Vinderpants - Underwear for Wine
I guess the novelty well of Handerpants has begun to run dry, so from the cratered depths of their derrieres, its makers have pulled out another way to capitalize on the kitschiness and comic relief of placing underwear on objects that have no actual need for underwear. Vinderpants safeguard bottles of fine Cab Franc and Pinot Noir from the embarrassment and humiliation of showing up naked to a party or nice dinner by bestowing upon them the exponentially worse embarrassment and humiliation of showing up in a ridiculous pair of bottle-shaped tighty whities. Viva online shopping and the American entrepreneurial spirit!
OK, OK, to their credit, Vinderpants would make for a standout way to present your hostess with a bottle of Two Buck Chuck or, on the other end of the irony spectrum, a $100 Silver Oak Cabernet. Certainly more memorable than a puffy bow or flowery wine bag anyway. And they'll probably prove to be the gift that keeps on giving, in the sense that every receiver of Vinderpanted wine is going to have a chuckle, and then reuse them to suit up their own wine gift down the line, thus keeping the chuckle train a-chuggin' indefinitely.
Vinderpants, like all good undies, combine 95% breathable cotton with 5% stretchy spandex for those fatter-bottomed bottles. They fit most wine and champagne vessels, measuring 4" x 5-1/2" unstretched.