The Best Pool Floats for Summer 2019
In discussing the best pool floats for Summer 2019, I'm not suggesting that summer pool floats and inflatables are like Apple products or televisions, with new releases surrounded by an air of intrigue and anticipation. For me, a simple pool noodle or recliner raft from the 80s is just as appealing for getting my tan on atop the water and under the sun as an ultra-now poo emoji float.
What I'm really hyping here is Summer 2019. Summer! It's almost back, baby! And nothing reminds me more of summer than pool floats. Except the bikini-clad ladies floating on the pool floats.
I hope looking at this collection of the best pool floats for Summer 2019 makes you feel as happy, hopeful, and amped! for the season as it makes me.
The Rose Floate Pool Float
Pronounce that ro-say floa-tay, my fancy friends. The pink wine wine bottle float is obviously ripe for the giving as a gift to your girlfriend, particularly if you present it alongside a case of her favorite rose. Bonus points if you spring for some rose bubbles.
the Rose Floate inflatable is over 7' tall, and comes with an extra large valve so you can inflate it by pump or manually within 5 minutes, or almost as fast as your lady can down her bottle of pink.
Luscious Lips Pool Float
Ahhhh, imagine all the things lips that large and luscious could do to you.
Aaand then imagine all the things teeth that large and hard could do too.
That said, I think the Luscious Lips Pool Float goes especially well with the next inflatable on the list.
Golden Boy Pool Float
Luscious Lips, meet Golden Boy. In think you two are a splish-splash match made in heaven.
While a simple beach and pool float in name, I think it's obvious the Golden Boy inflatable has been endowed with the potential to be so much more. For example, you can also use it as: a bachelorette party prop; a mildly offensive attention-getter for those who like to get attention by mildly offending people; or a summer fling for all the singles out there.
Another interesting characteristic of the Golden Boy pool float is that if you really look, it sort of resembles a penis.
Hug-You Sloth Pool Float
For those who want a...Slow ride! Take it eeeasy! Slow ride! Take it eeeasy!
This sloth raft also has a pair of lolling arms to offer up a big ol' hug to floaters feeling insecure about their midsections, or whose pool party dates ditched them for one of the lifeguards.
Avocado Pool Float with Beach Ball Pit
Why are they called pool floats, but beach balls? It's an avoconundrum!
For all the hipsters out there, the Avocado Pool Float is your chance to eat a piece of avocado toast in the morning, and then turn yourself into a piece of avocado toast in the afternoon. Do they make avocado tanning oil?
Fire & Ice Dragon Tube Set
Let the pool games begin! What better vehicles for noodle jousting than these Game of Thrones-inspired fire and ice dragon tube rafts? Just take care of them. Based on these two's fates in the show, they're more vulnerable than you might think.
84" Inflatable Sofa Island
I like sofas. I like islands. I like me and 3 of my best mates in an 84" inflatable Sofa Island on the lake.
And presuming you're not married like I am, sub out the 3 mates for 3 dates, and proceed with your summer fun.
The Sofa Island comes with a center foot rest that's removable if you want to let your legs dangle in.
Shark Jaws Pool Float
Save this one for the week of July 22, 2019. Nothing like a 4-foot-tall man-eating shark to kick off Shark Week.
Or, you know, a 4-foot-tall man-eating shark inflatable to kick off Shark Week.
From Big Mouth, Inc. this beach companion is ready to help you take a bite out of summer, made of thick, UV-fade-resistant vinyl, and built to carry up to 200 pounds out to sea.
Party Bird Island Rafts
What's better than a magic carpet ride? A big magical unicorn pool float. A giant pink flamingo party raft. A huge and handsome floating peacock island. All big enough to bob you and 5 of your best buds around the lake or ocean all day (all weekend! all summer!) long!
The Party Bird Island Rafts come in your choice of 2 majestic birds, or 1 majestic mythical beast, all with room, and enough cup holders, for 6 adults. The 0.7mm-thick vinyl floats also contain a built-in cooler and built-in platform so you can relax without hanging on for dear life.
Giant unicorn, peacock, and flamingo rafts measure approximately 16' x 9'; they take about 20 minutes to inflate.
6-Person Inflatable Speed Boat
Yeah, dudes, I definitely think you can say you own a speed boat in your Tinder profile if you buy one of these inflatable party islands. It covers all the major speed boat bases: looks like a speed boat; holds 6 friends and a case of beer comfortably; moves. ... Slowly ... As long as the waves and current are doing their thing.
Angel Wings Pool Float
We started with rose, and we end with an angel. The ladies are lucking out in the pool float department this summer. Even I'll admit these oversized wings make for a striking and lovely pool float, especially if the lady you see wearing them IRL looks as smokin' hot as the two models showing them off here.