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Hippopotamus Lawn Ornaments

By: on April 01, 2014
$55.85 - $79.81
from
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This is possibly the only lawn ornament that could increase both your property value and your popularity with the neighbors. Brit Martin Pool creates his hippopotamus garden sculptures in Daddy and Jr. sizes, and has designed them to protect your lawn from encroaching zombie flamingoes, Scarface gnomes, and diarrhetic pugs either solo, or in a familial pod. A pod of hippos in my front yard! Add to Wish List, please!

Pool casts the hippo sculptures with a mixture of concrete and fine grain sand to bring out the finer details and texturing of the water-loving beasts. Bulls (or I guess they could be cows since all adult hippopotami are pretty massive) measure 22" long x 12" wide x 5" tall, and calves 17" long x 7" wide x 3" tall. Pool also recommends pairing two or three together, with the large hippo head in the front and the smaller full hippos behind it, to create a false perspective lawn installation. When viewed at a certain angle, it will appear as if the those in the back are much farther away, and smack of a hippopotamus gang you might see in the wild.

If you really want to one-up the Joneses with the Caulder mobile, team up a hippo sculpture with Pool's crocodile head and let them rule the block together.

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Zombie Gnomes: Bye Bye Birdie

$37 from Etsy »

This is what we call an imperfect synergy. In the battle of the two tackiest, yet most often seen yard decorations (no offense fake plastic deer), it looks as if the gnomes have won. And it was bloody. Zombie gnomes 1...

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Hydro-Ball Wind Spinner

$129.95 from Wind & Weather »

The Hydro-Ball Wind Spinner isn't just a fetching piece of kinetic yard art, it's a Daddy's Little Helper that waters the grass or flower beds so you don't have to....

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Alligator Beach Towel Anchor Stakes

Sold Out from Amazon »

I don't know if these Beach Towel Anchor Stakes are alligators or crocodiles, but I do know they look ready to take a bite out of some terry cloth, and tell the wind to Blow it! this summer....

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Exotic Predator Jerky Gift Pack

$39.99 from Amazon »

Now this is the kind of snake bite I'll take any day: the one where I'm on the delivering end, and the python recipient is covered in teriyaki sauce, kissed with brown sugar, and dried with a touch of liquid smoke. The...

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Combat Garden Gnome

$65 from Etsy »

People just can't wait to pervert emblems of peace and goodwill, can they? First the benevolent garden gnome goes zombie and now he's Charlton Heston. Still, at under a foot tall, these combative cuties make perfect pairs--or...

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Hippopotamus Sofa

It's too late to say you want a hippopotamus for Christmas, but maybe if you're real good, kids, Mommy or Daddy (or Sugar Daddy, ladies) will get you a hippopotamus for Valentine's Day. This one you won't even have to...

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Crocobiner Multi-Tool Carabiner

$31 - $85 from Kickstarter »

Tsvet doesn't waste any time on an intro waxing poetic about his Crocobiner on the multi-tool's Kickstarter campaign page. Why would he? One look at the EDC crocodile and its list of functions tells me just about everything...

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Decorpro Ion Fire Pit

$1,358.90 from Amazon »

I can't decide what to use Decorpro's Ion fire pit for first: 1) Making an offering to the gods of beer gut removal in time for shirtless season; 2) burning my 38 belts, XL T-shirts, and other bad beer gut juju; or 3)...

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Game of Gnomes: Throne of a Thousand Shovels

$55 from Etsy »

After their zombie gnomes ate most of the rest of the lawn ornaments, artists Chris Stever and Jane DeRosa had to go back to the casting board to create an installation that would return order to the front yard. Meet...

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3 Hippopoticorn Moon T-Shirt

I want a hippopotamus for Christmas...no, wait. I come from a generation of spoiled, entitled, self-righteous narcissists. I can do better than that. I want three hippopotamuses. And I want them to have pearly white...

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Alligator in a Manhole Doormat

$22.99 from Perpetual Kid »

Though not as blood-curdling as a breaching shark in an elevator, an alligator snarling up through a manhole cover on my front doorstep should make uninvited visitors take pause long enough to second guess their decision...

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Crash Landing Flying Saucer Statue

$269 from Design Toscano »

Here's the crash. The burn is what the Joneses are going to feel when you get ahold of this phantasmagorical post-collision flying saucer statue first. Oh how revelers at the annual Star Wars garden party will delight...