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Stink Yourself Slim Spray

By: on October 21, 2013
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Stink Yourself Slim is not a joke. It's not a gag gift or an Instructables project some dude made at home to give to the lardass who hogs all of the chocolate long johns when someone brings donuts to work. Yeah, I know. It has a skunk who looks like Peppy Le Pew on the bottle. And it's called Stink Yourself Slim. But it's real. It's made in Britain by businesswoman Alex Fontaine. And it's a (self-described) legitimate means of losing weight by enlisting the body's sense of smell to thwart food cravings.

Fontaine says she developed the idea for Stink Yourself Slim when she was at a party where someone vomited or farted or otherwise generated an odor so awful she lost her appetite. Given the fat-laden, calorically-dense spread on offer, it occurred to her that might not be such a bad thing. So she began researching the relationship between the nose's olfactory receptors and the areas of the brain controlling memory, motivation, and emotion.

What Fontaine found is that, from an evolutionary perspective, smell has always been vital to our eating habits and, in turn, survival. Our ancestors who ate nuts and berries straight from their source relied on nasal powers to direct them towards good (as in both healthy and non-poisonous) foods and away from bad ones. Today, our brains maintain the urge to judge an item as "good" or "bad" based on its smell. However, in the battle of Man v. Nature, Man has succeeded in developing foods that smell like they were kissed by a Baby Jesus-Angelina Jolie tag team, but defy nature's guidelines for real nutritional value. Man has gotten awesome at making Man fat.

Stink Yourself Slim aims to trick the brain into thinking foods that taste good, but are unhealthy, are actually foods that taste bad, that disgust us. Emitting the spray around problem foods or areas will allegedly signal the brain to move away from them.

I don't know if Stink Yourself Slim really smells like a skunk's rectal region, but I do know that, thankfully for those willing to risk trying it, users do not have to apply it as they would perfume, thereby making themselves reek as bad as whatever offensive venom the bottle contains. Fontaine recommends a few quick sprays of the scent around "danger cupboards" of fatty foods to eliminate the desire to snack between meals or eat out of boredom or emotional instability. So, like, theoretically if I had used Stink Yourself Slim I wouldn't have demolished 3 sleeves of Oreos when my friend Cornelius dissed me this weekend to make fucking gluten-free carob chip cookies with his new girlfriend. (Yes, they're still together. My attempts to break them up using the autofeed screwdriver were unsuccessful.)

While Stink Yourself Slim promises not to create lingering poot bomb smells, it is still recommended that weight loss crusaders use the spray only at home, and not at wedding receptions or holiday parties or buffets where thin people with willpower and restraint, plus fatties who don't care if they get diabetes and heart disease, might have to suffer through its pestilent smell as well.

Muchas danke to Geek Alerts.