Miscellaneous

SwitchBot Curtain - Automate Any Curtain Rod or Rail

$75 - $199 from SwitchBot »

SwitchBot Curtain is the newest addition to the SwitchBot family of tiny retrofit devices you can boop! onto common household items to make them smart. In this case, the SwitchBot Curtain slips onto any style of curtain...

Fold-Flat 2-Step Stool

$53.95 from Amazon »

Step 1: grow 8.5". Step 2: grow 8.5" more. And guess what kids, neither step involves eating vegetables! This fold-flat 2-step stool from Richards Homewares gives a boost to everyone from kiddos at the bathroom sink to...

Unleash the Kraken Male Vibrator (NSFW)

$19.99 from Amazon »

While we normally think of the kraken as wielding tentacles of asphyxiation and death, what if in fact the giant squid is all about pleasure? What if his tentacles, as they appear willing and able to do in this male vibrator...

Ergonomic Smart Music Pillow

Sold Out from Amazon »

Great. As much as I like the idea of an ergonomic smart music pillow to support my old man neck with 90D high-density memory foam, just take a gander at this angled, contoured mess. The PILO pillow looks like a complex...

Spaced-X Serpent Water Pipes

$299.89 - $799.89 from Spaced-X »

The serpent is at it again. This time, though, its temptation is a pair of snaking, maze-like water pipes, since it knows you'll need more than an apple to succumb to Original THCin (that said, in a pinch, you can bore...

Victor M1 Smart-Kill Wi-Fi Electronic Mouse Trap

$39.97 from Amazon »

The Victor M1 Smart-Kill Wi-Fi Electronic Mouse Trap attempts to lure you into buying one of their "humane, high-voltage" rodent exterminators with promises of instant kill alerts sent to your mobile device! Oh the anticipation!...

LightDims Black Out Edition - Light-Blocking LED Covers

$4.99 from Amazon »

It's lights out - all lights out - with LightDims Black Out Edition. These light-blocking LED covers are designed specifically to mask the lights on your laptop / desktop computer, appliances, and other electronics. The...

Nature's D*ck Pics 2020 Wall Calendar

$42.99 from Amazon »

Ring in 2020 long and strong with Nature's D*ck Pics, a 2020 wall calendar here to help you stand tall, and hit the year hard and head first...

Smartphone-Controlled Ultra-Quiet Garage Door Opener

$399.99 from Amazon »

I was thinking I might get my mama one of these smartphone-controlled garage door openers from Chamberlain to replace the one she had when I was growing up. This one has an ultra-quiet operation and syncs with the myQ...

Duraflame 3D Infrared Quartz Fireplace Stove

$166.99 - $229.99 from Amazon »

The 3D flames of Duraflame's Infrared Quartz Fireplace Stove might be fake, but they're not the sloppiest of seconds you could have if installing a real wood burning fireplace - or even a gas or electric insert - isn't...

Java Log - Recycled Coffee Grounds Fire Logs

$24.99 from Amazon »

Nothing beats the smell of fresh coffee brewing in the morning. Except, perhaps, recycled coffee grounds burning in the evening. Java Logs are eco-friendly fire logs made from recycled coffee grounds. The logs' green...

Navien Mate Water-Powered Bed Warmer

$449 - $479 from Amazon »

Navien Mate endeavors to keep you toasty and cozy this winter by way of water rather than EMF waves. The bed-warming mattress topper uses hydronic rather electrical technology to send and circulate heat safely through...

Honeywell Turbo Force Heater

$59.99 from Amazon »

A Turbo Force of heat. My wife's gonna like the sound of that little superpower Honeywell claims to have built into their new space heater. Powerful at 1500 watts, and portable enough to move one-handed from room to room...

Personalized Fart-Thwarting Candles

$25 from Etsy »

A personalized fart-thwarting candle. I know one household who needs this burning good scent blanket for the vile and death-dealing ones. Mine...

Animal Body Pillows

$21.53 - $135.99 from Amazon »

Who's gonna rock you when the sun won't let you sleep? It ain't me, and I'm pretty sure it ain't Selena Gomez. But it could be a Nemu Nemu Animal Body Pillow, a series of oversized, adorable, and often smoosh-faced furry...

Skull & Bones Fire Pit & Fireplace Logs

$42.99 from Amazon »

Halloween spirit for your fire pit and fireplace strikes again. These most excellent Skull & Bones fire pit and fireplace logs are my 2019 choice for flaming fun at your parties and throughout the spooky season...

Cute Little Fu*kers Sex Toys

I didn't mark the Cute Little Fu*kers Sex Toys as NSFW, because the gender-inclusive vibrators actually are suitable for viewing at work*. That was one of Cute Little Fu*kers master(bating)mind Step Tranovich's design...

KATCHY Indoor Insect Trap

$39.79 from Amazon »

KATCHY name you got there, indoor bug trap. Here's hoping you can live up to it stationed next to my fruit fly incubator - aka the compost bag...

DIY Vasectomy Kit

$10.99 from Amazon »

Sweet! This DIY Vasectomy Kit should save me hundreds of dollars. Plus, the projected recovery time is a couple days longer - more if my wife screws up - so I'll be able to take off the whole first week of the NCAA tournament...

Slow Rebound Lovers' Pillow

$28.99 from Amazon »

"Slow Rebound Lovers' Pillow." It sounds like a next-gen Liberator Wedge. Or some sort of consolation companion for the broken-hearted? But seeing the pillow for what it really is makes sense too: a domed memory foam...

St. Joseph Home Sale Kit

$6.85 from Amazon »

I'm not Catholic, and mean no disrespect, but what the Coldwell Banker is a St. Joseph Home Sale Kit? Is this for real? Do people who bury a wee little statue of St. Joseph in their yard really sell their house faster...

Dormeo Octaspring Mattress Topper

$359.99 - $599.99 from Amazon »

Being just another cog Octaspring in the machine might be inglorious work from an enterprising 8-sided foam spring's perspective, but from an enterprising mattress company like Dormeo's, the collective effort of their...

Udon for Sleeping Noodles Blanket

Who don wack out my udon? Welp, guess if I can't stuff it in my face, the next best option would be to entwine my limbs in it and cuddle up for a good night's sleep...

Peelaways Disposable Fitted Bed Sheets

$12.99 - $39.95 from Amazon »

I don't necessarily think Peelaways created their disposable fitted bed sheets for promiscuous and routinely intoxicated boys and girls - ahem, college students - but with back to school time coming up, that's definitely...