Novelty

Toast! Before You Drink Gummies

$34.99 from Amazon »

I've seen "adult gummies" meant to get you F'd up, but Toast! Before You Drink Gummies are adult gummies that claim to prevent it. Or at least the hangover that follows. The headache. The ass-breath cotton mouth belching...

Edible Asian Forest Scorpion

$14.99 from Amazon »

When I was growing up, pho and spicy tuna rolls were "weird Asian food." How far I've come that it now takes an edible Asian Forest Scorpion, dehydrated and packaged to ship!, to make me flinch...

Magic Milk Flavored Straws

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The magic in Magic Milk Straws comes from their unique ability to convince kids to drink their milk without any added incentives other than a fun drinking straw...

Pumpkin Pie Soda

$3.99 from Amazon »

Pumpkin Pie Soda is another reminder of how easy it is to combine two things you really love to form one thing that makes you really want to vomit. Possibly out of both ends...

Pumpkin Spice Death Wish Coffee

$19.99 from Amazon »

It's pumpkin spice on crack! No, not really. Just a whole helluva lot of caffeine. Pumpkin Spice Death Wish Coffee is the Death Wish brand's fall-appropriate seasonal offering, an effort to appeal to both the pumpkin-spice-obsessed...

Pumpkin Spice SPAM

$8.98 from SPAM »

Pumpkin Spice SPAM. Before your mouth gets watering too heavy, better dry off the dribble and get yourself to the SPAM store to buy some. This autumnal wonder is, like all other food blessed by the Pumpkin Spice Fairy...

Chocolate Dipped Bacon Roses

Who says men don't like flowers? And for that matter, who says a dozen Chocolate Dipped Bacon Roses are suitable only as a gift for men? Defying age, gender, race, and ethnicity, Chocolate Dipped Bacon Roses can dazzle...

Lil' Nitro - The World's Hottest Gummy Bear

$11.94 from Amazon »

At 900 times hotter than a jalapeno, and at least that much hotter than Lil's Wayne, Jon, Kim, and Bow Wow, Flamethrower Candy Co. believes its Lil' Nitro is the World's Hottest Gummy Bear. And therefore ripe for a dare-you-to-eat-it...

40 Below Joe Frozen Coffee Beads

$34.99 - $64.99 from 40 Below Joe »

If 40 Below Joe's frozen coffee beads look a lot like caffeinated Dippin' Dots to you, and you love you some caffeine and Dippin' Dots, then today is a good day, my friend. These brewed Arabica beans and creamer have...

Eat a D**k - Anonymously Mail a Chocolate Penis (NSFW)

$26.99 from DicksByMail.com »

It might be made of chocolate, but this penis is sized like a d**k. Shaped like a d**k. Textured like a d**k. It's even certified organic like a d**k! And it's all boxed and ready for you to send to someone you think...

Bob Ross The Joy Of Cereal

$9.99 from FYE »

Now here are some happy little trees that are going to give me a happy little belly, 'cause the carefree plant life in this box of Bob Ross The Joy Of Cereal isn't made of oil paint, it's made of marshmallow! Mmmm, I'm...

Shiba Inu Dog Marshmallows

If the sight of a Shiba Inu makes you just want to squishitsface, well, how about sparing the dog's dignity and ability to breathe, and taking out your cuteness aggression on a set of Shiba Inu Dog Marshmallows? Come...

Cocoa Loco Choco Challenge

$19.95 from Fuego Box »

Nothing says Happy Valentine's Day better than a mini chocolate bar laced with a pepper hotter than the Carolina Reaper. The Cocoa Loco Choco Challenge from Fuego Box, in the spirit of Paqui's Carolina Reaper Madness...

24 Pounds of Cheese Wedding Cake

$439.99 from Costco »

Blushing brides, dashing grooms, say cheese! Redefining the meanings of both cheesecake and wedding cake is haute gourmet artisan bakery...Costco. The warehouse club's Sid Wainer & Son Cheese Lover wedding cake stacks...

MealEnders Signaling Lozenges for Appetite Control

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MealEnders are "signaling lozenges" that help control appetite, curb cravings, and stop overeating at the end of meals when all you want is a big fat piece of pie. And then another. MealEnders are also the latest diet...

The Death Nut Challenge Version 2.0

$19.99 from Amazon »

Anyone who likes spicy foods and a challenge will be delighted to receive this carefully selected 5-pack of Death Nuts under the tree this year. And everyone else will be equally stoked for the post-gift-opening entertainment...

Carl the Drinking Chocolate Snowman

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Carl, that's not snow, it's a pot of boiling milk. Yeah, Carl, I know it's pretty and white, but it's hot. Hot, Carl. And you're a chocolate snowman. Get near that thing and you'll...Carl! Carl, no! Car-Caaaarrrrllll!...

Pringles-Flavored Instant Ramen Noodles

Pringles-Flavored instant ramen noodles are coming! And! And! Ramen-flavored Pringles potato chips are coming! In honor of Pringles' 50th anniversary and Super Cup's 30th anniversary, the brands have teamed up on a mashup...

Astronaut Ice Cream Variety Pack

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Astronaut ice cream was a rare treat, a novelty worthy of much wonder and awe when I was a kid. Now though, like 8lb bags of Lucky Charms marshmallows, and pretty much everything else, you can just buy it in bulk online...

FunkO's - Funko Pop Toy Cereal

FunkO's, an obviously-named line of breakfast cereals from the Funko Pop Toy creator, will hit shelves this July. The colorful and surely-sugar-packed O's will begin as a 6-character series, each sporting its Funko Pop...

Slice of Sauce - Sliced Ketchup Singles

Slice of Sauce is ketchup meets Kraft Singles meets Fruit Roll-Ups meets your burger. Your new and improved mess-free burger, since this dried tomato condiment trades in the globs of red goo for a solid, slim, slick...Slice...of...

Fuego Box Craft Hot Sauce Club

Light up some taste buds right alongside the Christmas tree or Menorah with a Fuego Box craft hot sauce club subscription for your favorite spice fiend. Dad or Gramps can't take the heat? No problem. Fuego has a Mellow...

Ranch Dressing Fountain

Hidden Valley began pouring on the Ranch dressing in fountain form last March, but I think it's much better suited for Thanksgiving, and the holiday season as a whole. What better gift for your party guests than an 18"...

Pumpkin Spice Spray-On Spice

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I've been waiting to show you this can of Pumpkin Spice Spray-On Spice. Waiting for the season of PSL, and Pumpkin Spice everything else, to arrive. My coffee run this morning confirmed it has. Pumpkin Spice Lattes, Pumpkin...