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Shiatsu Foot Massager

By: on July 15, 2016
$139.99
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Now that I've molted off all their dead skin, it's time to treat my Baby Foot feet to another bodily luxury from Japan: shiatsu massage. This multi-setting machine says it will knead, press, warm, and even sterilize tired treaders until they walk like new.

The Shiatsu Foot Massager has easy-access top buttons to control massage strength and techniques. Choose from 3 levels of kneading, courtesy of hard plastic balls that you can imagine are the inordinately strong hands of a Swedish farm girl, and then add heat, air pressure, and/or ozone sterilization to the mix to turn it into a full-on foot soothing circus.

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MYO Telekinetic Armband

$199.99 from Amazon »

Well, telekinetic is only part of the story. Is telemusculokinetic a word too? Maybe that's redundant. Remote control muscles? Yeah, let's go with RC muscles. MYO armbands transform muscles--specifically the arm, or as...

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NakeFit Stick-On Shoes

$33 from Nakefit »

NakeFit stick-on shoes - or, to be more precise, NakeFit hypoallergenic adhesive pads - remind me of when I'm walking barefoot and start to feel like something's stuck to my heel, but I'm loath to look down because I...

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The Horizontal Shower

In paradise, you take a Horizontal Shower. You lie on a smooth, warm slab of tile as 6 falls of water cascade like mermaid kisses onto your tired and thirsty skin. You choose their intensity and temperature, their pattern...

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Zerobody Anti-Gravity Bed

The Zerobody is a sensory deprivation float tank that removes the one major P in the A side effect of floating: getting wet. (True, drowning is kind of a pain too, but most of these tanks have only about a foot of water...

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Muzo - Personal Zone Creator & Noise Blocker

$159 from indiegogo »

Muzo uses anti-vibration technology to turn the world off. (Makes sense, given the number of other devices that use pro-vibration technology to turn the world on--VibeRider, anyone?) At approximately the size and shape...

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The Bird's Nest Bed

The Bird's Nest Bed can accommodate up to 16 people at once. Take note swingers, Mormons, women undergoing IVF treatments, and the Duggar family! The giant basin of comfort was brainstormed and brought to life by O*GE...

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The Wellness Capsule Modular Outdoor Sauna

I wonder if Kung's Wellness Capsule is like the Cocoon swimming pool. A sauna that restores my life force and makes me feel 20 years younger. Even if it's not, the modular outdoor respite is one of the finest pieces of...

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Hidden Water Pools

One time a couple of minutes ago I saw a patio that turned into a swimming pool! That's crazy! Almost Fletcher Capstan expandable table proportions of crazy, and definitely more in compliance with my agenda of spending...

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Baby Foot Human Molting Peel

$19.99 from Amazon »

I don't know what medieval witch magic Baby Foot puts in their Exfoliant Foot Peel to produce the skin-molting effects you see before you but, even though it would make perfect sense here, I promise you it's not snake...

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Neck Carriage Titanium Palm Cap Stick

$35.95 from Amazon »

Ti Rod Tactical's Titanium Palm Cap Stick might be the most strangely versatile piece of EDC you can hang around your neck. The 5" long x 0.44" in diameter piece is made of an aerospace grade 5 titanium rod, surrounded...

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Electric Head Massager

$165 from Amazon »

I want to know, you want to know, so we may as well just ask: does the electric head massager give good head? And if so, how good? What kind of good? Does it just find its grip and squeeze, or is there some steady, calculated...

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Waves MFS Physio-Tactical Pocket Stick

Sold Out from Amazon »

Designer Rainer Wenning calls his Waves MFS a "physio-tactical" palm stick, which might be the best bit of pretentious, made-up terminology I've ever heard. Because what "physio-tactical" basically means is that after...