Miscellaneous

ChiliPad - Cooling & Heating Mattress Pad

$399 - $999 from Amazon »

This visual sales pitch for the Chilipad, a mattress cover that can cool or heat his and her respective halves of the bed, might be my favorite photo I've seen all summer, and no one is even naked or wielding a sword...

Bed Fan with Wireless Remote

Sold Out from Amazon »

I've always thought how nice it would be to have a cool, consistent breeze blowing up my shorts. I'm actually in the process of developing my own take on Air Jordans, called Air Up There Jordans. They'll have a ring-shaped...

Take-A-Seat Hitch Bench & Carrier

$225 from Take-A-Seat »

Obviously the most important element of tailgating is drinking. No one ever forgets to bring beer to the tailgate. Or the picnic. Or the post-outdoor-adventure celebration. We do, however, sometimes forget chairs. Or...

Cookie Monster Pipe

Discontinued

Holy crap, can you imagine how many cookies the Cookie Monster would eat if he were high? Possibly all the cookies in the world. Which in a way would be interesting to witness, but in a bigger way very sad, because then...

Man Can - Gun Powder Scented Candle

$9.50 from Man Can »

Man Cans. Scented candles for men. No. For Men. Endorsed by Thor, Indiana Jones, and the Dos Equis guy. This one smells like a spent shotgun shell. At $9.50, it also smells like I'm done looking for a Father's Day gift...

Happy to See You Naked Card

$3.99 from 55 Hi's »

Ladies, the answer to your age-old question, "What are you thinking about?" has materialized in greeting card format. 78% of the time you query your man about his internal musings, this is the perpetual, 14-word loop...

The Baby Hanger

$39.99 from Mommysentials »

The Baby Hanger. A design so utilitarian, yet so uproariously hilarious, that I almost want to acquire an infant just so that I can hook it on a bathroom stall. Check out the gaping mouth and dangling legs on that kid....

Video Game Junkie Wedding Cake Topper

Discontinued

Is it funny 'cause it's true? The witty, yet unfortunate Video Game Junkie Wedding Cake Topper is a Cynthia Niles custom design, made to order with a jumbo flat screen, and whatever gaming image, console & hand controller...

One-Handed Condom Wrapper

Though noble, I was very surprised to learn that One-Handed Condom Wrapper dreamer upper and designer Ben Pawle developed his concept (yes, sadly just a concept at this point, though now that it's hit the Web, I imagine...

Financial Padding Package Cushioning

$15 from The. »

All those turkeys who ask you to send them money? Relatives, charities, Billy Graham, the IRS. For less than $20, you can now ship each one of them thousands. And since these dead presidents double as packing material...

Foldaway Bunk Beds

$329.99 - $349.99 from Amazon »

Haha, that dude in the bunk bed looks like the creepy 50-year-old who goes back to college during his mid-life crisis and tries to re-enact his glory days by moving into the dorms and chasing around co-eds his daughter's...

Japanese Shouting Vase

Stress-relieving pottery that doesn't require the presence of Patrick Swayze's ghost? Sign us up! The Shouting Vase is a bulbous fabrication of ABS resin that, when placed against your lips, absorbs and quiets the loudest...

Yoda Pipe

$330 from MJ42 »

Yoda pipe? Yes, I'll take one. I will also take one six-piece Chicken McNugget, a dozen Doritos Locos tacos, a deep dish pepperoni pizza with extra sauce, and three large Oreo Mint Blizzards. Thank you, and Happy 4/20....

Your Face Wedding Cake Topper

$149 from Custom Made »

Your face on the wedding cake topper? Hell yeah! This is, after all your mother f'in' day, and for once, just once, everything damn well should be all about you! Oh, and whomever that person standing next to you in front...

Hail Protector for Automobiles

$312 - $412 from Hail Protector »

"Are you tired of being a victim of hail and living in fear of hail damage?" That's, no joke, Hail Protector's opening line. I think they stole their copy from a domestic violence Website. Let's see what else: "...pounding...

In-Home Fireworks Theater

$249.99 from Gizmine »

With this In-Home Fireworks Theater, you can now say, "Happy New Year!", "Happy Birthday, America!", and "Happy Sweet 16, spoiled brat with a rich daddy!" 365 days a year. From the comfort of your own living room, no...

Blood Pool Pillow

$15.66 from My eFox »

Everyone will be glad to know this Blood Pool Pillow comes with a 1-year warranty. Like, in case it evaporates or absorbs into the bedsheets or something, I guess. The deep red velvet casing is stuffed to a 3D level of...

Middle Finger Key

Nothing gives me more satisfaction than finding new and exciting ways of flipping people off. First, an umbrella, and now, a housekey. The Middle Finger key--or as vendor Goodworth & Co. calls it, the "Best Wishes" key--is...

Heimlich Helper - DIY Choking Aid

$40 from Amazon »

Better be extra cautious devouring those 3 dozen inferno wings today. With all the accompanying excitement and beer, there is at least a 40% chance of inhaling bone, and about the same chance no one is going to notice...

6-Outlet Surge Protector with Dual USB Ports

$24.20 from Amazon »

Over 3,200 Amazon reviewers are eager to share their experiences with Belkin's SurgePlus, a wall-mounted surge protector with 6 outlets and 2 USB ports. Over 3,200! And they give it an average rating of 4 stars! That's...

Nice Jewish Guys Calendar 2012

Discontinued

I don't think The Chippendales are in any danger, but the Nice Jewish Guys Calendar is certainly a good alternative. And you can display it proudly when Mom and Dad come over, or just make a quick switch before they arrive....

Illoom Balloons

$6.73 from Amazon »

Oompa Loompas don't need brooms, they use Illoom Balloons to zoom o'er the moon....

Natural Sunrise Alarm Clock

$254.99 from Amazon »

Some people believe that a blaring alarm shattering the silence of our slumber and tearing our eyes open in the still-blackness of a winter morning isn't so good for the body. Philips, makers of the Wake-Up Light and...

Dalek Pipe

Discontinued

Now this is just what the Doctor ordered. A Dalek who wants to smoke a few bowls, chill out, and make love (and nachos and microwave brownies) not war. No longer on a mission to "Exterminate!" the only thing the Dalek...

Hand-Carved Incredible Hulk Nickel

By: Ebay »

Q: How does Shaun Hughes turn the buffalo side of a Buffalo nickel into an Incredible Hulk hobo with his bare hands?...

New Cult Comedy Movie Bundle

$29.99 from DudeIWantThat.com »

The key to turning your contemporary American comedy into a cult comedy classic: crusty day 3 stubble. And now you can relish all of your favorite razor-abhorring comedic actors of the 2000s ad infinitum with this Ultimate...

Oon Building Blocks Power Strip

$79 from OKUM »

I like the Oon power strip concept. Classy wood building blocks hiding the ugly two-prongs. They even get nostalgic, looking kinda like the building blocks I played with when I was a kid. The building blocks I played...

NYC Taxi Drivers Beefcake Calendar

$14.99 from NYC Taxi Calendar »

See, ladies, why waste time exacting revenge upon your ex-boyfriend when you could be spending it pursuing one of these hot transportation professionals as your new boyfriend? The 2014 NYC Taxi Drivers Beefcake Calendar...

Vornado Super Fan

$99.99 from Amazon »

I don't know why Vornado needs four words--Whole Room Air Circulator--to describe what I can sum up in two: Super Fan. Truly. I've had many occasions on which to use one of these compact wind makers, namely any time my...

Bubble Wrap Calendar 2013

Sold Out from Amazon »

One Bubble Wrap Calendar reviewer on Amazon recommends abstaining from an entire month of daily extra-large bubble popping satisfaction, and then at day 30 or 31 (fine, or 28) running your thumb down the whole row of...

Aero Sphere Fan

$90.16 from Amazon »

I feel like the Aero Sphere fan, a sculptural household appliance imported from Japan, holds the power to blow more than cool air. Like all we have to do is play with it long enough--or figure out how to unlock a level--and...

White Castle Slider Scented Candle

$11.99 from Amazon »

I don't think there is a fast food item on the planet more polarizing than the White Castle slider. You either love them and eat 2 dozen on a dare the night before your wedding and then spend the entire reception puking...

Baseball Hat Wash Cage

$7.95 from Amazon »

My preferred method of baseball hat maintenance is wearing them until they smell like the inside of a boxing glove and have mosaics of sweat and dirt encircling their dome, and then taking them for a dunk when I happen...

Slice Of Pizza Sleeping Bag

$200 from Etsy »

A handmade, hand-dyed work of slumber and art that's stuffed with recycled quilts, lined with satin, and delivered to your door in 30 minutes or less. A scented model is currently in the works to increase the likelihood...

Nest - The Learning Thermostat

$246.50 from Amazon »

Nest wears the hat triumvirate of temperature commander, energy conservationist, and significant other who actually listens and responds when you attempt to communicate with it. A thermostat that makes a diligent effort...

Multi-Position Pillow

Sold Out from Amazon »

When I think of a multi-position pillow, I don't necessarily think of sleeping better...or, ahem, sleeping at all...but if this Better Sleep head rest can do as it claims, and prevent my awaking from an otherwise pleasant...

Batman Batwing Fan Blades

Discontinued

The Dark Knight rises. Know what else rises? Heat. As the summer months approach, we must arm ourselves to fight this oppressive, yet elusive nemesis. We must strong arm hot air and gym sock stuffiness out of our bedrooms...

Starship Earth - 3D Star Atlas

$518 - $1,616 from Yanko Design »

Not everyone can be like former 'N Sync definition of awesome, Lance Bass, and make a very public, failed attempt to ride in the space shuttle, but everyone (well, everyone with $500 to $1,600) can gaze at the stars from...

Back Alley Hooker Cards

$4.50 from Etsy »

The greatest love of all, is... apparently a hooker's love for her crack. I would argue there might be a stronger sentiment, but I've never tried crack before. I have been a hooker for a short period of time in the 80s...

Scooter Luggage

Sold Out from Amazon »

I don't know how practical zooming through the terminal atop my scooter-fitted carry-on would be in LAX or ATL, but the next time I get delayed by a snowstorm in Des Moines, drag racing with the courtesy transporters...

Lit Joint Birthday Candles

$5.99 from Amazon »

Generally the joint comes first then the birthday cake gets shoveled down your gullet like you just got back from an unplanned 3 day excursion in the woods. Great novelty gift for all of your stoner friends or progressive...

Glow-in-the-Dark Duct Tape

$8.79 from Amazon »

This duct tape, cleverly named Duck Tape, glows in the dark. So when you apply it to the passed out drunk guy's chest hair this Halloween, it looks more festive and in the spirit of the holiday. Also might help with the...

The Hand Reflexology Massager

$119.95 from Hammacher Schlemmer »

Boy could I use a hand massage. After the hours upon hours I spend typing, mouse manipulating, sawing through overcooked pork chops, and picking my nose (spring allergies suck, yo) my mitts are wiped. A reflexology massager--even...

Burrito Body Pillow

True comfort food is the kind you can spoon. When Taco Bell, taco trucks, and tacos rosados aren't quite enough, turn to the Burrito Body Pillow. Stuffed with beans, corn, onions, salsa, and soft, snuggly polyfill, it...

Sad Shop Greeting Cards

$5 from Etsy »

Sad Shop Greeting Cards range from statements of the obvious ("You drink too much", "I am a tool") to offbeat, yet endearing assertions ("I like you and naps", "I do not like fun") to profound proclamations of human emotion...

Medieval Weapons Push Pins

Sold Out from Amazon »

Now that you have a sword handle umbrella and a sword handle frying pan, it's time to continue the trek toward total sword-handled-houseware domination with these sword handle (plus an axe!) push pins. The Medieval Weapons...

Sorry I Am Such an A**hole Balloon Package

$15 from Just Kidding »

When verbal proclamations and pleading on hands and knees don't work, say it with the written word and helium: Sorry I Am Such an Asshole. It's a balloon package that could rightfully find its way into someone's home...

USBCell Rechargeable Batteries

$17.19 from Amazon »

The only thing I have to say about these USBCell Rechargeable Batteries is Why don't I own them yet? Is this not a ridiculously brilliant idea? The AAs work just like traditional rechargeable batteries, but instead of...

Cheeseburger Wrapping Paper

$25 from Gift Couture »

It's not what's on the inside that counts, it's what's on the outside. Right? The good folks at Gift Couture have captured that heart-felt sentiment beautifully with this cheeseburger wrapping paper. This mouth-watering...

Miss You Card

Sold Out from Etsy »

Taken either as a threat or a thoughtful gesture depending on the intelligence and location of the recipient, this clever card is perfect for so many occasions. An ex-wife for instance could send this to her ex-husband...

Doodle Duvet Cover

Doodling on the duvet cover? Next thing you know we'll be able to eat cookies in bed too. Bad news for the Fig Newton industry. I'm surprised Nabisco hasn't already bought out Doodle Duvet seller Not on the High Street...

Waffle & Syrup Sheets

$80 from Etsy »

With optional fruit pillows! While I would typically prefer a pancake on my plate at breakfast, I gotta give it to the waffle when it comes to what's on my mattress at bedtime. We dug Brook Abboud's Slice of Pizza Sleeping...

Decapitated Horse Head Pillow Case

$22.35 from Amazon »

The Godfather. Like drinking beer with your bros, the phrase "That's what she said," and John Stamos, it never gets old. And now you too can play Don Corleone to your favorite (or most despised) Jack Woltz--minus the...

The Oklahoman - Tornado Relief Aid Condom

All proceeds from the Oklahoman condom will benefit disaster relief efforts in the tornado-struck areas of Moore, OK, and all uses of the Oklahoman condom will benefit disaster prevention efforts in the tornado-a-brewin'...

Sad Shop Graduation Cards

$5 from Etsy »

I do not like jobs. It's a greeting card that speaks the truth. For graduates...for me...for you, I bet to, 'ey? Sad Shop's Katie Davis may have designed her whimsical well wishes for those bidding sayonara to the lazy...

Shut Up Tape

$12.38 from Atypyk »

Termed "66 meters of absolute silence" the Shut Up Tape is made in France, apparently by people who speak English, and probably by people who have these types of antagonistic thoughts about Americans regularly. Which...

Facebook Reminder Birthday Card

Sold Out from Etsy »

This is one of those "It's funny 'cause it's true" jokes, isn't it? However, there are two inherent problems with its marketability. 1) Any sender who would get the joke would never take the time to obtain a mailing address...

Mr. Tea Greeting Card

$6.54 from Donkey »

The Mr. says real men drink tea, fool! But first, they graciously receive it from a loved one, embedded in a gaudily appointed, blinged out greeting card. Mr. Tea imparts well wishes, kudos, sympathies, and good old Wazzups...

Come In/Go Away Doormat

$37.40 from Amazon »

According to my girlfriend, the Come In/Go Away optical illusion doormat is a cute 'n' clever idea. More importantly, it calms her fear that Eric Northman will go next door to that skank Kelly's house if he shows up one...

Clicker - TV Remote & Bottle Opener

$24.99 from Amazon »

Universal remote control meets bottle opener--and apparently a few celebrities and professional athletes--with the Clicker. Set it to dictate the actions of your TV, DVD player, cable, passive significant other, satellite...

Gift Complaint Form

I've often wondered why it is they have to ruin Christmas with gifts. Shouldn't we be paying more attention to Jesus than each other? And how long do we have to keep up the charade? The smiling. The fake excitement. The...

Floppy Disk Coasters

Sold Out from Etsy »

These aren't just floppy disks. Some of them are floppy floppy disks. The ones with the exposed strip of film housing the original Leisure Suit Larry in the Land of the Lounge Lizards. Sadly for me, while the nifty wood...

Burning Car Candle

$49.14 from Atypyk »

Atypyk's description of the Burning Car Candle they peddle is pretty sparse. In fact, the only thing the vendor really says about it is "Have fun! (French tradition)." Which I find somewhat baffling because: 1) Many feelings...

Word Jumble Wrapping Paper

Wrapping gifts is not fun. It sort of ruins the whole giving experience. Wordless wrapping paper strives to alleviate the stress associated with wrapping your gifts by tricking you into thinking it's a game. It's kind...

Ice Cream Cone Door Stop

$11.53 from Amazon »

The only things sadder than a lost ice cream cone are a three-legged dog and that Will Smith movie where he gives away all of his organs. And this uh oh...splat! representation of mankind's greatest culinary invention...