Food

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LED Lightsaber Ice Pop Maker

$34.99 from ThinkGeek »

I don't like the accusatory look on Princess Leia's face as she stands there, one hand on her hip, thrusting a Darth Vader LED-lit Lightsaber ice pop towards me and seemingly saying, "I thought it would be bigger." But...

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Zombie Gumball Machine

$650 from Juneau Studios »

I hope a hissing zombie with a sinister smile and graying flesh that has 80% rotted into a muscle-fascia-exposing slimy film, who's in the midst of ripping open his own abdomen to reveal a fun and colorful smorgasbord...

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8lb Bag of Cereal Marshmallows

Sold Out from Amazon »

I must have stumbled upon the end of a rainbow because Jack. Pot. My days of spending 15 minutes crouched over my cereal bowl picking out all the boring healthy* brown bits from Lucky Charms are about to be as over as...

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Habanero Honey Badger BBQ Sauce

Discontinued

This ain't no Pooh Bear honey. Fortified with freshly chopped habanero peppers, the meaty smoke of a hot grill, and a subtle dose of bee nectar, Honey Badger BBQ Sauce will grab you by the nuts, make you lick the sun...

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Bacon Maple Doughnut Beer

Sold Out from Amazon »

For those who believe Oregon is just full of bike-ridin', tree-huggin', farmer's-market-shoppin', paradoxically-Nike-wearin' liberal geeks...well, maybe you're mostly right, but Oregonians also have some pretty wicked...

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Freedom Flask Liquor Bladder

Sold Out from Amazon »

Ahhh, summertime. 'Tis the season. To be sneaky. The Freedom Flask, in the same spirit of duplicity and cunning as the Nano Hummingbird Spy Camera and the iStash, aids users in their quests to do things they aren't supposed...

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Tower of Sour Candy Urine Samples

We're ampin' up for the Summer 2012 Olympics. Which means the Olympic athletes are ampin' up for their drug tests. So in the spirit of US dominance, and the hope that none of our dominating athletes get busted for doping...

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Vinderpants - Underwear for Wine

$8.99 from Amazon »

I guess the novelty well of Handerpants has begun to run dry, so from the cratered depths of their derrieres, its makers have pulled out another way to capitalize on the kitschiness and comic relief of placing underwear...

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Kraken Flasks

$85 - $450 from Etsy »

Rejoice ye liquor-sipping non-smokers who thought the Octopus Pipes we featured last month would be cool, if only you inhaled. Kraken Flasks are here to evoke equal reverence from those who enjoy a fine swig of Scotch...

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Bombs Away Shot Glass Set

$44 from Amazon »

And the rockets' red glare, the bombs bursting in air. Cue music. Cue fireworks. And cue bottoms up. This set of two Bombs Away shot glasses arms liquor shooters with the makings of an explosively good time. Just don't...

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Protein Ketchup

$37.89 from Protica »

Normal ketchup is basically tomato sauce and corn syrup. Protein Ketchup is basically tomato sauce and corn syrup that have been kicked in the face by Chuck Norris and are therefore jacked up with 15 grams of Pure. Patent...

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Original Thai Red Bull

$9.27 from Amazon »

Red Bull creator Chaleo Yoovidhya died in March 2012, leaving behind an unparalleled energy drink phenomenon and industry. Not since Coca-Cola and YouTube spectacles involving numerous tabs of Alka Seltzer has a carbonated...

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S**tfaced Horse Wine Bottle Holder

$15.22 from Amazon »

The lesson here is when a racehorse never drinks water and always drinks wine, he doesn't win races, he becomes an alcoholic. And while manufacturer Rivers Edge would have us think we're doing track retiree Stewball a...

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Collapsible Shot Glass Key Ring

$6.95 from Amazon »

Collapsible shot glass on a key ring. I think my grandma had one of these. She used to put water from the drinking fountain in it for me when I was still too short to reach the spout. No wonder I've always found the scent...

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Don't Break the Bottle Wine Puzzle

$24.98 from Amazon »

Oh, Dad. You're such a sage. A simultaneous student and master of life. Willing pawn of the golf course, declared slave to the fishing pole. A magnate at the office, a maestro on the grill. Cigar aficionado, connoisseur...

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Liquor Bottle Lock

$15.99 from GoKeyless »

All those times I bring a bottle of vodka to work for lunch and some d-bag from HR sneaks into the freezer and takes a few swigs like I'm not going to notice? Gone. And, at $15.99, the Liquor Lock is way cheaper than...

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Breweries of the United States

According to The Map of United States Breweries, Americans have over seven square feet of wall-coverin' love for beer. In fact, I think the nickname "America's Favorite Pastime" was given to baseball, a sport during which...

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Scorzie - Scoreboard Koozie

Sold Out from Amazon »

One fun thing to do while drinking is engage in games of low to moderate skill and athleticism. Likewise, one fun thing to do while engaging in such games is drink. Scorzie, then, is an obvious proponent of fun. A beer...

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STACKED Wine By the Glass

$14.99 from Stacked Wines »

Stacked pre-filled wine glasses not only enable wine consumption anytime, anywhere, they pretty much eliminate any excuse one may have had not to. Sophisticated oenophiles and thirsty winos alike will delight in the pop!...

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Skillet Bacon Jam

$14.44 from Amazon »

Know what sucks about a bacon cheeseburger? OK, besides nothing. What sucks is when you sink your teeth into its crispy-juicy tag team of flesh, and the bacon doesn't break cleanly. When an entire, mayonnaise-laden strip...

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The Beast - Fist Can Koozie

$16.99 from Amazon »

Sure, I'm on the receiving end of a knuckle sandwich...again...but at least at the fist of The Beast I can wash it down with an ice cold Bud Light Lime. What? BLL is why I keep getting sucker punched in the first place?...

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Homemade Chewing Gum Kit

$13.95 from Amazon »

When I was little, my dad forbade me from chewing watermelon Bubblicious because he said it smelled like vomit. At the time, I was devastated. Watermelon was my favorite flavor of gum, and I had finally achieved the milestone...

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Sriracha Lollipops

$10 from Lollyphile »

Yes, it's the rooster sauce hardened, domed out, and mounted on a stick. Sriracha Lollipops: where cocks become balls. Online 'pop shop Lollyphile has turned everyone's favorite liquid fire into a lickable creation that...

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Beer Flavor Infuser

$19.95 from Dogfish Head Ales »

In 2010, Dogfish Head Craft Brewed Ales debuted a large format beer infuser, called Randall in honor of every fifth redneck you meet, to great acclaim. It allows beer maestros to pimp out their brews with pretty much...

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Boobs Ice Luge

$29.99 from Amazon »

And you always thought she was an icy bitch because you couldn't get to second base. The Boob Luge puts a positive spin on the cold reality of interacting with women. Also, just like in the good ol' days of infancy, it...

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Pocket Shots - Portable Pouches O' Liquor

$14.99 from PocketShot »

Is that a shot of tequila in your pocket, or am I just happy to see you? Pocket Shots are flexible, stand-up pouches enshrining 50 ml servings of everyone's favorite 80-proof hard liquor varietals. Long flight? Long day...

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Beer Ice Cream

Getting drunk and eating an entire pint of ice cream are typically consecutive events anyway, so why not combine them into one? Meet The Brewer's Cow, premium beer ice cream made from Guinness, Sam Adams, Ten Penny Ale...

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Easter Egg Cake

$79.95 from Williams Sonoma »

Easter is only two weeks away. Do you have your cutesy, themed, pastel dessert for the impending gorge of post-egg-hunt ham and sweets? Let the kids eat the jelly beans and Peeps. And especially the real Easter eggs....

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blk. - Black Bottled Water

$44.48 from Amazon »

We wondered too, but the answer is no. blk. black bottled water is not part of an SNL skit la black caulk or Colon Blow. It's a real artesian spring water from aquifers in Canada's Sandiland Forest Reserve. And it takes...

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Odafree - Fecal & Gas Odor Pills

$15 from Odafree »

Odafree is an over-the-counter supplement ingested to combat odors associated with the excretion of feces and flatulence. Without the euphemisms? It's a daily pill that claims to remove the stench of hot death from shit...

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Chocolate Covered Jalapenos

Chocolate Covered Jalapenos: for that delectable combination of sweet, and hotter than balls. Fresh, straight-up jalapenos, or a rainbow assortment of sweet peppers, are dipped in taste buds' choice of dark chocolate...

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Human Skull Chocolates

Suck it, chocolate bunnies! This Easter all the cool kiddies want chocolate craniums cast from real human skulls! OK, so how many comments of outrage am I going to get when I point out that partaking in a piece of dark...

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Doughnut Cookies

$49.95 from Williams Sonoma »

Uh oh, the Cookie Monster and the Po Po are about to have a conniption. Doughnuts and cookies gettin' it on? Producing offspring? And just in time for your co-worker's retirement party, your "Sorry I'm an asshole" peace...

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Peanut Butter Cup Cake

Discontinued

A gargantuan mail-order Peanut Butter Cup Cake, stacked with double layers of rich chocolate devil's food hugging real peanut butter filling, and then drowned in a dark chocolate shell, is the reason acronyms like OMFG...

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Edible Chocolate Scrabble Letters

Sold Out from Etsy »

Now when, at the height of an intense Scrabble match, you get stuck with both of the GD Zs, instead of driving yourself insane trying to remember if "ze" and "oz" are approved words, you can simply eat the offending letters...

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Ghost Pepper Super Hot Candy Balls

$9.99 from ThinkGeek »

Get ready for the uncontrollable "O" mouth, exhalations of fire, and streaming tears of blissful discomfort only a few Victoria's Secret models, and Bhut Jolokia, the world's hottest pepper, can extract from your otherwise...

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Sugar Cube Skulls

$16 from Etsy »

Behold The Biggest Loser's latest ploy to equate sugar with poison. Big fat fatties of the world, you must face your saccharine skeletons in the closet, your demonic empty calories, and defy them in favor of healthier...

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The Red Cup Drink Koozie

$9.99 from Amazon »

Red Solo cup, I fill you up. And am way less likely to drop you in someone's lap now that you are made of foam instead of cheap plastic that accrues grip-compromising condensation like Lindsay Lohan accrues pardons for...

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Zombie Head Chocolates

Discontinued

Zombies of the earth unleash a collective wail as they witness humans' discovery of why they eat brains: brains taste like chocolate covered cherries. Now the competition for cranial acquisition and consumption is going...

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Bacon Frosting

$9.95 from Amazon »

It's been two weeks since we last spotlighted a historically unlikely, but--given the current state of global madness--now entirely predictable food staple flavored with bacon. Bust out the red velvet sponge and cream...

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Zombie Wedding Cake Topper

$75 from Etsy »

Every groom-to-be gets cold feet at some point, and this zombie wedding cake topper brilliantly summarizes both the worst and best case scenarios that could play out when that happens. Worst Case Scenario: Your feet are...

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Bacon Soda

Sold Out from Amazon »

At this point, the bacon craze has reached a state of lunacy that renders bacon soda somewhat expected. Pedestrian, even. Still, there are smoky, greasy meat flavors, and then there are CARBONATED smoky, greasy meat flavors....

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Fresh Whole Rabbit

Sold Out from Amazon »

Nom, nom, nom. It's Hasenpfeffer meets the next-generation three wolf moon shirt. Your days of gnawing on leathery old rabbit parts that taste like a combination of barnyard and the positive ends of AA batteries are over....

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Unfortunate Cookies

$8.99 from Vat 19 »

A sarcastic spin on the traditional fortune cookie, unfortunate cookies tell it like it is. Each pack includes 10 witty, fun and sometimes scathing or disgusting fortunes that are sure to surprise whoever cracks them...

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24 Cans Of Duff Beer

$40.19 from Firebox.com »

Twenty four cans of Homer's favorite pastime will have you snoring in your La-Z-Boy before midnight. These aren't just cans that say Duff Beer on them with soda inside either. They have actual alcohol in them. German...

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Powdered Peanut Butter

$3.84 from Amazon »

Not since Grow Toys and Sea Monkeys has the simple addition of water created a miracle of Powdered Peanut Butter caliber. Obviously, the 85% reduction in fat and calories renders it more a loose approximation of peanut...

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Boxed Wine In Ammunition Case

$80 from Thrillist »

Drawing a profound visual parallel between alcohol and weaponry, this ammo case of wine of is slick, sexy, and loaded with 3 liters of artisanal heat, but is likely to cause death and destruction if it falls into the...

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Alcohol-Infused Whipped Cream

In the true spirit of the holiday season, here comes a little gift that will make you even more fat and drunk. Whipped Lightning turbocharges ordinary canned whipped cream with 36.5 proof grain alcohol and 12 mostly-tasty-sounding...

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Han Solo Carbonite Chocolate Bar

$7.99 from ThinkGeek »

What took them so long? Although I'd prefer an Augustus Gloop drowning in chocolate bar, Han Solo's plight lends itself nicely to aiding in the fattening of America as well. Jabba The Hutt, although posing no long term...

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Edible Spray Paint

Edible spray paint. The answer to the prayers of all those hoodlums and gang members with dreams of pastry chef stardom. And check out the demo photos. This year, Martha Stewart, your mother-in-law, and their brined...

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Bad Jew BBQ Sauce

$5.98 from Bad Jew BBQ »

If there's one thing that Jews know, it's not barbecue sauce. Nonetheless, we've been given their best effort. Hey, at least it's kosher right? No word on whether or not the sauce bottle "tips" well for easy pouring....

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Delicious Bacon Candy

$8.04 from Amazon »

Nothing burps like bacon... candy. I think this might not be as good for popping into your mouth one after another as sneak attacking an unsuspecting friend by giving him piece casually and seeing what genuine surprise...

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Schweddy Balls Ice Cream

Well, there's no beating my Balls. They're made from a secret Schweddy Family recipe. No one can resist my Schweddy Balls. The classic SNL skit comes to life in the form of delicious schweddy balls ice cream. Mmmm....

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Blast Caffeine Powder

$12.50 from Blast Caffeine »

This stuff is scary. It takes 125 energy drinks to match the caffeine in 1 Blast caffeine. So, if you're finally ready to get off the couch and go outside, this stuff might help. Or, it might kill you. Either way, it's...

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Effervescent Bacon Drink Tabs

Sold Out from Amazon »

If you're somehow unable to get enough bacon through the 100s of bacon related food products out there, I've got a solution for you. Bacon flavored drink tabs. Now you can wash down that bacon and bacon sandwich with...

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Blooming Flower Pot Cake

$100 from Williams Sonoma »

The perfect cake for a gardener, florist or person who likes awesome cakes. It actually sounds pretty nom nom too. A velvety-rich five-layer chocolate devil's food cake with chocolate-caramel truffle cream filling and...

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Miracle Berry Fruit Tablets

$14.99 from Amazon »

The future is here. These amazing miracle berries are eaten before meals to make the meals taste better. "How?" you ask. By making sour and bitter foods taste sweet. I have tried these and they do work. Don't believe...

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Banana Flavored Scorpion Vodka

Mmmm... Delicious banana flavored scorpion vodka. I've been dying for some of this stuff. Equally as refreshing after a long run as when you wake up in a shallow dirt grave across the Mexican border. Nothing takes the...

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Stay Puft Caffeinated Gourmet Marshmallows

Sold Out from Amazon »

This is just what little kids need. Actually, I can see this paired with a big fat slab of marijuana chocolate housed between two graham crackers. Wonderin' why I can't sleep at 2am. Rememberin' why at 4am. So worth it...

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Bacon Flavored Chocolate Bar

$13.95 from Amazon »

The sweet and the salty, all in one meal. I think we're getting past the everything is better with bacon phase in America, but this chocolate bar could slip through the cracks into my everyday diet. Three hundred pounds...

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Biofuel Caffeinated Popcorn

Sold Out from Amazon »

This just might be the stuff I need to get me through the next movie I have to watch with my girlfriend. I mean, I'm not a little kid, so I don't really eat popcorn, but it could work. Who could stay awake for an entire...

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Chocomize Bars

$6 from Chocomize »

I used to have to sell chocolate bars for little league when I was a kid. $1 per bar. I marked them up to $2 and pocketed a dollar for myself, then usually ate half of my inventory. It seemed to work out pretty well....