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Female Form Guitar

By: on April 20, 2012
Discontinued

She's curvaceous, stunning, and sings like a bird. A little hollow on the inside, but, hey, no one's perfect. Guitar visionary Paul Celentano, who also brought us the Transformers and Pac Man Ukuleles, strikes yet another cord (sorry, we had to) with his Female Form Guitar. Custom made to order, the bodacious back and backside, like all women, is intricate and complex--a true tapestry of woods and finishes. Its spruce top extends into a sapele mahogany body, a mahogany neck with truss rod, a rosewood fretboard, and lacewood head stock veneer.

Celentano is happy to adjust the guitar's materials and dimensions to suit buyers' individual feti...er, likings. So, to all musically inclined dudes who have been searching for a craftsman to build them a girl who loves to be strummed, and who possesses an ass that's somehow both leeringly juicy and hard enough to bounce a quarter off of, your godsend has arrived.

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Shark Guitar Capo

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Populele Smart Ukulele

$179 - $229 from Popuband »

You can uke it put your app into it. The Populele calls itself the world's first smart ukulele, and while I'm not sure anyone is going to rush to become the world's second smart ukulele, if you're the strummin' type this...

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Jack Rack Guitar Amp Key Holders

$34.99 - $39.99 from Pluginz Keychains »

Rock out with your...keys and fobs secured safely in a Jack Rack so you don't lose or impale yourself with them. A bangin' nod to the guitar amp, Jack Racks are mountable keychain holders with real 1/4" musical input...

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Girlfriend Pillow

$27.85 from Amazon »

These pillows aren't new to the market, but then again, neither are the all-consuming feelings of loneliness and despair that overtake us as we try to fall asleep at night. So maybe it's time to check out a tried-and-true...

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Guitdoorbell - Guitar Doorbell

$149.99 from Guitdoorbell »

The Guitdoorbell replaces irritating bing-bong! door chimes and refrains of "It's a small world" with the rich, resonant strum of a real acoustic guitar. Mounted face-down over a doorway in tandem with an underlying plectrum...

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DIY Guitar Pick Punch

$19.95 from Amazon »

You gotta cut up those old credit cards anyway right? Or what? Your identity will surely be stolen and you'll lose your girlfriend and probably be shunned. Instead, make cool guitar picks and avoid shunning with this...

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Pykmax Ergonomic Guitar Pick

$12 - $14 from Amazon »

They call it a high performance guitar pick, which in my mind means that the Pykmax should do the guitar strumming for me. Like a player piano, but completely inconspicuously so that the ladies I'm trying to impress think...

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Cigar Box Guitar

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Bust out some some bluesy jams, and tell Siri to call you "BB King" with these cigar box guitars, in tobacco brands Padron 9 and El Baton. The smoke boxes are detailed and expanded, with fretted butternut necks and rosewood...

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Blackbird Rider Carbon Fiber Guitar

$2,095 from Blackbird »

Blackbird's Rider is a showy guitar, but unlike these crazy designs, it's still more about sound than show. Six nylon strings stretch across a carbon fiber body to create a dark, dramatic instrument true to its maker's...

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Marshall Amp Refrigerator

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The Marshall amp replica refrigerator, signed by Jim Marshall, emblazoned with authentic Marshall logos, and fitted with a real Marshall facing has a paradoxically acoustic effect: it makes your brews and carbonated shots...

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Nintendo Guitar Boy

Dunuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh. The only way the sweet sounds of Mario head butting bricks and eluding sly goombas could resonate any more beautifully in my heart is if they were played live. On my very own Game Boy electric guitar....