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UZI Defender Tactical Pen

$20.99 from Amazon »

UZI incorporates a few different tools into its Defender line of pens to award them the "tactical" buzzword. This version, the TACPEN6-GM has a glass breaker and handcuff key fitted to its lightweight aircraft aluminum...

Iron Man 2 Swinging Sticks Kinetic Energy Sculpture

$289 from Amazon »

Even Tony Stark can't concentrate on anything else in the presence of the mesmerizing Swinging Sticks Kinetic Energy Sculpture. Not that Pepper's that interesting anyway. I'd probably be distracted by steam rising off...

Solid Brass Paperweight & Top

It's a paperweight. With a top inside. That might give you some pretty trippy dreams starring Leonardo DiCaprio. Use the paperweight element of J.L. Lawson & Co.'s design to squash your flyaway papers under 14.6 ounces...

Infinite Dungeon Corridor

$24.99 from ThinkGeek »

The Infinite Dungeon Corridor. Enter at your own risk...and inevitable peril. Ow! I think I jammed my finger on a mirror!...

Tempo Drop Weather Forecaster

$79 - $94 from GNR 8 »

Tempo Drop is a stylized version of storm glass. Or if, like me, you don't know what the Orville Redenbacher a storm glass is either, then the Tempo Drop is a stylized weather forecaster. The sealed glass container holds...

Unicorn in a Narwhal Sculpture

$1,500 from Kozyndan »

Holy crap, it's fantastical beast overload! It almost hurts to look at it, it's so stirring and extraordinary. And, according to the unicornarwhal sculpture's creators, it also explains a lot. How can a whale with a ginormous...

Starfleet Machine Clock

$30,750 from MB&F »

According to Swiss engineering lab MB&F, the "Starfleet Machine is an intergalactic spaceship-cum-table clock." Man. I write countless strange, hyperbolic, and often idiotic descriptions of products every single day yet...

The Office Spartan

$39 - $56 from Missing Digit »

If you aren't into chopping and dicing, but find yourself using a pencil every now and then, you can still incorporate an ornamental piece of Sparta into your life. Missing Digit previously blessed us with the Sparta...

Dragon Stapler

$28 from Amazon »

No fire or dagger tail, but this dragon's got teeth that will bind your paper together forever! Muahahaha! He'll also staple your finger if you're not careful. Speaking of which, in junior high my friend Cornelius used...

You Suck At Parking Business Cards

$18.95 from Zazzle »

Personally, I think people should be thrown in jail for bad parking. Bad parkers fall into 2 groups... The first, just aren't mentally capable of parking well. And the second just don't give a shit. If jail isn't an option...

Self Sustaining Ecosphere

$55.99 from Amazon »

Sea monkeys anyone? More like tiny shrimps. A bit redundant, but that's what's in there. No diaper changing. No picking up shit with a plastic bag. No feeding. No nothing. These are the best friends money can buy. Buy...

Handmade Wood & Aluminum USB Charger

$38.99 from Amazon »

BREAKING NEWS: Boutique Design Meets Charging Powerhouse! Also, Thundersnow! in Boston! Dude, this weekend just keeps getting trippier. First all the dead flowers and rotting meat I got from my ex for Valentine's Day...

Desktop Saltwater Aquarium

$210 - $395 from PJ Reefs »

"A self-contained, low maintenance REEF that will light up any desk with brightly colored coral." So goes the blurb on PJ Reefs' desktop-sized saltwater aquarium. I have to say, mine eyes are digging the brightly colored...

Ferrofluid Bottles

Discontinued

A short while ago, we showed you these interactive ferrofluid sculptures. They're fancy. In the sense of the word that indicates ownership will cost hundreds of dollars. So now, in deference to our readers who possess...

Sun-and-Earth-Powered Globes

$144.99 - $499.99 from Amazon »

MOVA Globes are nothing if not resourceful. The striking pieces of planetary art not only silently rotate and glisten all the livelong day, but they do it without the use of power cords or batteries. This cosmic event...

Real Glowing Jellyfish Sculptures

Discontinued

Sealife Creations turns deceased jellyfish--the second most common creature on earth next to insects, they say--into handmade sculpted works of art for the desktop. Most of the oval encasements range from 4" to 7" tall...

Pyropet Cat Candle

Sold Out from Amazon »

As if cats, and particularly cats that have been lit on fire, aren't scary enough. Now Thorunn Arnadottir had to go and make one that also slowly melts down to a sinister skeleton as the flames eat away its flesh. I don't...

Magnetic Sand Hourglass

$9.99 from Amazon »

Looks like Wooly Willy is a new daddy. They told him this would happen if he didn't stay away from that sexy hourglass at the front desk. Now he's got at least 18 years of minding his little iron fillings in 60-second...

Animal Paper Clips

$7.09 - $16.04 from Amazon »

Midori makes over two dozen different animals ready to hold the wayward strands of your life together. At least the parts of it that are on paper. The company's animal D-Clips are the most precious paper clips I've ever...

Defusable Alarm Clock

$26.55 from Amazon »

Sometimes an alarm just isn't enough. It's too easy to press snooze and get another 10 minutes in. Before you know it, you're late. Here's your solution....

Ferrofluid Bolt Kit

$43.95 from Amazon »

Grow your own ferrofluid Chia Pet. The Ferrofluid Bolt Kit comes with all of the components you'll need to sprout field spikes from a set of everyday fastening tools. And you won't even have to provide regular waterings...

Photon 3D Scanner

$579 from Matterform »

Matterform's Photon caters to people who want to get in on the 3D printing action, but have no existing computer modeling skills, and no desire to acquire any. A desktop-sized 3D scanner, the Photon will convert any physical...

Magnetic - Statically Charged Sticky Notes

$7 - $67 from Tesla Amazing »

OK, Magnetic, you win. The coolest new product I've seen all year. Created by appropriately titled Tesla Amazing, Magnetic is a line of notes, pads, boards, and sheets that act like sticky notes without the gummy, lint-collecting...

Interactive Ferrofluid Sculptures

Discontinued

In researching all of the uses for Interactive Ferrofluid Sculptures, I found myself continuously returning to one standout: time waster. The hypnotizing borosilicate glass vials filled with mutable elemental amoebas...

Handbook for the Recently Deceased

$29.95 from Etsy »

This Handbook for the Recently Deceased contains 220 blank pages. I don't know if that's better or worse than Adam and Barbara Maitland's gibberish-filled version. Perhaps better, as at least buyers can fill this one...

OxyLED Eye Care Desk Lamp

$47.99 from Amazon »

L-E-Ds that don't make you want to crawl under your desk and take an N-A-P. (The OxyLED desk lamp will leave that to conference calls and the Ben Stein you've scored as a boss.) This ultra-low voltage and low temp light...

Awaglass Soap Bubble Timer

$11.68 from Amazon »

Here at last to keep track of your 60-second increments of time: soapy water. Fill the Awaglass bubble timer with H2O and dish soap, shake it up, and marvel at the brilliant mind of a Japanese dude with so much time on...

Airso 10" Bladeless Table Fan

$149.99 from Amazon »

It's bladeless, it's oscillating, it's kinda cool-looking, but, no. It's not a Dyson. Then again, look at the Airso 10" table fan's price tag. Also not a Dyson....

Perpetual Calendar

$44.99 from Amazon »

Oh, here's a desktop accessory I would knock over at least 5 times a day. It's called the Perpetual Calendar...of Frustration...and its duo of magnetic balls slide right and left and round and round to keep track of the...

Skull Stands

$78 - $298 from 400oz »

Though these skull stands from Detroit-based 400oz. are made only of high grade resin, they sure get the wheels turning, don't they? Like, why not preserve Uncle Joe's memory by converting him into something more useful...

Cork Globe

$200 from SUCK UK »

I think someone should make a globe out of bubble wrap so that every time I visit a different country I can gratifyingly pop it off the world. Get to work on that, someone, will you? And in the interim, I guess this cork...

Flip On/Off Alarm Clock

$42 - $49 from Amazon »

I see how the ease of just tossing a blaring alarm clock on its head to turn it off could be very dangerous for some people. If you don't have to work for the deactivation--dig for a minuscule button, chase a rolling...

MechOwlie Steampunk Owl

Discontinued

Maybe the wise old steampunk MechOwlies can tell me why. Tell me why ain't nothin' but a heartache. Tell me why ain't nothin' but a mistake. Tell me why I never wanna hear you say I want it that way. Or at least whether...

FlipBooKit - Mechanical Flipbook Kit

$48.95 - $99.95 from FlipBooKit »

Is it just me, or does anyone else hear the word "flip" and immediately feel their middle finger raise or eyes scan the room for a red Solo cup? I know the reaction is uncouth, but the uncouthery isn't really attributable...

USB Lighter

$29.99 from Lighter USB »

Jigger, the USB-charged cigarette lighter. Nice concept, but cigarettes? Cigarettes?! How will I light my Planet Earth Globe Fire Pit? How am I supposed to light my Kraken pipe? How I'm gonna light my Menagerie of Mechanized...

KOZO 2 Desk Lamp

Discontinued

Industrial style desk lamp made from galvanized cast iron piping. This is a masculine piece of lamp that will tell your visitors that you ain't messin' around while you sit at your quaint little desk and read celebrity...

Drumstick Pencils

$6.48 from Amazon »

While pencil tapping is irritating and often makes people want to break the offender's writing utensil and chuck it across the room, pencil drumming is a crowd pleaser, and should make them want to gather 'round and throw...

Kuato Cigaratt Statue

Discontinued

Open your mind, Quaid, and tell me which is creepier: Kuato or the Cigaratt who's stomach he's jutting out from. Artist Cig Neutron combines 80s campiness with 50s sci-fi with Total Recall in this figurine spin on...well...

Custom Vinyl Record Skulls

$400 from Grey Area »

Grab your profundity caps, because multi-media artist Ted Riederer's custom-made Vinyl Record Skulls reflect more than just another opulent expression of punk rock. Their inspiration stems from an essay by Rainer Maria...

Lexon Around Clock

Sold Out from Amazon »

Lexon's Around Clock works kind of like Planet Earth. Or a revolving restaurant. Instead of a hand circling a face twice a day, this timepiece's cylindrical face slowly moves around its stationary red hand. That's nice...

Tetris Alarm Clock

$39.29 from Firebox.com »

As every girl under the age of 30 I've eavesdropped on at the hair salon* would say: O...M...G. Maybe the only thing better than dreaming about Tetrimino rods and cubes and guns cascading down into masses of perfectly...

Ai Weiwei Statue

$200 from Exhibition A »

Chinese artist and political activist Ai Weiwei flips the bird not to you and me (though he might if he knew us, 'ey?) but to public monuments. The White House. Tiananmen Square. King's Landing. In 2011, the Chinese government...

Titanic Piggy Bank

$160 from Etsy »

What a nice metaphor for the state of my finances. So, what, the Titanic Piggy Bank is going the Grandma route, and employing guilt to exact fiscal responsibility and discipline? Well, after 20+ years of reckless spending...

Mr. P Tape Dispenser

$25 from Wishing Fish »

Get your tape from the mouth of a little guy. No big deal. Use his toes to get a perfect tear at the end. Don't you hate it if there isn't a perfect tear at the end? Also, how many times have you cut your finger on that...