body fat scale, or even the more accurate method of submerging yourself in a tub of water for body fat testing, Aim measures on...

Thursday, December 19, 2013
$49.99 from ThinkGeek »

You know what they say: when the balls are knockin', Newton's cradle must be rockin'. Fine. They don't say that. But maybe they will once these Newton's cradles with color-changing LED balls take the kinetic sculpture world...

Saturday, February 2, 2013
$7.16 from Amazon »

Matthew Bowers' Girlfriend Written Performance Evaluation caters to all boyfriends. Meaning both the nice ones and the honest ones. The nice ones can blanket graded areas ranging from Cooking to Money & Finances to Gaming...

Friday, September 13, 2013
$49.95 from Amazon »

I always thought my car required an oil change every 3,000 to 5,000 miles out of necessity, but according to Lubricheck, I shell out my precious duos of Andrew Jackson, 7th President of the United States and fellow Pisces...

Thursday, September 8, 2011
By: Nike

Rumors abound that Nike will be releasing the Nike Air Mag shoes Marty McFly wore in Back To The Future II. This could be the biggest sneaker news since... sneakers started making the news. I can't wait to get a pair and never...

Saturday, June 22, 2013
$55 from D3 Protection »

Sap is an interesting word because it can connote both a sorry, pathetic loser and an object of grit and power that will F your S up. Here we will talk about the second version of sap because, in honor of summer's official...

Monday, June 24, 2013
$295 - $1,689 from Twinkind »

A miniature exact replica of mine own self, scanned and 3D printed to order? Hmmm. How about a gargantuan, like 10:1, 3D-printed twin that I can fill with air as I would a Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade ballon and float around...

Thursday, June 5, 2014
$327.24 from Amazon »

Goal Zero's Sherpa 50 Solar Recharging Kit consists of a Sherpa 50 lithium battery power pack and a Nomad 13 solar panel. Depending on weather conditions, it charges fully from solar power in 5 to 10 hours, or from man's harnessing...

Sunday, March 23, 2014
$16.23 from Amazon »

Well I know I would like a Batman mini pizza and some Martian Manhunter cupcakes for lunch today. And The Official DC Super Hero Cookbook says it is suitable for use by people ages 6 and up, so even if my mama refuses to make...

Monday, August 26, 2013
$33 from Unikia »

Compleat's FoodSkin seems like a better idea than a Ziploc bag because your sandwich won't rip or fall apart as you stuff it inside or later try to yank it back out. And it seems like a better idea than saran wrap because...

Friday, March 29, 2013
$422.80 from Amazon »

A tent that sets up in 15 seconds by way of human lung power and compacts to a size small enough to stuff into a water bottle when not in use. What egghead thought of this? Whomever you are, how's about heading over to my...

Friday, June 20, 2014
$85 - $300 from Belle Helmets »

Well sure I'd go commando with a bike helmet instead of without during my weekend Summer Solstice celebration if that helmet were handpainted in the likeness of an icosahedral DnD die. Or a roaring fire beast. Or a tomato....