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Tuesday, March 6, 2012
$149 from Custom Made »

Your face on the wedding cake topper? Hell yeah! This is, after all your mother f'in' day, and for once, just once, everything damn well should be all about you! Oh, and whomever that person standing next to you in front of...

Friday, June 22, 2012
$64.95 from Etsy »

Holy crap, can you imagine how many cookies the Cookie Monster would eat if he were high? Possibly all the cookies in the world. Which in a way would be interesting to witness, but in a bigger way very sad, because then I...

Friday, February 24, 2012

Stress-relieving pottery that doesn't require the presence of Patrick Swayze's ghost? Sign us up! The Shouting Vase is a bulbous fabrication of ABS resin that, when placed against your lips, absorbs and quiets the loudest, meanest, most obnoxious of frustrations you can hurl into it. A must-have for all-night cramming sessions at the library, interactions with employees at the DMV and US Post Office...

Sunday, August 26, 2012

Nothing gives me more satisfaction than finding new and exciting ways of flipping people off. First, an umbrella, and now, a housekey. The Middle Finger key--or as vendor Goodworth & Co. calls it, the "Best Wishes" key--is...

Saturday, January 21, 2012
Discontinued

I don't think The Chippendales are in any danger, but the Nice Jewish Guys Calendar is certainly a good alternative. And you can display it proudly when Mom and Dad come over, or just make a quick switch before they arrive....

Monday, June 11, 2012
$9.50 from Man Can »

Man Cans. Scented candles for men. No. For Men. Endorsed by Thor, Indiana Jones, and the Dos Equis guy. This one smells like a spent shotgun shell. At $9.50, it also smells like I'm done looking for a Father's Day gift, and through using girly lavender and apple cinnamon candles to mask the smell of my gym socks and the Madras curry Apt. 208 cooked three days ago....

Saturday, November 24, 2012
$11.98 from Amazon »

One Bubble Wrap Calendar reviewer on Amazon recommends abstaining from an entire month of daily extra-large bubble popping satisfaction, and then at day 30 or 31 (fine, or 28) running your thumb down the whole row of Mankind's...

Tuesday, October 1, 2013
Sold Out from Amazon »

I don't know how practical zooming through the terminal atop my scooter-fitted carry-on would be in LAX or ATL, but the next time I get delayed by a snowstorm in Des Moines, drag racing with the courtesy transporters is on....

Thursday, June 14, 2012
$184.95 from Etsy »

Now this is just what the Doctor ordered. A Dalek who wants to smoke a few bowls, chill out, and make love (and nachos and microwave brownies) not war. No longer on a mission to "Exterminate!" the only thing the Dalek Pipe...

Wednesday, June 19, 2013
$99.95 from Amazon »

When I think of a multi-position pillow, I don't necessarily think of sleeping better...or, ahem, sleeping at all...but if this Better Sleep head rest can do as it claims, and prevent my awaking from an otherwise pleasant...

If bat shit looked like 1000mW of ice-blue lightning, the S3 Spyder III Arctic Laser would be the physical manifestation of bat shit crazy. As it stands, the world's most powerful laser is just fuckin' nuts. Wicked Lasers' (absolutely, 100% legal) handheld bolt of pure spectral power counts amongst its marketable skills the ability to: Sear through ornery plastic, pop bitch-ass balloons, burn continuously, 24/7, without sustaining damage to its laser diode, function in 9 different operating modes, including Strobe, Constant Wave, SOS, Beacon, and Tactical Hibernation, emit 0.25 Lux of light at a distance of 6,856 meters, turn anyone it hits in the eye at a distance of 149 meters or less into Ray Charles, minus the musical talent and soul.

And if that weren't enough to get it laid every day for the duration of its 5,000+-hour serviceable life, Guinness is currently testing the S3 Arctic for the official title of World's Most Powerful Laser.

The S3 Arctic Series Laser resides in an aircraft grade aluminum chassis that's smaller than a standard flashlight.

Saturday, July 13, 2013
$7.95 from Amazon »

My preferred method of baseball hat maintenance is wearing them until they smell like the inside of a boxing glove and have mosaics of sweat and dirt encircling their dome, and then taking them for a dunk when I happen to...

Thursday, February 16, 2012
$255.69 from Amazon »

Nest wears the hat triumvirate of temperature commander, energy conservationist, and significant other who actually listens and responds when you attempt to communicate with it. A thermostat that makes a diligent effort to...

Wednesday, November 23, 2011
$200 from Etsy »

A handmade, hand-dyed work of slumber and art that's stuffed with recycled quilts, lined with satin, and delivered to your door in 30 minutes or less. A scented model is currently in the works to increase the likelihood that...

Thursday, November 15, 2012
$518 - $1,616 from Yanko Design »

Not everyone can be like former 'N Sync definition of awesome, Lance Bass, and make a very public, failed attempt to ride in the space shuttle, but everyone (well, everyone with $500 to $1,600) can gaze at the stars from the...

Sunday, October 9, 2011
$4.50 from Etsy »

The greatest love of all, is... apparently a hooker's love for her crack. I would argue there might be a stronger sentiment, but I've never tried crack before. I have been a hooker for a short period of time in the 80s, but...

Sunday, May 27, 2012
Discontinued

The Dark Knight rises. Know what else rises? Heat. As the summer months approach, we must arm ourselves to fight this oppressive, yet elusive nemesis. We must strong arm hot air and gym sock stuffiness out of our bedrooms...

Friday, October 12, 2012
$5.97 from Amazon »

This duct tape, cleverly named Duck Tape, glows in the dark. So when you apply it to the passed out drunk guy's chest hair this Halloween, it looks more festive and in the spirit of the holiday. Also might help with the radioactive...

Tuesday, September 13, 2011
$7.09 from Amazon »

Generally the joint comes first then the birthday cake gets shoveled down your gullet like you just got back from an unplanned 3 day excursion in the woods. Great novelty gift for all of your stoner friends or progressive...

Monday, November 26, 2012
$13.99 from Amazon »

Now that you have a sword handle umbrella and a sword handle frying pan, it's time to continue the trek toward total sword-handled-houseware domination with these sword handle (plus an axe!) push pins. The Medieval Weapons...

Sunday, June 17, 2012
$15.50 from Amazon »

The only thing I have to say about these USBCell Rechargeable Batteries is Why don't I own them yet? Is this not a ridiculously brilliant idea? The AAs work just like traditional rechargeable batteries, but instead of requiring...

Thursday, April 5, 2012
$119.95 from Hammacher Schlemmer »

Boy could I use a hand massage. After the hours upon hours I spend typing, mouse manipulating, sawing through overcooked pork chops, and picking my nose (spring allergies suck, yo) my mitts are wiped. A reflexology massager--even...

Saturday, September 29, 2012
$5 from Etsy »

Sad Shop Greeting Cards range from statements of the obvious ("You drink too much", "I am a tool") to offbeat, yet endearing assertions ("I like you and naps", "I do not like fun") to profound proclamations of human emotion...

Monday, December 12, 2011
$3.50 from Etsy »

Taken either as a threat or a thoughtful gesture depending on the intelligence and location of the recipient, this clever card is perfect for so many occasions. An ex-wife for instance could send this to her ex-husband on...

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Doodling on the duvet cover? Next thing you know we'll be able to eat cookies in bed too. Bad news for the Fig Newton industry. I'm surprised Nabisco hasn't already bought out Doodle Duvet seller Not on the High Street and...

Friday, December 16, 2011
$25 from Gift Couture »

It's not what's on the inside that counts, it's what's on the outside. Right? The good folks at Gift Couture have captured that heart-felt sentiment beautifully with this cheeseburger wrapping paper. This mouth-watering, soon-to-be...

Monday, June 18, 2012
$15 from Just Kidding »

When verbal proclamations and pleading on hands and knees don't work, say it with the written word and helium: Sorry I Am Such an Asshole. It's a balloon package that could rightfully find its way into someone's home or office...

Sunday, September 16, 2012

True comfort food is the kind you can spoon. When Taco Bell, taco trucks, and tacos rosados aren't quite enough, turn to the Burrito Body Pillow. Stuffed with beans, corn, onions, salsa, and soft, snuggly polyfill, it slips...

Saturday, May 25, 2013
$5 from Etsy »

I do not like jobs. It's a greeting card that speaks the truth. For graduates...for me...for you, I bet to, 'ey? Sad Shop's Katie Davis may have designed her whimsical well wishes for those bidding sayonara to the lazy, hazy...

Thursday, October 4, 2012
$80 from Etsy »

With optional fruit pillows! While I would typically prefer a pancake on my plate at breakfast, I gotta give it to the waffle when it comes to what's on my mattress at bedtime. We dug Brook Abboud's Slice of Pizza Sleeping...

Tuesday, May 28, 2013

All proceeds from the Oklahoman condom will benefit disaster relief efforts in the tornado-struck areas of Moore, OK, and all uses of the Oklahoman condom will benefit disaster prevention efforts in the tornado-a-brewin' areas...

Friday, October 19, 2012
$19.99 from Amazon »

The Godfather. Like drinking beer with your bros, the phrase "That's what she said," and John Stamos, it never gets old. And now you too can play Don Corleone to your favorite (or most despised) Jack Woltz--minus the act of...

Tuesday, January 1, 2013
$6.54 from Donkey »

The Mr. says real men drink tea, fool! But first, they graciously receive it from a loved one, embedded in a gaudily appointed, blinged out greeting card. Mr. Tea imparts well wishes, kudos, sympathies, and good old Wazzups...

Tuesday, October 9, 2012
$19.95 from Amazon »

Universal remote control meets bottle opener--and apparently a few celebrities and professional athletes--with the Clicker. Set it to dictate the actions of your TV, DVD player, cable, passive significant other, satellite...

Friday, June 15, 2012
$40 from Amazon »

According to my girlfriend, the Come In/Go Away optical illusion doormat is a cute 'n' clever idea. More importantly, it calms her fear that Eric Northman will go next door to that skank Kelly's house if he shows up one day...

Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Sold Out from Etsy »

This is one of those "It's funny 'cause it's true" jokes, isn't it? However, there are two inherent problems with its marketability. 1) Any sender who would get the joke would never take the time to obtain a mailing address...

Monday, October 22, 2012
$12.38 from Atypyk »

Termed "66 meters of absolute silence" the Shut Up Tape is made in France, apparently by people who speak English, and probably by people who have these types of antagonistic thoughts about Americans regularly. Which is sad...

Friday, December 9, 2011

I've often wondered why it is they have to ruin Christmas with gifts. Shouldn't we be paying more attention to Jesus than each other? And how long do we have to keep up the charade? The smiling. The fake excitement. The, "Oh...

Friday, June 8, 2012
$38 from Etsy »

These aren't just floppy disks. Some of them are floppy floppy disks. The ones with the exposed strip of film housing the original Leisure Suit Larry in the Land of the Lounge Lizards. Sadly for me, while the nifty wood coaster...

Friday, July 6, 2012
$49.14 from Atypyk »

Atypyk's description of the Burning Car Candle they peddle is pretty sparse. In fact, the only thing the vendor really says about it is "Have fun! (French tradition)." Which I find somewhat baffling because: 1) Many feelings...

Friday, December 23, 2011

Wrapping gifts is not fun. It sort of ruins the whole giving experience. Wordless wrapping paper strives to alleviate the stress associated with wrapping your gifts by tricking you into thinking it's a game. It's kind of like...

Friday, May 11, 2012
$13.32 from Amazon »

The only things sadder than a lost ice cream cone are a three-legged dog and that Will Smith movie where he gives away all of his organs. And this uh oh...splat! representation of mankind's greatest culinary invention is made...