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Riot Training Experience

By: on November 18, 2012
$125
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You've defied gravity (and hung onto your lunch) plummeting to the earth on the Insano. You've battled zombies through the racks of Nordstrom. Now it's time to get behind--or in front of--the shields, helmets, and batons of the authorities who police riots in Wish.co.uk's action-packed, adrenaline charged, highly controversial Riot Training Experience.

The full throttle indoctrination into the worlds of rioters and riot police first teaches participants the tactics of controlling masses that have run amok. As Wish.co.uk points out, this involves far more than donning a crash helmet, swinging a stick, and shouting lines from Braveheart whilst tearing head-on into a crowd that has shut down all but its collective reptilian brain. Rather, upon arrival at the West Midlands (England) riot training emporium, ex-military/police instructors who have seen active service managing riots in Northern Ireland and Bosnia will give a full briefing on modern riot control techniques and strategies, as well as safety precautions. Then they will profile a few famous riots and riot police from history as they outline the tactics and formations participants will use during their experience. Training with equipment such as ballistic helmets, visors, batons, and 4' riot shields follows, and includes presentations of base lines, snatch squads, and casualty evacuation, plus a petrol bomb demo.

Once prepared for battle, participants are broken into two groups: the ornery shatterers of the peace and the testosterone-jacked restorers of it. With both sides decked out in body armor, and the police armed with the most badass of crowd control equipment, I guess someone will sound a horn or do a Dick-Clark-style countdown or something, and the riot...it will begin.

Debris will fly. Smoke will swirl. Petrol bombs will explode. The simulation will unfold. And it will feel real.

Then at the midpoint someone with a dapper British accent will yell, "Alrighty then! Swap it over!" so the rioters can have a go at policing and police at rioting as the all-day epic continues.

Afterwards, there will be tea.

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