Luxury Mile High Club Experience

By: on February 17, 2013
Check It Out

Don't just simulate them in a Jet Bed, realize your aero-fantasies with the Luxury Mile High Club Experience. Wish.co.uk, peddlers of myriad activities intended to prevent life and its inhabitants from becoming boring, has released the opportunity for couples to consummate their love...or just get nasty, depending on your outlook...in the fabled scenario of Airplane Soaring Upwards of 5,280 Feet. And although you can do it in the bathroom coach-style if you want, the Luxury part of this Mile High Experience means a first-class upgrade to anywhere within the entire cabin. Atop silky pillows, fine linens, and scattered rose petals no less. OK, I have three things to say. 1) $7,750 is a lot of money. 2) I haven't felt the need to quote Fred Durst in almost a decade. 3) I am going to pay $7,750 to have sex on an airplane, and when I'm done and people (i.e., women, not men) ask me what the Han Solo I was thinking, I'll say I did it all for the nookie. C'mon. The nookie. C'mon....

Luxury Mile High Club jets depart from Farnborough, England. On the day of your airborne erotic event, a presumably discreet and hard of hearing pilot will meet you and your designated hay roller at the airstrip for a safety briefing, followed by a Champagne-and-chocolate accented takeoff. Once the plane reaches its cruising altitude and the seatbelt sign goes off, feel free to follow suit with all other articles touching your person. (Getting) lucky fliers will have catering, a complimentary bar, and around an hour of sexy time over Hampshire all to themselves. Post-landing, should they still look moderately sober and presentable, passengers can elect to take a few photos with the plane and pilot.

Note: Please do not be misled by the featured photo. Partakers in the Luxury Mile High Club Experience must supply their own sexual partner. And, yes, "partner" is singular for a reason. Mile-high threesomes are still reserved only for non-mortals, such as Thor and Ryan Gosling.

The Luxury Mile High Club experience is a Dude Gift for Valentine's Day pick.

Check it out

ZERO Helicopter

Holy hovering vehicle of flight! It's the ZERO concept helicopter from Spanish helicopter thinker upper Hector del Amo. How does it work? How fast can it go? How far can it go? Is it safe? Who the hell knows?! Apparently...

Check it out

Boregasm Pills

Good thing yawns and O faces look about the same because, thanks to research being conducted by a handful of (presumably exhausted and horny) PhD students at Indiana University's The Kinsey Institute, they're about to...

Buy Now

Japanese Electric Piston Masturbator (NSFW)

Sold Out from Amazon »

Note: The Japanese electric piston masturbator's NSFW designation serves not so much as a reminder that this device is not suitable to view at work as it does a reminder that it is not suitable to use at work. I found...

Buy Now

Portable Armrest Extender & Divider

$25 from Amazon »

To put this armrest extender and divider on my airplane seat the next time I fly somewhere do I need the person next to me's permission? I mean, it's not like the Knee Defender, aiding in my comfort at the expense of...

Check it out

LaunchPAD - Fleshlight iPad Case (NSFW)

$29.95 from Fleshlight »

Though it's not electric or piston-powered...or Japanese...like this friendly sex toy, the LaunchPAD does employ advanced technology in a valiant effort to enhance Man's alone time. The makers of male masturbatory aid...

Buy Now

Naughty People Outlet Stickers

$8.10 from Amazon »

These naughty people. Doing doggy style on an electrical outlet. Didn't their mamas teach them anything? Dude better keep his finger out of his lady's mouth (and eyes if they're into that sort of thing) or this love session...

Buy Now

The Pop-up Book of Sex (NSFW)

$127.57 from Amazon »

It's a good thing The Pop-up Book of Sex came to us (hard, I hear) over 10 years ago because the decade in between gave YouTubers plenty of time to put together a detailed video flip-through of every single one of the...

Buy Now

The Big Coloring Book of Vaginas (NSFW)

$11.95 from Amazon »

Is further product description really needed? First there was Georgia O'Keefe, now there is author and illustrator Morgan Hastings. Black-and-white outlines of anatomical wonders beg for your acrylic and Crayola technicolor...

Buy Now

Little Rooster Alarm Clock Vibrator

$99 from Amazon »

Oh (face) no, the rooster's crowing (buzzing) already?! Come (yes, please) on! Do I really have to get up (off)? I hear you, ladies. It's a brutal world of mornings, alarms, and orgasms we live in. I'll keep my fingers...

Buy Now

Sex Positions You Never Thought Possible (NSFW)

$15.73 from Amazon »

Remember that one time you let some chick drag you to hot yoga because she too was hot and you wanted to see her do bendy things in spandex pants, but then you ended up spending the whole class lying on your back trying...

Buy Now

Paco's Taco Stroker

Sold Out from Amazon »

At first I was like, Who the h-e-double-boner named this kitchen tool "Paco's Taco Stroker?" I'm going to make so many masturbation jokes when I write about it. And then I looked closer and was like, Holy hard-on! They...

Check it out

Vibrating Bicycle Seat

$43 from SexShop 365 »

A heads up to politicians and city planners: stop wasting your money on bike lanes, tax incentives, and PSA campaigns. All you need do to persuade your constituents to trade in cars for bicycles on their morning commute...