Miscellaneous

ZEUS Thunder Vaporizer

$93 from ZEUSArsenal »

I received a sample of the ZEUS Thunder vaporizer pen for a state-of-matter-changing test drive. Unfortunately, it was right after my mama coerced me into signing an agreement to submit to random marijuana tests in exchange...

EmoSpark AI Home Console

$260 - $315 from Emospark »

If Her creeped you out (and let's face it, just looking at Joaquin Phoenix for more than 30 seconds straight can sometimes do the trick) get ready to have your stomach turned inside out again: EmoSpark, an Android-powered...

Oon Building Blocks Power Strip

$79 from OKUM »

I like the Oon power strip concept. Classy wood building blocks hiding the ugly two-prongs. They even get nostalgic, looking kinda like the building blocks I played with when I was a kid. The building blocks I played...

LaunchPAD - Fleshlight iPad Case (NSFW)

$29.95 from Fleshlight »

Though it's not electric or piston-powered...or Japanese...like this friendly sex toy, the LaunchPAD does employ advanced technology in a valiant effort to enhance Man's alone time. The makers of male masturbatory aid...

Flick Killjoy Candles

$16.99 from Flick Candles »

Well, in all fairness, every single one of Flicking Candle Company's Flick Candles isn't a complete killjoy. I mean, sure, there's Cancelled Vacation, Defriend, Grandma's Last Christmas Tree, and Freshman 15 Pound Cake...

6-Outlet Surge Protector with Dual USB Ports

$17.99 from Amazon »

Over 5,400 Amazon reviewers are eager to share their experiences with Belkin's SurgePlus, a wall-mounted surge protector with 6 outlets and 2 USB ports. Over 5,400! And they give it an average rating of 4 stars! That's...

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Galactic Cap Just-the-Tip Condom

$5 - $100 from Galactic Cap »

"The Galactic Cap is a condom men will want to wear and their partners will love. A better alternative, it will increase condom use and promote healthier sex." Want to wear? Partners will love? Well. Considering this...

Magic Tank Emergency Fuel

Sold Out from Amazon »

The problem with not filling up until your gas light comes on isn't that you're being carelessly dangerous or unwittingly living on the edge, it's that sometimes you get stuck inside ginormous gridlocked clusterclucks...

Aros Smart Window Air Conditioner

$158.12 from Amazon »

I like how anymore anything that's not a "smart" whatever it is gets labeled a "dumb" whatever it is. According to Quirky, which recently made Dr. Garthen Leslie's Aros Smart Window Air Conditioner available for purchase...

Japanese Electric Piston Masturbator (NSFW)

Sold Out from Amazon »

Note: The Japanese electric piston masturbator's NSFW designation serves not so much as a reminder that this device is not suitable to view at work as it does a reminder that it is not suitable to use at work. I found...

Blobfish Plush

$14.99 from ThinkGeek »

Snuggle up with God's ugliest creature. It's true. The blobfish wins all the Most Horrific Beast on the Planet contests, and as I've previously mentioned here, I think it might be my curse to be reincarnated as one. Legend...

Buzzy Pain Blocker

$39.95 from Amazon »

Buzzy helps relieve the pain of shots, lab draws, bee stings, burns, burning medicines, Band-Aid rip-offs, and tattoos. Tattoos? Really? I mean, I can get behind a vibrating ice pack fashioned in the likeness of a bumblebee...

Snore Activated Nudging Pillow

$149.95 from Hammacher Schlemmer »

This pillow saves the person sleeping next to you the trouble of "inadvertently" delivering an elbow to the ribs when you're snoring louder than a wounded bull. How? First it detects these disturbances of the peace with...

Raunchy Wrapping Paper (NSFW)

$6.19 - $7.69 from Amazon »

Raunchy Wrap R-rated wrapping paper reminds me of something my lyrical hero Ludacris once said during his guest vocals on Usher's smash hit dance track "Yeah": "I want a lady in the street, but a freak in the bed." This...

Heimlich Helper - DIY Choking Aid

$29.99 from Amazon »

Better be extra cautious devouring those 3 dozen inferno wings today. With all the accompanying excitement and beer, there is at least a 40% chance of inhaling bone, and about the same chance no one is going to notice...

You Is Fine Bears

$17 - $49.99 from Love Is Lame »

Do you love her? Eh. Is she cute? Heh. She is way beyond cute, dude. Hot? HOT. Like... Hotter than Olivia Munn all tatted up and devouring a chili dog in a Xena costume? Uh.... Basically every time I see her all I can...

Illoom Balloons

$12 from Amazon »

Oompa Loompas don't need brooms, they use Illoom Balloons to zoom o'er the moon....

Flat Panel Heater

Sold Out from Amazon »

One time I stepped outside my back door and it was -8 degrees and the snot froze in my nostrils. That time was yesterday. But during these frigid winter months, instead of jacking up my home's central heating system...

Star Wars Pipes

$55 - $69 from Etsy »

One good way to bring the Dark Side and the Light Side together is to get them all stoned. What, we're fighting? I'm trying to eradicate you from the galaxy? OK, well...why don't we order some deep dish pizzas...and a...

Bed Fan with Wireless Remote

$146.98 from Amazon »

I've always thought how nice it would be to have a cool, consistent breeze blowing up my shorts. I'm actually in the process of developing my own take on Air Jordans, called Air Up There Jordans. They'll have a ring-shaped...

White Castle Slider Scented Candle

$11.99 from Amazon »

I don't think there is a fast food item on the planet more polarizing than the White Castle slider. You either love them and eat 2 dozen on a dare the night before your wedding and then spend the entire reception puking...

I Will Not Be Your Father Condom

Nice. A condom to carry my message to all the unborn children in the world. Attention would-be zygotes! I WILL NOT BE YOUR FATHER!...

NYC Taxi Drivers Beefcake Calendar

$14.99 from NYC Taxi Calendar »

See, ladies, why waste time exacting revenge upon your ex-boyfriend when you could be spending it pursuing one of these hot transportation professionals as your new boyfriend? The 2014 NYC Taxi Drivers Beefcake Calendar...

Natural Sunrise Alarm Clock

$379 from Amazon »

Some people believe that a blaring alarm shattering the silence of our slumber and tearing our eyes open in the still-blackness of a winter morning isn't so good for the body. Philips, makers of the Wake-Up Light and...

Grasshopper Vaporizer Pen

$99 - $145 from Grasshopper »

Ha! More proof that if pens wish to avoid extinction they better start bringing more to the table than a barrel full of ink! In fact, Grasshopper makes the biggest leap of all--the one I've been waiting for: it eliminates...

Adventure Medical Kits Trauma Pack

$19.93 from Amazon »

When I was 6 years old my babysitter forced me to sit on a skateboard with her and roll down the ominously steep street on which we lived. About halfway to the bottom my suspicions that her idea was a terrible one and...

$10 Million Human Regenerator for Anti-Aging

$557k - $10 million from The Human Regenerator »

Well, $10 million is the price for the super deluxe, diamond-encrusted model of The Human Regenerator. Bargain hunters who are OK with regenerating unsound cells, strengthening their immune systems, and enhancing skin...

Identity Theft Protection Rubber Stamp

$13.15 from Amazon »

So what you're saying is that this simple stamp could be the solution to ridding myself of the 8' piles of credit card offers and guaranteed ways to pay off my student loads in 6 months and weird notices about taxes or...

Aero Sphere Fan

$114.25 from Amazon »

I feel like the Aero Sphere fan, a sculptural household appliance imported from Japan, holds the power to blow more than cool air. Like all we have to do is play with it long enough--or figure out how to unlock a level--and...

Mystery Boxes

$40.39 - $56.59 from Firebox.com »

Mystery Boxes are the win-win gift. They make the tedious purchasing and giving process only a molecule more strenuous and demanding of thought than buying a gift certificate to Best Buy or Chick-fil-A, yet their effect...

Comfort-U Total Body Pillow

$99.95 from Amazon »

Why is it that every photo I could find of this Comfort-U Total Body Pillow depicts a lady using it? Do men not want to experience the soothing, womb-like coziness of a giant stuffed parabola? Do we eschew the possibility...

Scooter Luggage

Sold Out from Amazon »

I don't know how practical zooming through the terminal atop my scooter-fitted carry-on would be in LAX or ATL, but the next time I get delayed by a snowstorm in Des Moines, drag racing with the courtesy transporters...

Sodium Acetate - Hot Ice

$9.50 from Amazon »

They call it hot ice because sodium acetate is extremely unstable (probably moody and demanding too) and begins hardening immediately as it drops below its melting point of 58.4 to 58 degrees C (about 136.5 to 137 degrees...

Shine 24K Gold Rolling Papers

Sold Out from Amazon »

Shine and its 24K Gold rolling papers add a new action to the ever-growing list of Things You Can Do with Gold. Currently populated by: 1) Eat it; 2) Shit it; and 3) Buy expensive things with it, stoners and recreational...

Vornado Super Fan

$96 from Amazon »

I don't know why Vornado needs four words--Whole Room Air Circulator--to describe what I can sum up in two: Super Fan. Truly. I've had many occasions on which to use one of these compact wind makers, namely any time my...

Rolet Triple Barrel Pipe

Discontinued

Rolet (roll-ay, like Nube and ole!) is the triple barrel shotgun for pacifists. Really. It loads. It fires. It smokes. And I'd argue that using it will make you feel way better for way longer than shooting something....

ChiliPad - Cooling & Heating Mattress Pad

$399 - $999 from Amazon »

This visual sales pitch for the Chilipad, a mattress cover that can cool or heat his and her respective halves of the bed, might be my favorite photo I've seen all summer, and no one is even naked or wielding a sword...

Foldaway Bunk Beds

$329.99 - $349.99 from Amazon »

Haha, that dude in the bunk bed looks like the creepy 50-year-old who goes back to college during his mid-life crisis and tries to re-enact his glory days by moving into the dorms and chasing around co-eds his daughter's...

Take-A-Seat Hitch Bench & Carrier

$225 from Take-A-Seat »

Obviously the most important element of tailgating is drinking. No one ever forgets to bring beer to the tailgate. Or the picnic. Or the post-outdoor-adventure celebration. We do, however, sometimes forget chairs. Or...

Hand-Carved Incredible Hulk Nickel

By: Ebay »

Q: How does Shaun Hughes turn the buffalo side of a Buffalo nickel into an Incredible Hulk hobo with his bare hands?...

Archer Macho-Scented Room Sprays

$14 from archer »

Archer's macho-scented room sprays have a lofty goal: putting a positive spin on the statement that a place smells like 5 guys living in a 2-bedroom apartment. Can they succeed? I don't know, but hauling out scents such...

Baseball Hat Wash Cage

$7.95 from Amazon »

My preferred method of baseball hat maintenance is wearing them until they smell like the inside of a boxing glove and have mosaics of sweat and dirt encircling their dome, and then taking them for a dunk when I happen...

Multi-Position Pillow

$99.99 from Amazon »

When I think of a multi-position pillow, I don't necessarily think of sleeping better...or, ahem, sleeping at all...but if this Better Sleep head rest can do as it claims, and prevent my awaking from an otherwise pleasant...

Nitinol Shape Memory Paper Clip

$14.08 from Grand Illusions »

Nitinol. It's kind of like Rain Main. Has an infallible memory and a habitual state to which it always returns precisely and without fail, but...it doesn't deal with deviations from what it knows very well. Also, it is...

SONTE Window Film - App-Controlled Shades

By: Sonte »

Wi-Fi enabled digital shades that apply to glass surfaces as a 0.4mm thick film, and turn from clear to opaque in a single second at the touch of a button. I'm not easily impressed by things that aren't edible or boobies...

Mud Jugs - Spill-Proof Spittoons

$19.95 - $39.95 from MudJug »

I personally don't dip because I've always thought you have to be a baseball player or type of male who doesn't sob uncontrollably and beg for help from the Baby Jesus upon chewing anything that burns more than a stick...

The Oklahoman - Tornado Relief Aid Condom

All proceeds from the Oklahoman condom will benefit disaster relief efforts in the tornado-struck areas of Moore, OK, and all uses of the Oklahoman condom will benefit disaster prevention efforts in the tornado-a-brewin'...

Sad Shop Graduation Cards

$5 from Etsy »

I do not like jobs. It's a greeting card that speaks the truth. For graduates...for me...for you, I bet to, 'ey? Sad Shop's Katie Davis may have designed her whimsical well wishes for those bidding sayonara to the lazy...