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Swearball - Record & Fling Your Insults

By: on November 10, 2017
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Swearball invites you to "Give a flying F*%K." In fact, fling one. Hard. Inside this soft, squishy, grapefruit-sized ball lies a recordable sound module. Squeeze the ball to activate it, unleash up to 20 seconds of insults, profanities, and suggestions of where the catcher can stick the Swearball, and then let 'er rip.

When Swearball lands, it will immediately play back your sentiments.

After last year's poor showing by pretty much the entire marketing staff, they decided to make my office holiday party dry this year. I've been dreading it, but with a Swearball in tow it might not be so bad after all....

Swearballs come packed with batteries and the ability to record new and fun statements about fucking motherfuckers, dickhead sons of bitches, and steaming radioactive piles of shit that contaminate and kill the souls of everyone they touch, over and over...and over!...again.

The Swearball is a top Dude Novelty Gift pick.

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NERF Nuke

$99.99 from ThinkGeek »

Though we've long since entered the nuclear age, NERF has always inexplicably resisted foamifying the most powerful bomb in the world into a play toy for children. That is, until now. Dribble your drool upon the NERF...

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The Big Coloring Book of Vaginas (NSFW)

$11.95 from Amazon »

Is further product description really needed? First there was Georgia O'Keefe, now there is author and illustrator Morgan Hastings. Black-and-white outlines of anatomical wonders beg for your acrylic and Crayola technicolor...

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Conor McGregor F*ck You Pinstripe Suit

$6,500 from David August »

I don't know how long the rest of the world will remember the Conor McGregor vs. Floyd Mayweather fight after it's over, but anyone who drops $6,500 on a David August Fuck You pinstripe suit like the one McGregor wore...

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Madballs Foam Balls

$10.90 - $13.90 from Amazon »

Weeee! Madballs are back. Just in time for Halloween and the 867th time this year I've wished so hard I could go back to the simpler days of my childhood in the 80s....

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Pencil Time Pencils

$2.75 from Sharing Machine »

Do you know what time it is? ... It's Mother Fucking Pencil Time! Going back to school? It's Mother Fucking Pencil Time! Leaving the kids a list of chores? It's Mother Fucking Pencil Time! Filling out your order at Umami...

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iFetch Automatic Ball Launcher

$114.99 from Amazon »

iFetch isn't the first automatic ball launcher for dogs, but it's about half the cost of the Go Dog Go, and I am more partial to iFetch's video of the dancing Boston Terrier than I am to Go Dog Go's of the spastic Puggle....

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SIGMO Instant 25-Language Voice Translator

Discontinued

When I meet an attractive and well-endowed Portuguese exchange student, I feel that talk is overrated. Body language suits me juuust fine. However, when I'm lost on the streets of Istanbul and the only person willing...

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Lewd and Obscene Party Game

$24.99 from Lewd and Obscene »

Lewd and Obscene, according to creator Anthony Annese, is what would happen "if Urban Dictionary and Balderdash had a one night stand and the condom broke." Testament #1 to the validity of that statement: mentally rotate...

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Cards Against Humanity Fortune Cookies

$10 from OK Cookie Co. »

I like the fortunes that say things like, "Soon you will be sitting on top of the world," and "May you grow rich," followed by a series of lucky numbers that happen to coincide with those drawn during this week's Power...

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A is for Anus: The Alphabet (For Adults)

$9.99 from Amazon »

This alphabet isn't adult just because A is for Anus, but also because of the accompanying anatomical representation author Max Willy has selected to make sure everyone knows what an anus is. Stick out your pointer finger...

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Blitzball - Ultimate Backyard Baseball

$11.99 - $19.99 from Blitzball »

What makes Blitzball the ultimate in backyard baseball? I mean, in addition to the allusion to Final Fantasy? Curves and distance, say its creators. Times two. Check out the video and you won't just see Blitzballs fly...

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Spinning F Pin

$7.99 from Ball & Chain Co. »

When indecision strikes or words fail you, let fate decide the most appropriate way to F the situation. This enamel pin secures to your lapel where it will always be within finger's reach and ready to spin-a-fuck the...