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Sweeties, Sisters, Mamas & Becky: 2019 Gifts for Women

Posted: November 29, 2019
Sweeties, Sisters, Mamas & Becky: 2019 Gifts for Women

Whether you need gifts for women aplenty, or just a single gift for a single special lady this holiday season, a deeply thoughtful gift for your true love, a grand gesture for the best mom ever, or a begrudging brown paper package for Becky, I hope you'll find what you're looking for here in my glorious and gamut-running guide to 2019 gifts for women.

Gift prices are listed as they were at printing. Prices are subject to change.

Butter Bell Crock for Fresh, Spreadable Butter

Butter Bell Crock for Fresh, Spreadable Butter
Butter Bell Crock for Fresh, Spreadable Butter

A crock in name, but no crock in action. I have personally bought 5 of these Butter Bell babies as gifts for different women on my holiday shopping list this year.

In addition to lookin' purdy sittin' on the kitchen countertop, Butter Bell Crocks use a little water in their base to create an airtight seal that keeps butter fresh without refrigeration. So she - and by proxy you? - will always have smooth and spreadable churned moo juice at your knife's disposal.

$26.95 ➠ Amazon

Egguins - Cook, Store & Serve Egg Holder

Egguins - Cook, Store & Serve Egg Holder
Egguins - Cook, Store & Serve Egg Holder

Ladies...and dudes who are being honest will squee! their hearts out for the Egguins. Animi Causa's egg holder uses the arms of penguins to cradle delicate ovine shells as their own bellies - so precious! - and then lower them gently into...hard boiling water that will surely cook the penguins along with the eggs.

Huh. From precious to disturbing in 5 seconds or less.

Boiling penguins aside, the Egguins holder is an egg cooker, storer, and server that exhibits Animi Causa's trademark ingenuity in design. It really is equal parts functional and adorable, right up there with the company's Nessie family of kitchen utensils, and Spaghetti Monster Colander.

$19.99 ➠ Amazon

Microwaveable Slippers

Microwaveable Slippers
Microwaveable Slippers

Intelex Cozy Body Slippers. One of Oprah's Favorite Things for 2019, and one of the most no-fail gifts ever. Especially when you can stick them in the microwave to make them magnificently warm and cozy. And especially when they're extra plush and soft to the touch. And especially, especially when they come in colors Chewbacca and Wampa. (Click here for Chewie.)

$23.65 to $29.99 ➠ Amazon

Wine Lover's iPhone Case

Wine Lover's iPhone Case

I wouldn't have thought red wine pairs so well with Apples, but by the looks of this iPhone case for wine lovers these two pillars of fall harvest are the perfect match.

At least for any dude looking to score points with a gift for his girlfriend. (A cheap gift too!) The wine lover's iPhone case comes in sizes for iPhone models 6 / 6s / Plus, 7 Plus / 8 Plus, and X / XS.

$7.99 ➠ Amazon

Sunrise Himalayan Salt Lamp

Sunrise Himalayan Salt Lamp

Ladies who like sunrises and generally pretty things, and who are themselves generally a little woo-woo, will appreciate this Zen yet sophisticated Sunrise Himalayan Salt Lamp. Every salt rock is unique, and projects a different color gradient and pattern. The lamp is touch-activated and dimmable, plus has a Qi-enabled wireless charger built into its wood base.

$79.99 to $89.99 ➠ Amazon

Knuckle Duster Double Ring

Knuckle Duster Double Ring
Knuckle Duster Double Ring

Fetching yet fierce. The Knuckle Duster Double Ring is a piece of avant-garde jewelry from Tzufit Moshel. It comes in gold brass or sterling silver, and to make it way easier if you don't know her ring size, is one-size-fits-all - each ring of the duster is open and therefore fully adjustable.

$47 to $82 ➠ Amazon

KARECEL Hand Warmers

KARECEL Hand Warmers
KARECEL Hand Warmers

KARECEL Hand Warmers might not be able to keep the polar vortex out of her whole body, but they can kick off a cascade of heat in her fingers that is particularly good for fighting indoor chills in, say, ridiculously cold office spaces and the homes of cheap Aunt Jans who won't set their thermostat above 65.

$22.99 to $25.99 ➠ Amazon

Shuh Duh Fuh Cup Unicorn Mug

Shuh Duh Fuh Cup Unicorn Mug

Who better to deliver the message than a unicorn? No, a-hole, it's not a mug, it's a Shuh Duh Fuh Cup! With a side of rainbows, stars, and two giant birds.

I like how whoever made the Shuh Duh Fuh Cup Unicorn Mug takes great pride in their work, explaining in the product description that the desktop centerpiece is made "using the best, grade A ceramic mugs and sublimation inks available." Nothing but top of the line for unicorns and snarky, obscenity-laced wordplay!

$13.97 ➠ Amazon

Icy Crystal Car Seat Headrest Charms

Icy Crystal Car Seat Headrest Charms

Give your lady that bling-bling for cheap-cheap. These Icy Crystal car seat headrest charms come in square or round designs, and either 2- or 4-piece sets. That latter if she's the type who likes to spread the sparkle love, the former if Princess wants her rhinestone reign behind the wheel all to herself.

$11.99 to $22.99 ➠ Amazon

Flip'em the Bird Gloves

Flip'em the Bird Gloves
Flip'em the Bird Gloves

Give a pair of Flip'em the Bird Gloves as a gift for your girlfriend and find out just what a gift that keeps on giving...possibly back to you...can mean. This line of fingerless gloves are made of soft, stretchy acrylic to keep hands warm, and printed with a brightly-colored tweety bird on the money finger to keep informative gestures at the ready. But come on, who could possibly get upset when you flip 'em this bird? He's adorable.

Adorable AF, if we're being true to the spirit of Flip'em the Bird Gloves.

Wearable Blanket

Wearable Blanket

A streamlined version of the Snuggie, this wearable blanket is a little shorter and a little more fitted, making it easier to walk and move around in during wear, in case you want to do something besides lounge around on the couch. Like, say, get up and go to the door to retrieve your pizza delivery. The wearable blanket also has a big pouch-style front pocket for stashing phones, remotes, and snacks.

$38.99 ➠ Amazon

Womanizer Vibrator

Womanizer Vibrator
Womanizer Vibrator

The Womanizer will never not be on a top gifts for women list I create. The German-made "clitoral sucking toy" lures in ladies and the hapless, gift-buying men in their lives with its PleasureAir technology, a feature that stimulates the clitoris without direct contact. No, I don't know why that translates to longer, more intense, multiple, and no-fail orgasms either, but the number of Amazon reviews containing the word "amazing" in them suggests touchless clitoral stimulation isn't just pseudoscience or lip service.

Well. Maybe a different kind of lip service.

$159.20 ➠ Amazon

Slow Dance - A Frame that Slows Down Time

Slow Dance - A Frame that Slows Down Time
Slow Dance - A Frame that Slows Down Time

Slow Dance is an optical illusion and a piece of art. Creator Jeff Lieberman builds the framed sculptures to hold real items - feather, flowers, leaves, small branches, your empty snack-size Doritos bag - and make them appear to move in slow motion.

Slow Dance's 2" pine wood frame surrounds a pedestal with an electromagnet, two springs, and two clips that can hold two different objects in the frame. Recessed LED lighting and a control center on the bottom of the piece provide the optics, the latter containing both a brightness knob and a mode button. Modes will cycle the Slow Dance through different patterns, from slow and smooth to energetic, making the object inside look like it's jumping through space.

$349 ➠ Amazon

WineBlock Red Wine Stain Preventing Lip & Teeth Balm

WineBlock Red Wine Stain Preventing Lip & Teeth Balm

Wine-stained teeth - and clothes, and carpets - have plenty of products focused on them, and the removal of the red devil from those places that make it a buzzkill. WineBlock sets itself apart as a prevention of, rather than a cure for your wine-sloshing teeth and lips. Apply the mouth balm before your first sip of red, and WineBlock says it will block the wine from infiltrating your porous places and leaving behind stains on your teeth and lips that look as bloodshot tonight as your eyes will after drinking that whole bottle of 15.4% Cab in the morning.

$12.95 ➠ Amazon

Guide Gear Oversized Club Camp Chair

Guide Gear Oversized Club Camp Chair

The Oversized Club is a camp chair oversized in both dimensions and specifications. It has an honest 500-pound weight capacity and big ol' seat, with arms that taper out to provide even more room for bigger bodies, couples doubling up, plus people who like (and are still able, you flexible bastards!) to sit criss-cross applesauce in their chairs.

$89.99 ➠ Amazon

Be More Leia: Find Your Rebel Voice And Fight The System

Be More Leia: Find Your Rebel Voice And Fight The System
Be More Leia: Find Your Rebel Voice And Fight The System

Does she like Star Wars? Better question: do you? From Leia fangirls to Beckys who could use a little push towards badassery, Be More Leia is a guide to self-empowerment, by way of rebellion, leadership, activism, and, most of all, humor.

$6.99 ➠ Amazon
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