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2016 Topps Garbage Pail Kids Series 1 Box

By: on December 04, 2016
$19.95
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Wait, what? Topps says its 2016 Garbage Pail Kids Series 1 cards are suitable for ages 6+? The box set is listed as a "brand new 2016" edition, so you'd think they realize it's 2016. And that no hypersensitive, Purel-obsessed helicopter parent is going to let their 6-year-old play with, or even look at, that...uh...Garbage.

My mama let me have Garbage Pail Kids from age 4, of course. But things are different now, with all the cyber bullying and real-life bullying and internet trolling and calling a fat person fat being worse than calling them an F-wad. I don't know who today would buy their kids a 4-pack box set of Garbage Pail Kids that also includes 3 special Gross Bear bonus stickers you cannot find anywhere else, plus 1 Puke Parallel card.

Good thing too, because those of us who grew up in 1980s GPK primetime are going to want these sets for ourselves.

Topps' 2016 Garbage Pail Kids series is called "American as Apple Pie in Your Face." It celebrates (i.e., perverts and ridicules) the history of the USA with 9 brand new themes. They include: parodies of uniquely American things, such as cowboys, BBQ, surfing, and muscle cars; American Swept Under the Rug, aspects of America we'd rather keep hidden; the 2016 Summer Olym-Picks; and America's Pastimes.

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Wobbling Willy - Your Face on a Dildo (NSFW)

Dudes, check out the Wobbling Willy's practical application for all those selfies you've been taking. Your face on a dildo. A way, way sexier (and more functional!) gift for your girlfriend than that framed dick pic you...

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Kobayashi Mug

Sold Out from Amazon »

The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist. And like that...he's gone....

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Naughty People Outlet Stickers

$8.10 from Amazon »

These naughty people. Doing doggy style on an electrical outlet. Didn't their mamas teach them anything? Dude better keep his finger out of his lady's mouth (and eyes if they're into that sort of thing) or this love session...

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The Emojibator (NSFW)

$29 from Emojibator »

"If you can't find a date, emojibate." Some of you will chuckle and others will cringe, but Emojibator creator Jaime Jandler feels all she did was bring an obvious joke to life. And good for her. A little elbow grease...

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Boob Cube

$9.50 from Amazon »

The Boob Cube is for idiots. And for geniuses. And for idiots who want to convince people they're really geniuses. And for geniuses you want to make feel like idiots. So, yeah, pretty much an ideal gift for any person...

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Anonymously Send Sh*t

Discontinued

If you know a lot of assholes, you know what it's like to deal with their shit. Now, it's time to return the favor. ShitSenders.com enables the shat upon to send steaming piles of Don't get mad, get even to inconsiderate...

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Flexing Arnold Rear Window Wiper Decal

$29.99 from House of Grafix »

It may take the sun to bring your guns out, but Schwarzenegger's here to flex his bad boys come dumping rain, sideways sleet, or blizzard of snow. Courtesy of House of Grafix, you can plaster Arnold in His Prime across...

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Bob Ross Funko Pop Figure

$15.98 from Amazon »

Funko has decided to turn Bob Ross into one of their Pop! figures. Finally, Ross! You had to wait 22 years after your death to receive this honor, but, as it does when painting happy little clouds and trees, patience...

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Retro Thick Brick Cell Phone

$56.99 from Amazon »

I smell a gift for the grad comin' in hot! Giving an LBER KR999 classic thick brick cell phone to young whippersnappers is like giving them a piece of history to take with them into the future. It's a reminder of where...

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Go F Yourself Condom Card

$9.99 - $12.99 from FunnyCondoms.com »

I can think of many people to whom I'd like to send a Go F Yourself card (complete with packaged condom for carrying out the act!) but one dude stands out like a glowing beacon bobbing amidst the sea of the rest. How...

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A is for Anus: The Alphabet (For Adults)

$9.99 from Amazon »

This alphabet isn't adult just because A is for Anus, but also because of the accompanying anatomical representation author Max Willy has selected to make sure everyone knows what an anus is. Stick out your pointer finger...

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Dark Ride - Theme Park Cologne

$64 from Xyrena »

In explaining the motivation behind their Dark Ride, a cologne they describe as a scented mashup of Pirates of the Caribbean, Jurassic Park, Splash Mountain, and all of your favorite theme park water rides, fragrance...