146

blk. - Black Bottled Water

By: on March 17, 2012
$46
Check It Out

We wondered too, but the answer is no. blk. black bottled water is not part of an SNL skit la black caulk or Colon Blow. It's a real artesian spring water from aquifers in Canada's Sandiland Forest Reserve. And it takes itself very seriously, claiming to be richly endowed with fluvic minerals and other alchemic phenomena that will turbocharge your life force, despite the fact no one has ever heard of them. Ahhh, Canadians.

Regardless of what it purports to be, what blk. is, is a big black bottle of black, black water. That, from what we gather, tastes like a big clear bottle of crystal clear water. It's basically coffee, without the coffee flavor, aroma, caffeine...without the reasons people drink coffee. It's the Crystal Pepsi marketing ploy in reverse. Slick packaging, visual twist on a cultural mainstay, and a lot of yada yada about making you harder, better, faster, stronger if you drink it.

For those less cynical than we are, or for those just curious why blk. is black, here's the cleanse-your-spirit spiel. Sand in the ground near blk.'s Canadian springs serves as a natural filter, leaving the water taint-free, yet enriched with essential minerals, namely those of the fluvic persuasion. Fluvic minerals are found in prehistoric plant matter buried deep within the earth. They are naturally black and, when added to translucent water, dominate the visible spectrum, and give blk. its name and hook. blk. contains over 77 fluvic and humic minerals, which are chock full of hydrating electrolytes. In addition, the light weight of blk.'s proprietary mineral blend allows the human body to absorb it quickly, and achieve hydration faster than with tap and other pedestrian waters.

blk. water contains no dyes, no artificial flavors, no sugar, and no calories. And, good news, Jewish peoples, it's kosher too.

If you've read this far, you are about to be rewarded. Remember that earlier dig about Canadians? Well, blk. black bottled water is actually an American product. More specifically, a Jersey product (no surprise there--isn't all of the water in Jersey some shade of black?) It's the business venture of brothers Albie and Christopher Manzo. Whose mother, Caroline, is part of the New Jersey flavor of the wacked out, fame whoring casts of the Real Housewives franchise. And probably also the mob.

Check it out

You Need More Than Balls: Top 10 Water Toys

Beach balls are classic and rectangular rafts still keep you afloat, but the creativity, tech, and fat wallets of today demand a little more of water-based entertainment. Here are my picks for the Top 10 Water Toys of...

Check it out

OtoSet Automatic Ear Cleaning Headset

By: SafKan »

I doubt SafKan made its OtoSet to be the Beats headphones of earwax removal systems. But since finishing the last episode of The Defiant Ones, Beats headphones are all I see when I look at the world's first automated...

Check it out

Motiv Ring - Fitness Tracker & Sleep Tracker

$199 from Motiv »

Say "I do" to Motiv and the ring will be your loyal fitness tracker, sleep tracker, and heart rate monitor 'til death do you part. Day and night, at home or in the gym, even in the shower and pool. Even if you gain a...

Check it out

ShapeScale 3D Body Scanner

$299 - $499 from ShapeScale »

ShapeScale says its 3D body scanner and fitness tracker is "like a magic mirror that allows you to time travel. See your present and past self from any angle." Hmmm, "magic mirror," huh? Something tells me my relationship...

Check it out

World's Largest Super Soaker

Your biggest concern about the World's Largest Super Soaker* shouldn't be that it will get you super soaked upon impact. Because the water jets maker Mark Rober has built this 7-foot H2Ogre to spew is so powerful it can...

Check it out

Leidenfrost Effect Ring

$31.80 from Grand Illusions »

I love the dude who makes Grand Illusions' videos. I think his name is either George or Hendrik. Both because George Auckland and Hendrik Ball are the two Brits who founded and run Grand Illusions out of an 18th century...

Check it out

$10 Million Human Regenerator for Anti-Aging

$557k - $10 million from The Human Regenerator »

Well, $10 million is the price for the super deluxe, diamond-encrusted model of The Human Regenerator. Bargain hunters who are OK with regenerating unsound cells, strengthening their immune systems, and enhancing skin...

Buy Now

Clear Bottom Inflatable Raft

$35.83 from Amazon »

Kids, Clear Bottom Rafts & Cartilaginous Creatures: it's a Shark Week Special - don't miss it!...

Check it out

Estream Portable Water Power Generator

$180 - $220 from Enomad »

What if I don't want to disconnect? What if I don't want to see another person for miles, but do want to keep listening to "Love Yourself" and checking to see if Bieber restored his Instagram account? And also have a...

Check it out

Levitating CUP Zero Gravity Drinkware

$139 - $249 from Levitating CUP »

We've seen levitation around here before. A lot. In speakers. In lamps. In freakin' bonsai trees. But the Levitating CUP still makes me Ooooh and Ahhhh because, well, it contains alcohol. In a dazzling an

Check it out

Herb & Lou's Cocktail-Infused Ice Cubes

$15.99 from Herb & Lou's »

Melted, not stirred. Herb & Lou's Infused Cubes arrive as 3 things waiting to happen: 1) 12 blocks of ice; 2) 12 rounds of tasty cocktails; and 3) 12 times the good times, since you won't have to play bartender all night....

Check it out

YO Sperm Tester for Smartphones

$49.95 from YO »

They've had smartphone attachments that tell you whether or not you're sober enough to drive for years now, so it's only logical YO is coming out with one to tell you whether or not you're fertile enough to make babies....