Tower of Sour Candy Urine Samples
/tower-of-sour-candy-urine-4323.jpg "Tower of Sour Candy Urine Samples")
- Boobzie Boobs Koozie - $9.00
- Toxic Waste Ultra Sour Candy - 1 lb. - $6.95
- Marijuana Urine Test Strips - $9.95
- 32-Ounce Jug of Wolf Urine - $29.95
- Prescription Pill Bottle Beer Koozie - $8.51
We're ampin' up for the Summer 2012 Olympics. Which means the Olympic athletes are ampin' up for their drug tests. So in the spirit of US dominance, and the hope that none of our dominating athletes get busted for doping we present: liquid candy urine samples! Get ready, urine for a treat!
Impending London games aside, pee jokes are always funny. You know, like bullies and hardasses getting freaked the F out and peeing their pants. One dude relieving himself in a beverage container, and another dude coming along and taking a big swig. A smitten young man on a winter's stroll with his lady love romantically pissing her name in the snow. In fact, pee jokes probably rank third in the bodily function humor hierarchy, coming in only behind fart jokes and poo jokes. So it's no surprise that the Tower of Sour, Liquid Candy Urine Samples...oh, wait, I forgot about barf jokes...OK, I guess pee jokes are fourth. Still good gag gift material. Particularly when said gag gift is neon yellow potable piss, lemon pucker flavored, and downed straight from its medical testing vial.
Towers of Sour arrive in 5-container sets of figurative bladder discharge.
Side Note: Interestingly, the Tower of Sour's "liquid" candy contents are a syrupy liquid that makes it look like whomever provided the sample didn't drink a sip of water all day, and then washed down 6 Doritos Locos tacos and a Mexican pizza from Taco Bell with a couple shots of Hornitos before whizzing a near-solid out of his urethra.
/thirsty-goose-portable-mens-62037.jpg?mode=crop "Thirsty Goose Portable Men's Urinal")
Thirsty Goose Portable Men's Urinal
It's Small Business Saturday! Support your local artisans, your Mom & Pop shops, your independent businesspeople just trying to keep their storefronts alive in the face of corporate death-dealing, your...Thirsty Goose...
How to Pee with Morning Wood
A self-help guide to dealing with the enormous issue I face first thing in the morning every single day of my life and it's packaged as whimsical wall art that will add immeasurable character to my bathroom? How to Pee...
26-Pound Gummy Python
Oh look, a snake that can kill you without biting, constricting, or even being alive. At 84" long, 26.9 pounds, and a staggering 36,720 calories, the Gummy Python will inflict anything from hyperglycemia to ruptured intestines...
/Han-Solo-Carbonite-Chocolate-Bar-1361.jpg?mode=crop "Han Solo Carbonite Chocolate Bar")
Han Solo Carbonite Chocolate Bar
What took them so long? Although I'd prefer an Augustus Gloop drowning in chocolate bar, Han Solo's plight lends itself nicely to aiding in the fattening of America as well. Jabba The Hutt, although posing no long term...
/frenchs-mustard-skittles-61030.jpg?mode=crop "French's Mustard Skittles")
French's Mustard Skittles
If you think French's Mustard Skittles - bags of monotone yellow Skittles flavored not like lemon, but French's Mustard - are a wild and crrraaazy idea!, well. You must have missed the National Mustard Day celebratory...
/bulk-single-flavor-candy-16073.jpg "Bulk Single Flavor Candy")
Bulk Single Flavor Candy
Mama! I said I only want the Cherry Starburst! Only the Cherries! Ahhh, just remembering the days when my mama had to toil over picking out all the good Starburst, Skittles, and Tootsie Pop flavors for me. The days before...
Charmin Forever Roll
I know what they say about diamonds, but Charmin, a toilet paper roll that's forever? Why...why...yes! I do!...
Urine Powered Batteries
Yes, $24 for six AAs is steep, but they hold their charge for up to 10 years, and, let's face it, you're never going to have trouble finding a couple mils of pee when they need a reboot. NoPoPos (No Pollution Power) are...
Japanese Kit Kat Bars
Why are green Kit Kats so mesmerizing? Because they look like Zombie Kit Kats? Their flavor is Maccha Green Tea, so they can't possibly taste like anything resembling good, yet they have been flying off the virtual shelves...
/10-pound-toblerone-bar-20449.jpg "10-Pound Toblerone Bar")
10-Pound Toblerone Bar
Toblerone has built 45, 100-gram servings into their 10-pound mountain range of chocolate, honey, and almond nougat. That's:...
Ghost Pepper Super Hot Candy Balls
Get ready for the uncontrollable "O" mouth, exhalations of fire, and streaming tears of blissful discomfort only a few Victoria's Secret models, and Bhut Jolokia, the world's hottest pepper, can extract from your otherwise...
/koko-nuggz-56700.jpg?mode=crop "Koko Nuggz")
Koko Nuggz
Koko Nuggz weed-themed treats are so fun, so poppable, and so full of sugar and Rice Krispie carbs that even without the THC they'll probably get you high. Or, according to the Koko Nuggz nugget bakers, at least "shock...