The Office Spartan

$39 - $56 from Missing Digit »

If you aren't into chopping and dicing, but find yourself using a pencil every now and then, you can still incorporate an ornamental piece of Sparta into your life. Missing Digit previously blessed us with the Sparta...

Anatomical Gummi Bears

$39.99 from ThinkGeek »

This anatomical view of what lies beyond the high fructose corn syrup and Yellow Dye No. 5 of their epidermises paints Gummi Bears in a new light. Gives them some identity. Some humanity. Makes me feel kind of bad for...

Critical Hit LED Dice Set

$24.99 from ThinkGeek »

I'm gonna take a gamble and say that if you're reading this right now, right this moment (this moment being approximately 8 pm ET on February 1, 2015) you're not really into Super Bowl XLIX, or football in general. I...

TARDIS Ring

$1,075 - $3,850 from Etsy »

This is a man's ring. And by "man" I mean...I have no idea what I mean. I've got respect for the Doctor and his ride and all, but a TARDIS ring the size of the average male's left nut even before you go inside? I think...

Tron Cycling Skinsuit

$84.99 from Amazon »

One thing I learned recently is that cyclists call their little outfits "kits". Isn't that precious? So here is a Tron kit for all of the bicycling Tron fans out there, as well as the far larger number of normal, non-bicycling...

FLIR Scout Night Vision Monocular

$2,791.62 from Amazon »

Presumably the FLIR Scout is a higher quality night vision monocular than the Night Owl*. To match its price point, which has been increased by...whoa, tenfold. That's even higher than the sevenfold of God's wrath that...

Structure - 3D Sensor for Mobile Devices

$349 - $379 from Structure »

Occipital believes the future of computer vision is mobile. That means the company's forthcoming Structure Sensor for iPad has 3D depth--the camera attachment captures accurate, all-dimensional measurements and models...

The Art of Eating through the Zombie Apocalypse

$14.42 from Amazon »

In addition to The Art of Eating through the Zombie Apocalypse can I get one called The Art of Fighting Indigestion through Christmas Day? From my mama's cinnamon rolls and egg casserole at breakfast to the 6-pack of...

Snorkel Hookah

$2,250 from PowerDive »

Many of us dig communing with corals and fishes and hot merpeople lookin' for a good time 40 feet beneath the ocean's surface, but suited up SCUBA-style in bulky BC vests and heavy oxygen tanks sort of encumbers the experience....

WEN Snow Blaster

Sold Out from Amazon »

Oh you poor East Coast bastards. I normally have no sympathy for the plight of my fellow men unless their plight somehow directly affects me, but as someone who feels being stranded in the house with his mama and then...

code:deck Playing Cards

$10 from Varianto:25 »

Who wants some undiluted geekery? code:deck is a standard set of playing cards individually described by rank and suit in one of 13 different programming languages. As maker Varianto:25 points out, the cards should arouse...

Lawn Lights

$59.88 - $99.88 from Amazon »

Ooh, it's like getting forked but way more visible at night and slightly less embarrassing for the homeowner. Also less likely to instigate an elaborate payback plot. Even better, Lawn Lights make all holiday, party...

Starfleet Machine Clock

$30,750 from MB&F »

According to Swiss engineering lab MB&F, the "Starfleet Machine is an intergalactic spaceship-cum-table clock." Man. I write countless strange, hyperbolic, and often idiotic descriptions of products every single day yet...

Titanium & Jack Daniels Barrel Ring

$245 - $345 from Etsy »

I guess I've been in a serious relationship with Jack Daniels for long enough now that I'm willing to don his ring and announce it to the world. Especially a ring as slick as this one. Check out the genuine used JD white...

Crocheted Knight Helmet

$19.99 - $26 from Amazon »

Medieval knight helmets. That's what hip nanas who know what it means to give their grandsons street cred crochet. Now I don't know if Dee Forrest is a grandma, but she's definitely privy to what the cool kids these days...

Party Animals Bottle Pourers

$8 from SUCK UK »

I eat grapes from the hands of cherubs and drink wine from the mouths of rhinos. Here's your chance to do the same. Or if stags and cows are more your thing, Suck UK's line of bottle pourers for booze and oils & vinegars...

Striker II Utility Knife

$150 from Civilware »

Civilware makes the Striker II utility knife from a file, which they say is a prime source of high carbon tool steel. Since I have no knowledge to the contrary, I guess I'll buy that. I'll also buy that the annealing...

Dino Pet Bioluminescent Night Light

$59.95 from Amazon »

Oh boy, it's like a dinosaur mixed with a firefly mixed with that neat-o photosynthesis word I learned in middle school. Dino Pet, a compilation of living, bioluminescent organisms called dinoflagellates housed in an...

Two-Cylinder V-Twin Gas Powered Engine

$787.49 from Gyroscope.com »

One time I had to write white paper or a green paper or something about a Stirling engine for a job interview but I still didn't really understand how they work. Something about expansion and contraction of gas and...oh...

Beast Head Shot Glasses

$28 from Molla Space »

Try some hair of the dog from the head of the bear. Become strong like bull with shot from bull. Take off the sheep's clothing with 1.7 ounces of 151 straight from the wolf. Look into the eye of the tiger as it sends...

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MuzzleShot Shine Case

Giveaway: MuzzleShot Shine Case

Ready for a shot from an M16A2? We've got our hands...trigger fingers...on a MuzzleShot Shine Case, but instead of stashing it in our own cache of barware, we're going to unload it on one lucky Dude reader. If you want...

The Defender Smart Self Defense Device

$159 from Defender »

The Defender combines a pepper spray device with a digital camera for the most epic selfies ever. Just kidding. But once this 3-in-1 personal protection armory comes out, $50 says some jackass is going to earn themselves...

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KettlePizza Serious Eats Special Edition Kit

Giveaway: KettlePizza Serious Eats Special Edition Kit

Shake up your Weber's standard BBQ chicken and brisket offerings this summer with some gooey, crusty, cured-meat, high-heat panache. Enter to win KettlePizza's Serious Eats Kit, a Special Edition release of the classic...

iceScreen Magnetic Ice Shield

$25 - $35 from Kickstarter »

Now that Star Wars Sunshade season is over, it's time to haul out the Wampa Ice Mitt. Or take iceScreen's advice and chuck the scraper in dumpster. iceScreen creators Dan Miller and Andy Wright have developed a magnetic...

Steampunk Optimus Prime

$17k from Etsy »

My theory is that this might actually be Optimus Prime and this guy has captured him, found some way of disarming him, and is now trying to sell him. I don't know if I'd be comfortable sleeping with this guy roaming around...

Kinekt Moving Gear Ring

$165 from Kinekt »

Kinekt's Gear Ring reminds me of that ditty "The Wheels on the Bus" except, unlike the song, the ring has a fully integrated design of micro-precision, stainless steel gears instead of rubber tires that go round and round...

Invisible Bike

I wonder which is less comfortable: Jimmy Kuehnle's Invisible Bike or Jimmy Kuehnle's invisible outfit. In other words, would you rather require rectal surgery or pass out from heat exhaustion and develop a full-body...

Giant Canvas Teepee

$74.99 from Amazon »

For children ages 3 and up?! Pssshhh. Why would I waste a giant, 6-foot tall teepee on a kid when I can line it with lights, slide a skinned wampa rug inside, and entertain my lady friends? Especially my lady friend Kate...

Pet Jellyfish Tank

$365.99 from ThinkGeek »

This is one of the coolest products we've come across in a long time. These are real damn jellyfish swimming around in your house. This is a very legitimate site and has a solution for all budgets....

Cyalume SnapLight Industrial Light Sticks

$11.99 from Amazon »

I always knew light sticks were good for raves and Midnight Zombie 5Ks, but lookie here: they're also good for providing instant, 360-degree illumination in emergency situations or ultra-dark working conditions. Cyalume...

The Skull Chair

$420 from Etsy »

This isn't the first time we've seen a sweet skull chair (nor the first time we've seen a sweet seat from Chic Sin Design). But this sweet Skull Chair is unique both in its operation and construction....

Exo-Gauntlet - CO2 Powered Exoskeleton

$3,300 from Bionic Concepts »

JP Rishea masterminds a legion of sick conglomerations of metal and power, but the Exo-Gauntlet is probably his most irrationally needful of them all. I guess one could technically argue that it has a few practical applications...

Dash Quickdraw Wallet

$13 - $19 from Dash Wallets »

Credit card receptacles have gotten awfully fancy--from electronic signatures to electronic signatures with your fingertip to electronic signatures with your fingertip on an iPhone with a craaazy! credit card swiper bug...

SPOT - Smartphone-Satellite Connector

$149.95 from Amazon »

I might say I want to go off the grid for a week, but really I mean I want to be away from people and civilization right up to the point that I need the help of people and civilization because I got my leg stuck in a...

Wearable Sleeping Bag

$159.95 from Amazon »

Sweet, a onesie for temperatures even colder than my parents keep their house. Selk'bag's wearable sleeping bags cater to all outdoor enthusiasts looking to stay warm without the constriction of a traditional rectangular...

FLASHr iPhone Notification Case

Discontinued

FLASHr debuts on Kickstarter as New Orleans boys Trey DeArk and Terence Green's slick reappropriation of the iPhone's built-in LED camera flash and iOS' "LED Flash Alerts". A 3-part, multi-colored case, FLASHr intertwines...

Guppie Multi-Tool

$22.22 from Amazon »

I know. There are only so many multi-tools one can own. But only one multi-tool one can own also impersonates the precious, innocuous fish who died on you (possibly repeatedly) during childhood. What up, Guppie Multi-Tool?...

Elevator Bed

This electric Murphy bed hides in the ceiling. It descends as if from the heavens when your hour of slumber arrives. And each time it bears a new gift: silk pajamas; fine Scotch; Sean Penn's daughter. Or that's what would...

Naughty Cookie Cutters

$29.49 from Firebox.com »

These are disgusting. A perversion of gingerbread men, and a perversion of the spirit of Christmas!...

TDU Rapid Assault Shirt

$56.48 - $90.57 from Amazon »

5.11's TDU shirt gets Rapid Assault designation because the company says it's the ultimate upper wear for tactical use and battle. A fast-drying, lightweight poly/cotton/spandex knit comprises the body's fabric to wick...

Mall Massacre Zombie Hunting Expedition

$189 from Wish.co.uk »

As if $80 Jessica Simpson shoes, $14,000 Victoria Beckham handbags, and $50 Adam Levine perfume weren't scary enough, now the mall, just like the bowling alley, has been overtaken by zombies. Your mission: kill them....

Mad Scientist Absinthe Kits

$31.50 - $79.50 from Absinthes.com »

Sometimes it's fun to play mad scientist. Particularly when doing so involves hallucinogens. OK, so they removed the thujone component from absinthe, but still, 80% of any experience is perception, right? So if I think...

No Network - Battle Tank Cell Signal Jammer

Julian Oliver's No Network cell phone signal jamming BATTLETANKMOTHERFUCKERRR! is not in production or for sale or making appearances anywhere outside of its gallery setting. And even if it were I would not tell you where...

LED Jellyfish Mood Lamp

$29.99 from ThinkGeek »

If you weren't crowned winner of our Pet Jellyfish Tank Giveaway, or are like me and don't have much success keeping alive things in your care alive, this LED jellyfish mood lamp could be the non-living companion of your...

The End Is in Sight Black Electrical Tape

Um, they need to put a track of The End Is in Sight double contrasting-colored lines on all spooled adhesive products, not just black electrical tape. This is so simple, yet so useful in saving me 42 seconds and foot-stamping...

Chocolate Megalodon Shark Teeth

$15.99 from Fossilera »

Why eat a chocolate bunny for Easter this year when you can eat...all the chocolate bunnies on earth with a massive chocolate megalodon shark tooth? Muahahaha! These edible and...wait for it...toothsome replicas are molded...

HummingBoard Mini ARM Computer

$44.99 - $116.99 from SolidRun »

CuBox creators SolidRun have added the HummingBoard to their family of cleverly wordsmithed mini computers. Check out the video to see how this new kid compares to the incumbent credit card-sized computer, Raspberry Pi...

Hairy Chest Sweater

$61.34 from Firebox.com »

What sucks is that you're either blessed with a dense thatch of chest hair or you're not. There's no cultivating it, no sprinkling of fertilizer that will encourage it to grow. The only legitimate option for those bereft...

6 Million Digits of Pi Poster

$20.95 from ExaText Posters »

It's Pi Day! Happy 3.14.15. You'll be able to celebrate this momentous occasion only once in your lifetime, so I hope you have something good cooked up for tonight. I myself will be living it up with many different types...

Sabertron - Electronically Scored Sword Fighting

$99 - $199 from Sabertron »

You can think of Sabertron as laser tag with swords. Or sword fighting with more of an indication of who won than the guy who gets stabbed first, bleeds the most, or dies. The game of foam sword dueling has a series of...

Captain America Motorcycle Suit

Sold Out from Amazon »

He is the first Avenger. An unparalleled patriot whose loyalty, stealth, and shredded abs have kept America safe from the likes of Doctor Faustus, Viper, and HYDRA since 1941. And now, motorcycle-riding superhero devotees...

Scribble Pen - Draw in Any Color on Earth

$99 - $199 from Scribble »

Scribble INK and Scribble STYLUS say they can scan, record, and then replicate on paper or digital screen any color on earth. Any color. On earth. Just by holding one of the pens up to the color--whether it be on a shirt...

Dude Wipes

$10.99 from Amazon »

Dude Wipes: A Brief Overview of Audience and Application. Dude Wipes are for dudes. And every once in while--say, every 18 to 24 hours--dudes tend to have an especially...explosive...encounter with the bathroom. The kind...

Stormtrooper Latex

$175 - $795 from Etsy »

Latex Star Wars Stormtrooper attire comes in a variety of cuts and styles so that all body types can find one that's suitable and flattering. And if you buy that I've also got an instant, no-fail national economic recovery...

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SnowLizard SLXtreme iPhone & iPad Cases

Giveaway: SnowLizard SLXtreme iPhone & iPad Cases

As indestructible and rugged as you are indefatigable and equal parts Shaun White and Bear Grylls. Enter to win a set of SLXtreme iPhone 5 and iPad 4 cases, plus Chest Mount and Nautical Kit accessories from SnowLizard!...

Nanotech Storm Suit

$499 - $629 from Indochino »

Style. Connectivity. Protection from hypothermia. When 21st century power players dress to impress, kill, or otherwise command the respect of their minions, they wear Indochino's Nanotech Storm Suit. Disclaimer: If you...

Fruit Infuser Water Bottle

$11.99 from Amazon »

People think I drink only Kool-Aid and sodie pop because I'm immature and unrefined, but really it's because water is such a yawn. I need the excitement and intrigue of carbonation and colors insulting to nature in my...

Elevation Training Mask 2.0

$79.99 from Amazon »

Trading in the original Elevation high altitude oxygen training mask for the lighter, more compact, and generally sexier 2.0 version is kind of the same as Justin Timberlake trading in Cameron Diaz for Jessica Biel:...

Waterwolf MXP 3 - Waveless Surfboard

$8,050 - $10,350 from Waterwolf »

Surfing without the waves. Stand up paddle boarding without the work. Water skiing without the boat. Waterwolf's MXP 3 is an electric surfboard designed to torch through the lazy waters of lakes, bays, bayous, deltas...

Cyborg Tattoos

I'm afraid online ordering options for the cyborg flesh treatment have yet to make it to Amazon. In fact, should you want an anatomical anomaly tattoo so whiplash-inducingly realistic and infatuating it gets mistaken...

Maelstrom XM18 18,000 Lumen Spotlight

$2,199 from Going Gear »

The Foursevens Maelstrom XM18 uses 18 Cree XM-L2 LEDs to blast out a blinding 18,000 lumens of light. Not an exaggeration. Think you'll shoot your eye out with a BB gun? Look into, or even sideways, at the XM18 and both...

SCOUT Carbon Paramotor

$8,450 from Amazon »

The SCOUT, a combination of carbon fiber and mandrel bent aluminum, heralds itself the world's most advanced paramotor. I have no reason not to believe it. Not that I'd never seen or heard of any kind of paramotor prior...

A Gronking to Remember

$7.19 from Amazon »

A Gronking to Remember, or as the late mayor of Boston, Tom Menino would call it, A Gonking to Remember is the first! in the Rob Gronkowski erotica series. E L James move over. And for that matter, Twain, Hemmingway...

Square Beam HD Flashlight

$130.21 from Amazon »

Hey kids, not only will Bushnell's Torch flashlight illuminate the bogeyman and monsters under your bed, its blast of a 165-lumen, perfectly square HD beam of light will probably blind them long enough for you to grab...

iMirror Interactive Glass

Like the Cybertecture Mirror from Tech2O, POSH View's iMirror seeks to bring the internet to a place the company says we spend over 168 hours, or 7 full days, every year: the looking glass....

Pot Minder Boil-Over Prevention Disc

$5.68 from Amazon »

Isn't half the fun of cooking making a ginormous mess? And then spending hours you could be eating your Beef & Fritos Enchiladas cleaning up the kitchen afterward? Hmmm...maybe not so much. One of the top culinary offenses...