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Vinderpants - Underwear for Wine

By: on July 15, 2012
  • Vinderpants Wine Underwear
  • Vinderpants Wine Underwear Packaging
$7.75
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I guess the novelty well of Handerpants has begun to run dry, so from the cratered depths of their derrieres, its makers have pulled out another way to capitalize on the kitschiness and comic relief of placing underwear on objects that have no actual need for underwear. Vinderpants safeguard bottles of fine Cab Franc and Pinot Noir from the embarrassment and humiliation of showing up naked to a party or nice dinner by bestowing upon them the exponentially worse embarrassment and humiliation of showing up in a ridiculous pair of bottle-shaped tighty whities. Viva online shopping and the American entrepreneurial spirit!

OK, OK, to their credit, Vinderpants would make for a standout way to present your hostess with a bottle of Two Buck Chuck or, on the other end of the irony spectrum, a $100 Silver Oak Cabernet. Certainly more memorable than a puffy bow or flowery wine bag anyway. And they'll probably prove to be the gift that keeps on giving, in the sense that every receiver of Vinderpanted wine is going to have a chuckle, and then reuse them to suit up their own wine gift down the line, thus keeping the chuckle train a-chuggin' indefinitely.

Vinderpants, like all good undies, combine 95% breathable cotton with 5% stretchy spandex for those fatter-bottomed bottles. They fit most wine and champagne vessels, measuring 4" x 5-1/2" unstretched.

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Eletrunks "Lifter" Underwear

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According to every woman's favorite book, The Five Love Languages, physical touch is the predominant type of love males enjoy receiving, while quality time earns high marks with the ladies. Fundies, a chic pair of tandem...

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Spartan Underwear heard the refrain every time some newfangled food or drug or piece of tech came out too: "Twenty years from now they'll probably find out it kills you." Or, in the case of the radiation given off by...

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Shreddies Fart-Filtering Underwear

$38 - $70 from Shreddies »

Leave it to the Brits to class up farts and poots. And also to create a solution that spares those who didn't just drop a silent stink bomb from inhaling the fumes released by the one who did. Shreddies is a line of men's...

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I know what you're thinking: is that a push-up bra...for my balls? The answer is yes. The Ball Lifter was designed to lift and embellish your package without pumps, pills, or other male member enhancement quackery. It's...

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Latex Bat Underwear

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Warning: Abigail Greydanus' latex bat underwear are slightly NSFW. Probably both in terms of viewing enlarged photos of them, and physically wearing them at the office, as my experience with latex is that it is the textile...

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Nerds with Vaginas Underwear

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Did you get drunk and pee your pants last night? Did you throw your panties on stage during the New Year's Eve Super Diamond Neil Diamond cover band show? Did you sneak out of the bed you woke up in at 5:00 a.m. and leave...

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Manties Men's Lace Boxers

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Last month this a-hole at my office left a box of Edible Anus chocolates on my desk with a note that said, "I saw these and thought of your face." Now everyone at work calls me Buttmuncher. Like we're 12! So for next...

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The Don Vino Wine Table

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I'm crowning the Don Vino Wine Table "The Godfather of Wine Storage." Not just because creator Chicone Cabinetmakers has given it the Italian Don honor, but also because it is a unique, classy, and dually functional piece...

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MyPakage Keyhole Comfort Underwear

$24.99 - $30.99 from Amazon »

While a keyhole connotes something very small into which one inserts something else very small...and then, uh, forcefully twists it 360 degrees clockwise or counterclockwise...I assure you that MyPakage underwear's KeyHole...

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Lace Skull & Crossbones Pants

$238 from Amazon »

Plea to All Women: I implore you to buy these pants. And wear them in my presence. White, lace, skulls. They're the trifecta of my fantasies. Throw in flowing, partially see-through, and looking to be very soft, and I...