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Sucker Identifier

By: on August 26, 2011
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It looks like the powers that be, in a clandestine effort to identify all of the easily manipulated minds in the country, have incorporated a shell company to produce a bracelet which claims that just by wearing it, your body will magically heal. If you see someone wearing one of these, avoid them at all costs.

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Steel Self Defense Bracelet

$29.69 from Amazon »

Self defense or self-inflicted injury? Swingin' 'round this full steel bracelet like a chain whip without really knowing how to swing 'round a chain whip, it could really go either way....

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Enigmaze Internet Password Bracelet

$35 from Amazon »

I always wear my heart on my sleeve, my egg on my face, and my internet passwords on my wrist. And surprisingly, the Enigmaze Internet Password Bracelet may be the best of those 3 decisions....

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Alpha Rebel KCUF Luxury Survival Bracelets

$230 - $250 from Alpha Rebel »

Life testing your limits? KCUF it and expand them to 9' of 550-pound US Military paracord in seconds. The breaking strength can assist with anything from tying down your gear during a windstorm to tying up the bad guys...

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Solaris Lockstone Fragrance Bracelets

$49.18 - $79.93 from Vanacci »

Sexes, styles, and personas collide in the Solaris Lockstone braceleta. These pieces give a nod to the night sky encircling wrists with a choice of dark and dreamy semi-precious stones leading to a series of personal...

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Tokables - Smokable Bracelets

$15 - $25 from Tokables »

I meant to post about Tokables herb pipe bracelets for 4/20 yesterday but I got distracted by...um...a fat bud. And some poutine this Canadian brought to the office at around 4:28. Have you ever had poutine? Duuuude....

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CUFF Notification & 911 Smart Bracelet

$85.99 from Amazon »

Give your lady an extra layer of connectivity and safety when she's on her own...and, OK, feel a little better walking through a sketch area yourself when the two of you are together...with CUFF jewelry. The CUFF bracelet...

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Spiky Slap Bracelet Sensory Toys

$8.99 from Amazon »

Whoa, flashback, flash forward, and sensory overload. These Spiky Slap Bracelet sensory toys are kind of a trip, fusing the neon slap bracelet with the studded punk dog collar aesthetic from the 1980s to support today's...

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TMNT Paracord Bracelets

$12.50 from Etsy »

When you're in a bind, dangling from a thread, and could really use some 550-strength paracord to save your hide, there's only on thing to do: call on...heroes in a half shell, Turtle Power!...

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Morse Code Bracelets

$26 - $56 from Etsy »

Morse Code bracelets from Tim Art Creations are stylish and thoughtful ways to say I Love You this Valentine's Day without being too schmoopy, or going broke. Go for the 3 little words themselves, or have Tim stamp on...

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Bracelet Flask

$18.99 from Amazon »

Fancy fashion designer Cynthia Rowley made a Flask Bracelet that sold for around $225. You can see it on the lady's wrist in image gallery above. But Braced has made a Bracelet Bangle Flask that's waaaay better than Rowley's...

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KFC Chicken Corsage

$20 from KFC »

A corsage with a big fat KFC fried chicken leg nestled in the center. That might be the one thing I'd consent to reliving high school for. Can you imagine how good promfuls of girls flailing chicken wrists on the dance...

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Custom Coordinates Bracelet

$18 from Etsy »

Where did you grow up? Where's the greatest place you've ever been? Where did you bury your AC Slater acid washed pleated jeans for safe keeping? Where was your first kiss with Elle MacPherson...'s photo on the cover...