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Fuego Box Craft Hot Sauce Club

They say the earth is getting hotter. Fuego Box agrees. And having traveled the world and seen it firsthand, they've brought some of the finer heat they found back. For you. For your tacos. Your pizza. Your eggs. Your...

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Exotic Predator Jerky Gift Pack

Sold Out from Amazon »

Now this is the kind of snake bite I'll take any day: the one where I'm on the delivering end, and the python recipient is covered in teriyaki sauce, kissed with brown sugar, and dried with a touch of liquid smoke. The...

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Edible Dehydrated Zebra Tarantula

$24.99 from Amazon »

What's that you're eating? Antelope jerky? Pssshh! Amateur. Real men, men with balls as big as their 3 p.m. snack cravings, eat dehydrated zebra tarantulas. Straight from the can....

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Paqui Carolina Reaper Madness Chip

Sold Out from Paqui »

Betcha can't eat just one. Maybe not even one bite. Paqui says its Carolina Reaper Madness Chip is made with the hottest chile pepper on earth, and possibly in all the circles of hell. It's so hot they package them in...

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Russian Space Food

$59 from Amazon »

Tubes of Russian Space Food. Hmmm, those don't look suspicious at all. You know, it's not really a question of how much you're willing to pay for the chance to eat 3 authentic cosmonaut meals, but of whether or not your...

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Cards Against Humanity Fortune Cookies

$10 from OK Cookie Co. »

I like the fortunes that say things like, "Soon you will be sitting on top of the world," and "May you grow rich," followed by a series of lucky numbers that happen to coincide with those drawn during this week's Power...

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Soylent Coffiest

$15.89 - $82 from Amazon »

A few years ago we got our first taste of Soylent, a meal replacement drink that essentially amounts to dog food for humans. (Yeah, yeah, or maybe...it is humans!) Day in, day out, Soylent tastes exactly the same, and...

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Banana Flour

$10.99 from Amazon »

Paleo and gluten-free monkeys rejoice! You can now enjoy puffy, fluffy pancakes, peanut butter cookies, and rich, thick sausage gravy, or even just an extra shot of potassium in your morning smoothie, courtesy of the...

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Satan's Blood Hot Sauce

$16.99 from Amazon »

Satan's Blood Hot Sauce comes in a "blood vial shaped bottle with 800,000 Scoville units of pepper extract." Yeah, I can see that. I can also see a cock & balls ready to spew a scorching, blinding, fiery-hot death onto...

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BubbleLick Edible Boozy Bubbles

$13.99 from Amazon »

If I had a kid, BubbleLick-ing would be my father-son bonding activity of choice: he blows, I consume. It might be the only game you'll ever play as a parent that actually gets more fun the longer it drags on....

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Pussy Natural Energy Drink

$13.99 from Amazon »

So many ways to interpret the Pussy energy drink. Does it give men in need the bravado to get some? Reinvigorate the nether regions of women who aren't in the mood? Inject some downtown youthfulness into cougars on the...

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High-Protein 100% Bean Pasta

$44.99 from Amazon »

Make that Inordinately-High-Protein 100% Bean Pasta. That tastes surprisingly F'ing delicious. Each serving of Explore Asian's bean pastas--available in black bean, soybean, adzuki bean, and edamame & mung bean varieties--has...

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Pickle Juice Sport Drink

$23.99 from Amazon »

Don't worry. No cucumbers are harmed in the making of Pickle Juice. This briny sports drink is simply packed with pickling ingredients and flavors, plus a few other functional vitamins and minerals, that its creators...

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Edible Printer Paper

$25.78 from Amazon »

Hey kids, now you can blame the dog or your dad for eating your homework. Or just do it yourself. This pack of edible paper is even printer-ready for replicating high-quality photographs and graphics in food-grade ink....

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Death Wish Coffee - The World's Strongest Coffee

$19.97 from Amazon »

Having a death wish can score you $5 million. At least in free Super Bowl 50 advertising, and at least if you're Death Wish Coffee Co. In addition to the hyper buzz they get from downing cups of their ultra-caffeinated...

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Sansaire Steak Aging Sauce

$33.35 from Amazon »

If you've got a Crock-Pot or a fancy foodie sous vide cooker, Sansaire says their Steak Aging Sauce will infuse your meat with "the complex flavor of dry aging" in no more than the amount of time it takes you to cook...

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Franklin's Finest Emergency Survival Coffee

$12.49 from Amazon »

I feel like I need Emergency Survival Coffee every morning, so I guess the only thing that sets Franklin's Finest apart from my standard cup of grocery store grind is semantics. They mean "real" emergency that requires...

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SurvivAMINO - Survival Protein Substitute

$20.99 from Amazon »

SurvivAMINO will rePLACE proTEIN. Help you mainTAIN StrenGTH. Eliminate the hasSLE of CHEWing and TASTing FOOD. For active outdoorsman, backpackers, sailors, soldiers, or just mildly active dudes living in suburbia and...

Survival Cards: EDC Multi-Tools in a Thin Credit Card Size
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LIVIN Farms Edible Insect Hive

$499 - $599 from Livin Farms »

They don't call them mealworms for nothing. LIVIN Farms' Hive might look like a storage tower for your loose screws and bolts, but slide one of these drawers open and the only spare parts you'll find are the squirmy ones...

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Grow Your Own Escargot Kit

$53.39 from Firebox.com »

Note: Converting them from snails to escargot is optional. You are welcome just to grow them and name them and keep them as snuggly (with a side of slime) pets. Otherwise: Attention kitchen magicians! If your bag of culinary...

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Jane's Brew Cannabis-Infused Coffee

Down a cup of Jane's Brew and you'll feel the buzz, the clarity, the drive, the...sudden desire to eat a family-size bag of chips and take a nap. Jane calls her cannabis-infused coffee, available as pods, pod bags, or...

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Anchor Anti-Nausea Bar

$11.99 - $39.99 from Amazon »

Sea sick? Morning sick? Meds sick? Eight Rum & Cokes and maybe a shot of whiskey sick? Anchor yourself....

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GO CUBES Chewable Coffee

$39 from Amazon »

GO CUBES are what happens when real-life Willy Wonkas get their hands on coffee beans. In this case, Willy is Nootrobox, a supplements company focused on nootropics, or drugs with cognitive enhancing properties. Smart...

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Ghost Pepper Honey

$14.99 from Geddes Farms »

And she looked at you and said, "You want your honey? Oh, this bitch is about to give you your honey." I think that's the inspiration behind Geddes Farms' Ghost Pepper Honey. The retaliation might not go quite as planned...

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Your Face on an Animal Cookie

You've had your face on a stamp. On a superhero action figure. Even on a super creepy mask worn by someone who is not you. But I think the best place of all for your face...uh, next to your head...is on an animal cooki

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Breaking Bad Los Pollos Hermanos Fry Batter

$18.99 from Amazon »

Celebrate this summer--and finding Walter--with a big bucket of Los Pollos Hermanos fried chicken. And if you don't live close enough to Breaking Bad's fictional representation of Albuquerque to grab some, grab a bucket...

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Black Peanut Butter

$5 from Frolic »

While I don't really know what's up with the price of Frolic's black peanut butter being quoted in Indonesian rupiah*, I do know what's up with its blackness. And it's not squid ink, medicinal charcoal, or blood infected...

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Ego Boost Beauty Chocolate with Collagen

$13.39 from Firebox.com »

I have bad news and I have good news. The bad news: stuffing your face with chocolate will plump up your ass with unsightly cottage cheese-looking lumps of fat. The good news: stuffing your face with Ego Boost chocolate...

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X-Mode Energy Shots on Tap

$29.99 from Amazon »

Uh oh. As if kegs of beer and boxes of wine aren't dangerous enough in my hands. I don't want children, but I have a feeling if I spent an hour in a room with X-Mode and its 100 ounces of energy shots on tap I'd walk...

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DIY Inside-Out Hard Boiled Eggs

The Golden Goose has already made famous man's power to scramble an egg in its shell, but what if you want to defy and blaspheme the chicken gods even further? Not only whip and muddle their dead fetuses around inside...

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Mushroom Log Kit

$29.95 from Williams Sonoma »

They won't be magically delicious, but the mushrooms that grow out of these spore-injected logs will be tasty as shiitake. Williams Sonoma's homegrown mushroom kit features a hand-cut hardwood log filled will little fertilized...

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The Bacon Jams

$14.99 from The Bacon Jams »

Bacon jam is kind of like peanut butter: intended as a spread or topping, but inevitably eaten by the spoonful standing at the kitchen counter. Preserved pork advocates The Bacon Jams are happy to oblige either method...

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Schweddy Balls Peanut Butter Malt Balls

Sold Out from Amazon »

No one can resist Pete's Schweddy Balls. They come from an old family recipe. Delicate and toothsome with a moist, chewy center, Schweddy Balls will put all other balls you've ever put in your mouth to shame. With their...

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Flump Face - Your Photo on a Giant Marshmallow

$20.49 from Firebox.com »

Oh man, I cannot wait to toast my ex-girlfriend Karen's face over a roaring fire or blow it up in the microwave. Flump Face gives us the great pleasure of printing favorite pics of ourselves, the people we love, or the...

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DIY Jet Black Hellfire Burgers

$9.36 from Amazon »

I wouldn't be surprised if the secret ingredient to concocting a jet black burger that looks like it's been roasted on the flames of hell was one that inflicted a weeklong case of Montezuma's Revenge. But, somewhat ironically...

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Colon Blow Granola

$95.50 from Amazon »

Take a guess. How many bowls of your oat bran cereal would it take to equal the fiber content of just one bowl of Colon Blow? Hint: It's not 2. It's not 3. And it's not 9. Bigger Hint: It's enough to make Phil Hartman...

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Bees Knees Spicy Honey

$14 from MixedMade »

I'm not sure I can wrap my head around the implications--the glorious, glorious implications--of what essentially amounts to the honey bear being left alone with the Sriracha rooster in a kitchen cabinet for too long....

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LyteShow Rapid Rehydration Electrolytes

$15.95 from Amazon »

Another concoction from Drinkwel, makers of the multi-vitamin for drinkers, LyteShow seeks to expand its audience with this highly concentrated, rapid rehydration electrolyte formula. Don't worry, that doesn't mean hardcore...

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Dinner with Lecter

$51.95 from Firebox.com »

To this day I shudder every time I hear "American Girl" because it reminds me of being creeped the F out by Silence of the Lambs in my most formative years. Hannibal Lecter wasn't even so bad. It was that Buffalo Bill...

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Cannabis Cold Brew Coffee

Two guesses as to which United State Mirth Provisions' cold-pressed coffee infused with locally-grown cannabis extract comes from. Hint: it's not Colorado....

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Energy Shisha Caffeine Vapor Pen

Discontinued

While drinking coffee in public isn't forbidden...yet...with the recent boom in vaporizer popularity, it's not surprising that caffeine has hopped inside the barrel too. Energy Shisha is an electronic vapor pen that outputs...

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Spreadable Beer

$16.81 from Firebox.com »

Mmmm, nothing cures a hangover like more carbs and alcohol. Though Birra Spalmabile, or Spreadable Beer, contains no actual alcohol, it does contain 40% beer--Atla Quota Greta, to be precise. Sounds Italian. And while...

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1 Year Food Storage

$1,499.99 from Costco »

And I thought a Costco-sized can of baked beans was big. The stock-up store's contributions to hunger management have always been supersized, so it should come as no surprise that their idea of an emergency preparedness...

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Kama Sutra Chocolates (NSFW)

Discontinued

I smell sex and...candy here. It's our favorite form of ancient raunch cacao-ified into a box of Kama Sutra chocolates. Now everyone can give 8 slabs of tasty sex positions to their favorite horndog, or the pillar of...

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30-Minute Mozzarella Cheesemaking Kit

$21.80 from Amazon »

Boy do I love cheese. Even though sometimes it gives me gas so sulfurically heinous my mama asks if I'm running a pulp mill in my ass. I just feel like if the choice is pizza & pain or no pizza & a life of sadness, the...

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F-Cup Cookies

F-Cup Cookies sound like they would be a joke, and they probably are, but for all women with concave chesticular regions and, more importantly, for all the men who have to fondle them, I sure as 2 seconds of motorboating...

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Chocolate Zombie Bunny

$9.99 from ThinkGeek »

The Chocolate Zombie Bunny is what happens when you make an April Fool's Joke that sends all the little zombies into a frenzy of Easter basket demands, and then off on a killing spree when they discover the punchline....

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Srirachup - Sriracha Ketchup

$30 from Sosu Sauces »

I told them this is what would happen if they let the roosters near the tomatoes. The cocks just can't keep it to themselves. And now we have this bastard child. This atrocious, humiliating...awesome-sounding, mouthwatering...