Remote Control Drink Float
There's a reason they invented the Remote Control Drink & Snack Float. It's the same reason they call it "lazing" in the pool. It's because I'm being lazy. And because sometimes when I'm being lazy I get thirsty. And kind of want some guacamole. And then I wonder what the WTF I'm gonna do. Part with the serenity and weightlessness of my foam raft gently rocking in the aqua abyss, or forgo the sweet satiation of a Corona and fat pile of avocado mash? The agony of the decision! It closes in, bears down on me. And it's heavy, dude. Like Wittgenstein or pregnant Jessica Simpson. It's too much, I don't think I can...Mooooom! Will you please bring me some beer and guacamole and Tostitos Hint of Lime chips? Please?!
Wait, now I have to paddle over to the edge of the pool to get them? F that S.
The remote control floating caddy enables complete indolence for those like me. It's a motorized Mr. Belvedere--sans the English-accented life lessons--designed to hold up to five beverages in red Solo cup koozies, and a bowl of snacks. The remote operates on one 9-volt battery, and the float six D-cells (not included). For pool use only. Bummer. Anyone have one that runs on land?