Bacon Scent-Emitting Alarm
- Aunt Sadie's Sizzling Bacon Candle - $20.73
- 1 Gallon Rendered Duck Fat - $37.00
- Bacon Air Freshener - $2.99
- Aromatherapy Clock Radio - $79.99
- Oregon Scientific Aroma Diffuser & Sound Therapy Clock - $82.05
"The essence of Oscar Mayer bacon will strum at your nostril strings like no other." While the Oscar Mayer brand has never been my first choice at the pork candy store, it will definitely be my first choice at the scent-emitting alarm clock store. From forth the gustatory-meets-tech loins of a company we already know has a way with B-O-L-O-G-N-A comes Wake Up and Smell the Bacon, a smartphone attachment that wafts the stirring aroma of bacon at the sound of its compatible alarm clock app.
When weighed in tandem with the smoky, meaty smell of sizzling swine, Oscar Mayer believes the thought of getting out of bed won't just become tolerable, but preferable to hitting our snooze buttons. I have to say I concur.
At least until I realize the scent is a big hoax. That there is no actual bacon to be had! I bet I speak for many out there when I say bacon in my nose without bacon in my mouth at 6 a.m. is more than enough to rile the beast. Refrigerators could be ransacked. Frying pans could be flung. Neighbors' cats could be dropkicked. I wonder if the Wake Up and Smell the Bacon creators preparing to accept their Genius crowns have considered these possible repercussions of rousing bacon fiends with non-existent bacon. It's basically on the same level of meanness as selling oregano to hapless suits on the street who had a bad day and just want to relax with a 20 sack of weed. Except way less funny.
Still interested? At printing, the bacon scent-emitting device sought beta testers. To register, head over to Oscar Mayer's Wake Up and Smell the Bacon Website and fill out the online form, which requires the answer to questions such as, "Oscar Mayer bacon is brined, then cured for 12 hours. How long would you be willing to wait?" And, "In three words, describe your love for Oscar Mayer bacon." The most convincing applicants will be rewarded with the chance to get porked out of bed in the morning.
Or you could DIY yourself the scent and the succulence of bacon by converting your toaster oven into a bacon makin' alarm clock.