Food

Edible Chocolate Candles

$9.99 from Vat 19 »

Edible Chocolate Candles are for when some little guy...or some little guy's Auntie She-Ra's boyfriend...gets a little too zealous about diving into the double chocolate with chocolate fudge and chocolate cookie crumbles...

Mucha Liga Tequila

Mucha Liga has made a tag team trio of lucha libre-themed tequilas, and in so doing has also made a fantasy many of us never even knew we had come true. Which mask will you wear ('til you puke 'n' pass out) during your...

Sriracha Seasoning Stix

$14.99 from Sriracha Stix »

Mmmmm, impalement coming soon to steak near you. Sriracha Seasoning Stix are solidified pokers of the iconic rooster sauce--the hot cock's hot cock, if you will--made to spice up your meat prior to cooking. Press a few...

Ayoba-Yo Biltong Beef Snacks

$8.99 - $16.99 from Ayoba-Yo »

Ayoba-Yo makes Biltong. And if saying so sounds like I'm speaking in a foreign tongue, it's because I a little bit am. Both "ayoba" and "Biltong" are words more commonly heard in South Africa. The former, at least as...

Dried Japanese Blowfish Fins

Fugu is what they call blowfish or pufferfish in Japan. It's also the name they use for the dish licensed chefs make from the adorable Dizzy Gillespie of the sea. And that's licensed not just as chefs, but specifically...

Know Brainer - The Thinker's Coffee Creamer

$18 from Amazon »

Know Brainer hops on the food trend train--you know, paleo locomotive pulling ketogenic, intermittent fasting, Whole 30, and gluten-free boxcars--to bring us this "thinker's" coffee creamer. The individual, portion-controlled...

20 Pounds of Japanese Wagyu Beef Filet Mignons

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One look at these Japanese Wagyu beef filet mignons--their decadent marbling, their popped-cherry rosiness--and you're like, F you, dude! Why would you show me the most delicious meat on earth? There goes my New Year's...

Beef Jerky Flower Bouquets

Men, say it with diamonds. With chocolate truffles. With roses. Ladies, say it with beef. Jerky. In the shape of flowers for good measure. Because even though nothing will tell your man's belly how you feel more than...

Shower Beer

Shower Beer sounds like a bottle of ale-scented novelty soap. Which would be cool. But what Shower Beer really is is even better: a 6-ounce bottle of actual pale ale conceived and packaged to be downed in 3 perfect gulps...

Exotic Predator Jerky Gift Pack

$39.99 from Amazon »

Now this is the kind of snake bite I'll take any day: the one where I'm on the delivering end, and the python recipient is covered in teriyaki sauce, kissed with brown sugar, and dried with a touch of liquid smoke. The...

Game of Thrones Chocolate Dragon Egg

I tried one of Truffle Cottage's Game of Thrones Chocolate Dragon Eggs last night. And if by "tried" you think I mean "demolished," then you are correct, sir! I think She-Ra: Princess of Power ate a couple from the stash...

Edible Dehydrated Zebra Tarantula

$24.99 from Amazon »

What's that you're eating? Antelope jerky? Pssshh! Amateur. Real men, men with balls as big as their 3 p.m. snack cravings, eat dehydrated zebra tarantulas. Straight from the can...

Paqui Carolina Reaper Madness Chip

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Betcha can't eat just one. Maybe not even one bite. Paqui says its Carolina Reaper Madness Chip is made with the hottest chile pepper on earth, and possibly in all the circles of hell. It's so hot they package them in...

Russian Space Food

$58.99 from Amazon »

Tubes of Russian Space Food. Hmmm, those don't look suspicious at all. You know, it's not really a question of how much you're willing to pay for the chance to eat 3 authentic cosmonaut meals, but of whether or not your...

Cards Against Humanity Fortune Cookies

I like the fortunes that say things like, "Soon you will be sitting on top of the world," and "May you grow rich," followed by a series of lucky numbers that happen to coincide with those drawn during this week's Power...

Spiked Sparkling Water

$9.99 - $15.99 from Truly Spiked & Sparkling »

Think less Bartles & Jaymes* and more Talking Rain. Truly Spiked & Sparkling isn't a sugary wine cooler or Mike's-style malt beverage, but a bottle of simple sparkling water with a natural twist. And a slightly sweet...

Soylent Coffiest

$15.89 - $82 from Amazon »

A few years ago we got our first taste of Soylent, a meal replacement drink that essentially amounts to dog food for humans. (Yeah, yeah, or maybe...it is humans!) Day in, day out, Soylent tastes exactly the same, and...

Banana Flour

$10.99 from Amazon »

Paleo and gluten-free monkeys rejoice! You can now enjoy puffy, fluffy pancakes, peanut butter cookies, and rich, thick sausage gravy, or even just an extra shot of potassium in your morning smoothie, courtesy of the...

Satan's Blood Hot Sauce

$16.90 from Amazon »

Satan's Blood Hot Sauce comes in a "blood vial shaped bottle with 800,000 Scoville units of pepper extract." Yeah, I can see that. I can also see a cock & balls ready to spew a scorching, blinding, fiery-hot death onto...

BubbleLick Edible Boozy Bubbles

$19.99 from Amazon »

If I had a kid, BubbleLick-ing would be my father-son bonding activity of choice: he blows, I consume. It might be the only game you'll ever play as a parent that actually gets more fun the longer it drags on...

Pussy Natural Energy Drink

$13.99 from Amazon »

So many ways to interpret the Pussy energy drink. Does it give men in need the bravado to get some? Reinvigorate the nether regions of women who aren't in the mood? Inject some downtown youthfulness into cougars on the...

Loloz - Cavity-Fighting Lollipops

$29.99 from Amazon »

Oh good, now all the Kandi Kids kids can practice responsible oral hygiene when they're high on Molly at the EDM festivals this summer. Your own little ones might love them some brightly-colored, fruity-flavored Loloz...

High-Protein 100% Bean Pasta

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Make that Inordinately-High-Protein 100% Bean Pasta. That tastes surprisingly F'ing delicious. Each serving of Explore Asian's bean pastas--available in black bean, soybean, adzuki bean, and edamame & mung bean varieties--has...

5-Pound Bag of Gummi Bears

$10.51 from Amazon »

The best part about a 5-pound bag of Gummi Bears is obviously that it contains approximately 985 Gummi Bears. But the second best part is Haribo's description of those 985 Gummi Bears as "Naturally flavored with balanced...