Nothing like a little homemade flames-of-hell-spouting rooster sauce to take the edge off Thanksgiving with the fam. Granted, buying a bottle of Sriracha will only run you around $5, and cooking it up yourself will probably cost double that, plus necessitate extreme care as to which parts of your body you touch with your hands after chopping the chilis, plus require a week of wait time for the flavors to meld and heat to intensify, but...imagine the acclaim you'll receive when the ladies hear the hot cock they're about to enjoy didn't come from the Shop 'n' Save, but straight from your heart.
Detailed DIY Sriracha instructions are available on the Instructables Website, courtesy of Imnopeas, who credits Randy Clemens' The Sriracha Cookbook for her adaptation. Recommended Scovilles come from 1-3/4 pounds of either Fresno, Red Jalapeno, or Red Serrano chili peppers, plus 3 Thai chili peppers. Other ingredients of interest include: sugars brown and white; garlic, distilled white vinegar; and 4 drops of sweat from the brow of Chuck Norris.
In a rare moment of thinking ahead, it occurs to me that Dudemade Sriracha could be the first hand-forged Christmas gift I am able to Ho, Ho, Ho to my family and friends without receiving failed attempts to hide looks of disappointment and, occasionally, disgust in return. So maybe this year I'll go the route of the rooster instead of the route of candy cane reindeer, glitter-dusted pine cones, and framed photos of my biceps.