134

Bacon Scent-Emitting Alarm

By: on March 06, 2014

"The essence of Oscar Mayer bacon will strum at your nostril strings like no other." While the Oscar Mayer brand has never been my first choice at the pork candy store, it will definitely be my first choice at the scent-emitting alarm clock store. From forth the gustatory-meets-tech loins of a company we already know has a way with B-O-L-O-G-N-A comes Wake Up and Smell the Bacon, a smartphone attachment that wafts the stirring aroma of bacon at the sound of its compatible alarm clock app.

When weighed in tandem with the smoky, meaty smell of sizzling swine, Oscar Mayer believes the thought of getting out of bed won't just become tolerable, but preferable to hitting our snooze buttons. I have to say I concur.

At least until I realize the scent is a big hoax. That there is no actual bacon to be had! I bet I speak for many out there when I say bacon in my nose without bacon in my mouth at 6 a.m. is more than enough to rile the beast. Refrigerators could be ransacked. Frying pans could be flung. Neighbors' cats could be dropkicked. I wonder if the Wake Up and Smell the Bacon creators preparing to accept their Genius crowns have considered these possible repercussions of rousing bacon fiends with non-existent bacon. It's basically on the same level of meanness as selling oregano to hapless suits on the street who had a bad day and just want to relax with a 20 sack of weed. Except way less funny.

Still interested? At printing, the bacon scent-emitting device sought beta testers. To register, head over to Oscar Mayer's Wake Up and Smell the Bacon Website and fill out the online form, which requires the answer to questions such as, "Oscar Mayer bacon is brined, then cured for 12 hours. How long would you be willing to wait?" And, "In three words, describe your love for Oscar Mayer bacon." The most convincing applicants will be rewarded with the chance to get porked out of bed in the morning.

Or you could DIY yourself the scent and the succulence of bacon by converting your toaster oven into a bacon makin' alarm clock.

Buy Now

Little Rooster Alarm Clock Vibrator

$89 from Amazon »

Oh (face) no, the rooster's crowing (buzzing) already?! Come (yes, please) on! Do I really have to get up (off)? I hear you, ladies. It's a brutal world of mornings, alarms, and orgasms we live in. I'll keep my fingers...

Check it out

Vibrating Ring Alarm Clock

Ring is a vibrating alarm clock that fits over the finger to gently and noiselessly rip slumberers from their states of peace. It is ideal for couples, the hearing impaired, and people who associate the sound of their...

Buy Now

Bacon Express Crispy Bacon Grill

$29.99 from Amazon »

Whole wheat in the toaster, bacon in the...other toaster, a yank of the iceberg, a slice of the tomato, and mmmm. BLTeee-licious. Without turning on the stove or getting popped in the eye with a grease BB....

Check it out

Bacon Condoms

$9.99 from Bacon Salt »

Bill Gates, you put out an open call. You asked for the "next generation" in condoms. A design that will revolutionize safe sex practices by making the peen sheaths more desirable to wear. Men and birth control in third...

Check it out

ZBand Silent Alarm Clock

$59.99 from Zband »

The Vibrating Ring Alarm Clock may still exist only in concept, but the ZBand, a vibrating bracelet alarm clock, is just a few steps away from silently and unobnoxiously rocking you awake without disturbing significant...

Check it out

Bike Mine Exploding Anti-Theft Alarm

$71 from Kickstarter »

Bike Mine is a thing that makes you go boommm! At least if you're a dirty thief trying to make off with a dude's bicycle or motorcycle (or boat or jet ski if you live the kind of high rollin' life where that's a risk.)...

Check it out

You Snooze You Lose Cash Alarm Clock

$39.99 from ThinkGeek »

In a nutshell--so you can start cookin' up how you're going to use the SnuzNLuz or who you're going to give it to without further ado--what you see here is an alarm clock that connects to your online bank account via...

Check it out

The Barisieur Coffee Brewing Alarm Clock

Josh Renouf knows what the world really needs: coffee. Stat. Like, the second it opens its eyes. And it needs it served from The Barisieur, an alarm clock topped with implements from Beaker's lab. Very nice, Mr. Renouf....

Buy Now

Tactical Bacon

$27.69 from Amazon »

I don't really like to shoot to kill--less due to the ethics of felling a majestic beast than the fact that blood and rigor mortis make me squeamish--but I think if given the choice between taking down a deer or taking...

Check it out

Bacon Flavored Lube

$11.99 from Bacon Salt »

When we, collectively as Americans, stumble onto something that catches on with the unintelligent majority, we immediately begin the process of running it into the ground. See: The Kardashians, Myspace and... bacon flavored...

Buy Now

StopSleep Driving Alarm

$189 from Amazon »

We can't all buy self-driving car prototypes or Teslas with Autopilot to keep us from veering out of our lanes or "bumping" the median when drowsiness starts winding its way around our consciousness. And even though the...

Buy Now

Firemask Emergency Escape Hood

Sold Out from Amazon »

I feel like, for the average American, the likelihood of experiencing a house fire is way higher than the likelihood of experiencing a nuclear biological chemical situation, but it's gas masks that get all the bug out...