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Combat Garden Gnome

By: on November 22, 2011
  • Combat Garden Gnome
  • Combat Garden Gnome
  • Combat Garden Gnome
  • Combat Garden Gnome
$65
from
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People just can't wait to pervert emblems of peace and goodwill, can they? First the benevolent garden gnome goes zombie and now he's Charlton Heston. Still, at under a foot tall, these combative cuties make perfect pairs--or full squadrons--for anyone who wants to intimidate the neighbors' encroaching cats, while simultaneously decreasing their property values. Weaponry choices include US Marine Corps darling, the M16A2 assault rifle, and the AK-47, stereotypical favorite of the Amish. One word of warning: despite the anti-social message a gun-totin' lawn bauble seems to convey, what installing it in your yard really says is "Attention Rednecks! Mi casa es su casa!"

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Tertill Solar-Powered Weeding Robot

It's a weeding robot, not a weed robot, but the Tertill gets just as many props for helping out with the most tedious of yard work as it would for...what would a weed robot do, anyway? Roll joints and pack bowls? Turn...

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Double Barrel Pistol

$4,400 - $4,950 from Arsenal Firearms »

The AF2011-A1 Double Barrel Pistol is a first on two counts. It's the first ever double barrel semiautomatic pistol manufactured for sale (not available yet, but on deck for Fall 2012). And, after getting a load of the...

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Grizzly 8.5" Magfed Shotgun

$411 from Canada Ammo »

No one has written a Wikipedia article on Dominion Arms' Grizzly 8.5 magfed shotgun yet, and no one has given me a Dominion Arms Grizzly 8.5 mag fed shotgun yet, so all I can really say about it is that from the very...

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8-1/2-Foot-Tall Garden Gnome Statue

$2,278.86 from Amazon »

It's gonna be tough to schlep this garden gnome around the world with you for photo ops, but I'll bet if you do the 8-1/2-foot lawn ornament will help your Instagram account go viral. Who wouldn't want to follow Gottfried...

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SALT Self-Defense Gun

$299.99 - $349.99 from Salt Supply »

Lorenzo Maggiore already figured out how to A-Salt bugs in an effort keep our extermination of insects simple, clean, and green. Now we have a means of SALTing humans, this time in an effort to keep our defense against...

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Beach House Garden Shed

$4,352 from Amazon »

See, if my mama had installed a shed that looked like a beach house in my back yard when I was a kid, maybe I would have been more amenable to going inside it, and bringing out the tools and equipment she wanted me to...

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Hydro-Ball Wind Spinner

$129.95 from Wind & Weather »

The Hydro-Ball Wind Spinner isn't just a fetching piece of kinetic yard art, it's a Daddy's Little Helper that waters the grass or flower beds so you don't have to....

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Super Shorty Shotgun

$705 from Serbu Firearms »

The Super Shorty Shotgun is based on a Mossberg Maverick 12-gauge, and, at an additional cost, is also available in models Mossberg 500, Remington 870, and Lil' Kim. Factory-fabricated with a pistol grip, the Super Shorty...

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The TAC-SAC Rail Accessory

$39.99 from Tac Sac »

Last time me and my friend Cornelius played paintball he kept getting nailed and hiding and whining like a little goat until finally everyone was like, Dude, you need to grow a pair! And he was all, Dude! It's not me...

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Zombie Gnomes: Bye Bye Birdie

$37 from Etsy »

This is what we call an imperfect synergy. In the battle of the two tackiest, yet most often seen yard decorations (no offense fake plastic deer), it looks as if the gnomes have won. And it was bloody. Zombie gnomes 1...

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Tuff-Guard Kink-Proof Garden Hose

$41.43 - $90.84 from Amazon »

Kink-proof garden hose season has arrived! Watering flowers, washing cars, "accidentally" spraying your girlfriend when she's in a white tank top...I love summer....

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NatureZap Weed Killer

$99 - $199 from Amazon »

The NatureZap series of weed-killing wands eliminates pests of the chlorophyll persuasion without the use of harmful chemicals, or harmful bends and twists of your lumbar spine. NatureZap combines a cocktail of Infrared...