41

Tower of Sour Candy Urine Samples

By: on July 19, 2012

We're ampin' up for the Summer 2012 Olympics. Which means the Olympic athletes are ampin' up for their drug tests. So in the spirit of US dominance, and the hope that none of our dominating athletes get busted for doping we present: liquid candy urine samples! Get ready, urine for a treat!

Impending London games aside, pee jokes are always funny. You know, like bullies and hardasses getting freaked the F out and peeing their pants. One dude relieving himself in a beverage container, and another dude coming along and taking a big swig. A smitten young man on a winter's stroll with his lady love romantically pissing her name in the snow. In fact, pee jokes probably rank third in the bodily function humor hierarchy, coming in only behind fart jokes and poo jokes. So it's no surprise that the Tower of Sour, Liquid Candy Urine Samples...oh, wait, I forgot about barf jokes...OK, I guess pee jokes are fourth. Still good gag gift material. Particularly when said gag gift is neon yellow potable piss, lemon pucker flavored, and downed straight from its medical testing vial.

Towers of Sour arrive in 5-container sets of figurative bladder discharge.

Side Note: Interestingly, the Tower of Sour's "liquid" candy contents are a syrupy liquid that makes it look like whomever provided the sample didn't drink a sip of water all day, and then washed down 6 Doritos Locos tacos and a Mexican pizza from Taco Bell with a couple shots of Hornitos before whizzing a near-solid out of his urethra.

Check it out

How to Pee with Morning Wood

$13.95 - $60.90 from Zazzle »

A self-help guide to dealing with the enormous issue I face first thing in the morning every single day of my life and it's packaged as whimsical wall art that will add immeasurable character to my bathroom? How to Pee...

Check it out

26-Pound Gummy Python

$149.99 from Vat 19 »

Oh look, a snake that can kill you without biting, constricting, or even being alive. At 84" long, 26.9 pounds, and a staggering 36,720 calories, the Gummy Python will inflict anything from hyperglycemia to ruptured intestines...

Buy Now

Dry Brew Coffee Chews

$17.99 from Amazon »

Dry Brew Coffee Chews are for those of us who can't tear ourselves away from the computer--or the Xbox--long enough to get our 3:00 cups o' pick-me-up. And those, such as runners and bikers, who don't have the space or...

Check it out

Han Solo Carbonite Chocolate Bar

$7.99 from ThinkGeek »

What took them so long? Although I'd prefer an Augustus Gloop drowning in chocolate bar, Han Solo's plight lends itself nicely to aiding in the fattening of America as well. Jabba The Hutt, although posing no long term...

Buy Now

Bulk Single Flavor Candy

$10.99 - $50.98 from Amazon »

Mama! I said I only want the Cherry Starburst! Only the Cherries! Ahhh, just remembering the days when my mama had to toil over picking out all the good Starburst, Skittles, and Tootsie Pop flavors for me. The days before...

Buy Now

10-Pound Toblerone Bar

$124.20 from Amazon »

Toblerone has built 45, 100-gram servings into their 10-pound mountain range of chocolate, honey, and almond nougat. That's:...

Buy Now

TravelJohn Disposable Personal Urinals

$12.47 from Amazon »

TravelJohn Disposable Urinals are for everyone who's gotta go. Just look at the box. Men, women, and children alike with knees knocking, thighs constricting, and hands holding on tight can take relief in taking a whizz...

Buy Now

5-Pound Bag of Gummi Bears

$10.51 from Amazon »

The best part about a 5-pound bag of Gummi Bears is obviously that it contains approximately 985 Gummi Bears. But the second best part is Haribo's description of those 985 Gummi Bears as "Naturally flavored with balanced...

Check it out

Urine Powered Batteries

Yes, $62 for six AAs is steep, but they hold their charge for up to 10 years, and, let's face it, you're never going to have trouble finding a couple mils of pee when they need a reboot. NoPoPos (No Pollution Power) are...

Buy Now

Japanese Kit Kat Bars

$0.92 - $29.99 from Amazon »

Why are green Kit Kats so mesmerizing? Because they look like Zombie Kit Kats? Their flavor is Maccha Green Tea, so they can't possibly taste like anything resembling good, yet they have been flying off the virtual shelves...

Check it out

Game of Thrones Chocolate Dragon Egg

I tried one of Truffle Cottage's Game of Thrones Chocolate Dragon Eggs last night. And if by "tried" you think I mean "demolished," then you are correct, sir! I think She-Ra: Princess of Power ate a couple from the stash...

Buy Now

Loloz - Cavity-Fighting Lollipops

$29.99 from Amazon »

Oh good, now all the Kandi Kids kids can practice responsible oral hygiene when they're high on Molly at the EDM festivals this summer. Your own little ones might love them some brightly-colored, fruity-flavored Loloz...