Miscellaneous

DIY Vasectomy Kit

$7.99 from Amazon »

Sweet! This DIY Vasectomy Kit should save me hundreds of dollars. Plus, the projected recovery time is a couple days longer - more if my wife screws up - so I'll be able to take off the whole first week of the NCAA tournament...

Slow Rebound Lovers' Pillow

$12.69 from Amazon »

"Slow Rebound Lovers' Pillow." It sounds like a next-gen Liberator Wedge. Or some sort of consolation companion for the broken-hearted? But seeing the pillow for what it really is makes sense too: a domed memory foam...

St. Joseph Home Sale Kit

$3.75 from Amazon »

I'm not Catholic, and mean no disrespect, but what the Coldwell Banker is a St. Joseph Home Sale Kit? Is this for real? Do people who bury a wee little statue of St. Joseph in their yard really sell their house faster...

Dormeo Octaspring Mattress Topper

$359.99 - $599.99 from Amazon »

Being just another cog Octaspring in the machine might be inglorious work from an enterprising 8-sided foam spring's perspective, but from an enterprising mattress company like Dormeo's, the collective effort of their...

Udon for Sleeping Noodles Blanket

Who don wack out my udon? Welp, guess if I can't stuff it in my face, the next best option would be to entwine my limbs in it and cuddle up for a good night's sleep...

Peelaways Disposable Fitted Bed Sheets

$12.99 - $39.95 from Amazon »

I don't necessarily think Peelaways created their disposable fitted bed sheets for promiscuous and routinely intoxicated boys and girls - ahem, college students - but with back to school time coming up, that's definitely...

Zodiac Sign Scented Candles

$29.99 from Amazon »

Need a gift for your girlfriend? These Zodiac Scented Candles are a sign! From Brands Banned, the aromatic wax mood setters come in sodie-can-style glass jars, with astrological sign insights printed as if they were nutritional...

LoveBalls Hot Water Bottle

$12.64 from Amazon »

Sore legs? Achy back? Feeling butt hurt? Just LoveBalls? LoveBalls hot water bottle to the rescue! Plop these balls down on your tired and tender bits and let them love away the pain. LoveBalls even come with a blue jeans...

Session Bong

$95 from Session »

Classy is in Session. The Session Bong seeks to be your "beautiful, functional, and unapologetically simple" smoking companion. In other words, this is one classy water pipe. Session hopes it will also be the preferred...

Ghost Wire - Invisible Adhesive Speaker Wire

$29.95 - $109.95 from Amazon »

Ghost Wire looks like a roll of masking tape - and the adhesive speaker wire secures flat, and can be painted over like tape too - but contains lines of either 2 or 4 16 AWG Pure Copper Conductors along its white backing...

NamaMat Anti-Fatigue Rug

$69 - $99 from NamaMat »

Alright, NamaMat, you had me at a zillion gummy bears. According to this spiffed-up anti-fatigue mat's creators, the NamaMat "looks like an heirloom rug, wipes clean, and feels like you're standing on a zillion gummy...

FloorPops Peel & Stick Floor Tile

$7.61 - $17.99 from Amazon »

Peeling & sticking a hundred of these FloorPops adhesive tiles in perfect formation and alignment to your kitchen or bathroom floor might not sound like a very enticing Sunday DIY project, but...it sure beats gluing and...

TechDen Screen Time Manager & Charger

$179 from Amazon »

TechDen. What a euphemism, kids! More like TechJail. This little apparatus gives your parents a way to lock up your phones and tablets, or - another euphemism, per TechDen - "manage screen time with a physical home."...

RYOBI 18-Volt ONE+ Hybrid Battery/Electric Fan

$143 from Amazon »

No cord? The RYOBI 18-Volt ONE+ Hybrid Fan still blows. Up to 2,400 CFM. That's almost as hard as the news I just received that my in-laws will be joining She-Ra: Princess of Power and me for the last 5 days of our summer...

Swiveling Wall Charger

$25.99 from Amazon »

A simple USB wall charger simplifies your cords' access to it with a 180-degree swivel disc connected to its back prongs. The outlets can power up to 4 devices at once, and at any angle by rotating the strip's USB end...

Clean Puppy Candle

$11.99 from Amazon »

I can say one thing for clean puppies: the ladies love them. Even more than they love Cool James, I'll bet*. So while this Clean Puppy Candle hails from a place called the Stinky Candle Company, the 4-ounce tin of freshly-bathed...

Better Habitat SleepReady Memory Foam Floor Mattress

$159.95 from Amazon »

Better Habitat's SleepReady Memory Foam Floor Mattress is quite the dynamic crash pad. Thanks to its roll-up, portable design the 3"-thick slab o' sleepy time for overnight guests can just as easily slip inside your tent...

Viome at-Home Gut Microbiome Test

$199 from Amazon »

I'm not sure I really need a Viome at-Home Gut Microbiome Test to give me an "accurate gut analysis." I can pretty much look in the mirror and figure out the most important things about mine: it's a little too soft and...

Artificial Grass Interlocking Mats

$35.99 - $52.99 from Amazon »

If it looks like grass and grows like...uh...feels like...uh, well. These interlocking mats pretty much stop at looking like grass, but if your concrete jungle needs a lawn like mine does, they're realistic enough, plus...

3D Fruit & Vegetable Comforters

$30 - $54 from Amazon »

Banana comforter, lettuce quilt, potato blanket, cool. I'm down with the optical illusions imparted by most of this 3D fruit and vegetable bedding. But, uh, I think I'll pass on the papaya. Give that one to a horny teenager...

Please Leave by 9 Party Banner

$10.99 from Amazon »

A "Please Leave by 9" party banner seems a lot more fun 'n' festive than my current method of getting people out of my house at a reasonable hour. Which is to set a Volume 8 Alexa timer to yell, "Get out of my house...

Taco Bell Burrito Wrap Blanket

$40 from Taco Shop »

We've seen human burrito blankets before, but only of the more generic flour tortilla variety. Taco Bell has put their name on, and the wrap in, this burrito wrap blanket by designing it after their own burrito wrappers...

Gravity Cooling Weighted Blanket

$259 from Gravity »

Gravity Weighted Blankets were some of the first therapeutic sleep and anxiety comforters to gain national attention, and send weighted blankets into the mainstream, when they ran a Kickstarter campaign a couple of years...

Studenglass Gravity Pipe

$499 from Studenglass »

If nothing else, the Studenglass Gravity Pipe at least appears to have Seth Rogen's hack of approval. According to a video the actor posted on his Instagram account, hitting the bong produced a delightful 25-minute coughing...