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Zombie Gnomes: Bye Bye Birdie/8lb-bag-of-cereal-marshmallows-4721.jpg "8lb Bag of Cereal Marshmallows")
I must have stumbled upon the end of a rainbow because Jack. Pot. My days of spending 15 minutes crouched over my cereal bowl picking out all the boring healthy* brown bits from Lucky Charms are about to be as over as Peyton Manning's more...
/the-football-briefcase-5422.jpg "The Football Briefcase")
F nuclear codes and attacks. Booze, cards, Red Bull, cash, mints, and first aid are a real man's real tickets to power and life-altering--or at least night-altering--decisions. The briefcase. The weapons. The Football. Reinvented, redesigned, more...
/nutella-go-snack-packs-6702.jpg "Nutella & Go! Snack Packs")
You know what contentious pop culture debate on which I have no opinion? Nutella vs. Peanut Butter. Seriously Internet forums? You're warring over this? Each is a transcendentally delicious standout in the world of spreads. Who cares which of two superb culinary creations is better when they both taste like Jesus loves you? When both heighten the experience of eating A) toast and B) substances more...
/original-thai-red-bull-4086.jpg "Original Thai Red Bull")
Red Bull creator Chaleo Yoovidhya died in March 2012, leaving behind an unparalleled energy drink phenomenon and industry. Not since Coca-Cola and YouTube spectacles involving numerous tabs of Alka Seltzer has a carbonated beverage more...
/peanut-butter-cup-cake-2829.jpg "Peanut Butter Cup Cake")
A gargantuan mail-order Peanut Butter Cup Cake, stacked with double layers of rich chocolate devil's food hugging real peanut butter filling, and then drowned in a dark chocolate shell, is the reason acronyms like OMFG and GSTMA* are more...
/retro-candy-gift-boxes-6033.jpg "Retro Candy Gift Boxes")
Almost as interesting as it will be to watch the effects of my grandpa ingesting 4 pounds of processed sugar a la Slo Pokes, Red Hots, and Chuckles on Christmas morning is noting that, of the wax-wrapped candy treats contained in the 1940s nostalgia pack, those three have withstood the test of time and can still probably be bought at my neighborhood Walgreens. Which is particularly surprising when more...
/homemade-gin-kit-5911.jpg "Homemade Gin Kit")
Mommy, where does gin come from? Vodka, Bobby. Gin comes from vodka. At least if it's homemade. Shunning expensive, and possibly illegal, distilling equipment, the Homemade Gin Kit allows those who possess it to create intoxicatingly more...
/death-star-lollipops-6796.jpg "Death Star Lollipops")
Death Star Lollipops. An excellent concept. And might I suggest throwing some Pop Rocks in there too during a suck session so they actually explode in your mouth. more...
/ice-straws-5553.jpg "Ice Straws")
Ice straws are what I will give children to drink hot chocolate with so I don't have to hear them whine and cry about how it's too hot and they burnt their tongue and waaa, waaa, waaa, I want a hug. I often want a hug too, you little more...
/bacon-maple-doughnut-beer-4384.jpg "Bacon Maple Doughnut Beer")
For those who believe Oregon is just full of bike-ridin', tree-huggin', farmer's-market-shoppin', paradoxically-Nike-wearin' liberal geeks...well, maybe you're mostly right, but Oregonians also have some pretty wicked creativity when more...
If bat shit looked like 1000mW of ice-blue lightning, the S3 Spyder III Arctic Laser would be the physical manifestation of bat shit crazy. As it stands, the world's most powerful laser is just fuckin' nuts. Wicked Lasers' (absolutely, 100% legal) handheld bolt of pure spectral power counts amongst its marketable skills the ability to: Sear through ornery plastic, pop bitch-ass balloons, burn continuously, 24/7, without sustaining damage to its laser diode, function in 9 different operating modes, including Strobe, Constant Wave, SOS, Beacon, and Tactical Hibernation, emit 0.25 Lux of light at a distance of 6,856 meters, turn anyone it hits in the eye at a distance of 149 meters or less into Ray Charles, minus the musical talent and soul.
And if that weren't enough to get it laid every day for the duration of its 5,000+-hour serviceable life, Guinness is currently testing the S3 Arctic for the official title of World's Most Powerful Laser.
The S3 Arctic Series Laser resides in an aircraft grade aluminum chassis that's smaller than a standard flashlight.
/ruckus-hoptimus-prime-beer-7122.jpg "Ruckus Hoptimus Prime Beer")
Ruckus Brewing's Hoptimus Prime enjoys a wicked twist of irony: instead of transforming those who drink it into sage and powerful leaders of an elite race of impenetrable robots, at 9.0% ABV the double IPA reduces them to sloppy piles more...
/pocket-shots-portable-pouch-3289.jpg "Pocket Shots - Portable Pouches O' Liquor")
Is that a shot of tequila in your pocket, or am I just happy to see you? Pocket Shots are flexible, stand-up pouches enshrining 50 ml servings of everyone's favorite 80-proof hard liquor varietals. Long flight? Long day at work? Long more...
/breaking-bad-blue-glass-meth-4869.jpg "Breaking Bad Blue Glass Meth Candy")
Let's preface this pimp of Danilo Buendia's Breaking Bad Blue Glass Meth Rock Candy with the obvious: rock candy is pretty easy to make oneself. Even Blue Glass rock candy. Certainly easier than Blue Glass meth, and probably easier more...
/kraken-flask-black-4199.jpg "Kraken Flasks")
Rejoice ye liquor-sipping non-smokers who thought the Octopus Pipes we featured last month would be cool, if only you inhaled. Kraken Flasks are here to evoke equal reverence from those who enjoy a fine swig of Scotch or nip of brandy. more...
/24-Cans-Of-Duff-Beer-1592.jpg?mode=crop "24 Cans Of Duff Beer")
Twenty four cans of Homer's favorite pastime will have you snoring in your La-Z-Boy before midnight. These aren't just cans that say Duff Beer on them with soda inside either. They have actual alcohol in them. German lager to be exact. more...
/red-cup-drink-koozie-2417.jpg "The Red Cup Drink Koozie")
Red Solo cup, I fill you up. And am way less likely to drop you in someone's lap now that you are made of foam instead of cheap plastic that accrues grip-compromising condensation like Lindsay Lohan accrues pardons for criminal behavior more...
/star-wars-chocolates-5821.jpg "Star Wars Chocolates")
Mmm, handmade Star Wars chocolates. The best thing to come out of the Galactic Republic since the Intergalactic Identity Management Agency cleared Planet Earth for passports. Nikki Belleperche's Force-injecting variety pack includes more...
/Bacon-Soda-1884.jpg "Bacon Soda")
At this point, the bacon craze has reached a state of lunacy that renders bacon soda somewhat expected. Pedestrian, even. Still, there are smoky, greasy meat flavors, and then there are CARBONATED smoky, greasy meat flavors. This addition more...
/whisky-advent-calendar-5533.jpg "Whisky Advent Calendar")
The holidays. A season of (incredibly long and growing longer) buildup. Of personal reflection. Of getting comprehensively sloshed and drowning the sorrows generated by such a long flippin' buildup and the unhappy outcome of personal more...
/liquor-bottle-lock-3958.jpg "Liquor Bottle Lock")
All those times I bring a bottle of vodka to work for lunch and some d-bag from HR sneaks into the freezer and takes a few swigs like I'm not going to notice? Gone. And, at $15.99, the Liquor Lock is way cheaper than nailing him with more...
/ketchup-salt-5241.jpg "Ketchup Salt")
Obviously, I like putting ketchup on burgers and fries. I also kind of like putting ketchup on eggs. And potato chips. Probably I would enjoy it on a Caesar salad as well if it weren't so runny. Oh, why hello Ketchup Salt, transformer more...
/diy-sriracha-make-your-own-5664.jpg "DIY Sriracha")
Nothing like a little homemade flames-of-hell-spouting rooster sauce to take the edge off Thanksgiving with the fam. Granted, buying a bottle of Sriracha will only run you around $5, and cooking it up yourself will probably cost double more...
/powdered-beer-carbonator-4769.jpg "Concentrated Beer & Carbonator")
Like most people, the frequency of my hiking and camping excursions would increase exponentially if only I could incorporate more carbonation into the endeavors. What's that you say? Come September 2012 Pat's Backcountry Beverages will more...
/Banana-Flavored-Scorpion-Vodka-424.jpg?mode=crop "Banana Flavored Scorpion Vodka")
Mmmm... Delicious banana flavored scorpion vodka. I've been dying for some of this stuff. Equally as refreshing after a long run as when you wake up in a shallow dirt grave across the Mexican border. Nothing takes the sting out like more...
/instant-regret-hot-chilli-5983.jpg "Instant Regret Hot Chili Peanut Butter")
Hot to the power of hot meets one of the most devastating allergens on the planet. If Instant Regret Peanut Butter doesn't drive you into an immediate convulsive fit, followed by a semi-conscious state of catatonia, Firebox will refund more...
/Unfortunate-Cookies-1674.jpg "Unfortunate Cookies")
A sarcastic spin on the traditional fortune cookie, unfortunate cookies tell it like it is. Each pack includes 10 witty, fun and sometimes scathing or disgusting fortunes that are sure to surprise whoever cracks them open looking for more...
/habanero-honey-badger-bbq-4486.jpg "Habanero Honey Badger BBQ Sauce")
This ain't no Pooh Bear honey. Fortified with freshly chopped habanero peppers, the meaty smoke of a hot grill, and a subtle dose of bee nectar, Honey Badger BBQ Sauce will grab you by the nuts, make you lick the sun, and then lure more...
/ghost-pepper-super-hot-candy-balls-2500.jpg "Ghost Pepper Super Hot Candy Balls")
Get ready for the uncontrollable "O" mouth, exhalations of fire, and streaming tears of blissful discomfort only a few Victoria's Secret models, and Bhut Jolokia, the world's hottest pepper, can extract from your otherwise stoic, impenetrable more...
/dark-chocolate-skull-3005.jpg "Human Skull Chocolates")
Suck it, chocolate bunnies! This Easter all the cool kiddies want chocolate craniums cast from real human skulls! OK, so how many comments of outrage am I going to get when I point out that partaking in a piece of dark chocolate skull more...
/beer-flavor-infuser-3464.jpg "Beer Flavor Infuser")
In 2010, Dogfish Head Craft Brewed Ales debuted a large format beer infuser, called Randall in honor of every fifth redneck you meet, to great acclaim. It allows beer maestros to pimp out their brews with pretty much any flavor they more...
/The-Worlds-Most-Powerful-Laser-100.jpg?mode=crop "The World's Most Powerful Laser")
