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Flump Face - Your Photo on a Giant Marshmallow

By: on December 02, 2014
$20.49
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Oh man, I cannot wait to toast my ex-girlfriend Karen's face over a roaring fire or blow it up in the microwave. Flump Face gives us the great pleasure of printing favorite pics of ourselves, the people we love, or the people we hate onto a giant, A4-sized slab of marshmallow. What purpose this serves aside from acting as the digital printing age's version of using your enemy's photo as a dartboard I don't know, but as I previously alluded: I want one. I believe Karen would heat up to morbid disfiguration best in a profile shot.

Acquire Flump Face photo-fectionaries just by uploading a high quality photo of your desired subject (um, and also paying for it). The printing magicians at Firebox will then transfer it onto its new spongy, squishy, sugary medium and seal it for shipment, as well as for up to 6 months of admiration. Once opened Flump Faces will still last 4 to 6 weeks--plenty of time to relish Hannibalizing yourself. Digital picture frames for the holidays? Instagram cameras? Psshh, amateur moves. If you really want to show you care, give them a memory immortalized in the methods of Stay-Puft.

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Marshmallow Crossbow

Mr. Stay Puft's got nothing on my Mallow Bow. Sure, he can stomp on people, toss cars, and tear down buildings, but I can dole out cavities, high blood sugar, and toothaches. Straight to the kisser from 60' away!...

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8lb Bag of Cereal Marshmallows

$40.75 from Amazon »

I must have stumbled upon the end of a rainbow because Jack. Pot. My days of spending 15 minutes crouched over my cereal bowl picking out all the boring healthy* brown bits from Lucky Charms are about to be as over as...

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Minecraft Marshmallow Creeps

$4.99 from ThinkGeek »

The little bit of good news I have for you today is that we are only 16 days away from spring and 27 days away from Easter*, which means Peep eating season is upon us! Even better tidings for Minecraft die-hards: Marshmallow...

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Indoor Flameless Marshmallow Roaster

Roasting marshmallows and making s'mores over an open flame is such grand fun. At least until someone falls into the burning ring of fire and doesn't live to sing about it like Johnny Cash. Then it's kind of a downer....

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Viveltre Gourmet Marshmallows

$5.99 - $9.99 from Viveltre »

Today's Lesson: If you're going to eat...hold on, let me count...30 jumbo marshmallows for breakfast, they may as well be jumbo marshmallows that are F'ing. Delicious. Viveltre, confectioner and administrator of my lesson...

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Burnt Stay Puft Marshmallow Man Bank

2014 marks the 30th anniversary of the original Ghostbusters' big screen release. Yeah, I know. I can't believe you're that old either. So obviously enterprising capitalists are making to capitalize on the Who ya gonna...

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Stay Puft Marshmallow Man Candle

$28.59 from Firebox.com »

You've already lit the fire that melted Toht's face off. Now get ready to s'mores up the Ghostbusters' biggest bad guy. Set a match to the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man Candle at the top of his head, and watch him roast and...

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Campfire Fishing Pole

Sold Out from Amazon »

I see the Fireside Fishing Pole and I see you and me going fishing in the dark. Lying on our backs and counting the stars. Where the cooool grass gr-oh-oh-ows. Yeah I like country music, so the fried okra what? You know...

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S'Mores Roasting Rack

$9.42 from Amazon »

Well let's just take the modicum of elbow grease required to enjoy an ass fattener alongside a campfire out of the s'mores creation equation entirely. Now I don't even have to engage my upper body muscles supporting and...