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The Rodeo Core Fitness Trainer

By: on May 17, 2015
$247.95
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The Rodeo Core fitness trainer invites you to "Enjoy a delightful ride while whipping core muscles into shape!" Coincidentally, that was also the invitation I gave the ladies I used to meet on Tinder. No wonder they were so disappointed when we met in person. They were expecting me to bring a compact and lightweight rocker that stimulates the heart and blood vessels, plus conditions the entire abdominal wall. And all I'd show up with was my penis and half a bottle of lube.

Sit in the Rodeo Core's saddle, place your feet on its pedals, hold on to the front handle, and get ready for the ride of...well, probably not your life, but for a day's worth of exercise, it might be an OK time. Movement is forward and backward, building to sync up with the saddle's natural motion. The feel should be reminiscent of horseback riding, right down to the user's squeezed inner thighs and braced upper back and abdominal muscles to maintain control and stability.

Ladies' lady parts might find a certain benefit to regular use of the Rodeo Core too. I think Amazon reviewer Kara puts it best when she says, "This exercise equipment is the best thing that I have EVER come across!!!!!"

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Motiv Ring - Fitness Tracker & Sleep Tracker

$199 from Motiv »

Say "I do" to Motiv and the ring will be your loyal fitness tracker, sleep tracker, and heart rate monitor 'til death do you part. Day and night, at home or in the gym, even in the shower and pool. Even if you gain a...

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ShapeScale 3D Body Scanner

$299 - $499 from ShapeScale »

ShapeScale says its 3D body scanner and fitness tracker is "like a magic mirror that allows you to time travel. See your present and past self from any angle." Hmmm, "magic mirror," huh? Something tells me my relationship...

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Axon Fitness Stick with Light Feedback

$199 - $249 from Axon »

The Axon fitness stick, a strength tracker and trainer with LED light feedback, takes me back to my youth. To Happy Joe's Pizza Parlor & Arcade, home of a Love Tester machine? Remember that one? Squeeze the handle as...

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Bas Rutten O2 Trainer

$49.95 from Amazon »

Who wants to wheeze like a fat asthmatic chasing down the ice cream man? I do! I do! Temporarily anyway. MMA master and onetime UFC Heavyweight Champion Bas Rutten developed his O2 Trainer to build strength in a part...

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SexFit Sexual Fitness Tracker (NSFW)

Bondara, a British sex toy online store and blog, plans to begin testing of its SexFit prototype in the 4th quarter of 2014. So by 2016...or maybe even February 2015 since I'm sure they'll have thousands and thousands...

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Power Reels Constant Resistance Fitness Tool

$49.99 - $69.99 from Amazon »

Don't get too excited, fishermen. Power Reels might help you build the strength to pull in the big one, but these dumbbell-resistance band hybrids are all about self-imposed, not catch-imposed, sweat, burn, and grunt....

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Naked 3D Fitness Scanner

$499 from Naked »

All you metric-driven, body-conscious visual learners out there, it's time to get Naked. And anyone else intrigued by the idea of using regular 3D body scans to track health and fitness, you might want to give this full-length...

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The RowBike

$1,495 - $2,995 from RowBike »

Before you start talkin' smack about the RowBike, I should let you know its creator, Scott Olson, also invented RollerBlades. RollerBlades. ... ... OK, now you can talk some smack about the RowBike....

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OmniBall 360-Degree Strength Trainers

$79.95 from Amazon »

OmniBalls make 'em better. Pushups. Planks. Pilates. Kegels. Well...at 4 pounds and, like, 6" in diameter each, OK. Maybe not Kegels, ladies. But incorporate the 360-degree rolling strength trainers into hundreds of other...

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DoubleFlex Black Total Body Portable Gym

$124 - $176 from OYO Fitness »

Like me, DoubleFlex Black creators, OYO Fitness, always wondered how NASA astronauts stay fit on the International Space Station. (No word on whether or not they also, like me, wondered how the astronauts vote and poop.)...

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High Altitude Training Mask

Sold Out from Amazon »

The high altitudes of Nepal, Machu Picchu, and Denver may naturally administer pulmonary resistance that conditions human lungs, and improves athletic endurance, but who wants to spend the time and money to travel there?...

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Armore Exoskeleton Arm Exerciser

$59.50 - $99 from Armore Fitness »

Armore's selling exoskeletons. Exoskeletons with a side of...tickets to the gun show! Their arm exercisers, wearables you can slip on before any activity, or under your clothes before you start your day, provide programmable...