Fitness

Halo Sport Neurostimulation Headset

$729 from Amazon »

Halo Sport suggests the latest performance-enhancing drugs aren't pills or shots. They're wearables. Technology. Halo Sport designers claim the neurostimulation headset helps athletes, musicians, surgeons, and others...

ShapeScale 3D Body Scanner

$299 - $499 from ShapeScale »

ShapeScale says its 3D body scanner and fitness tracker is "like a magic mirror that allows you to time travel. See your present and past self from any angle." Hmmm, "magic mirror," huh? Something tells me my relationship...

Power Reels Constant Resistance Fitness Tool

$49.99 - $69.99 from Amazon »

Don't get too excited, fishermen. Power Reels might help you build the strength to pull in the big one, but these dumbbell-resistance band hybrids are all about self-imposed, not catch-imposed, sweat, burn, and grunt...

Axon Fitness Stick with Light Feedback

$199 - $249 from Axon »

The Axon fitness stick, a strength tracker and trainer with LED light feedback, takes me back to my youth. To Happy Joe's Pizza Parlor & Arcade, home of a Love Tester machine? Remember that one? Squeeze the handle as...

TheraGun Muscle Massager

$599 from Amazon »

The TheraGun muscle massager might be the non-human massager to end all massagers. In fact, I'd bet a crisp Abe Lincoln it could give most human proffesionals a run for their money too. Tension and pain relief, increased...

Water Walker Underwater Treadmill

You know those dreams you have where you're trying to run towards or away from something, but you just...can't...make...your feet...move? It's like running through quicksand, or setting concrete, or...on an underwater...

OmniBall 360-Degree Strength Trainers

$79.95 from Amazon »

OmniBalls make 'em better. Pushups. Planks. Pilates. Kegels. Well...at 4 pounds and, like, 6" in diameter each, OK. Maybe not Kegels, ladies. But incorporate the 360-degree rolling strength trainers into hundreds of other...

The RowBike

$1,495 - $2,995 from RowBike »

Before you start talkin' smack about the RowBike, I should let you know its creator, Scott Olson, also invented RollerBlades. RollerBlades. ... ... OK, now you can talk some smack about the RowBike...

Solar Egg - The Golden Egg Sauna

Holy Willy Wonka golden goose egg, Batman! Want to go for a sauna? Come on, you gotta be sore--and cold!--from battling Mr. Freeze and ziplining 700 yards on one arm back to the Batcave!...

Wicks Stick-On Sweat Shields

$7.99 from Wicks »

Wicks adhesive strips give wearers the functional advantage of acting as a sweat shield, diverting the blur and sting of salty secretions away from our eyes during exercise. And stylistically? Well, I heard oompa loompas...

Toe Separator Socks for Alignment & Relief

$9.99 from Amazon »

Mmm, spread those sexy toes wide! Not just for my benefit, but for your own. Whether you're into yoga, promoting blood circulation and relieving foot pain after a workout, or slowing down the growth of your bunion, the...

Qore Performance Hydration Shirt

$143.91 - $179 from Amazon »

What I would like Qore's Hydration Shirt to do is osmosis water through my skin from tiny little reservoirs housed in its bicep, triceps, shoulders, and abs--sized and shaped to looked like the ripped results of my own...

DolfinPack Extreme Sports Hydration Pack

$44.95 from Amazon »

DolfinPack is the airline food & drink cart of the hydration bladder industry: designed to fit perfectly; hold way more than you'd think it would; and not waste an inch of space...

VirZOOM Virtual Reality Exercise Bike

$399.99 from Amazon »

The VirZOOM Virtual Reality Exercise Bike delivers both active and passive health benefits. First, the person riding the bike and participating in its arcade of racing, shooting, trapping, and pegasus-flying VR games...

HOVR Seated Walker

$89 - $189 from HOVR »

If you're sitting there reading about this HOVR contraption right now, know what you're doing? Restricting blood circulation. Contributing to the obesity epidemic. Sucking your productivity and concentration dry. Basically...

DoubleFlex Black Total Body Portable Gym

$149.95 from Amazon »

Like me, DoubleFlex Black creators, OYO Fitness, always wondered how NASA astronauts stay fit on the International Space Station. (No word on whether or not they also, like me, wondered how the astronauts vote and poop.)...

Draper's Strength Pullup & Lifting Bands

$6.72 - $18.81 from Amazon »

I can do 87 pullups. No joke. All I need is a bar and a strategically placed 100-pound Draper's Strength Pullup Band. And a camera that hides my body from the waist down from all witnesses...

Portable Pullup & Dip Bar

$275 - $295 from Pullup & Dip »

January 1. Bring on the pushups and dips. And by pushups I mean these delightful orange hangover cures, and by dips, the leftover guacamole and beefy chili queso to continue the New Year's celebration through NFL Sunday...

ARC-NRG PushUp Machine

$149 from Amazon »

I didn't wrap up the ARC-NRG PushUp, stick it under the tree, and and call it a Christmas "gift" for my girlfriend. I simply showed it to her a couple days later, completely innocuously, no judgment in my voice when I...

Occlusion Training Blood Flow Restriction Bands

Discontinued

Occlusion training, and the bands that facilitate it, is for all the lightweights out there. As in the plates, bars, dumbbells, and kettlebells that are physically on the lighter side. Originally termed KAATSU training...

Grenade Grips Arm Rippers

$19.99 from Amazon »

Grenade Grips are like Fat Gripz, except way cooler on account of the fact that they are (loosely) shaped like grenades. At least that's what the people who make them would have you believe. If you're looking to increase...

Baller Yoga Football Leather Yoga Mats

$495 - $1k from Baller Yoga »

A $1,000 yoga mat. Made of the same 100% pebble-grain leather as a football. Promoting itself as #BallerAF. Cheers, America, for bringing unchecked consumerism and raw aggression to an ancient discipline of simplicity...

Jiu Jitsu Grappling Dummy

$249.95 - $349.95 from Amazon »

One thing I'm no so interested in using a Jiu Jitsu Grappling Dummy for is Jiu Jitsu. Or grappling. Those sound hard, and I'm getting all the workouts I can handle these days from the Private Gym. But what I would like...

Sit & Decompress - The Ultimate Back Stretcher

$49.99 - $74.99 from Amazon »

Sex swing for your health! Naw, it's not a sex swing. I mean not officially. What you use it for is entirely up to you though. What Sit & Decompress developed their dangling doorway harness for is your spine. They call...