32

Franklin's Finest Emergency Survival Coffee

By: on December 21, 2015
$12.71
Check It Out

I feel like I need Emergency Survival Coffee every morning, so I guess the only thing that sets Franklin's Finest apart from my standard cup of grocery store grind is semantics. They mean "real" emergency that requires "real" survival gear and goods, like a natural or manmade disaster, not just the emergency of waking up at 6 dead-as-a-dinosaur tired and unable to fathom how I'm going to put clothes on my body and survive another day at work. Also, Franklin's Finest has been freeze-dried to a guaranteed shelf life of 25 years, which I'm pretty sure is about 50 times longer Starbucks recommends shelving its Pike Place roast

Franklin's Finest calls the pictured 60-serving package of its coffee the "perfect trial size," I guess so you can test out whether or not these 100% pure gourmet Columbian coffee beans are the ones you want by your side in an apocalypse. To prepare, just add hot water or milk. The coffee's Mylar pouch is resealable.

Buy Now

Flowering Penis Coffee Mug

$15.99 from Amazon »

For all the ladies (and fellas!) who count floral patterns and penises amongst their favorite things, have I got a mug of a gift for you. Clothing and accessory brand HUMAN goes for a very anatomical part of being one...

Check it out

Portable Survival Rifle

$290 - $350 from Henry Repeating Arms »

"Don't leave civilization without one." It's the motto of the US Survival AR-7, a semi-automatic portable rifle that weighs a mere 3-1/2 pounds and measures in at 16-1/2" long when broken down and stowed in its waterproof...

Buy Now

Zombie Apocalypse Survival Kit

$266.15 from Amazon »

Are you prepared to fight for the survival and integrity of family, friends, and the human race in apocalyptic combat with the ambulatory dead? In other words, do you want to buy a 7-piece set of gut-ripping knives and...

Check it out

Motoped Survival Bike

$2,499 - $3,149 from Motoped »

Universal mounting rack. Three gallons of fuel. In critical times, Motoped's Survival Bike puts escape in the hands of your feet. The military-inspired superhauler has a back rack assembly primed for multiple bolt-on...

Check it out

Zombie Hammer Survival Tools

$79.95 - $139.95 from Zombie Hammer »

"Zombie Hammer survival tools are designed to last longer than cockroaches." Longer than cockroaches! Now that's a sell. This knuckle dustered cache of apocalyptic weapons must have a collective immune system of steel!...

Check it out

The Cache Belt

$25 - $95 from Wazoo Survival Gear »

Sometimes you need a fishing hook in the middle of Denali. Sometimes you need a bottle opener in the middle of a Monday morning meeting. The Cache Belt can help you out with both lifesavers in both spots. Plus a needle...

Check it out

Family Bug Out Bag

$969 from OuttaGEAR »

If my family were to bug out, probably the first thing we'd do is tear apart this bag of supplies in search of the Xanax and Scotch it does not contain to help calm ourselves down. Luckily, in the event that one of us...

Check it out

First 24 Survival Kit

$1,499 from Taurus »

I hope our current obsession with survival gear and bug out bags and general disaster preparedness means we're not actually going to have to face the collapse of the world in the near future. Because when it comes to...

Check it out

Survival Grenade

$18.99 from Rocky S2V »

Pull the pin and Rocky S2V's Survival Grenade blows up a cornucopia of Mountain Shepherd Wilderness Survival School tools for the outdoor conquistador. Enveloped in 10' of military grade 550 paracord are everything from...

Check it out

Mokase Smartphone Cover Coffee Maker

$57 from Mokase »

Mo' crazy, mo' coffee, Mokase! It's the latest mobile phone feature we 0% need but, while collectively rolling our eyes, some of us will still get: a smartphone case that brews coffee....

Check it out

Bear Grylls Ultimate Pack

Discontinued

Funny how even though Bear Grylls was alleged to be kind of a fraud several years ago--the guy who roughs it to the bare bones, in the jungle with nothing but a pocket knife, some fishing line, and his wits by day, but...

Check it out

Life Armor Disaster Shelter

$5k from Seikoh »

The recent, tragic path of Hurricane Sandy reminds us that disaster planning shouldn't just be relegated to theoretical discussions and jokes about Zombie Apocalypses. Seikoh's Life Armor Disaster Shelter can accommodate...