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Edible Dehydrated Zebra Tarantula

By: on November 18, 2016
$24.99
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What's that you're eating? Antelope jerky? Pssshh! Amateur. Real men, men with balls as big as their 3 p.m. snack cravings, eat dehydrated zebra tarantulas. Straight from the can.

There's not a whole lot of information about this zebra tarantula in its listing, but here's what I gather:

  • It's edible.
  • It's dehydrated.
  • It comes in a can.
  • It's dusted with a zesty barbecue seasoning!
  • It ships fast. The seller mentions that twice. I can only imagine it's because any dude jonesing for a zebra tarantula needs to get his fix ASAP, or shit's gonna get real. Like, zebra tarantulas are probably the heroin of the edible dehydrated insect world.
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Thorns In - The Glove You Can't Take Off

$978 from Sruli Recht »

Thorns In meaning #1: Ten thousand mic-rose thorns lining the inside of this shark skin glove. Thorns In meaning #2: Ten thousand mic-rose thorns gouging fish-hook style into the hand of its wearer, such that pulling...

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Edible Anus Chocolates

$5.94 from Amazon »

Several years ago, Willy Wonka sat down with the UK's most distinguished chocolatiers to lay down the next big release in artisan chocolate. He tried many of their stunning and revolutionary manipulations of the finest...

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Beef Jerky Flower Bouquets

Men, say it with diamonds. With chocolate truffles. With roses. Ladies, say it with beef. Jerky. In the shape of flowers for good measure. Because even though nothing will tell your man's belly how you feel more than...

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Codex Seraphinianus: World's Strangest Book

$74.97 from Amazon »

First published in 1981, the radically strange and unparalleled Codex Seraphinianus took Italian architect, illustrator, and industrial designer Luigi Serafini 2-1/2 years to complete. What is it? Aside from floating...

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Sh*t Gold Pills

$425 from CITIZEN:Citizen »

It may still stink, but ingest a couple of these 24K capsules, and your shit will look as handsome as a pile of gold. Tobias Wong and J.A.R.K. (Ju$t Another Rich Kid) created the Gold Pills as part of their INDULGENCE...

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Country Archer Natural Meat Snacks

$2.75 - $6 from Country Archer »

Country Archer makes meat snacks for those of us who are done with dry, brittle jerky that tastes like nothing but fake smoke and salt, and feels like it's going to puncture our gut when we swallow it. And also for those...

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Imperial Spherificator - Turn Any Food Into Caviar

$129.99 from Amazon »

The Imperial Spherificator. Sounds like something you'd find alongside Mega Maid in Lord Dark Helmet's cache of planet-destroying weapons. But in fact, this superbly named device isn't meant for destruction or Mel Brooks...

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Webcaster Trigger-Fed Cobweb Gun

$39.99 from Amazon »

If your spidey sense is telling you stringing that clump of cotton into a spooky front porch crypt of cobwebs is going to take 'til next Halloween, believe it. And have a comparative look at the Webcaster trigger-fed...

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Exotic Predator Jerky Gift Pack

$39.99 from Amazon »

Now this is the kind of snake bite I'll take any day: the one where I'm on the delivering end, and the python recipient is covered in teriyaki sauce, kissed with brown sugar, and dried with a touch of liquid smoke. The...

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Ayoba-Yo Biltong Beef Snacks

$8.99 - $16.99 from Ayoba-Yo »

Ayoba-Yo makes Biltong. And if saying so sounds like I'm speaking in a foreign tongue, it's because I a little bit am. Both "ayoba" and "Biltong" are words more commonly heard in South Africa. The former, at least as...

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T8X Robotic Spider

$499 - $749 from Robugtix »

I know. It's just a remote control spider, right? Fun for 5 minutes' worth of scaring Grandma, but otherwise unremarkable. And $499? Is that a joke?...

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Grow Your Own Escargot Kit

$53.39 from Firebox.com »

Note: Converting them from snails to escargot is optional. You are welcome just to grow them and name them and keep them as snuggly (with a side of slime) pets. Otherwise: Attention kitchen magicians! If your bag of culinary...