Novelty

Edible Printer Paper

$25.93 from Amazon »

Hey kids, now you can blame the dog or your dad for eating your homework. Or just do it yourself. This pack of edible paper is even printer-ready for replicating high-quality photographs and graphics in food-grade ink....

Death Wish Coffee - The World's Strongest Coffee

$19.99 from Amazon »

Having a death wish can score you $5 million. At least in free Super Bowl 50 advertising, and at least if you're Death Wish Coffee Co. In addition to the hyper buzz they get from downing cups of their ultra-caffeinated...

Sansaire Steak Aging Sauce

$24.99 from Amazon »

If you've got a Crock-Pot or a fancy foodie sous vide cooker, Sansaire says their Steak Aging Sauce will infuse your meat with "the complex flavor of dry aging" in no more than the amount of time it takes you to cook...

Franklin's Finest Emergency Survival Coffee

$7.28 from Amazon »

I feel like I need Emergency Survival Coffee every morning, so I guess the only thing that sets Franklin's Finest apart from my standard cup of grocery store grind is semantics. They mean "real" emergency that requires...

SurvivAMINO - Survival Protein Substitute

$27.89 from Amazon »

SurvivAMINO will rePLACE proTEIN. Help you mainTAIN StrenGTH. Eliminate the hasSLE of CHEWing and TASTing FOOD. For active outdoorsman, backpackers, sailors, soldiers, or just mildly active dudes living in suburbia and...

LIVIN Farms Edible Insect Hive

$499 - $599 from Livin Farms »

They don't call them mealworms for nothing. LIVIN Farms' Hive might look like a storage tower for your loose screws and bolts, but slide one of these drawers open and the only spare parts you'll find are the squirmy ones...

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Grow Your Own Escargot Kit

$53.39 from Firebox.com »

Note: Converting them from snails to escargot is optional. You are welcome just to grow them and name them and keep them as snuggly (with a side of slime) pets. Otherwise: Attention kitchen magicians! If your bag of culinary...

Jane's Brew Cannabis-Infused Coffee

Down a cup of Jane's Brew and you'll feel the buzz, the clarity, the drive, the...sudden desire to eat a family-size bag of chips and take a nap. Jane calls her cannabis-infused coffee, available as pods, pod bags, or...

Anchor Anti-Nausea Bar

$11.99 - $39.99 from Amazon »

Sea sick? Morning sick? Meds sick? Eight Rum & Cokes and maybe a shot of whiskey sick? Anchor yourself....

GO CUBES Chewable Coffee

$20 from Nootrobox »

GO CUBES are what happens when real-life Willy Wonkas get their hands on coffee beans. In this case, Willy is Nootrobox, a supplements company focused on nootropics, or drugs with cognitive enhancing properties. Smart...

Ghost Pepper Honey

$14.99 from Geddes Farms »

And she looked at you and said, "You want your honey? Oh, this bitch is about to give you your honey." I think that's the inspiration behind Geddes Farms' Ghost Pepper Honey. The retaliation might not go quite as planned...

Your Face on an Animal Cookie

You've had your face on a stamp. On a superhero action figure. Even on a super creepy mask worn by someone who is not you. But I think the best place of all for your face...uh, next to your head...is on an animal cooki

Breaking Bad Los Pollos Hermanos Fry Batter

$18.99 from Amazon »

Celebrate this summer--and finding Walter--with a big bucket of Los Pollos Hermanos fried chicken. And if you don't live close enough to Breaking Bad's fictional representation of Albuquerque to grab some, grab a bucket...

Black Peanut Butter

$5 from Frolic »

While I don't really know what's up with the price of Frolic's black peanut butter being quoted in Indonesian rupiah*, I do know what's up with its blackness. And it's not squid ink, medicinal charcoal, or blood infected...

Ego Boost Beauty Chocolate with Collagen

$13.39 from Firebox.com »

I have bad news and I have good news. The bad news: stuffing your face with chocolate will plump up your ass with unsightly cottage cheese-looking lumps of fat. The good news: stuffing your face with Ego Boost chocolate...

X-Mode Energy Shots on Tap

$29.99 from Amazon »

Uh oh. As if kegs of beer and boxes of wine aren't dangerous enough in my hands. I don't want children, but I have a feeling if I spent an hour in a room with X-Mode and its 100 ounces of energy shots on tap I'd walk...

DIY Inside-Out Hard Boiled Eggs

The Golden Goose has already made famous man's power to scramble an egg in its shell, but what if you want to defy and blaspheme the chicken gods even further? Not only whip and muddle their dead fetuses around inside...

Mushroom Log Kit

$29.95 from Williams Sonoma »

They won't be magically delicious, but the mushrooms that grow out of these spore-injected logs will be tasty as shiitake. Williams Sonoma's homegrown mushroom kit features a hand-cut hardwood log filled will little fertilized...

The Bacon Jams

$14.99 from The Bacon Jams »

Bacon jam is kind of like peanut butter: intended as a spread or topping, but inevitably eaten by the spoonful standing at the kitchen counter. Preserved pork advocates The Bacon Jams are happy to oblige either method...

Schweddy Balls Peanut Butter Malt Balls

Sold Out from Amazon »

No one can resist Pete's Schweddy Balls. They come from an old family recipe. Delicate and toothsome with a moist, chewy center, Schweddy Balls will put all other balls you've ever put in your mouth to shame. With their...

Flump Face - Your Photo on a Giant Marshmallow

$20.49 from Firebox.com »

Oh man, I cannot wait to toast my ex-girlfriend Karen's face over a roaring fire or blow it up in the microwave. Flump Face gives us the great pleasure of printing favorite pics of ourselves, the people we love, or the...

DIY Jet Black Hellfire Burgers

$10.77 from Amazon »

I wouldn't be surprised if the secret ingredient to concocting a jet black burger that looks like it's been roasted on the flames of hell was one that inflicted a weeklong case of Montezuma's Revenge. But, somewhat ironically...

Colon Blow Granola

$95.50 from Amazon »

Take a guess. How many bowls of your oat bran cereal would it take to equal the fiber content of just one bowl of Colon Blow? Hint: It's not 2. It's not 3. And it's not 9. Bigger Hint: It's enough to make Phil Hartman...

Bees Knees Spicy Honey

$14 from MixedMade »

I'm not sure I can wrap my head around the implications--the glorious, glorious implications--of what essentially amounts to the honey bear being left alone with the Sriracha rooster in a kitchen cabinet for too long....

LyteShow Rapid Rehydration Electrolytes

$15.95 from Amazon »

Another concoction from Drinkwel, makers of the multi-vitamin for drinkers, LyteShow seeks to expand its audience with this highly concentrated, rapid rehydration electrolyte formula. Don't worry, that doesn't mean hardcore...

Dinner with Lecter

$51.95 from Firebox.com »

To this day I shudder every time I hear "American Girl" because it reminds me of being creeped the F out by Silence of the Lambs in my most formative years. Hannibal Lecter wasn't even so bad. It was that Buffalo Bill...

Cannabis Cold Brew Coffee

Two guesses as to which United State Mirth Provisions' cold-pressed coffee infused with locally-grown cannabis extract comes from. Hint: it's not Colorado....

Energy Shisha Caffeine Vapor Pen

Discontinued

While drinking coffee in public isn't forbidden...yet...with the recent boom in vaporizer popularity, it's not surprising that caffeine has hopped inside the barrel too. Energy Shisha is an electronic vapor pen that outputs...

Spreadable Beer

$16.81 from Firebox.com »

Mmmm, nothing cures a hangover like more carbs and alcohol. Though Birra Spalmabile, or Spreadable Beer, contains no actual alcohol, it does contain 40% beer--Atla Quota Greta, to be precise. Sounds Italian. And while...

1 Year Food Storage

$1,499.99 from Costco »

And I thought a Costco-sized can of baked beans was big. The stock-up store's contributions to hunger management have always been supersized, so it should come as no surprise that their idea of an emergency preparedness...

Kama Sutra Chocolates (NSFW)

Discontinued

I smell sex and...candy here. It's our favorite form of ancient raunch cacao-ified into a box of Kama Sutra chocolates. Now everyone can give 8 slabs of tasty sex positions to their favorite horndog, or the pillar of...

30-Minute Mozzarella Cheesemaking Kit

$22.70 from Amazon »

Boy do I love cheese. Even though sometimes it gives me gas so sulfurically heinous my mama asks if I'm running a pulp mill in my ass. I just feel like if the choice is pizza & pain or no pizza & a life of sadness, the...

F-Cup Cookies

F-Cup Cookies sound like they would be a joke, and they probably are, but for all women with concave chesticular regions and, more importantly, for all the men who have to fondle them, I sure as 2 seconds of motorboating...

Chocolate Zombie Bunny

$9.99 from ThinkGeek »

The Chocolate Zombie Bunny is what happens when you make an April Fool's Joke that sends all the little zombies into a frenzy of Easter basket demands, and then off on a killing spree when they discover the punchline....

Srirachup - Sriracha Ketchup

$30 from Sosu Sauces »

I told them this is what would happen if they let the roosters near the tomatoes. The cocks just can't keep it to themselves. And now we have this bastard child. This atrocious, humiliating...awesome-sounding, mouthwatering...

Canned Dragon Meat

$17.30 from Amazon »

Canned Dragon Meat. It's like Canned Unicorn Meat, but from a slain dragon instead of a slain unicorn. It probably tastes a lot tougher, maybe a little charred, but since slaying a dragon is considered heroic and grounds...

Jade Monk Turbo Green Tea

Sold Out from Amazon »

Jade Monk's demonic-looking Japanese spirit animals would like to offer you a "tremendously refreshing" pouch of powder containing 7 cups of green tea nutrients and enough caffeine to turbocharge your mind and body for...

Tonguespank Spices

Under normal circumstances, my tongue wouldn't be the first place I'd pick to be spanked. But seeing as Tonguespank Spices are coating their lashings in flavors like Garlic Grappa and Scorpion Bourbon, I guess I'd be...

Coconut Wraps

Sold Out from Amazon »

My ad campaign for this product would be Paleo Wraps: they definitely taste way better than paper. To say the coconut carb substitutes are delicious, or even good, is tough though. They're not bad. And they're not tasteless....

A Monthly Taste of Japan Box

$12 - $144 from Skoshbox »

Listen up, 11th hour shoppers, plus anyone else who loves candy, surprises, and/or the delicacies of Japan (the edible, not the human ones): Skoshbox, a deliverer of monthly, fresh-off-the-boat candies and snacks from...

Pasta Boobs

Sold Out from Amazon »

I hear Pasta Boobs pair best with cream-based sauces. I hear Pasta Boobs should be cooked al dente if you want them to stay firm. I hear if you serve Pasta Boobs to kids under 3, they'll only gnaw on the tips. I hear...eh...

Bacons of the World Sampler

I would call Belcampo's Bacons of the World quarterly sampler pork crack, but in this case, I think it would allude to an entirely different--yet still likely very tasty--part of the pig, rather than the addictive, euphoria-inducing...

Thanksgiving Popcorn Feast

Sold Out from Amazon »

Well here's one way to appease vegetarians, gluten intolerants, lousy cooks, people with a dish washing aversion, and Orville Redenbacher this Thanksgiving. King of POP has condensed an entire Turkey Day feast into 9...

Ghost Pepper Jelly

Sold Out from Amazon »

Suzanne says her Ghost Jelly is perfect for your favorite hotty. I think it's perfect for my friend Cornelius' toast, which I will butter and jelly up for him out of kindness, and inform him is smeared with orange marmalade...

Sriracha Candy Canes

$7.99 from ThinkGeek »

Is it too early to be talking about candy canes? Most likely. But I join the Targets and Macy's (Macy'ses?) of the world in shoving Christmas down your throat immediately after Halloween only because I care about you....

Get Up and Go Caffeinated Baked Goods

$8.99 - $36 from Get Up and Go »

Get Up and Go baked goods advertise their delivery of caffeine without the coffee. Having consumed several...in the past 11 minutes...I would advertise that, even better, they jack up my motivation and focus without the...

One F**kin' Drop at a Time Hot Sauce

$12.75 from Amazon »

In this case, I think that inserting an eyedropper as a serving utensil for One F**kin' Drop at a Time Hot Sauce isn't more than just a kitschy packaging ploy. Reviews of the habanero- and scotch bonnet-infused mouth...

X-Rated Fortune Cookies

$16.42 from Amazon »

Every time you masturbate, God chokes a kitten. I don't know if that bit of wisdom can be found in this Chinese to-go container of of X-Rated Fortune Cookies, but it should be a staple. Get your hands out of your pants...