A Geek's Gift Guide of Gadgets, Gear and Novelties    * Updated daily

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Thursday, September 20, 2012
Discontinued

Blacksmith Jeremy Duke has four things to say about his Railroad Spike Knives. They are 1) forged for our pleasure and 2) predominantly novelty items, but 3) can be used to F someone up as a weapon, although he makes them...

Friday, July 29, 2011
$55.99 from Amazon »

Sea monkeys anyone? More like tiny shrimps. A bit redundant, but that's what's in there. No diaper changing. No picking up shit with a plastic bag. No feeding. No nothing. These are the best friends money can buy. Buy them...

Friday, September 13, 2013
$43.95 from Lubricheck »

I always thought my car required an oil change every 3,000 to 5,000 miles out of necessity, but according to Lubricheck, I shell out my precious duos of Andrew Jackson, 7th President of the United States and fellow Pisces, at regular intervals out of convention. Lubricheck, a self-described blood test for your vehicle's oil, would like to stop this madness. Its alternative is a handheld tool designed...

Sunday, February 19, 2012
Discontinued

Like the women who fall prey to your Don Juan wiles, the Biometric Wallet opens up to your touch, and your touch alone. It is an equally high-tech and high-fashion financial bodyguard that is virtually indestructible, and...

Monday, August 26, 2013
$33 from Unikia »

Compleat's FoodSkin seems like a better idea than a Ziploc bag because your sandwich won't rip or fall apart as you stuff it inside or later try to yank it back out. And it seems like a better idea than saran wrap because...

Thursday, March 27, 2014
$399.95 from Amazon »

Bell hasn't been making helmets for quite as long as people have been smashing their heads open as a result of not wearing one, but 60 years is still a landmark achievement. The company released its first Bell Star helmet in 1954. Now, in the honor of the original, they've created this modernized throwback called the Bullitt. With full-face protection, a calibrated fit, and a 3-shell/3-EPS foam...

Tuesday, September 20, 2011
$18.95 from Zazzle »

Personally, I think people should be thrown in jail for bad parking. Bad parkers fall into 2 groups... The first, just aren't mentally capable of parking well. And the second just don't give a shit. If jail isn't an option...

Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Technology Will Save Us. At least the company will. Their line of DIY technology will save us from idle hands, clumsy fingers, and thumbs up our butts. The latest, a DIY Gamer Kit, encourages the inquisitive first to build...

Thursday, March 29, 2012
Sold Out from Amazon »

According to The Big Coloring Book of Sex Positions, "Sex curls our toes, sparks our imagination, delightfully stimulates a multitude of sensations, makes us have funny faces, makes us docile and makes us crazy." Apparently...

Saturday, June 22, 2013
$55 from D3 Protection »

Sap is an interesting word because it can connote both a sorry, pathetic loser and an object of grit and power that will F your S up. Here we will talk about the second version of sap because, in honor of summer's official...

If bat shit looked like 1000mW of ice-blue lightning, the S3 Spyder III Arctic Laser would be the physical manifestation of bat shit crazy. As it stands, the world's most powerful laser is just fuckin' nuts. Wicked Lasers' (absolutely, 100% legal) handheld bolt of pure spectral power counts amongst its marketable skills the ability to: Sear through ornery plastic, pop bitch-ass balloons, burn continuously, 24/7, without sustaining damage to its laser diode, function in 9 different operating modes, including Strobe, Constant Wave, SOS, Beacon, and Tactical Hibernation, emit 0.25 Lux of light at a distance of 6,856 meters, turn anyone it hits in the eye at a distance of 149 meters or less into Ray Charles, minus the musical talent and soul.

And if that weren't enough to get it laid every day for the duration of its 5,000+-hour serviceable life, Guinness is currently testing the S3 Arctic for the official title of World's Most Powerful Laser.

The S3 Arctic Series Laser resides in an aircraft grade aluminum chassis that's smaller than a standard flashlight.

Thursday, May 22, 2014
$99.99 from DudeIWantThat.com »

Get BACtrack Mobile, a smartphone-attached breathalyzer and app, as it blows through Dude Exclusives at 33% off retail value. The sale ends when the clocks ticks from 11:59 p.m. ET to midnight on Thursday, May 22, 2014. Also...

Thursday, February 27, 2014
$131.32 from Amazon »

Emson Electric's indoor pressure smoker sears, cooks, and cold smokes up to 4 pounds of food at a time. Rrraawwrr! Dinner for 1 is served! In up to 70% less time than it would be if infused with the savory breath of a hickory...

Saturday, February 2, 2013
$7.16 from Amazon »

Matthew Bowers' Girlfriend Written Performance Evaluation caters to all boyfriends. Meaning both the nice ones and the honest ones. The nice ones can blanket graded areas ranging from Cooking to Money & Finances to Gaming...

Tuesday, April 22, 2014
$40.96 from Amazon »

Pop-up books are ageless. Genderless, raceless, and religious and political persuasionless too. In fact, I think the only people on earth who might possibly not like pop-up books are the blind. And maybe the sighted who have...

Saturday, April 19, 2014
$19.99 from ThinkGeek »

Why yes, House Lannister, you can hold my Bud Light Lime, collecting its condensation and dribblings in the shallow basin of your golden lion wax seal. House Targaryen though, I'd prefer you hold my head, collecting its drool...

Sunday, September 22, 2013
$34.95 from Archie McPhee »

I believe all children with no existing physical or mental impairments who think they're hot little shits should be required to wear these giant lobster claws on their hands for a day to learn how it feels to be different...

Monday, August 19, 2013
$328 from droog »

The perfect gift for anyone who never learned how to swim! Especially if you swap their standard bedding out with this set of lake sheets on the DL, and then make sure they don't head back to bed until they're too drunk to...

Monday, June 24, 2013
$295 - $1,689 from Twinkind »

A miniature exact replica of mine own self, scanned and 3D printed to order? Hmmm. How about a gargantuan, like 10:1, 3D-printed twin that I can fill with air as I would a Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade ballon and float around...

Tuesday, April 15, 2014
$2.56 from Amazon »

I don't really like smug car decals like this because I think anyone who needs to be sorry for driving sooo close in front of me should be plucked from the road and tossed into a tar pit by the hand of God. However, I accept...

Tuesday, April 1, 2014
$55.85 - $79.81 from Etsy »

This is possibly the only lawn ornament that could increase both your property value and your popularity with the neighbors. Brit Martin Pool creates his hippopotamus garden sculptures in Daddy and Jr. sizes, and has designed...

Thursday, February 6, 2014
$59.99 from Amazon »

Star Wars gets an entire series of transforming vaults revealing the histories and dogmas of its most famous characters, so it only makes sense that a legendary hero with an equally illustrious past--plus the actual ability...

Sunday, April 20, 2014
$2,500 from Stewart Golf »

Sweet, a caddy you don't have to tip or worry about getting caught violating child labor laws while carrying your clubs for 9 hours straight in 95-degree weather. British company Stewart Golf has released the X9 Follow, their...

Friday, March 29, 2013
$422.80 from Amazon »

A tent that sets up in 15 seconds by way of human lung power and compacts to a size small enough to stuff into a water bottle when not in use. What egghead thought of this? Whomever you are, how's about heading over to my...

Tuesday, January 28, 2014
$5.99 - $17.99 from Etsy »

To all the girls compiling notes on what kind of cookies to bake me for Valentine's Day, let me make this easy: iced sugar or gingerbread even though it's not Christmas anymore in the shape of one of the following Cookie Prints:...

Friday, March 7, 2014
$37.08 from Amazon »

Yes ma'am, my necktie is made of solid wood. And it just so happens it's pointing to something else that is made of solid wood, if you know what I mean. So why don't we--wait! Don't flip your hair and walk off in a huff! I...

Tuesday, January 22, 2013
$10 - $30 from threadless »

I Park Like an Idiot stickers have two outstanding selling points. 1) Applying one to the bumper or window of a deserving vehicle will give its user an instant boost, likely eliminating the crankiness and ill-will evoked by...

Monday, August 22, 2011
$200 from Etsy »

I've never been into the whole mermaid thing... until now. The shells were hand carved, then molded, and each shell is hand cast in a plastic resin. The shells come painted in whatever colors you would like and will fit an...

Sunday, April 1, 2012

Smooth, full-flavored, and chock full of vitamins, carrot cigarettes fill the void in the health-conscious segment of the tobacco industry. Smokers looking to refine their habit, or live past the age of 60, and non-smokers...

Saturday, January 11, 2014
$1,299 from Onewheel »

They say Onewheeling is like surfing the perfect wave or snowboarding on fresh powder, but without the requisite presence of an ocean or mountain. Hmmm. I wonder if the presence of oceans and mountains has been what caused...

Friday, October 25, 2013
$599 - $999 from Rotimatic »

I'm still not even sure what the hell roti is. I thought Indian bread was either naan (mmmmm, chewy) or papadums (mmmmm, crunchy). What's this third formation of dough throwing a wrench into my narrow culinary view of Curry...

Thursday, September 8, 2011
By: Nike

Rumors abound that Nike will be releasing the Nike Air Mag shoes Marty McFly wore in Back To The Future II. This could be the biggest sneaker news since... sneakers started making the news. I can't wait to get a pair and never...

Thursday, June 27, 2013
$19 - $45 from Calibur Prints »

Is it just me or does it seem weird to call an AK-47 a "classic" or "historical" firearm? I feel like those words should still just refer to guns like the single-shot pistol John Wilkes Booth used to assassinate Abraham Lincoln....

Sunday, July 14, 2013
Giveaway: KettlePizza - Backyard Wood-Fired Pizza 66
Giveaway Entry Is Closed

In collaboration with the grill masters at KettlePizza, we're firing up one KettlePizza Pro Kit--a nearly $300 value--for 1 lucky Dude reader. Enter using the quick and easy form below, and we'll draw a winner at random at...

Monday, December 10, 2012
$125 - $179 from Amazon »

A less expensive alternative to the Crypteks USB Drive, the Apricorn Aegis Secure Key Flash Drive boasts military grade full-disk AES 256-bit CBC hardware encryption, further protected by a 7- to 15-digit PIN-activated alphanumeric...

Wednesday, May 8, 2013
$8.99 from Amazon »

If I wrote a book, Bedtime Stories for Children You Hate is exactly what I'd call it. Well, that or Yeah, You're a Pedestrian and Technically Have the Right of Way, but If You March into the Street All Self-Entitled Without...

Saturday, September 7, 2013
$42.95 - $149.95 from Onnit »

On the list of things that would really suck: 1) Finding your head on the receiving end of a 72-pound kettlebell with an incensed gorilla face carved into it; 2) Finding your head on the receiving end of a 500-pound incensed...

Monday, September 16, 2013
By: Behance

Impressively, Russian industrial designer Ekaterina Dekhtyarenko went from creating a stylized egg holder to conceptualizing and rendering a complete manned vehicle of flight (OK, she did do a hang-glider along the way as...

Tuesday, December 3, 2013
$89 from Puzzlebox »

The power of the human mind. It inspires nothing less than awe and reverence. Even the minds of idiots, which often serve either as entertainment or pleasurable, self-elevating disbelief that someone could be dumb enough to...

Wednesday, October 24, 2012
$24.95 from iFlask »

Smokers, you've got your iStash. Drinkers, it's time to get your vice's piece of incognito Apple paraphernalia. In its ubiquitous and thereby discreet glory, the iPhone serves as the facade of subterfuge once again with the...

Monday, October 21, 2013
By: TACTILU

I'm not sure technology will ever truly succeed in delivering remote hugs, kisses from across the world, and sweet caresses to the face and wiener, but it's sure as shucks gonna keep trying. One of several tech-savvy firms...

Tuesday, January 10, 2012
$886 - $1,271 from Jolan van der Wiel »

Dutch designer Jolan van der Wiel not only created these Fraggle-Rock-meets-Super-Mario-Brothers-meets-Gotham-City hybrids, he also created the simple wood-framed machine used to forge them. Summoning the forces of gravity...

Tuesday, January 29, 2013
$110 - $140 from Undead Teds »

Whoa. I thought the scariest thing I'd ever seen was a real live British boy who looks like Chucky, but Undead Teds have staged a coup and now reign supreme. Even if they don't have the same bone-chilling, soprano accent....

Sunday, September 15, 2013
$399 from GSelect »

My 5th grade teacher often asked me if my head was filled with concrete, and at the time I got the sense it was an insult, but now that I see the beatific masterpiece that is 22 Design Studio's 4th Dimension Concrete Wrist...

Sunday, November 25, 2012
$90 from Electric MVMT »

Hammer, your time is over. Your replacement: electroluminescent rope. Henceforth, when I want cessation of all movement for the announcement of a thematic activity in which all are expected to participate, I'll be shouting...

Saturday, May 24, 2014
$145 from Etsy »

Since every intricate, mind-numbing detail of a wedding must be labored over and planned, I'm going to help grooms out with the intricate, mind-numbing detail of selecting wedding cake utensils. Shazam! A wedding cake server...

Tuesday, November 19, 2013
$161.09 - $241.59 from Firebox.com »

Do you see what it says on one of the drams in the Gin Advent Calendar?! Professor Cornelius! Professor Cornelius Impleforth! I can't stop laughing! Partly due to the thought of my friend Cornelius being a professor, and partly...

Monday, January 27, 2014
$475 - $525 from Harley-Davidson »

Though it's not exactly riding weather in many parts of the US this winter, I'm guessing this Kane leather riding jacket from Harley-Davidson will still keep the men who wear it from freezing their asses off walking from the...

Sunday, February 2, 2014
$8.82 from Amazon »

Everybody poops 410 pounds a year. Heh. Given what I've been downing today, at least 5 of those pounds are going to show themselves to me sometime between 5:00 and 10:00 tomorrow morning. Author Deuce Flanagan reminds us that...

Wednesday, April 30, 2014
$12.99 from ThinkGeek »

Raaaaaahhgh huuguughghg! Yeah, Chewie, I know. I'm hungry too. So stop hogging my lunch. Open up! Let's see what delectable afternoon satiations my mama packed beyond your furry Wookiee zip-up flap today. Awww yeah. Little...

Sunday, April 13, 2014
$1,900 from Etsy »

Like the Nintendo controller coffee tables Charles Lushear handmakes CNC-machine-free from local California woods, Celantano Woodworks out of North Carolina works similar magic on their handmade, wood-based, "You dream it...

Monday, March 17, 2014
Sold Out from Amazon »

Though Boston Dynamics sets a very high bar with their spastically brilliant WildCat, Robotis still maintains its Bioloid Comprehensive is "not an average robot kit." And given the pretty penny they're asking for it, it damn...

Tuesday, March 25, 2014
$16.99 from Amazon »

Electronic Playground. I'm seeing printed circuit board mazes, transistor & diode climbing walls, and ribbon cable slides. Monkey bars that individually alight in a spasm of LEDs. At least that's what I'm seeing in my head....

Tuesday, March 25, 2014
$58.95 from Molecule-R »

Promoting an enhanced eating experience, Molecule-R's Aromafork engages a set of 21 different aromas to involve your nose more directly in the tasting process. Foodies will be able to add an olfactive flavor such as basil...

Tuesday, February 25, 2014
$39.99 from Amazon »

Previously we saw the Papilla, a USB-heated lunchbox for leftover and homemade dish reheating computer-side. It's pretty cool, but still lives only in concept so you can't buy one. However, if you're willing to swap USB connectivity...

Monday, June 25, 2012
Discontinued

And suddenly, the intense inaction and sporadic finger movements of chess captivate the masses and enamor even those who have no idea what the hell is going on. Erotic chess pieces abound in Etsy vendor Nicola Ford's online...

Saturday, May 10, 2014
$17.15 from Amazon »

All I want at the end of an hours-long, arduous trek over terrain rugged and unstable is a nice glass of sauvignon blanc. Who's with me? Yep, that's what I thought. Alllll the ladies. It's too late for Mother's Day now, but...

Monday, September 16, 2013
$16.42 from Amazon »

Every time you masturbate, God chokes a kitten. I don't know if that bit of wisdom can be found in this Chinese to-go container of of X-Rated Fortune Cookies, but it should be a staple. Get your hands out of your pants and...

Thursday, December 26, 2013
$114.99 from Amazon »

I have exactly two recurring dreams. One is about 12th grade calculus and my having to take a final exam even though I did not realize I was signed up for the class, and the other is about not being able to remember my locker...

Monday, February 20, 2012
Discontinued

And you thought her legs couldn't get any more hypnotizing. Wearing a pair of Tetris leggings basically means slinking around in a second skin of polyester, retro-chic Nintendo graphics, and errant flecks of drool from every...

Friday, June 29, 2012
$79 from Store Envy »

Michael Alen calls his Kickstarter project Hero HoodieZ. The first in what Alen hopes will be a series of superhero-inspired hooded zip-ups spotlights crime-fighting vigilante Nightwing. The hoodie, available in both traditional...

Tuesday, July 23, 2013
$1,995 from Amazon »

Can you pull off Alice wielding a Mossberg 590 and lighting up super zombie scum in a post-apocalyptic Vegas wasteland? I definitely can...do no such thing. In terms of badass combative chicks, I could maybe pass as Jean Claude...

Thursday, October 17, 2013
$99 - $249 from Avid Union »

Maker Enthousis says their Shield Tech jacket (and hoodie) line has superpowers. And I'm not even going to call BS on that claim. Anymore, any piece of equipment--or in this case, wearable textile--able to save my identity...

Tuesday, October 1, 2013
$199 from August »

We've seen a lot of smartphone-controlled devices taking on home security lately--from the Scout full home security system to DoorBot, a camera-digital locking system combo that shows who's at the door and allows homeowners...

Saturday, January 12, 2013
$225 from The Spiritree »

Hello, children. In today's lesson we will learn about death and gardening. First, meet Walter. Walter is dead. That's why he fits so easily inside this urn. Now meet the Spiritree. The Spiritree is also an urn, but it is...

Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Sold Out from Amazon »

Nom, nom, nom. It's Hasenpfeffer meets the next-generation three wolf moon shirt. Your days of gnawing on leathery old rabbit parts that taste like a combination of barnyard and the positive ends of AA batteries are over....

Saturday, May 25, 2013
$19.99 - $39.99 from Tek Recon »

It seems to me that the favorite pastime of kids today is sitting on the couch watching TV shows with adult content and playing video games. And when you make them get off the couch and go outside, they partake in their second...

Monday, March 18, 2013
$119.99 from Amazon »

They say the Grillbot, an automatic BBQ cleaner, is fully effective, easy to use, and, my favorite selling point, fun to watch. I mean, grilling season typically coincides with TV rerun season, so hell yeah I'm on the hunt...

Tuesday, May 20, 2014
$34.99 from Etsy »

A mug for a man of the night. A dark mug for a dark knight. A bat of a mug for a bat of a man. Holy caffeine, Batman! It's...Batmug! Batmug bat toys include performance-enhancing drugs and natural laxatives. Its bat-signal...