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Friday, September 07, 2012
Glass Machine Gun Pipes

If you're looking for a hitman, sorry, this collection of machine guns is made of glass. But if you're looking for a hit, man welcome to the bong-themed weapons trade. Or would it be the weapons-themed bong trade? Either way, these more...

Wednesday, December 19, 2012
Key Knife
$5.74 from Amazon »

Hey, it's a lock back Key Knife for all of my knifely pursuits, such as opening my fan mail, defending myself against my neighbor's deceptively aggressive Havanese, and slicing through vacuum packs of PB2 Powdered Peanut Butter, otherwise more...

Tuesday, January 29, 2013
DJ Leggings
$75 from Etsy »

I have to admit, part of the reason I like these DJ Leggings is that they make it look like you can just temporarily unplug a girl's tubes to keep her from getting pregnant. Which, to whomever out there is working on the creation of human cyborgs, is a feature that should be folded into your first generation. And even though designer The PussPuss claims their Italian fabric tights were crafted more...

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Tuesday, April 02, 2013
STACT Modular Wine Wall
$129.99 - $149.99 from STACT »

Any wall-mounted apparatus that holds the juice of the gods and resembles the Pachinko game from The Price Is Right earns high marks on my scrutinizing scorecard of things I encounter in life. Fabricated from aircraft-grade anodized more...

Wednesday, April 03, 2013
LEGO Taxidermy Deer Kit
$28 from David Cole »

Unlike the Grizzly Robotic Utility Vehicle, this nugget of LEGO taxidermy would be way cooler if it were bigger. When I first saw it I thought it was a life-size LEGO deer head and I was like, "Yahtzee! Cornelius is gonna be so jealous." more...

Monday, November 26, 2012
HitchSafe Key Vault
$47.91 from Amazon »

The HitchSafe Key Vault: Because there's no better place to stash your singles in the event of spontaneous strip shows on the Platinum Stage Hitch Pole. Also, it can safely guard spare house and car keys, as well as mind small valuables during camping trips, snow excursions, and other I-don't-feel-like-carrying-that pursuits. The HitchSafe's 10,000-combination, programmable drawer impenetrably more...

Thursday, March 07, 2013
Scrabble Rug
$199.99 from SamTimer »

Although most of my anecdotes and personal claims to greatness are complete BS, I swear, what follows is a true story. Two true stories, actually. First, I am a formidable Scrabble player. Second, one time I dated a girl who, when I more...

Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Laser Tag iPhone App
$49.99 from Amazon »

iPhone, iTouch, Android, all laser-tag-loving smartphone owners, get ready for the AppTag Laser Blaster! The app-and-apparatus duo that will turn your basement, your backyard, and your 3-mile stumble home from the bar at 3 a.m. into more...

Monday, March 04, 2013
Minecraft Marshmallow Creeps
$4.99 from ThinkGeek »

The little bit of good news I have for you today is that we are only 16 days away from spring and 27 days away from Easter*, which means Peep eating season is upon us! Even better tidings for Minecraft die-hards: Marshmallow Creeps. more...

Tuesday, April 09, 2013
Hennessey Venom GT - World's Fastest Hypercar
$1.2 million from Hennessey »

Earning the title of World's Fastest Hypercar...available for consumer purchase...means hitting a top speed of 265.7 mph at the United States Naval Air Station Lemoore in Central California, and claiming to still have the juice (and more...

If bat shit looked like 1000mW of ice-blue lightning, the S3 Spyder III Arctic Laser would be the physical manifestation of bat shit crazy. As it stands, the world's most powerful laser is just fuckin' nuts. Wicked Lasers' (absolutely, 100% legal) handheld bolt of pure spectral power counts amongst its marketable skills the ability to: Sear through ornery plastic, pop bitch-ass balloons, burn continuously, 24/7, without sustaining damage to its laser diode, function in 9 different operating modes, including Strobe, Constant Wave, SOS, Beacon, and Tactical Hibernation, emit 0.25 Lux of light at a distance of 6,856 meters, turn anyone it hits in the eye at a distance of 149 meters or less into Ray Charles, minus the musical talent and soul.

And if that weren't enough to get it laid every day for the duration of its 5,000+-hour serviceable life, Guinness is currently testing the S3 Arctic for the official title of World's Most Powerful Laser.

The S3 Arctic Series Laser resides in an aircraft grade aluminum chassis that's smaller than a standard flashlight.

Tuesday, March 05, 2013
Amiigo Fitness Tracker
$99 - $119 from indiegogo »

What if you had a tiny device to track your reps, sets, duration, speed, and intensity? Would you work out more? Would you work out harder? Yeah, me neither, but I'd use it to barter with a strong, fit person who actually would in exchange more...

Thursday, March 21, 2013
LumiLor Electroluminescent Coating
By: LumiLor

Last time you attended a rave or pimped your ride with EL wire, I bet you thought, "This electroluminescent technology is sick...but I wish I had it in sprayable form." Well, meet LumiLor, the answer to your prayers. LumiLor is an EL more...

Thursday, March 29, 2012
The Big Coloring Book of Sex Positions
Sold Out from Amazon »

According to The Big Coloring Book of Sex Positions, "Sex curls our toes, sparks our imagination, delightfully stimulates a multitude of sensations, makes us have funny faces, makes us docile and makes us crazy." Apparently, it also more...

Sunday, December 23, 2012
Interactive Touch Tables
$25,000 - $35,000 from ideum »

Ideum's 55" Platform and Pro Touch Tables, carnivals of interactive media suitable for simultaneous use by up to 4 computing people, have just been walloped by the Hammer of Thor in the form of the company's newest advancement in tactile more...

Saturday, December 29, 2012
S**t Happens So Get Over It
$7.16 from Amazon »

Shit Happens So Get Over It. Is the title not inspiration enough? I'm not sure I even need to read beyond the cover to figure out that this book would like me to suck it up. And rightly so. Times are tough. We could all use a reminder more...

Tuesday, March 19, 2013
Titanium Bottle Opener Sunglasses
$145 from Amazon »

Sunglasses. They can become as iconic as the people whose eyes they cover. Like the ones that Aykroyd and Belushi wore in The Blues Brothers. That Tom Cruise wore in Top Gun. That Ray Charles wore in...life. And now, from forth the more...

Tuesday, September 20, 2011
You Suck At Parking Business Cards
$18.95 from Zazzle »

Personally, I think people should be thrown in jail for bad parking. Bad parkers fall into 2 groups... The first, just aren't mentally capable of parking well. And the second just don't give a shit. If jail isn't an option, maybe letting more...

Thursday, April 11, 2013
Transformable Table
$1,455 from Kickstarter »

Taking a page out of Prince's book during Prince's Unpronounceable Symbolic Moniker years, this transformable coffee table calls itself D*. D'Asterisk? Dusterisk? Well if you rotate it 90 degrees clockwise it kind of looks like a shit-eating more...

Sunday, March 31, 2013
World's Best Cookie Dunking Cup
$23 from Kickstarter »

Do we really need a milk cup ergonomically designed to fit all basic sandwich cookies such that every dunk is a good dunk? Uh, are bears Catholic? Does the Pope shit in the woods? Hell yeah we need The Cookie Dunker. Designed by Awkward more...

Sunday, April 14, 2013
The Giant Omnibus of Superpowers T-Shirt

Pop Chart Lab asserts that The Giant Omnibus of Superpowers T-shirt constitutes the most extensive charting of superpowers in the universe. Easy enough to say within the safe confines of Earth, but I have to wonder if they'd be so bold more...

Tuesday, October 02, 2012
The Best Shots You've Never Tried
$13.33 from Amazon »

Shots. In addition to proving (or destroying) your manhood, they are also the best way to clear out random bottles of crème de cacao, orange bitters, and Lillet Blanc from the back of your liquor cabinet. Seattle mixologist Andrew Bohrer's more...

Wednesday, March 27, 2013
The Mobile Blastmaster

Wagons, the color blue, toys loud enough to get me grounded, stereos gangsta enough to make me feel like I was a part of the rap community, all of the things I loved as a young boy come rushing back in a singular, superb composition: more...

Sunday, March 24, 2013
Space Tent
$601.60 from Field Candy »

Whoa, a trippy space tent. I'm not sure I need to be any more tripped out while camping, what with the potent ganja and even more potent Blair Witch memories and all, but I'm happy to look at pictures of Field Candy's latest, stellar more...

Thursday, January 24, 2013
The NanoBlimp
Sold Out from Amazon »

Admittedly, when I think "dogfight", the next words that pop into my head aren't typically "helium balloons". However, I am learning to be more creatively minded. For example, I recently applied cream cheese to my all-beef frank*. So more...

Tuesday, October 09, 2012
BedBunker Safes
$3,150 - $6,680 from BedBunker »

Do you know, BedBunker, how long it's taken me to find an acceptably secure and clandestine means of stashing my mint condition Transformers and GI Joes? Do you know how many potential thieves I've had to ward off, or have my mom beat more...

Saturday, December 15, 2012
Polaroid Instant Print Camera
$299.99 from Amazon »

After that Outkast song came out about shaking it like a Polaroid picture, Polaroid had to issue an official press release advising its customers not to shake the photos at the risk of compromising their quality. Fun story, huh? None more...

Sunday, August 12, 2012
Portable Balls - Glowing Nightlight
$69.99 from Amazon »

Great balls of...not fire at all, actually. The Boon GLO nightlight's removable glowing balls have no electrical components at all, so they alight without even getting warm, and won't break if dropped or tossed around during a midnight more...

Wednesday, January 18, 2012
The Best Wrong Test Answers Book
$8.96 from Amazon »

The lowest frequency noise a human ear can detect: a mouse. The highest: Mariah Carey. At least according to one points-for-creativity-deserving test taker included in F in Exams: The Very Best Totally Wrong Test Answers. The 250 entries more...

Saturday, December 15, 2012
Brick Oven Grill Converter
$99 - $249 from Kickstarter »

I must spend about $5,000 per year on pizza. Usually between the hours of 1:00 and 3:00 a.m. How cost effective (and fun for my neighbors) it would be if instead of Internet ordering from Dominoes and watching Ollie add toppings and more...

Friday, January 13, 2012
Zombie Wedding Cake Topper
$75 from Etsy »

Every groom-to-be gets cold feet at some point, and this zombie wedding cake topper brilliantly summarizes both the worst and best case scenarios that could play out when that happens. Worst Case Scenario: Your feet are so cold that more...