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Zombie Gnomes: Bye Bye Birdie/worlds-best-cookie-dunking-7315.jpg "World's Best Cookie Dunking Cup")
Do we really need a milk cup ergonomically designed to fit all basic sandwich cookies such that every dunk is a good dunk? Uh, are bears Catholic? Does the Pope shit in the woods? Hell yeah we need The Cookie Dunker. Designed by Awkward more...
/people-i-want-to-punch-in-the-2965.jpg "People I Want to Punch in the Face")
A comprehensive collection of people you want to punch in the face. This is the little black book anyone can fill. In fact, it would probably be a good idea to order a few Rude Books, 'cause you know you're gonna want to go retroactive more...
/titanium-bottle-opener-7175.jpg "Titanium Bottle Opener Sunglasses")
Sunglasses. They can become as iconic as the people whose eyes they cover. Like the ones that Aykroyd and Belushi wore in The Blues Brothers. That Tom Cruise wore in Top Gun. That Ray Charles wore in...life. And now, from forth the loins of fine eyewear peddler William Painter, comes a pair of titanium UV shields with bottle opener arms that could very well initiate a new glasses craze. Or at least more...
/glass-ar15-gun-pipe-4902.jpg "Glass Machine Gun Pipes")
If you're looking for a hitman, sorry, this collection of machine guns is made of glass. But if you're looking for a hit, man welcome to the bong-themed weapons trade. Or would it be the weapons-themed bong trade? Either way, these more...
/hitchsafe-key-vault-5780.jpg "HitchSafe Key Vault")
The HitchSafe Key Vault: Because there's no better place to stash your singles in the event of spontaneous strip shows on the Platinum Stage Hitch Pole. Also, it can safely guard spare house and car keys, as well as mind small valuables more...
/handbook-for-the-recently-6642.jpg "Handbook for the Recently Deceased")
This Handbook for the Recently Deceased contains 220 blank pages. I don't know if that's better or worse than Adam and Barbara Maitland's gibberish-filled version. Perhaps better, as at least buyers can fill this one with their own gibberish. A journal for musings on death, the afterlife, and how Tim Burton could just ditch favored leading man Michael Keaton for Johnny Depp circa 1994. I don't more...
/amiigo-fitness-tracker-6989.jpg "Amiigo Fitness Tracker"){kind=tracking}
What if you had a tiny device to track your reps, sets, duration, speed, and intensity? Would you work out more? Would you work out harder? Yeah, me neither, but I'd use it to barter with a strong, fit person who actually would in exchange more...
/space-tent-7242.jpg "Space Tent")
Whoa, a trippy space tent. I'm not sure I need to be any more tripped out while camping, what with the potent ganja and even more potent Blair Witch memories and all, but I'm happy to look at pictures of Field Candy's latest, stellar more...
/the-mobile-blastmaster-7282.jpg "The Mobile Blastmaster")
Wagons, the color blue, toys loud enough to get me grounded, stereos gangsta enough to make me feel like I was a part of the rap community, all of the things I loved as a young boy come rushing back in a singular, superb composition: more...
/laser-tag-iphone-app-2920.jpg "Laser Tag iPhone App")
iPhone, iTouch, Android, all laser-tag-loving smartphone owners, get ready for the AppTag Laser Blaster! The app-and-apparatus duo that will turn your basement, your backyard, and your 3-mile stumble home from the bar at 3 a.m. into more...
If bat shit looked like 1000mW of ice-blue lightning, the S3 Spyder III Arctic Laser would be the physical manifestation of bat shit crazy. As it stands, the world's most powerful laser is just fuckin' nuts. Wicked Lasers' (absolutely, 100% legal) handheld bolt of pure spectral power counts amongst its marketable skills the ability to: Sear through ornery plastic, pop bitch-ass balloons, burn continuously, 24/7, without sustaining damage to its laser diode, function in 9 different operating modes, including Strobe, Constant Wave, SOS, Beacon, and Tactical Hibernation, emit 0.25 Lux of light at a distance of 6,856 meters, turn anyone it hits in the eye at a distance of 149 meters or less into Ray Charles, minus the musical talent and soul.
And if that weren't enough to get it laid every day for the duration of its 5,000+-hour serviceable life, Guinness is currently testing the S3 Arctic for the official title of World's Most Powerful Laser.
The S3 Arctic Series Laser resides in an aircraft grade aluminum chassis that's smaller than a standard flashlight.
/interactive-touch-table-pano-6110.jpg "Interactive Touch Tables")
Ideum's 55" Platform and Pro Touch Tables, carnivals of interactive media suitable for simultaneous use by up to 4 computing people, have just been walloped by the Hammer of Thor in the form of the company's newest advancement in tactile more...
/the-big-coloring-book-of-sex-3218.jpg "The Big Coloring Book of Sex Positions")
According to The Big Coloring Book of Sex Positions, "Sex curls our toes, sparks our imagination, delightfully stimulates a multitude of sensations, makes us have funny faces, makes us docile and makes us crazy." Apparently, it also more...
/dog-overalls-7424.jpg "Dog Overalls")
The list of items people inexplicably buy for their pets just keeps getting longer. I can't imagine any dog--even a neutered dog--forcibly suited up in a pair of Hurtta's canine overalls not spending every second thereafter trying desperately more...
/You-Suck-At-Parking-Business-Cards-980.jpg?mode=crop "You Suck At Parking Business Cards")
Personally, I think people should be thrown in jail for bad parking. Bad parkers fall into 2 groups... The first, just aren't mentally capable of parking well. And the second just don't give a shit. If jail isn't an option, maybe letting more...
/the-best-shots-youve-never-5175.jpg "The Best Shots You've Never Tried")
Shots. In addition to proving (or destroying) your manhood, they are also the best way to clear out random bottles of crème de cacao, orange bitters, and Lillet Blanc from the back of your liquor cabinet. Seattle mixologist Andrew Bohrer's more...
/the-nanoblimp-6487.jpg "The NanoBlimp")
Admittedly, when I think "dogfight", the next words that pop into my head aren't typically "helium balloons". However, I am learning to be more creatively minded. For example, I recently applied cream cheese to my all-beef frank*. So more...
/polaroid-instant-print-camera-6006.jpg "Polaroid Instant Print Camera")
After that Outkast song came out about shaking it like a Polaroid picture, Polaroid had to issue an official press release advising its customers not to shake the photos at the risk of compromising their quality. Fun story, huh? None more...
/queen-bedbunker-safe-5255.jpg "BedBunker Safes")
Do you know, BedBunker, how long it's taken me to find an acceptably secure and clandestine means of stashing my mint condition Transformers and GI Joes? Do you know how many potential thieves I've had to ward off, or have my mom beat more...
/zelda-triforce-lamp-7054.jpg "Zelda Triforce Lamp")
True, it is dangerous to go alone, but it is also dangerous to go in the dark. Take a Triforce lamp with you to light the way and remind all you encounter that wisdom, courage, and power are still the keys to Hyrule domination, and more...
/combat-kitchenware-5655.jpg "Fighting Man Frying Pan")
Even if your kitchen crusades consist of little more than scrambling eggs or, like my dad, changing other men's lives by showing them how to use a skillet to reheat day-old pizza to its just-delivered splendor, the Fighting Man's more...
/brick-oven-grill-converter-6000.jpg "Brick Oven Grill Converter")
I must spend about $5,000 per year on pizza. Usually between the hours of 1:00 and 3:00 a.m. How cost effective (and fun for my neighbors) it would be if instead of Internet ordering from Dominoes and watching Ollie add toppings and more...
/radiationproof-banana-handset-6358.jpg "Radiation-Proof Banana Handset")
You've always known bananas are healthy, but did you know holding one against your face can prevent brain tumors? Apparently, you can also use them to communicate with your mother. The Radiation-Proof Banana Handset for mobiles connects more...
/insta-luck-authentic-7393.jpg "Insta-Luck - Authentic Four-Leaf Clover")
Hell yes I could use some good luck. And the Insta-kind that requires no patience or input on my part would certainly be preferable. But my question is: do these four-leaf clovers that purportedly reverse misfortune, upsets, setbacks, more...
/boon-glo-portable-glowing-4601.jpg "Portable Balls - Glowing Nightlight")
Great balls of...not fire at all, actually. The Boon GLO nightlight's removable glowing balls have no electrical components at all, so they alight without even getting warm, and won't break if dropped or tossed around during a midnight more...
/Zombie-Wedding-Cake-Topper-1971.jpg "Zombie Wedding Cake Topper")
Every groom-to-be gets cold feet at some point, and this zombie wedding cake topper brilliantly summarizes both the worst and best case scenarios that could play out when that happens. Worst Case Scenario: Your feet are so cold that more...
/The-Best-Wrong-Test-Answers-Book-2064.jpg "The Best Wrong Test Answers Book")
The lowest frequency noise a human ear can detect: a mouse. The highest: Mariah Carey. At least according to one points-for-creativity-deserving test taker included in F in Exams: The Very Best Totally Wrong Test Answers. The 250 entries more...
/macallan-scotch-oakley-flask-6939.jpg "Macallan Scotch Meets Oakley Flask")
Nothing warms my heart more than the marriage of two renowned brands well out of my price range. Here, The Macallan Scotch and rugged apparel and accessories magnate Oakley have collaborated on a tactical, indestructible way to get more...
/glowinthedark-crowbar-2230.jpg "Glow-in-the-Dark Crowbar")
One thing that sucks about using a crowbar to beat someone up in a dark alley is the dark alley part. How are you supposed to tell if it's really connecting with the intended's face and other vital organs, or just delivering the equivalent more...
/fogger-bubble-machine-5958.jpg "Fogger Bubble Machine")
Bubble, bubble, toil and trouble. That's from Shakespeare, I think. Or it might be from the smash hit feature film Practical Magic, starring Sandra Bullock and Nicole Kidman as respectively responsible/prudish and carefree/bad decision more...
/The-Worlds-Most-Powerful-Laser-100.jpg?mode=crop "The World's Most Powerful Laser")
/Self-Sustaining-Ecosphere-15.jpg "Self Sustaining Ecosphere")
