Miscellaneous

ECHOGEAR Articulating TV Wall Mount

$39.99 from Amazon »

A few hours from now, when you're knocking back beers and sausage rolls during Super Bowl 50 at your friend Cornelius' house, and wondering why you keep feeling random shooting pains down the left side of your neck, circle...

99 Bottles of Beer Scratch-Off Chart

Who cares where you've been, it's what you drank while you were there that counts. Pop Chart Lab has made some mighty fine inforgraphics over the years (The Mapper of Every Rapper was previously my personal favorite)...

Drop Stop - Car Seat Gap Filler

$25 from Amazon »

Sometimes crack kills. Other times it sucks your phone, coins, parking validations, and Boom Chicka Popcorn into the black hole that is the space underneath your seat. At best, it forces blind digging and awkward arm...

Mr. Heater Portable Propane Heater

$84.88 from Amazon »

Snowed in, power out, and frikkin' freezing. Not a good combination. Mr. Heater's Portable Buddy can't solve all of your problems, but it does get very high reviews for making the last one a lot more bearable. The propane-driven...

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man Candle

$28.59 from Firebox.com »

You've already lit the fire that melted Toht's face off. Now get ready to s'mores up the Ghostbusters' biggest bad guy. Set a match to the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man Candle at the top of his head, and watch him roast and...

Mediflow Waterbase Pillow

$39.99 from Amazon »

All the Goldilockses of the world who are finicky about too big, too small, too puffy, and too flat, Mediflow has created a pillow they believe will always be your Just Right. The Waterbase Pillow combines a 5" top layer...

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Toker Poker Glow-in-the-Dark Smoker's Tool

$16.95 from Amazon »

Ergonomics aren't just for desk chairs and keyboards anymore. Stoners need their specialized tools to feel comfortable during repetitive and long term use too. 'Cause what good is smoking a bowl to alleviate the pain...

NEMO Puffin Blankets

$99.95 - $169.95 from Amazon »

NEMO's Puffin Blanket is essentially a sleeping bag, un-mummified and without the zipper. It provides cozy, camping-quality warmth around the open fire or in front of the fireplace when the temperature drops, or the mood...

Water Preserver Concentrate

$10.59 from Amazon »

Now that you've designated a bathtub to store your waterBOB it's probably a good idea to make sure the giant reservoir's emergency contents are actually safe to drink in the event of an emergency. This little bottle holds...

Chalkboard Table Runner

$36.99 from Amazon »

The Chalk Table Runner completes the party, allowing you to draw your own decorations, designations, or directions around the food spread. Use the included ButterStix Zero Dust chalks to create festive fireworks and Happy...

Amazon.com E-Gift Cards

$100 from Amazon »

You: Crap, the gift I ordered hasn't arrived yet. Arrived busted. Arrived way smaller / bigger / uglier than it looked in the photos. Crap, was I supposed to buy Christmas presents again this year?...

Honest Monk Postcards

$5.45 from Honest Monk »

It's not just that Honest Monk makes funny, frank postcards. It's also that they will send them to your desired recipient anonymously. Yep, just like WTF Prank Candles, but with an instant payoff. Know someone who sucks...

The Slate Mobile LapDesk

$100 from Amazon »

From desktop to laptop, and from desk to LapDesk. The Slate supports both our need for mobility and our desire to just stay at home and make a butt dent in the couch with its go-anywhere functionality and sit-anywhere...

Nunchuck Pens

$6.70 from Amazon »

Become a martial artist and show that notebook who's boss, or just make a stocking very happily stuffed this Christmas with a pair of Nunchuck Pens. Two barrels filled with jet black ink are capped with medium-tip ballpoints...

Empathy Cards

$4.50 from Emily McDowell »

How strange that so many awkward situations in life require a greeting card. Emily McDowell Studio capitalized on the supreme example of this reality with a Valentine's Day card they created for the person you're, like...

The Dechoker

$149.96 from Dechoker »

Dude, the Dechoker might not be something you want (with 5 exclamation marks and a praying hands emoji!) per se, but it could be something you'll need one day, particularly if you've got children, or friends who behave...

Mojio Car Monitoring & Smart Tracking System

$149 from Amazon »

Mojio is a sort-of mechanic and sort-of babysitter for your car. So I guess it's more like a vehicular personal assistant. Or your mama. The Mojio car monitoring and smart tracking system plugs into most any post-1996...

HoodiePillow Hooded Pillowcase

$24.95 from Amazon »

The HoodiePillow. Part sleep mask, part musical cocoon, part hostage hood, all cozy shroud of respite. Slip into one and block out the stresses of the day, plus the glowing cable box lights trying to infiltrate your good...

Tenga Flip Hole Male Masturbator

$59 from Amazon »

Usually when I come across things like the Tenga Flip Hole on Amazon, a random oblong instrument or box with a button, and a title that gives no indication of what the F it is, I just assume it has something to do with...

BedJet Climate Control for Beds

$499 from Amazon »

I saw the BedJet last week when I was researching (i.e., zombie-clicking through the pages of Amazon) DermaTherapySPORT bedding. DTS is made with some sort of woven fabric golden boy that the company says will keep you...

DermaTherapySPORT Athletic Bedding

$199.99 - $249.99 from Amazon »

DermaTherapySPORT bedding evolved around athletes and studies suggesting how dramatically sleep quality can affect athletic performance. But the essence of these elite sheets is their fabric technology, a woven system...

120" Portable Outdoor Movie Screen

$204.51 from Amazon »

If you prefer the real thing over the blow-up version, here's an outdoor movie screen that's just as portable as an inflatable model, but made of a 16:9 Oxford nylon screen. Project 120 inches worth of movies indoors...

Portable Air Conditioner with Remote Control

$398.98 from Amazon »

It's so hot right now I'd be more than happy to drag Honeywell's portable AC unit around like an oxygen tank. The 10,000 BTU air conditioner has the capacity to cool 350 to 400 square feet of space, just about the size...

Gel'O Cool Pillow Mat

$42.89 from Amazon »

I like sleeping under the covers. Always. No matter the conditions I need at least a sheet serving as a barrier between the Sandman and my bare ass. The problem with this is that I always wake up with wet hair and a sweat-soaked...

Stinger Indoor Insect Trap

$33.99 from Amazon »

The bugs have arrived. Rats. And since bugs (or rats) are not the types of animals I advocate co-existing with, this is my advice to those of you with homes overrun with flies, mosquitos, gnats, and no-see-ums: zap the...

Cup Holder Power Inverter with USB Port

$24.49 from Amazon »

Car cup holder space may be precious, but I can think of at least 3 times I would have gladly traded my 20-ounce quad Caramocha for a phone that didn't die in the middle of navigating me the hell out of downtown Portland....

Check All That Apply Cards

Sold Out from Etsy »

Business cards, like hand gestures, are great ways of communicating. A card reminds a new acquaintance of your name. A potential client of your job title. A hot chick of your phone number. And here, with the interactive...

Ltd Tools Smoking Pipes

$120 - $135 from Ltd Tools »

The Ltd Tools mission statement: "To make the nicest pipes on the planet." I guess the truth in that goal is all personal taste before you're high, and not really worth taking the trouble to think about after you're high...

Silencing Slider - Cheeseburger Ball Gag

$49.99 from Etsy »

I'll have a quarter pounder with...please. Yes, please, Master, bite me! Bite me hard and put the marks of your ownership on my flesh while I, your slave, receive my punishment in complete submission. Silently mowing...

Exhale Bladeless Ceiling Fan

$500 - $600 from Exhale Fans »

Not that Dyson hasn't proven that fans don't need to look like a duck and walk like a duck to be a duck, but the Exhale bladeless fan is still the strangest looking thing I've ever seen mounted to a ceiling. I don't even...

Igloo Dome Sensory Deprivation Pillow

Shield yourself from all light and sound while you sleep without strapping things over your eyes, jamming them in your ears, or looking like an ostrich. The Igloo Dome Pillow is a cushioned sleeping tent for the head...

Luna Intelligent Mattress Cover

$199 - $229 from Luna »

Luna describes itself as "the world's first mattress cover that intelligently warms your bed, tracks sleep, and makes your bed smart." And it does it all in 2 minutes. Almost as fast as I myself do things in bed....

Portable Kerosene Heater

$141.38 from Amazon »

No electricity? No electricity needed with the Sengoku KeroHeat portable convection kerosene heater. Using 1K clear kerosene this cylindrical fire chamber is capable of blasting 23,500 BTUs over a 900 square foot room....

Power Outlet with Dual USB Ports

$23.84 - $27.79 from Amazon »

Logical, intuitive, way more convenient than plugging one plug into another plug before it hits the wall. I wonder how long before all newly-installed outlets will contain USB ports in addition to the standard AC 3-prongs...

Electric Heated Fleece Travel Blanket

$39.43 from Amazon »

This past weekend I had a horrifying experience with the elements. It was 37 degrees outside, a veritable monsoon was falling from the sky, it was accompanied by gale force winds of at least 972 mph, and I was stuck in...

Bearded Year Transparent Overlay Calendar

Discontinued

I know we're almost halfway through January, but you still have, like, three hundred sixty...um...forty...like, a lot of days left in 2015 to 1) merit tracking by 2015 calendar and 2) grow a sick Arctic beard. Anna Marinenko's...

Garage Beacon Smartphone Door Opener

$69.95 from Garage Beacon »

The Garage Beacon claims to turn your smartphone into an automatic garage door remote. I think this is a pretty good idea. Because I remember driving places with my grandpa when I was boy of 5 or 6. I'd sit in the car...

Philips Sunrise Simulation Alarm Clock

$69.99 from Amazon »

I'll still probably want to Monkey Fist Philips' Wake-up Light to East Jesus when it begins its simulation of the sunrise at 10:30 each morning, but maybe the gradual brightening of my basement lair will remove some of...

Holiday Gift Guide: For the Eleventh Hour

Ye draggers of the gluteus maximus out there may not be relegated to--gasp!--leaving your house and buying holiday gifts in person just yet. Below we have accumulated a few non-sucky mail-order offerings that, at printing...

The Dragon Sex Calendar

I can't believe it! Just yesterday I was thinking about cartoon sex--albeit between people, not dragons--and today I find a whole calendar of cartoon sex stills! And you know what: I think the thinking thinks even better...

Holiday Gift Guide: For Ladies

Ladies. Why is it that I find it so difficult to shop for them, yet they seem to have no trouble at all shopping for themselves? Every time I try to buy the perfect gift for my mama or the girl at my local ice cream store...

Holiday Gift Guide: Christmas Cheer

 

Deck the halls with boughs of holly and deck my right hand with a few drams of single barrel Scotch from the Whisky Advent Calendar. Yeah, like I'll be able to spread that pot of peaty liquid gold over 24 whole days...

Cooling Gel Memory Foam Pillow

$31.28 from Amazon »

The comfort of not waking up unable to rotate your neck more than 5 degrees to the left meets the comfort of not waking up sweatier than a fat man doing hot yoga in a polyester leisure suit. Sleep Innovations' reversible...

New Cult Comedy Movie Bundle

$29.99 from DudeIWantThat.com »

The key to turning your contemporary American comedy into a cult comedy classic: crusty day 3 stubble. And now you can relish all of your favorite razor-abhorring comedic actors of the 2000s ad infinitum with this Ultimate...

The End Is in Sight Black Electrical Tape

Um, they need to put a track of The End Is in Sight double contrasting-colored lines on all spooled adhesive products, not just black electrical tape. This is so simple, yet so useful in saving me 42 seconds and foot-stamping...

Da Vinci Ascent Vaporizer

$249.99 - $299 from Da Vinci »

Guess who got a new vaporizer. That's right. My friend Victor. Victor's favorite thing about his Da Vinci Ascent is the following statement describing it: "Provides 3 hours of vaping for loose leaf, herbs & oils." Three...

Guitdoorbell - Guitar Doorbell

$149.99 from Guitdoorbell »

The Guitdoorbell replaces irritating bing-bong! door chimes and refrains of "It's a small world" with the rich, resonant strum of a real acoustic guitar. Mounted face-down over a doorway in tandem with an underlying plectrum...

Cardio First Angel CPR Device

$79 from Pro Idee »

I've heard the ideal rate at which to administer effective chest compressions when doing CPR is in accordance to the beat of "Stayin' Alive." But I wonder, what if you're not a Bee Gees fan? What if you could stomach...