Miscellaneous

Viome at-Home Gut Microbiome Test

$199 from Amazon »

I'm not sure I really need a Viome at-Home Gut Microbiome Test to give me an "accurate gut analysis." I can pretty much look in the mirror and figure out the most important things about mine: it's a little too soft and...

Artificial Grass Interlocking Mats

$35.99 - $52.99 from Amazon »

If it looks like grass and grows like...uh...feels like...uh, well. These interlocking mats pretty much stop at looking like grass, but if your concrete jungle needs a lawn like mine does, they're realistic enough, plus...

3D Fruit & Vegetable Comforters

$30 - $54 from Amazon »

Banana comforter, lettuce quilt, potato blanket, cool. I'm down with the optical illusions imparted by most of this 3D fruit and vegetable bedding. But, uh, I think I'll pass on the papaya. Give that one to a horny teenager...

Please Leave by 9 Party Banner

$11.99 from Amazon »

A "Please Leave by 9" party banner seems a lot more fun 'n' festive than my current method of getting people out of my house at a reasonable hour. Which is to set a Volume 8 Alexa timer to yell, "Get out of my house...

Taco Bell Burrito Wrap Blanket

$40 from Taco Shop »

We've seen human burrito blankets before, but only of the more generic flour tortilla variety. Taco Bell has put their name on, and the wrap in, this burrito wrap blanket by designing it after their own burrito wrappers...

Gravity Cooling Weighted Blanket

$259 from Gravity »

Gravity Weighted Blankets were some of the first therapeutic sleep and anxiety comforters to gain national attention, and send weighted blankets into the mainstream, when they ran a Kickstarter campaign a couple of years...

Studenglass Gravity Pipe

$499 from Studenglass »

If nothing else, the Studenglass Gravity Pipe at least appears to have Seth Rogen's hack of approval. According to a video the actor posted on his Instagram account, hitting the bong produced a delightful 25-minute coughing...

Firevase - Flower Vase with Built-in Fire Extinguisher

Think a scorned woman led to the invention of the Firevase fire extinguisher? You brought me flowers to make up for cheating on me?! [Picks up vase and heaves it towards man. Vase crashes against wall, contents splay...

SureCan Bottom-Dispensing Gasoline Can

$36.89 from Amazon »

Are you yanking my pull start cord, SureCan? Don't tell me this is some sort of early April Fuel's joke. I've been waiting years for an innovation in gas cans!...

Panamalar Smart Space Heater

$42.99 from Amazon »

Oh I can hear my wife now: "Alexa! Turn on my Panamalar Smart Space Heater! Alexa! Hotter! Alexa! Hotter! Alexa! Please turn my home into an inferno!"...

The Shark Emojibator

$89 from Amazon »

Turn Shark Week into Shark Every Night of the Year with Emojibator's The Shark. A gift for your girlfriend right up there (er, no pun intended) with the original Eggplant Emojibator, but with a little something for the...

Dadi Kit - Mail-In Fertility Test & Sperm Storage

$99 from Dadi »

Who's your daddy? Not quite ready for a kid to point at you when someone asks that question...but still want to make sure all the swimmers are in peak form, trained and ready to take the starting blocks if you need some...

The Headache Hat

$39.99 from Amazon »

Ah, the Headache Hat. Here to ease the effects of my Saturday night, and block out the world from my Sunday morning. The self-described "ice halo" consists of 24 individually wrapped water cubes you ice out in the freezer...

MasonBrite LED Magnifying Mason Jar Lid

$20 from Amazon »

The MasonBrite lid is an airtight mason jar cover embedded with a trio of touch-activated LEDs and two magnifying glasses offering up 3X and 5X zoom-ins. It fits over any standard 86mm wide mouth mason jar. Why? Well...

Legrand Radiant Qi Wireless Wall Outlet Charger

$53.66 from Amazon »

Legrand's Radiant wall outlet is a Qi wireless phone charger that kinda reminds of a quote I once heard: One small small step for man, one giant leap for man's efforts to clear his house of clutter and free up countertop...

Tenga Easy Beat Eggs - Men's Portable Pleasure Devices

$6.57 - $9.73 from Amazon »

You know what they say: if you can't beat the egg, let the egg beat you. At least that's what I'd guess they say around the Tenga Easy Beat Egg production line. From the same Tenga that brought you the Flip Hole male...

Not Vanilla Club - Adult Toy Subscription Box (NSFW)

$24.69 - $36.69 from Not Vanilla Club »

I don't think it's by chance that all of Not Vanilla Club's adult product subscription plans cost some amount of dollars and 69 cents. A ssssssexy price for a ssssssexy service...

Big Blanket Co. Biggest Blanket Ever

Big Blanket Co. says their 10' x 10' Big Blanket is the Biggest! Blanket! Ever! At 4 times the size of the average throw blanket (50" x 60") the Big Blanket indeed looks large enough to cover and cuddle the whole fam...

KFC 11 Herbs & Spices Firelog

$18.99 from KFC »

The scent of the Colonel's 11 herbs & spices without the herbed and spiced fried chicken to go with it? What is this KFC Firelog madness?...

LEVO Deluxe Tablet Floor Stand

$189.99 from Amazon »

My only caveat to recommending a LEVO Deluxe Tablet Floor Stand as a gift for Mom or gift for Dad is that you are 100% going to have to schlep the 30-pound box inside and stay an extra hour to put the tablet holder, angler...

Tree Genie Christmas Tree Stand

$71.74 - $93 from Amazon »

Just place and pump! The Tree Genie Christmas Tree Stand is kind of like a cross between a normal Christmas tree stand, an inflation device and The Claw game at the arcade. Except with the Tree Genie, you actually get...

Boyfriend Blanket - 25-Pound Weighted Comforter

$259 from Amazon »

I like how Boyfriend Blanket hops on the weighted blanket bandwagon, but doesn't quite sell it as the clinically backed method for assisting with various sensory and social disorders, and quelling anxiety that it is...

The Backpod

$89.86 from Amazon »

Have you gotten the new iHunch yet? The Backpod is a tool developed in New Zealand (so it's Kiwi green, naturally) to relieve the back and neck pain, headaches, and poor posture that can result from the hours we spend...

The Cubes Geometric Structure Memory Foam Pillow

$79 from Amazon »

According to The Cubes, a memory foam pillow made with a geometric structure of 70 individual cubes, this is the sleep companion you need if:...