Hyperice - Recovery of the Future

By: on January 20, 2013
$79.99 - $119.99
Check It Out

When I feel a tinge of pain during my engagement in taxing pursuits of physical prowess, such as owning the squash court and attending Zumba classes, I calmly remove myself from the action--no matter how many feisty Latinas heckle me for it--and apply a Hyperice compression and ice therapy wrap to promote injury recovery. I don't mess with these things. Not since my broken big toe and the epiphanous medical advice I once received from hip hop artist and all-around sage, Drake:

Last name ever
First name greatest
Like a sprained ankle, boy, I ain't nothing to play with

A sprained ankle: nothing to play with. That goes for a twisted knee, a tweaked back, and a pulled hamstring as well. Now I don't know if Drake is familiar with the Hyperice treatment system, but I'm sure if he were, he would be an advocate. Probably he would incorporate it into his next hit rap song. Hyperice therapy transcends traditional ice-and-wrap methods with its fully integrated reusable ice cell, surrounding compression material, and release valve that removes air from the ice cell to further enhance "the squeeze". Formerly reserved for professional, Olympic, and collegiate athletes, Hyperice wraps are now available to those of us who hurt ourselves just as badly and just as often pretending we are professional, Olympic, and collegiate athletes.

Hyperice wraps are designed with multidirectional straps and tension layers to deliver optimal compression to specific body parts. Different Hyperice models explicitly suit knees, shoulders, arms, and backs. The system is suggested for both the prevention and relief of pain, soreness, and inflammation from maladies such as:

  • Knee: strains/sprains; ACL/MCL/meniscus strains or tears; patella tendonitis (jumper's knee); iliotibial band friction (runner's knee).
  • Shoulder: rotator cuff tendonitis/tears; AC joint pain; strained tendons; bursitis; shoulder impingements; overuse.
  • Back: spasms; overuse; strain; arthritis; SI joint pain; sciatica.
  • Leg: high or low ankle sprains; shin splints; plantar fasciitis; bruising; achilles strain/tendonitis; calf strains.
  • Arm: elbow tendonitis (tennis elbow); wrist sprains; bruising.

Hyperice sizes range from Utility ($79.99), recommended for lower leg and arm application, to Back ($119.99), with Shoulder and Knee (both $99.99) options in between. Pimped by NBA star Blake Griffen and a bunch of smokin' hot, ripped girls.

Check it out

Anatomical Leggings

Been scouring the racks for pants that display your ass as the true anatomical masterpiece it is? Black Milk Clothing's skin-tight anatomical leggings won't just enhance the curves of your posterior, they'll show off...

Buy Now

QALO Wedding Rings for Athletes

$19.99 from Amazon »

QALO, you win. Best line I've read all month: "After getting married we realized what a nuisance wearing our traditional wedding band was." I know, right? Suddenly women at after-work happy hour are turning down your...

Check it out

Black Fire Compression Sleeves

$13 from Sleefs »

Are you a superhero with blazing gauntlets, or just a sensible athlete who knows compression sleeves will improve blood circulation and contribute to peak performance? I myself am neither, but do hope Sleefs' Black Fire...

Buy Now

Swivel Vision Athletic Training Goggles

$29.99 from Amazon »

I don't know how well Swivel Vision Athletic Training Goggles are at focusing and training athletic vision, but I do know that if the learning curve of wearing them involves getting nailed in the face with a fastball...

Check it out

Anatomical Gummi Bears

$39.99 from ThinkGeek »

This anatomical view of what lies beyond the high fructose corn syrup and Yellow Dye No. 5 of their epidermises paints Gummi Bears in a new light. Gives them some identity. Some humanity. Makes me feel kind of bad for...

Check it out

Cyborg Tattoos

I'm afraid online ordering options for the cyborg flesh treatment have yet to make it to Amazon. In fact, should you want an anatomical anomaly tattoo so whiplash-inducingly realistic and infatuating it gets mistaken...

Buy Now

Qore Performance Hydration Shirt

$143.91 - $179 from Amazon »

What I would like Qore's Hydration Shirt to do is osmosis water through my skin from tiny little reservoirs housed in its bicep, triceps, shoulders, and abs--sized and shaped to looked like the ripped results of my own...

Buy Now

Halo Sport Neurostimulation Headset

$599 from Amazon »

Halo Sport suggests the latest performance-enhancing drugs aren't pills or shots. They're wearables. Technology. Halo Sport designers claim the neurostimulation headset helps athletes, musicians, surgeons, and others...

Buy Now

Unzipped Flesh Kit

$5.49 from Amazon »

One way to make others jump out of their skin is to jump out of yours. This Unzipped Flesh look requires some legwork and talent to pull off, but look at the striking levels of gruesomeness and morbidity one can achieve...

Check it out

Osteoid - 3D Printed Ultrasound Cast

Great. Now kids are going to start breaking one another's arms just so they can get a sick 3D-printed cast with attached bone stimulator to set and heal it. I mean, that's what I'd do if I were a kid. OK, maybe with a...

Buy Now

Flexi Freeze Ice Vest

$99.99 from Amazon »

My ex-girlfriend Karen doesn't need a Flexi Freeze cooling vest because the ice in her heart is strong enough to chill her entire chest cavity, but if you do a lot of manual labor, have to wear a heavy costume, or are...

Check it out

Wicks Stick-On Sweat Shields

$7.99 from Wicks »

Wicks adhesive strips give wearers the functional advantage of acting as a sweat shield, diverting the blur and sting of salty secretions away from our eyes during exercise. And stylistically? Well, I heard oompa loompas...