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Pee-wee Herman Cycling Suit

By: on January 28, 2013
$149.99
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When I first heard about the Pee-wee Herman cycling suit I thought I had been proven wrong in my contention that nothing on earth could make cyclists look any more ridiculous than they already do. Seriously, does any sport have a worse uniform than professional (or, in the cases of most people who wear these getups, leisurely weekend in the middle of the road) cycling? I'd rather wear a dress than that neon-Lycra-plastered-with-ads crapola. At least then people would assume the outfit was a joke, not the person wearing it. (Don't worry, I promise this rant has a happy ending.) And the thought of dousing skinsuits with the slim-cut gray two-piece and red bowtie of the most irritating deviant on the planet? I figured just looking at it would spin me into a grand mal seizure.

But, Hey, hey, hey! guess what? The Pee-wee suit isn't that bad. It actually looks less obnoxious and insulting to nature than almost every other jersey and padded ass shorts combo I've seen in my day. And believe me, living in a city full of self-righteous bike commuters, I have seen my fair share. Peddler Podium Cycling waxes poetic on the skinsuit's humor element, but to me, road-racing Pee-wee is the classiest and most subdued polyester blend of bike garb on the market. Guys who ride Herman-ed out to work wouldn't even really need to change out of it, if not for the sweat and odor thing.

So if you've got to deck yourself out in a moisture-wicking body hugger that apprises every Tom, Dick, and hot chick at the espresso stand of exactly what size heat you're packing, go ahead and mecca lecca hi, mecca hiney ho a Pee-wee Herman skinsuit into your stash of cycling gear. See? Happy ending.

Comedic Pee-wee wear features a TMF 3D chamois, ultra-durable Flatlock stitching, an MAB Powerband leg gripper, an Elite YKK zipper, and MITI Lycra Shield endurance fabric. All components are Chairry approved.

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Sick in the Head: The 10 Coolest Motorcycle Helmets

Some people say you're sick in the head for riding a motorcycle. I say you're sick in the head if you're wearing one of these motorcycle helmets. And I mean it in the very, very best sense of the word. Here are my picks...

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RYNO One Wheel Motorcycle

$5,295 from RYNO Motors »

Ever wanted to pop a perpetual wheelie? Well get ready, 'cause RYNO Motors is in production and set for the 2012 US release of two tiers of its self-balancing, single-wheeled, shit-stirring beast of a motorcycle. OK...

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Hoverbike

$50k from Hoverbike »

The Hoverbike is what happens when one really wants to be a superhero, but really needs to figure out a way to more efficiently herd cattle. Aussie Chris Malloy has created a prototype for this motorcycle-helicopter hybrid...

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Vibrating Bicycle Seat

$43 from SexShop 365 »

A heads up to politicians and city planners: stop wasting your money on bike lanes, tax incentives, and PSA campaigns. All you need do to persuade your constituents to trade in cars for bicycles on their morning commute...

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Morpher Flat-Folding Helmet

$149 from Amazon »

If not crushing your skull in a crash isn't reason enough for you cyclists to wear a bike helmet, take a look at the additional lures the Morpher flat-folding helmet is offering up. Namely, a helmet that folds flat....

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Boba Fett Motorcycle Helmet

Unlike a few selections in this slideshow of sick motorcycle helmets, you can probably wear HJC's new RPHA 11 Boba Fett helmet without getting laughed off the road (it's an obvious, but not over-the-top Star Wars circus...

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Cyclotron Spokeless Smart Bicycle

$1,125 - $3,038 from Cyclotron Cycles »

For all the Sam Flynns out there who need more exercise, you'll soon be able to trade in your electric Light Cycles for pedal-powered Cyclotrons on your joyrides and daily commutes. The self-described "Future of Cycling"...

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Vycle Bicycle Elevator

By: Vycle »

On the Vycle you won't go Tour de France fast or Tour de France graceful (heh, heh, check it out) but seated atop this human-powered elevator, you will go all out Y-axis on a bicycle....

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Bird of Prey Bicycle

$4,200 from Bird of Prey »

I didn't think the foam helmets and seizure-inducing neon spandex could look any more ridiculous rolling down the road, yelling at cars to get out of their lane, and then cutting into traffic at will when it suits them...

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Turbospoke Bicycle Exhaust System

$19.99 from Amazon »

Hey kids, here's a surefire way to make your parents construct an advent calendar counting down the days until you go back to school next fall. The Turbospoke system, a battery-free, pedal-powered child's dream, fits...

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The 100 MPH Bicycle

By: Donhou »

And by 100 MPH Bicycle, Donhou Cycles really means Bicycle That Has Peaked at 60 MPH on the Open Road but Could Theoretically Make It to 100. I'm not sure how that theory was developed. I think it's how fast frame builder...

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Guardman Bicycle Multi-Tool

$19.99 from Amazon »

To be clear, Guardman's Bicycle Multi-Tool isn't a multi-tool specific to bike repairs, it's a multi-tool shaped like a bike. As in, Ding, ding! Move over Leathermen and SAKs, it's time to add a bike lane to your pocket...